Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

scorp I think you mean "whilst it's happening"...

Camping??? I always knew it was an evil sport... all those bugs, I bet they carry mini R2D2 bits in them!

Erm, it's cadaver. I will accept your answers - but don't let the horsey gals hear your opinions on big bums and the like

My crush of shame? I watched a shit film today and fancied an actor who is only 18. The Daily Mail paedocopter is circling the apartment block as we speak

'whilst it's happening'... DAMN! Hoisted by my own apostrophe petard! Coises!

Good thing I backed away from spelling it, then isn't it???

I'm honoured to have caught an apostrophe error, thanks your Scorpy-ness!

Crush of humilation? I formed a crush on Val Kilmer without knowing it was him in Top Gun - I'm a sucker for a high and tight!

George Clooney should bite my ass...

So what do you ladies call the hubs around here? (I got the jailbait reference, but I can't use that one for mine... he's a bit more than 18 at this point, hell - more than double 18!)

Hi all,

Welcome newbies & name changers. Work was busy yesterday (how selfish) so didn't have time to obsess. Oh, how I missed the craziness.

ski yeah I did manage to have the "its you not me" conversation with the boyf. But I was like some sterotypical motivational speaker burying the not so great news under the "but you have 3 times as many sperm" etc. Honestly, all that was missing was a "whooping" & "yeying" crowd. Also had a huge attack of the guilts as I got home from work to flowers & chocs as an apology for his twat-ness earlier in the day. And how do I repay him? "Thanks for the Fruit n Nut love, btw your sperm is crap".

So what's new? Any more dodgy sperm? Broken cocks?

Mine is known as mr gin. Or occasionally as The Grumpy Fella.

Laurie I would have 'over-cheered' in exactly the same manner. Seems a bit unfair you having to do it rather than the doc, as they'd come straight to the point without having to 'turn that frown upside down!!!'

still always good to be gentle with boys I think. They are delicate creatures

I take the day off to go water-skiing (water up your vag at high speeds obv.) and come back to find that apparently there ARE no "wimmens with Mary Poppins accents riding horses" - wtf? What the cunting fuck am I? Chopped Liver? I am that MP on a horse!

Hello all the newbies! MaiTaiHaveACock? hahahhahahahah

Oh laurie - I'm just not sure there is a good way to say "you produce 3 times as much Joey Deacon spunk as any normally badly afflicted spunk-wise man".

I'm not getting much right now because jailbait's been back in the country 38 hours and I've been at work 28 of those. Week off next week though - I'm going to alternate between cock and horse.

Wow, they must have some sturdy chickens over there, Ski, if they're suitable to ride! How does dressage work, then? [innocent face]

As regards your Mary Poppins accent (or 'Meeereeee Puppinz' to pronounce it right), I thought you wuz Scottish - I imagine you as Wee Jimmie Krankie on a Shetland Pony (with a Bay City Rollers Scarf round its neck). Sorry, should I not've told you that?

Poor Laurie - agree, that should not have been your job. But on the other hand, probably less of a blow to hear the news about his siamese mongs from you. Mind you, you know how men don't listen - he's probably strutting round work right now thinking 'Heeeey, I'm Captain Mega Spunk!' cos of the high count, completely ignoring the fact that they're all mini elephant mans (deliberate non-use of 'men', there - have made a pedantic rod for my own back, sigh).

ShinyCunt, my live-in love slave is called TYF, short for The Young Fella. On account of him only being 14 27.

Scorpette Ack no, not for many years - posh English mother and I've lived "everywhere" . Seriously I'm 100% Brigit Jones with a few more "cunts" thrown in.

So the waterskiing yesterday was a very international group. Once you get flung off the rope you have to paddle to the side, clamber up the bank of the lake and walk through the woods back to the "start hut". There you are trip-trapping through the German countryside with only the sounds of a giant splash and "FUUUUUUUCK!". Always makes me laugh that it doesn't matter where someone's from or which language they speak - they ALWAYS say Fuck.

Scorpette I was very happy to read of your nice doctor. It does make sense to me - that most of us manage to turn our lives around in our early-30s, ditching the fags, booze, random sex & joining the gym.

Ski, you are Zara Phillips and I claim my £5!

mornng ladies - I have been away for two weeks. Period came in that time, so back on to TTC now we are back.

Welcome back, medee. A small kick in the teeth to the evil metal droid.

My mental image of ski is now hopelessly confused, since scorp suggested she rides chickens. I think this comes closest.

Hellooooooo? Anyone around?

idealgown I think this might be more appropriate

Shhhh, Cuntrog - ski doesn't anyone to know she has a famous Dad...

Sorry to hear about the babyfail, Medee Better luck this time round

Hang on... does that mean ski's DAD is riding jailbait?

God I'm knackered. And I've got a poke on the cards later so I'd better buck up - last one before R2D2 anticipated tomorrow

cameltoe thanks now I'm picturing ski as a 8 year old boy!

ski I think something was lost in translation, I thought the HORSES were speaking like Mary Pop-in-stuff, and therefore were magical - then I wouldn't deem them to allow passengers. My mistake. Ride on!! I love the thought of alternating cock and horse - seems I'll be back in the saddle tomorrow after the official blood test fail.

Oh the hub front - I should either call mine Mr. Shine (bit of a chrome dome) or The Tall Fella TTF... will see how beta testing goes.

Long day. Tired. Grumpy. Still got the bastard fannydroid.

And it's definitely not my round.

Pint of your finest cointreau please David. Better have a lemonade top,as I am a mother and therefore Really Fucking Responsible Like.

Also I have been meaning to do thing's like this and as many plural's and stuff like this as i can feasibly be arsed to do. The reason for these apostrophe's is that I want to see if scorp's brain actually catch's (ooo that one is REALLY bad) fire

never mind scorp, gin, you've just driven me insane. used to be a sub-editor you see and continue to be a grammatical pedant. not helped by this PDA pokey typing though!

SFF (sexy fire fighter for the sake of cuntshine- welcome) broke my laptop and i'm still on leave so no office MNing. baked a cake and made chutney today - get me! can't be arsed fiddling with this touchscreen any longer. will come to PC later

Aaaaaaargghhh!!!! The apostropheeeees...!!!! They are 'urting my eyes, even 'ere in la France. Mek it stop!

Bof!

To be honest it was actually quite painful to do. Am known to be reasonably pedantic myself...

My typing is always shit on mn though...always use the phone,often wrestling mani or half cut (or both )

However those apostrophe's were just for scorp. thought I'd do lot's as its quite funny for my tiny brain. I will stop now...ooo just one more perhap's (hee hee proper mad that one)

I think gin is being paffretic 2 B so pacifically crule. Im gong 2 kikc U in teh tit's.

Curly as ex-copy writer & proof reader, the 'best' mistake I've ever seen was a signwritten sign for a cafe offering 'sandwitche's'. Absolutely true. I took a pic but it came out blurred I couldn't stop myself going in to say 'do you know your sign is spelt wrong?' and the girl behind the counter said 'it's a matter of opinion, innit?'. My Ex had to drag me out as I started frothing at the mouth...

Salut to MereDuCheval! Ca va?

Merde-oo-cheval