Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

pony yes all a bit strange innit? I actually met mr gin in my 20's (oh gawd am blank as to whether there should be an apostrophe there,and SCORP WILL JUDGE!!) but it took a while til we were 'ready' (ie I decided we may as well get on with it,mr gin shoved head firmly in sand )

caspar yep. And bloody scary it is too,especially as you tend to spend all of pregnancy focussed on surviving the birth,and tend not to think about the rest! Still, having a small squishy person fall asleep while stroking your hair and muttering 'mummy's hair lovely and pretty and lovely and soft...' is fairly ace. Especially as my hair actually looks like shite.

pony forgive me if I've asked before- how old is your small one?

Definitely shouldn't be an apostrophe. In my defence, numbers confuse me.

AIBU to think that my husband should have made a pissing effort to be kind to me this morning, seeing a I had to go and get a needle stuck in my arm? Instead the fucker took forever to get up, even tho I bought him coffee in bed and generally gently eased him into the morning. He took so long to get ready that I had to admit defeat and walk to the clinic, by which time I was running late, so I had to run. He's finally arrived to sot his registration at the gps out & has barely acknowledged me because he's cross that he has had to park streets away.

Cunty fucking cuntbastard fuckface.

Sorry Cheval, I meant that you'd be 76 when the future child was born. Incidentally, we know you won't buy a pink buggy because you take your daughter around in your tartan shopping trolley

I can't believe the stuff we have to learn: right hole, hygiene, ejaculation and NOW we have to look after the resulting babybee for life? Why has no-one told us this before?

As a member of the 'BABYNOW' category, I really want to be a Mummy. Doesn't mean it won't freak me out when it happens, but it's the only thing I've ever been really sure that I can't live without doing/being. Thank god I'm too cool to be a hippy earth mother type, all tie-dye and kids called Thor and Dandelion.

I had to get up for a wee 4 times in the night - early sign of updiff or prostate cancer? Drinking too much water at bedtime surely can't be the cause.

ideal YANBU!

gin You've just made me so jealous with the "mummy's hair" thing. Adorable [blinks repeatedly. There's something in my eye, innit?]

scorp I have a cousin called Thor

X-post, Curly!

No apostrophe, gin. I spurn thee.

Camel, that is rubbish. No wonder you have the hump with him (hump - geddit? ). I find that if TYF is worried or stressed about something, instead of showing worry or talking about it, he will dawdle and be generally useless and moany, etc. Wonder if Mr Camel is doing same; it's a fairly common pattern for mens. Or just being a git - you know him best. And how's it your problem that he had to park miles away - I hope you retorted with something like 'If you could have done me the decency of being on time, we would've come in the car together and I'd've found you a nearer spot'. S'what I would've hissed said.

Can't spurn me scorp. I realised and corrected AAaages ago. Just not very good with numbers,they cause me to panic uneccessarily.

Other acheivements this morning- have tracked down source of hideous stink in kitchen and eradicated it. Off to see friend with brand new second baby shortly. Trying not to think about the fact that mine would have been due in just over a month.

btw scorp not embarrassed 'bout loving The Most Ace Boy On The Planet (tm) just at sobbing like a ninny at having to work more than I really want to.

Ps camel - gggggrrrrr on your behalf. Make him buy you cake.

achievements

I am ready to be a mummy, in my own way. In the sense that I've had 3 dogs, 1 cat and 2 horses in the last 5 years and only killed one dog which isn't so bad. Sometimes I get things wrong and I'm scared of ending up being "told off" 20 times a week for not having enrolled wee Cuthbert in to "Tumble Einsteins en Francais" or something.

MerdeduCheval You sound awesome and I agree totally - you build up these defence mechanisms, such as job/horse/travel/gin - and they are enjoyable - and now we have to trade them in.

Curly I see you're a fan of dogs - are they baby substitutes? What do you have? I have 1 Jackapoo and one Rotweiller x Am Staff. I killed the Boerboel. I "know" 3 pitbulls (Am staffs) here and they are all absolute cry-babies - their reputation is not deserved. Can someone please let social services know that I'm planning a baybee with a pitbull in the house?

oh ski you can't possibly have a baybee with all those dogs and horses. Tut tut!

I pretty much grew up in the whelping box with puppies. They were a part of the family for years. After moving out of home I swore it would be baby before dog, but SFF and I suffered extreme canine separation anxiety and gave in last year, adopting a lurcher. Not what I'm used to at all - but she's a sweetheart when not trying to attack other dogs (rescue = issues!). She adores all people though - especially children. Would love more but don't have the space or time. Think defo baybee next!

ski yours sound like a great bunch. I'm a firm believer in the owners being the problem, not the dogs. Yes, you can get dogs with temperament problems (you should have seen some of the Labradors I've come across) but a responsible owner does the right thing by them, such as not keeping them as pets. One of ours, which liked very few people (love me!) ended up in the bomb squad. Best place for her to have a good life but stay out of trouble.

scorp You're right, poor dude is having a super-stressful time at work and it's manifesting in grumpy annoyingness this weekend. Am a little calmer now, post-gym & nice food.

ski is a jackapoo a Jack Russell/poodle cross?

I've got the bit about rubber and fag - but was unfamiliar with this one from Skihorse:
"I'm just going for a kip." nap or prostitute?

I love the fact that in the gin palace we can utter phrases like: Cunty fucking cuntbastard fuckface. BTW camel YANBU!!!but spelling and punctuation are scrutinized carefully - that's brilliant.

