Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

Thanks for the advice, Aerie, but I ain't going to squirt grapefruit juice up me foofoo - that's gotta sting! Think it may be where you are going wrong

Thanks also to Gin (welcome back!) for being the voice of reason (I can just hear you thinking 'ME? The voice of reason? We're all doomed!' . This is indeed only our 3rd month TTC but I am an inveterate worrier and neurotic old twat and a bit of a perfectionist to boot, so anything but the immaculate conception the moment I got the go-ahead from TYF was going to make me panic 'bout tings.

Am genuinely worried about the thyroid thing people keep discussing - I have low adrenal function (the NHS won't help me cos I'm not dying of Addison's Disease, yeah cheers) and have lowish thyroid function as a knock-on effect, although not enough to require medication. If no luck this month, am going to go to Drs next month and ask for routine tests, just to put my insanity mind at ease.

If I open the windows so I can hear all the chavvy teens flirting/snogging/shagging (oh yes) loudly at the bus stop outside, will their supermegafertile hormones drift up and 'infect' me?

I think we should make up bonkers cocktails like we used to at Uni (prolly reason why I don't drink). A memorable one was Ouzo, creme de menthe and lily of the valley talc. Smooth.

Gals - I was very confident this month and yet R2D2 got me yesterday afternoon. This TTC lark is driving me a little doolally and I ended up walking out of work (again), not going to the stables and instead just crawling in to bed to D.I.E. which may seem a little overly dramatic but it's starting to hurt now. Yesterday I tortured myself with "what did I do wrong?" - with Jewish new year et al, am I being punished by G-d for being a bad Jew? Is it because I go horseriding? Is it because I have the odd fag? Is it because I don't deserve children? Madness lies "that way" about 5 miles ago.

So we all post here about what might possibly be wrong with us and I don't think physically that there might be much - we are all (relatively) healthy women. The only medical procedure I'm going to recommend is a lobotomy because that appears to be a surefire way to result in rapid successive pregnancies.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My poor Ski! Sod it, I'm breaking protocol I really thought it was going to be your month. As an Atheist I'm not best placed to comment on His opinions of you, but I can assure you that none of this is because you are a bad Jew (BTW, that bacon and cheese sarnie isn't a good idea ). Or because U heart poniez OMG11!!!11eleven!!1! or have a smoke now and then (though it ain't good for your lungs, regardless of your lady bits). We're just older - it's going to take us longer, innit.

Ooooh, I sound so sensible. It's all bullshit. Am feeling worried and depressed because R2D2 pissed off a week ago and I have been as dry as the deserts of Tatooine ever since (if we're going with the Star Wars refs) and no sign whatsoever of my Chucky Egg. NO CM whatsoever ain't normal, is it? Still convinced my fertility started shutting itself down naturally several months ago and we've missed out. Even when I was so ill just a few years ago that I was on severe diablement allowance benefit and could barely leave the house, I ov'ed completely normally and textbook fashion but now I'm 36 (nearly 37 FFS), every normal sign seems to be disappearing. Sorry to boohoo when this should be about you - but misery does love company.

I'll get David to make you an extra-special cocktail... now then, what do you fancy? Mine's a paracetamol frappé.

oh Scorps you've given me the LULZ!

"G-d hatez me cuz I hearts the poniez OMG!"

I want something with a pineapple wedge, an umbrella, a cherry onna stick and a marlboro light menthol. I also want some Ben & Jerrys and a cat. Why don't I have a cat? I thought not having a cat as a child replacement would help my cause...

My friend has 2 cats, which have proper human names, and she dresses them up in clothes she makes herself and carries them round in her arms and they sleep in doll's cots with mini blankets over them and they have pillows as well and she has to hold one of them over the litter tray before it will do its business and she goes home on her lunchbreak to check on them. Do you want this to be you? Do you? DO YOU? Stick to teh poniez - much harder to get to sleep in a baby bed. Let's all pretend you haven't tried.

Have now peri-convinced myself am going through peri-menopause: disappearing FJ, gained loads of fat round midriff which I can't lose, less sex drive, the 'routine' of my periods has changed these last 6 months and been less painful, keep getting a hot sweaty face and am even more bad-tempered than usual (which is quite a feat). WHY has everything started playing up and not being the same as it has been for over 20 years as soon as me and TYF agreed to TTC? I know it's not good to get so fixated with babyneed, but even if I wasn't TTC, I'd be worried about why my predictable cycle was different. Am going to have to stop posting here, because I'm boring myself now with my paranoia, etc. I've got nowt to take me mind off it, that's the problem. I don't want to do anything (career- or leisure-wise) except be a Mum [hysterical weeping emoticon] I promise I will try not to waffle on about this madness for the rest of the hour day/weekend.

How are you feeling now, Ski? Lousy? Is using the internet even allowed on the Shabbat? Epic Jew-fail!

PS It's Longwee's BOD today! 'Happy' Birthday WeeWeeFace, if you're lurking!

Darlinko Ski - Spiky Greta Garbo air kisses from me.

As an agnostic, I adhere to the following lifeway**
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc

There now, your worrisome mind will now be filled with 50s chintz. Hey, mebe that?s why so many yungmums like KarthKidson.

