30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

Pol - boo to approaching droid, but yay to DPO10 without spotting! As your LPD-sistah, I know how exciting that must be

Laurie, I shall be cautiously optimistic for you

May I join in the haterating of that twat husband on OBEM last night? As soon as he started talking about reading Dan Brown I thought 'what a massive cunt', but the way he was talking to his missus was unbe-fucking-lievable! There's an AIBU thread about him and loads of women are saying that they have really abusive ex-Hs/ex-Ps... who would never have dreamed of talking to them like that during labour! It was like he was pissed off at her for putting him out and also really angry at her for 'failing' last time for needing an EMCS after labouring for 12 hours. Absolute bastard. I think the hippy midwife might've been laying on the 'goddess' shit a bit thick to stop her panicking about the baby being floppy and unresponsive and maybe to make the H appreciate his woman, grr.

TYF saw a few mins of the first prog, didn't understand what was going on with the young woman but when I explained that the baby was being born with its bowels outside its body, he stammered 'th-th-that can happen?!?' with a look of abject terror and won't watch it since. But to be fair, it's not his sorta thing AND 9pm is prime computer games-playing time for him He's otherwise not wimpy or deluded on the subject, thankfully.

Gawd, waiting to Ov is boring. Still nearly a week to go. Ho hum

I don't think anyone should think badly of their fellas for not wanting to watch that prog. As I state every week I have no desire to watch it either (and nor does iggs)

as long as they do antenatal shiz with you and are prepared for the birth of your baby then it doesn't matter if they don't want to scare themselves shitless 'prepare' by watching other random couples have a televisual birth experience. Besides,there's an awful lot of good stuff on telly at that time

am concerned bout beshie, mailed but haven't heard back.

poopy what everyone else said re grrr and yay.

Aries you were lured here by the jizz weren't you

medee am hoping for ya!

Droid due for me yesterday or today. No sign yet,but am not diffed...weren't actually trying (ok we did have sex but not much) and anyway I have,as usual,already pissed on several sticks 'just to check'

I am allowed to do the SWI again though. Only problem is I'm terrified (bot of the shagging,I quite like that!)

Hello all!
Lots of exciting cycle counting going on here - huzzah for that. Let's see who we put under pressuh: Madee - I am joining in the calls for you to poas - it's better to know NOW (for us anyway)...Lyra this goes for you too naturally.

Head in the clouds. Could the spotting be implantation maybe?! This is a hope that must always be dangled, before any possible phase 2 of acceptance. So I'm putting it out there.

Initiales BB (hey,it's like "bébé" )Sorry, sorry, that was crap... Anyway, my mind has gone into insanity overdrive at the thought of being "spotted" on MN. By colleagues (contemplates endless vista of horror) Only one word for ya: Namechange!

Ariesgirl excuse me, you are very witty. I for one have been sniggering at your "shoving it down our throats" bijou of a witticism ever since yesterday. There's a questionnaire ritual (you will have seen that) so complete and post!

Ooo and lorry I am crossing stuff for you too my lovely.

And cam glad you getting your spark back...

S/thSWitty, I would love to take credit for shoving it down your throats. But sadly it wasn't me - I was quoting someone EVEN MORE hilarious. And yes I confess, I was lured here by the jizz.

Will have a gander at the questionnaire once I can work out how to open two browsers at once on this silly Applemac that Husband insisted was absolutely necessary in life.

Here goes, quick as you like...

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. what colour are your walls?

7. Number of pets?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

9. Lesbian crush?

10. What are your views on camping?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

12. How barren, selfish, evil and haggish are you?

a)well I'm still on the pill tbh, but I'm nearly 28 now, and none of us wimmin are getting any younger...I read it in the Daily Mail?

b)I'm so old, my pussy is haunted, but cocaine and Manolo Blahniks don't buy themselves you know, so I just HAD to dedicate my life to a job. just started shitting myself there's no-one to pay for the care home.

c) I've got 5 kids already, but the eldest two are about to move out, and I need the child benefit for my Hendricks habit, so I thought I'd better crack on.

