Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

Cunting vagged meself laughing. I was planning to stay off here - I mean it was all getting a bit herbal intense what with Scorps anti-libido drugs, plus all the baby talk was putting me off my wine.

Ginhag - fantastic: your kid is both a 3rd century Persian prophet AND a Stone Rose. Good work! I will come to you for name advice if or when I ever get that way inclined (oh god, I stil can't write the word pregnant). There I did it! Scorpette can some of your kindly motherliness rub off on me, like?

Vag juice all round.

Don't talk about rubbing off, Kim, I'm still ovulating and horny as a triceratops on heat. The accidental anti-rudeness supplements clearly didn't work Nothing can stop the pervery of Teh Scorpio (esp. one going out with another Scorp)! But thank you for recognising my maternel munificence

Yep camelcuntilicious he rrrrocks!

And he sweetly told my very pregnant friend that she has a 'fat tummy' yesterday. He also joined in with our conversation - she was saying how she's having to get up for a piss every 5 mins at night,I was saying I remember being the same...mani looked at us both,thought a bit and said 'umm... I done a parp...'

he knew it was a 'toilet' conversation y'see. Fucking genius

Sorry kimdeal...names are very fucking small on my phone so I thought you were the camel. ta very lots all the same. You obv know a bit about cool names yerself

I knew you scorpios were dirty beetches.
Ginhag now you mention it, I do have a bit of a camel toe in these jeans, so easy mistake.
Smile, there's someone newer than me on here, I see. Finally. Fannybutt to HawaiianCuntShine

More every day friendly English phrases for HawaiianCuntShine to embrace.

"Can I smoke a fag in here"
and
"Here, do you want to borrow my rubber"

thank you all for the coloUrful welcome!

scorp that's like three mistakes in one WORD! arrgggg!

I should be playing online poker... where's my drink?!

Mani IS the cutest, even in his poo-shoes

Poo-shoes reminds me - Was it CuntyCunt who overheard the little boy and his mum at the swimming pool toilets with the mother exclaiming "but how did you get it in your goggles?" which still makes me howl.

Drinking, check. Smoking, probably. Gambling, check. Aaaah, a fine array of specimens we are!

Another phrase for HawaiianCuntShine:

"I'm just going for a kip."

Hellooooo - I fucking luves you lot, I does.

Another day, another friend, another fucking baby announcement. Sweet Jesus, that's 2 this week. Thankfully this isn't too close a friend, but oh, I can imagine the joy at Christmas when we all meet up, comparing bumps & symptoms

Fucking-cunty-cocksucking-bastards.

C'MON YOU FERTILE FUCKERS, I'LL TAKE YOU ALL ON!!! (Mother BESH's are exempt from this violence, you can have the usual Palace Variety).

Ski - poo goggles boy was me. The gym is in a reet rough area and I hear all sorts of hilarity every time

Laurie, that's shit (for you I mean, not her). Buy why not put on 3 stone and then you'll have a massive tum to compare with their bumps? Just another handy hint from The House of BESH. There, there

I see IKEA are doing cushions for 1.49 (euros) - I'll get everyone one and we can just shove them down our jeans. All in favour say aye (hic).

Aye!

Then in about a year or so (give or take), we'll take a new delivery from Longwee and if anyone gives "the look" with respect to skin colour we can cross ourselves and say "omg, racist, such a shame!"

Aye!

(Thanks for holding the hair, scorp)

Ooooh, starting to sober up. Hair of the dog anyone? (TM Jailbait )

laurie It's just never-ending around our gaff. I was working last night so he went up to bed before me. I turned off the light and crawled in to bed only to find something there, I initially thought "oh ha bloody ha, he's left a sex toy here for me". But no, mystery object revealed to be... a KONG! I woke him up and asked if there was anything he wanted to tell me... someone been in my bed?

I had to google 'Kong' but having done so, are you sure he wasn't intending it as a sex toy?

I'm watching Jeremy Kyle. It's the one thing that makes me glad to be a BESH!

Aye! (to the Ikea cushions/adopt a norfan (Just William deliberate spelling mistake, not typo).

Laurie - have a Bloody Mary, it'll take the pain away. Oh, go on, if you insist, I'll join you.

That Kong thing just looks wrong...

Thanks ideal

I'm in work so do not want to google Kong...........

I did once google "Phillipines" (sp?) to check the spelling for some minutes I was typing. Dear God, the sites that came up!! I was sat in fear of my P45...........

A propos of nothing, I am in a grump cos I've got a heel spur (agonising heel pain) - it's my day off work and if I can't leave the house to go to the gym or into town then I might be forced to do some actual housework I'm trying to lose weight for my birthday (end of Oct - just giving you all time to save up for me pressies ) and need to reach for the burn (or some such shit).

I wouldn't mind, but I always wear flat shoes (I'm the only shortarse in the world who likes it that way). Will I have to start wearing orthopaedic shoes? And will Sun readers start burning torches outside my home because they misunderstand 'orthopaedic'?

Well, a bit of moaning about other health crap makes a refreshing change from TTC madness, does it not? Oh, it doesn't? Well fuck you very much.

I'm going away this weekend to celebrate my Rag. Bang on time . Just like when I went away last month. Why? Why does this happen? Why can't it be late? Or early?

Got my poke in early this morning though, in case anyone was worried

I've not been able to sleep, fretting about it, Cunty.

Have a BLOODY good weekend break (see what I did there? Comedy fucking gold)

So, since being on this site (i.e. about 2 weeks) I have put on HALF A STONE which makes me the heaviest I have ever been, like ever, what with being an ex-anorexic short arse and all. Isn't there a fat and fabulous thread on here? Or are we it?

Incidentally, I don't actually think I've been doing anything differently to explain the fatsomeness. Is it my old age? Does something happen when you - pony age admission alert - slip into your LATE 30s?

PS This is great news indeed about Ponyslag. It proves 39 is not too late - plus she is eating mouldy cheese in France so will probably come back pregnant (am forcing self to write the word; from now on Kim embraces pregnancy and children and Skis cushions).

Sorry, I spent too long thinking/writing about weight...(dullll). so to say Scorp your message is timely - 28 days are up on Sunday....

Talking about dates, didn't this thread start off (many moons ago) as a sort of bus thingy where everyone lists their cycles and all that malarkey. Did it all get too depressing or did everyone just sync their bits?

I think I'm having a convo with myself now, so will go.

But who is being anointed by metal micky on Sunday - anyone?