Anyone out there who's recently MCd and back to TTC without waiting?

[helpet]

Hey everyone. I have a DS (18 months) and had first MC last week at only 5 and a half weeks. Have wondered whether to wait for AF but after obsessively reading most threads on the subject in MN - have decided to take the plunge and TTC just as soon as I can ... Anyone in a similar boat wanting to join this thread and spread the baby-dust? xxxx PS Am terrified it won't happen for months / it will happen and I'll be a compulsive knicker-checker

RubyLove1 I love your positive feedback! Well done! Not surprised you're scared. Am feeling blue this eve but your story has cheered me up.

thefatladyscreams - you have not lost the plot you are just fully prepared. I like it.

Positive hugs to all. xx

Hello ladies,
Thank you everyone for your king thoughts and messages. Sorry have been awol with busy work, trying to sell house etc...
Rubylove - so nice to hear a positive story about TTC conceive after MC - hoping that starts to become a theme here
Well an update...a BFN on Sunday. I woke up super early on Sunday feeling v tired by wanting to do HPT...but trying not to let it take over my life - so instead of waiting to read result - went back to bed and lay there wide-awake pretending to self to go back to sleep. Finally DH woke from all my thrashing around and wanted to know if I had tested - so told him to go and look at the results for me!! Wow - in efforts not to let TTC and baby thoughts take over my mind am turning into a bit of a nutter!
The rest of Sunday was at DH's cousins 3rd baby's christening, quite a mad, child, baby filled event as you can imagine.
Anyway, I think I was actually relieved that at least I know from BFN that my body got itself back to normal, not preg, and hopefully this cycle is the one!
Must rush off to work again now. {wave to everyone)

good morning everyone!

cith - sorry it was bfn but good to see you're feeling positive and like you say your body's doing what it should.

cheepz - hello! sorry you're here on this thread too. let's hope none of us are here for too long!

in the end work was ok really. had a few points in the day where i felt like just switching off for a few minutes but it was good to get back to normal as it were. had a nice evening with some bding as well which was good!! generally feeling more positive today. hope you all are too.

one thing bugging me though and would like your take on this because i may be supersensitive for no reason. i've been good friends with someone for 10 years and through that time she's had many issues which i've supported her in to the extent that sometimes i feel more like a counsellor than a friend. consequently i find it hard talking to her when i'm feeling down . anyway sent her a text briefly saying not been great week. mc last week, only blessing was it was early stages. her reply was 'Sorry to hear that, how early stages? hope you're ok.' now for some reason it's really annoyed me that she asked how early like that. i almost feel like she'll guage her sympathy according to my answer or just not appreciate how i may be feeling because it was early. a mutual friend of ours found her baby had died at her 20 week scan so obviously that was a horrendous time for her and i know i'm not going through anywhere near as much as she did but i still feel a bit put out. i didn't reply and this was monday and i've not heard from her since. so AIBU to feel annoyed? porbably!! sorry that went on a bit!

today i'm meeting friends this morning then should get stuff ready for dd's party on saturday. also need to do more work later so that'll be fun.

i hope you all have god day and can you all do a sundance please because i'm sick of this rain!!

helpet hope you feeling less blue today and managing to find some happiness in the day (despite the weathers attempts to keep us all down).

I am still bleeding - its only been 4 days and I am already feeling frustrated that it can't just be over. I am trying to mentally break the process into mini milestones to feel like I am making progress towards the goal of being pg again - it feels like the first milestone is to stop bleeding, the next will be to have a week or so pass before doing a test to check BFN, the next will be to see if their are any ovulation cramps (I normally get them) and so on.

monkeys I know what you mean about the how early question, I have a friend at work who has never had an mc but she was wonderful about it - sh didn't know I was pg but she came right out and asked me why I looked so sad on monday and when I told her she was just super supportive. I do think it must get harder and harder to get over depending on how late the mc is because of the investment of time and the level of development of the baby, and physically certainly the later it is the more treatment you need and the recovery takes longer (I gather) but that doesn't diminuish the emotional loss you feel whether you are 5 or 15 weeks, I was reading about a lady who had a chemical pg mc i.e. before AF was due had tested positive but then had AF as usual and she was saying that the terminology makes it seem like its not a physical loss because it was only a chemical pg. There is a lack of sensitivity about the subject that people who haven't experienced it can exhibit - I think Iwas guilty of that before - in my blissful ignorance....

Some friends are good in some situations and some are not so maybe she is not going to be someone you choose to lean on in this situation.