**PS my mother has started calling the boyf my 'lifepartner', is there anything more sickly?

Pah! Just lost my message... cheersing (not cheesestring) to Longwee.

And to Scorp to say, following extensive research (of the June Bus), I think Vitamin B6 may be the answer to hidey chucky issues. See the baybeehopes site (pook): www.babyhopes.com/articles/luteal-phase-defect.html

Thanks Kim - particularly for 'Gigantic' - but I'm way ahead of ya. After last month's v late Ov, read up about it and have been taking B6 since R2D2 arrived last. And the quality higher nature sort, too. And Agnus Castus. And other good stuff (folic acid too, of course).

Scorps Yes, epic Shabat Jewfail. Computer ON, car DRIVING, cigarette DANGLING from lip etc., etc. No wonder I can't have a baybeee.

I went out for a horsey ride instead... jiggled my uterus to ensure long-term infertility.

Also had a moment of clarity where I realised that Karen Matthews is almost (4/5 years) our age... is more fertile than a sewer rat, probably thinks chips count as 5 per day, couldn't tell the difference between a head of broccoli and a satsuma, has probably never HEARD of folic acid, does not know what ovulation is - does not worry about her luteal phase defect. Exercise? Phoning for a chinese delivery? Sending the kids to the shops for some more Rothmans?

Even ginhag and ponymum said they never paid attention last time.

See... now I'm thinking I should take Agnus Castus - but there is actually NOTHING wrong with me bar an empty uterus. Taking a paracetamol or two last week should not have caused spontaneous abortion.

ski sorry you not diffed.

The first time round I did think about it,and although I was a bit longer it still wasn't an 'instant' thing...the difference this time (well,since the mc) is that I've been spending time on a 'conception' talk chat thingy wotsit and got more obsessed than was healthy for me.

Sort of feel it was easier when I just knew - folic acid,lots of mid-cycle drunken shagging,repeat as necessary. Although I know that long-term probs need more than that...I just worry that mad folk natural worriers like scorp are making life really tough for themselves by over-analysing at such an early stage.

(am actually quite worried scorp may spontaneously combust soon. I know this bollocks is tough especially when fretting bout age etc but worrying this much,this early,is going to do your nut in.)

having said that,I am struggling to get my own obsessiveness under control. The mc seriously fucked my brain up bigtime

Bit longer??? bit younger I meant.sodding phone.

Happy birthday weewee

Scorp so just quickly - is Agnus Castus causing some mischief? Quote "This plant is commonly called monk's pepper because it was originally used as anti-libido medicine by monks to aid their attempts to remain celibate. It is believed to be an anaphrodisiac, hence the name chaste tree." (Ok so my source is wikinonsense...) But maybe?

ginhag

kimdeal thanks.I am fucking lucky though,in that I have one small person I made earlier,who us utterly ace.

Ps top name choice,as I know has been mentioned already.and,erm,pleased to meet you

is not fucking us!!! must learn to check before I post.

Kim - that's interesting - I started using it last month and that's when I OVed late. I think I'll stop taking it, because what's the harm in not taking it anyway?!

gin - don't worry about me. Sorry if I'm really annoying with me daft fretting and unrealistic expectations. I'm genuinely not worrying all the time, but I keep having little flurries of 'waaah' and I tend to offload on here (apologies), so it must seem like I'm a bit hysterical but I'm not. Well, most of the time I'm not. I've had so many health probs and so much bad luck health-wise that the slightest things do make me think the worst, as generally, for me, issues have always got worse or not gone away, instead of being treated or sorted out, etc. So past crap experience makes me unnecessarily pessimistic. And I'm a natural pessimistic worrier anyway! But I'm also resilient; it's just hard to get that across in this format! Now, enough serious stuff!

I went to the gym earlier - every Saturday the badminton court is used for kiddies' parties. The gym overlooks it and at certain times you can't avoid looking down at adorable kiddiwinks scampering about in their 'Sunday best' and you even hear the odd squeal of 'I wuvoo Mummy' as you're working out. Then, as I left, I had to fight my way through hordes of parents, babies and children to leave, as they were queueing out of the door to try and get free swimming places for their kids. I looked for the signs advertising today as 'Mock the BESH Day', but they were obviously hding them from me. Although it IS International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Heave ho, me BESH Hearties! Arrrrrrrrrh! And so on

About conception first time around.. er, what ginhag said. I mean, I did pay attention. I thought I was seriously clued up because I used POK tests and knew about shagging lots in the middle of my cycle. But it took a very long time and it was horribly depressing. Now I am two years older so my chances are worse, and I simply don't have as much time second time around. I have a cut-off age in my head that I think would be too old to be a mother, and if I am to achieve that I have precisely three ovulations to work with. I probably need to drop that pressure on myself, but (confession time) the truth is, I'm not 'mid-30s'. I have just turned 41. (My defence in joining you lot is that I still feel mid 30s, and you're much more fun than the 40+ group who all seem to have about 5 kids already. Whimper, whimper... pwease let stay )

And on the bright side, I can inform you that I somehow conceived and gave birth to the foal while aged 39 with very little understanding of my cycle, so you young fillies have a much better chance!