So have you ever discussed putting a price on babyhopes? I've got to make the decision soon about if another round is worth shelling out big bucks. It could be kinda like an auction, although different in that if you don't win, you still have to pay. I wish that method that scorpy just learned would work for us - but no dice! Now we just do that bit for fun.

it's not my round... I have to start saving again

I'm a dog lover too - finally getting one (in November) since moving to Hawaii where the quarantine and housing are tough on dogs - black lab (but not the vicious kind) [hmmm]

My last one was a doberman - super sweet and devious, just like her mommy.

I'm a cat-lover who's allergic to cats - pity me!

Also love dogs equally, but can't be doing with all the walking, shitting, slobbering and need for constant interaction and attention. Yep, I'm ideally suited for motherhood, aren't I?!

Firstly, the name is Mamandecheval! Please stop calling me horse shit.

hagdegin The baby foal is 12 months old. She looks like a miniature Audrey Hepburn, all enormous cute eyes with super long eyelashes. The French women say 'Oh, tres jolie!'. Sigh. I adore her, my giggly little bundle.

skihorse said I'm awesome...

Now come on, it's drinking time here!!

idealcamelforsex Yes, a Jackapoo is a Jack Russell x Poodle. Which results in the most neurotic bouncy dog you've ever met with the scruffiest hair style! But she's lovely and a TOP snogger. Lucky Julian Cuthbert Bartholomew JailHorse.

Hawaiiancunt Apparently a kip is a prostitute - you know at those brothels they have out in the middle of nowhere? "I'm just going for a quick kip" = "I'm just off out for a whore, back in 20 minutes".

I'm delighted to read this morning that Kerry Katona is planning another baybee. That's a lovely way to cement a marriage aaaaaah. Bet she gets pregnant first cycle.

Dog hair: In addition to it finding itself under the foreskin, we were riding through an apple orchard last Sunday with the horses helping themselves off the trees - us too. Halfway through my apple I was shocked to find a Jackapoo hair - how do they do that?

A kip will always be a nap in MY book.

Like, OMG, I just Googled Jackapoo and my head has exploded with Teh Q00tness!!!!!111!!!11!!

Seriously, I WANT ONE. I have no time for big, manly dogs and prefer terriers like J Russells, Parson Russell, Bedlingtons and so on or unashamedly girly dogs like Maltese Crosses and Papillons.

Well, my bladder hurts a bit, have minor 'weird' cramps and I have slightly achey norks (not usual killer mastalgia) - I am going to try and be relaxed as possible over the next week, but shall allow myself these little 2WOOFL indulgences. Cos of another lateish OV, it's 11-12 days of 'OFL'. Am much less stressed about 2WOOFL than I am about not being able to go to gym cos hip and feet are mysteriously in agony . And bloody TYF is backing out of going to see 'Away We Go' like we'd agreed.

Cheval, I wish I could see a pic of your peu poulain - she sounds scrumptious And you know French women would not say she was pretty if they'd didn't think so! I bet she's awesome, just like her Maman

Ski - Kerry Katona has just lost her massive Iceland contract, is under suspicion of being a drug addict and has massive money worries: what better response than to have a baby? And yep, she will get pg first time around. Perhaps chip fat is more effective than Preseed?

good morning, ladies.

isn't there meant to be a custody battle with the guy from NotBoyzone over her first two, or has he buggered back to Australia?

scorp There's some photos on my MN profile page, but nothing very recent I'm afraid. The current look is all flirty giggles and "Who, me?" eyelash flutters. But all our photos seem to be of her sitting in the washing basket being pulled around the floor and thinking it is the most hilarious thing in the whole world.

I had my first 2WOOFL thoughts this morning. Great, just great. The holiday was supposed to protect me from the madness. (But then I was also going to stay away from MN. Wasn't I?)

By the way, I realised that my last two posts were very passive-aggressive in the choice of violent gifts for the other BESHes. I'm sure that's not healthy - I must face up to delivering violence in person, otherwise it's just not polite, innit? So here's a bash on the head with a champagne bottle. (The champagne cocktails are on the bar - help yourself! )

Cheval, I don't think we've done the FB thang, have we? If we have forgive me - can't always remember who everyone is

If we haven't, please do so. Ski or someone can direct you to the right name

Sorry scorpy, I don't do FB. Yes, I am one of those stubborn hold-outs who annoy the rest of the world by refusing to join. And no, it's not because I'm convinced that it's a massive conspiracy run by some Bond-style villain who will shortly reveal his evil world-domination plans to the shocked populace, and people who have resisted joining will end up in a Logan's Run-style fugitive existence, etc, etc. At least, that's not the only reason. I also couldn't keep up, because as you know I'm 75. You'll just have to make do with the Mumsnet pictures.

Sorry Pony, I read your bit about the pics as being on your FACEBOOK page. It must be hard enough for you typing on here, what with that special OAP keyboard with massive letters

Off to enjoy your pics. Have issued TYF with earplugs for when I start squealing at the cuteness

OH. MY. GOD. Pony has the most beautiful DD in the world! You need to set her up with Gin's little man and start your own master-race, when they're older! Seriously, that is one adorable little girl. I think I may have spontaneously self-fertilised seeing those! No wonder all the Frenchies are squealing 'tres jolie' at her.

Not so good seeing you in your chair, poor thing. You must have had such a lot to cope with. Here, have this medal for BESH Bravery

Tres jolie - comme le bébé, comme la mère...