See this is why we need to keep BESH in the fred title cos it's part of the quiz innit

Am with the ginhaggyone on the avoidance of OBEM.

How are you chochi?

iggs luvver, while you here can you just remind me LOUDLY that cycle being slightly off is gonna be down to mc and that if piss stick said 'no' yesterday is still 'no' today? As I am now very stupidly thinking myself into things,despite being sure that the ol' Red Tide of Doom is about to come crashing in.

By the way, gusset-checking is quite tricky when you have a toddler...

I've got slighy squirmy cramp. On the right hand side where I get that mittelschmerz business round ovulation. I'm 7DPO. I know this is almost certainly owing to the vat of stewed puy lentils I ate yesterday in a vain bid to flatten my tummy. But I'm 2WOOFLing and I'm being very F Lunatic...

ginny in my usual piss-irritating way, I'll sit here being optimistic on your behalf...

gingin I dunno luvver - could be bollocksed cycle... or could be better news... How many days has it been?

Excellent news about the upcoming fucking by the way (unless there is better news already )

Am normally 28 days or less. This is day 29. Not exactly very late

1. Yes, though it does make me an aggressive drunk, then a melancholy drunk

2. cradle snatcher Whitwooo.

3. I pray to the baby Jesus that I get updiff like his mum did. If that fails, any of the above

4. a of course. If anyone mentions sprinkling baby dust to me then I shall spray vomit on them. That's fair I think.

5. a. I named my kitten after him

6. umm...cream, white, yellow and a kind of fuzzy peach that I made after mixing all the leftover paint in one.

7. one. The kitten (as above) tho is more of a cat now

8. John Barrowman. An aside - is it weird to fancy someone you know full well is gay as a flower?

9. When I was 8 and in a pantomime I though the woman who played the princess was the most beautiful thing who'd ever lived

10. Depends on the weather and the campsite OBVIOUSLY.

11. About £8.37

Not very late ginBESH so could go either way guess you don't know if/ when you ovulated? hmmmm.... verrrry interesting....

aries you avoiding the BESH question then

Not really igglet but going by the ol' pant snot it may have been a bit late...which would mean droid late. Am pretty much sure am not diffed. Would just like the bloody thing (haha) to come and stop making me think silly things!

5. and 10) WRONG!

6. and 9) - you are me

7. A piffling sum. tut.

aries has a good attitude (with the exception of c**ping) but must try harder. Start by answering quesion 12.

P.S Three (or is it four) rounds of POAfuckinS!

loving that pant snot = sexy time - seems wrong innit?

If that late then you prob ov'd late - so droid late - so no answer cos prob still too early to test

It would also mean that the couple of random shags (wasn't SWI) were prob too early even for mr gin's superjizz tbh. Hence I Am Not Diffed. Can't believe I even started thinking about it. Nobber.

I can't actually answer question 12 either!

Oh, 12!
The answer's b. I'm a horrible old cow who just had an image of herself dying alone before being eaten by Alsations. As for the barren, well it's a bit early to say. But I probably am, that would be just my luck. They'll call me Barren Aries like Barren Karen from Gavin and Stacey.

gin I love that you just used my fave word

I also love the word BUMSEX

Nobber...is insult frequently traded in the gin household.

BTW Pollypoo, do you mean Mitchell not Morgan from Being Human in your opening salvo? If so, he's the only reason I watch that prog. I turn into a dribbling mess when he wanders onto the screen. And he was the only good thing on Desperate Romantics. PHWOARGH!

Aries, our scorps has the desperate romantics locked up somewhere,she might let you have a go on them...though she has prob thoroughly broken their spirits by now...and has also prob forgotten to feed them again [concerned face]

Just Mitchell/Rossetti will do [very enthusiastic and keen emoticon]