Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

Hello BESHies,

I was wondering if you would perhaps allow me to join in your table? I have stumbled in here in moments of salt in my eyes, and have found you to be of great inspriration in my babyfail efforts.

Here's a bit of my CV for your consideration:

I'm in the middle of babyfail 52, I think - but after 51 who can count anymore??

I'm American (so haters line up with cod - frozen please, today I peed on a pink tool of doom and got only one line, so I really do need a good whack!)

In the last 10 months I've relented to being poked proded and doing it to myself at the care of a doctor, so I'm one of those who has relented to actual treatment.

Absolutely love sex, and missing it very much at the moment and willing to grope any of you.

I won't get half (or more of your references) but I will laugh so hard at the bits I do understand that I won't care about the rest.

and I'm not slim either, but at the moment I couldn't give a flying fuck.

Screen name is still in testing stage, but I was so inspired by CockDodger I had to give it a try. I debated on MaiTaiHaveSomeCock... but I'm still in the testing phase.

This morning I found it to be quite reasonable to bake a frozen pizza at 6am and then try to mask my sobs in the shower... so I ask you, do I fit in here?

I've brought a tray of Mai Tais, just in case.

Christ on a bike, thecuntfaceformerlyknownastrog! Let the nice lady settle in before starting your filthy rummaging.

Hai, cuntshine. Usual pack drill; walls, pets, crush of shame, lesbian crush etc etc. Oh, and welcome to the Palace. Feel free to buy a round.

Mmmm booze. You get my vote cuntshine

please fill in camel's rather incoherent questionnaire with the chewed biro provided and return at your earliest convenience.

Cunt-trog, try to at least say hello before pickpocketing the newbie! You'll give a bad impression of us Brits!

Hello Cuntshine! Great name, btw. Sorry to hear about your babyfail marathon, but if you want black humour and repressed-emotion violence then you've come to the right place. Sadly, you've just missed out on the African orphans Longwee brought us all in her hand luggage, but there's always a next time

Now then, some questions (aside from the usuals):

1. Do you accept that 'colour' should be spelt with a 'u'?
2. Do you understand that a fanny is a vagina and a twat just means an idiot?
3. Do you renounce Fox news and all their works?
4. Are you a religious nutter?
5. Do you believe we all ride round on horses talking like Mary Poppins? and 6) Would you wear white after Labor Day? (That's laboUr, btw).

BTW, BESHies, I had sex of such a comical nature* earlier that it must equal updiff, if only to humiliate me and TYF for the rest of our lives when we think back about conceiving our PFB

Damn my Vagina Dentata!

*It involved cutting the end off a condom.

Ha! X-post with the delightful camel. At least our manners are impeccable, what what?

Whaddyamean get my dirty boots off the table? Hmmmmph.

PS can't decide if that vid was freaky or funny, either

Goodness me scorps . There you are telling me off for my sniffing out high calorie snacks amongst the slinky thongs, and you go at the poor bitch about her colonial spelling leanings! Hush your mouth Musky...

I showed the vid to mani, he wasn't that impressed. But he prefers bob marley . went on for a long time didn't it?

Am still wobbly (not in a lard-arse way.) have no idea what the fucking fuck is wrong with me.

troggycuntchops do you actually knit eyebrows? I'd there a market for that sort of thing?

IS

stupid stupid bastard phone

'phone'

Fuck off cuntchops

haggy I'll tell you what's wrong with you - you have no booze in your mouth. Rectify this. Then you'll forget what the fucking fuck is wrong with you or what the fucking fuck your name is. For more helpful advice, contact cuntrog@useless_solutions.com

Wow cuntshine 51 babyfails!

You're a veteran and deserve a medal for that!

Are you putting it in the right hole? There are some women on here who can give you some advice on that......

Whatsay we give the newbie 52 bumps to cheer her up?

sorry!

x-posted with a full-on argument!

Leave it! Leave it - she's not worth it!!

cuntrog you are obv an experienced psychotherapist, or at very least an experienced psycho.

maybe you should work for childline?

We are not arguing,merely showing affection

Right back atcha haghole. Missed ya, ya smelly front-bottom

Childline . I'm of the pull-yourself-together school of counselling. Not that I have no sympathy with mental collywobbles, just no patience... oh I'm only joking! I'm nice as pie I am!!

Missed you too crusty cheese pants. Fancy a round of slammers and a couple of lines of babydust?

Oh, will you two just shack up together and get some primo spunk from Euro Jizzney already? Sheesh, you're more lesbotic than dodgyrainbowcock and all the other lady-lovers put together! (I can't recall all the names at the mo, sorry ) Fighting like this is a disgrace That's right, pull her hair! Now rip her blouse open!

Grammatical pedantry is what made this country great, I'll have you know. The world can go to hell in a handbasket as far as I'm concerned so long as no-one uses an apostrophe to pluralise something whilst its happening.

You're in luck with expert help for your babyfails, Cuntshine - just this very week, we have made the breakthrough discoveries that, for heterosexual updiffment, you need to wash your flange now and then, have sex in your vagina and - AND! - the man has to cum in it too! And that camping is the no. 1 cause of menstruation. Oh yes, we know things the scientific community are years from uncovering.

errr... pub time cuntrog? scorp is scaring me.

I'll have a slammer and a line, and yahboo sux to scorps's face. Your turn will come when I bestow on you the glad-eye of favoUritism.

Crush of shame: Nick Clegg. Shameful only in his lack of meaningful power. Of course by that criterion it should be Gordon Brown but he has a face like a wet bag and that Will Never Do.

Bloody mary for me and a round of Mai Tais for the hags!!! (I have a man servant named Boris, who does my bidding, so if you need a drink - just tweak his nipples and he knows just what to do!)

Now getting down to it - where's that biro? oh right...

I should refuse to answer all questions based on some legal bullshit - but what the hell. My day can't get any worse!

1. Do you accept that 'colour' should be spelt with a 'u'?
2. Do you understand that a fanny is a vagina and a twat just means an idiot?
3. Do you renounce Fox news and all their works?
4. Are you a religious nutter?
5. Do you believe we all ride round on horses talking like Mary Poppins? and 6) Would you wear white after Labor Day? (That's laboUr, btw).

1 - spell anything you want with a u, (colour, barbour, harbour, labour) I have many friends that can't spell, I'm ok with it! If you are in a tizz about it, I will even try to join you, but no guarantees on my spelling anyway. Earlier today I backed down from a confrontation with the word cadaveur!!! (please note the "u"!)

2- I didn't know the fanny part, but I did know the twat part. duly noted

3- You might need a drink for this answer: I do not renounce Fox but I don't really watch it either. My fav website is realclearpolitics.com (other than MN,) I am a fiscal conservative and with liberatarian leanings on sex, and most social issues. Here have a drink! Politics on here is the last thing on my mind, and I've read enough to know how the palace leans, I'm ok with it if you're ok with it.

4- I don't think that anyone would call me a religious nutter, I believe in God - but haven't been to church in 6 yrs and haven't got a bible to thump!

5- HA HA you those Ponies wouldn't dare carry the likes of your arses!!!

6- I live in Hawaii - does coloUr of dress really matter?

Boris: Bloody Mary!!!

Perhaps the brown eye would be apposite in the circumstances?

crush of shame for me still Roy Keene. Tho he does look like his mum cuts his hair.

ahhh give me a line of babydust I've never taken it up the nose!