Now then, I only came on here to say farewell as I am off to France for 2 weeks. Fingers crossed for the holiday SWIing!! Not sure if we will have any wifi, but if we do you know I'll be lurking somewhere in a dark corner with a wicked French cocktail in my hand, toasting every updiffment opportunity mentioned in the palace.

Au revoirs, mes amis! Bonne chance pour les bebes! Mwah! Mwah!

Fuck no,scorpy don't apologise.was not annoyance,but genuine concern that you were going to fret yourself into some kind of altered state of consciousness.will stop trying to chill you out now.

if it cheers you up at all,a nappy change this afternoon went horribly wrong,some poo escaped onto the kitchen floor during a nappy change without me realising (how slack am I??) Next thing I knew,mani was proclaiming there was 'yucky myck' on the floor and I looked round to find he'd traipsed straight thru it,spreading all over the floor and getting deep into the tread of his shoes.

Tiny converse baseball boots.ooo so fucking cute but an utter bitch to get poo off,it was in every bastard nook and cranny of the sole. Was truly bleeeeurgh.

pony that's pretty much sort of mid-thirties if you shut one eye n squint a bit. I would say it makes no fucking odds,you have earnt your place in the palace!

Bonnes vacances xxx

Had a child at 39, you say? Pony, you're our BESHpiration - of course you can stay (well, I want ya to!)! You can remind us that it CAN and will happen and trample us with your fearsome hooves when we (okay, mainly me) get too hysterical!

Have a good time en France, but remember - they eat horses there!

Sorry, gin, was going to be all sympathetic but I got to 'tiny converse' then started jumping around the room at the cuteness! Teeny tiny pooshoes - just one more delight most of us have to look forward, eh?

LOL@Diana eyes - for that alone ponymum you stay! And as Scorpette so quite rightly points out you're our BESHpiration - proper uterus endeavours at 39! Praise Alan

Have a lovely time in France and if you're bored come and see me, I'm only 200 miles from France and we speak a proper language here not just "bonjourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ya snail-eatin' surrender monkeh". Other plus side? We're not French.

gin/pony I'm sorry I suggested you two were the Karen Matthews of the BESH board - I'm sure there was someone said they didn't pay much attention the first time around.

Ta gueule! Am quarter French. And am v proud of it. Nowt wrong wi' the French

You're thinking of north holland... but if you want to diss accents - been to Marseille lately?

Touché!

I had something almost as weird as a cheesestring earlier - y'know how I've been worrying cos I've been worryingly arrid in the knicker department? Well, I realised I was feeling a bit moister and as I needed the loo a bit anyway, I went to have a good gusset-check. It was completely dry - odd - so I dabbed at myself with a bit of loo roll. A huge blob of what can indeed only be described as mucus came out - y'know how, when you blow your nose after a heavy cold, you get really thick yellow-green snot coming out in big loads? It was exactly like that. [spew emoticon]

It's like all the CM has been saving itself up inside me . Anyway, all seems back to normal after that. Not that it'll help - this month is a write-off; still not OVed yet but we GOFed (gently) for yer actual fun this avo and poor TYF bled again like a medieval virgin, so we're going to have to leave all TTC antics for a good few weeks to let it recover fully . Won't stop me hoping that his supersperm will last however many days it'll be till I ov and still manage to updiff me!

Well, no-one wants to be at a party alone, so I'm off to bed. You non-insomniac lightweights sicken me

Morning BESH's.

Bit late I know, but pony & cosmo have fab hols. I have 12 more days to work until mine & I can't tell you how excited I am.

Of course pony can stay too, I love you that you've admitted getting updiffed at 39.

I advise you all to look away now, as I'm planning to indulge in some me me me ramblings.

Sat night, drunken friends, I "helped myself" to vodka & coke (unbeknown to friends minus the vodka) just in case. Then friend announced she got updiffed with her first having only done the deed once! OK, she was 18 & it was a short fling, but [envy}. Then her 3rd came along much quicker than she thought he would. I love her dearly, but was now resisting the urge to take her eye out with a cocktail stick.

Fast forward to Sun. Friends invited us for lunch, their 18 month old daughter adorable. Part way through the afternoon they announce she's updiffed again. I think I made all the right "oh that's fabulous, congratulations" noises, when in reality I felt the room start to spin. The boys then went off to do some laptop shenanigans, leaving the girls & baby talk. Again, it happened quicker that she thought, her sister in law also updiffed after 2 months of trying (their first was IVF). The boyf & I were totally silent on the drive home. I shed a couple of tears later when alone, but I was even too exhausted with the whole process to do that properly.

So if I'm not updiffed this month I'm seriously considering sterilisation! Its the constant am I aren't I that is driving me seriously insane. At least if my tubes are tied I'll know my fate for certain.

I have my appointment at the fertility clinic tomorrow & the docs still don't have the boyf's wank-in-a-pot results - ARGH!!

To top it all hairdresser cut my layers too short

Told you it was a self indulgent ramble.