Am feeling ok today, cramps have all but stopped and am looking forward to trip away with a friend tomorrow - no dh, no ds, just girly time dinner, overnight stay in hotel, lie in and shopping. just what the doctor ordered

Cith I'm so so sorry it wasn't a BFP but being positive, like you are, is ALL GOOD!

Cheepz I like the sound of your trip away - sounds perfect and hopefully a good distraction.

With my similar MC I bled for about 7 days so hopefully you won't have long to wait

Monkeys I don't think you are being unreasonable at all - it's not a question that should be asked (although I understand why people do ask that - it IS insensitive). Every MC is a loss, an unlived life - an emptiness - a huge disappointment, PLUS your hormones probably won't be helping.

I think I have a similar friend, one who cried on me for months and months about some holiday romance going sour - then when a friend of mine died I turned to her for some support and she couldn't be bothered. We have different friends for different reasons and right now you should definitely avoid any that aren't sympathetic or understanding. My most supportive friends around this time have been those who have been through MCs themselves. One of which had about 7 MCs (she is now 8 months pregnant with DC2) - and I felt unsure whether I should even burden her with my early MC sadness. She has been AMAZING.

Personally, I just need to get BD sorted - another awful row last night. I don't want to go into too much detail but DH can't BD under pressure ... if we can't even TTC then I can't move on - if that makes any sense. I think we probably have to take a step back. Trouble is TTC is what's keeping me sane ...

helpet my dh is the same - i think he finds it all too clinical and is much more 'it will all happen in its own time, whats the rush, if it takes a few months whats the problem, we should just let it happen - yada yada'

he doesn't get that from my perspective a month of knowing where my cycle is, doing the 2ww, having the disappointment of AF month after month is an energy sapping distraction from life and work that becomes all consuming, i think as a woman once you have decided you are ready it becomes an obsession whereas because for men they are more detached from the process and not physically monitoring the day to day they don't get it.

I have found its best that we don't talk about ttc, ovulating, my cucles, CM or any other feature of the process and I make sure we do BD in weeks where there is no chance and when there is so that he never really knows whether its a 'big' day or not. This has had the upside of reenergising our sex life which was to be frank in pretty dire straights, and it took a few months to build regularity that meant it wasn't painfully transparent that I was trying to jump his bones for conception reasons!

We did have a conversation though where I explained to him why it is more difficult for me to be laid back about it because on any given day I know what needs to be done and the waiting that he doesn't have to do is a nightmare.

Is the main focus of your BD always at the point where it has to happen - or (if its not too personal a question) do you do it inbetween!!!

Hello ladies!

I had an early MC at about 4+6, I think (doctor dated it further along based on last period but I have irregular cycles and had been temping so I believe I "knew better") - two and a half weeks ago now. We are again TTC and I can relate to just about everything that has been said in this thread!

I was wondering if anyone knows anything about temping after early MC?

I am having a little struggle with myself, trying to stop myself from becoming obsessed with TTC and all. I want to BD for the "right" reasons... not just because it might be the right day to conceive... and so sometimes I actually hold back... of course that does not increase our chances... oh it's all so mixed up and confused! Do you get what I'm trying to say?

Anyway, thanks for having this thread, I'm getting lots of positive vibes from it already!

Best,
Meita

thanks for your replies cheepz and helpet. i think you're right in that this particular friend won't be much support in this situation. strangely enough have just had an email from another friend who asked pretty much the same thing but the way it was phrased and the other content of the email didn't make it seem as insensitive. although she's not been in this situation she is more worldly wise so maybe that makes the difference?!

cheepz - re: the bleeding. my bleeding started on the sunday and got heavier throughout the monday but had pretty much stopped by thursday then just very light spotting until saturday so hopefully not much longer for you. i did feel the same though, wanted it to stop so we could start again.

helpet and cheepz - admittedly i haven't often been rampant in the bedroom department but when we'd made the decision to ttc it definitely spurred me on to make more of an effort. i've never gone down the root of working out exactly when i'm ovulating and the best time to ttc but clearly it's on your mind. when i got pregnant this time round i knew i was ovulating so made sure we bd then but we have also at other times so it doesn't become a clinical thing. i can totally see how the pressure can become too much though and i hope somehow i can find a way to stop it becoming an obssession although that may be easier said than done! i did jokingly say to dh last night afterwards that i only need him for sperm and warmth in bed but he took it in good homour. he's just happy to get it when he can!

hello meita! when i first read your post i thought you meant you were temping at a compnay for work or something and couldn't work out the relevance!!! i'm guessing you mean checking your temp?! in which case no i have no idea!!! sorry to hear about your mc but i think this thread will be good for us in the same situation and it's good to know we're all having the same feelings!

Hi everyone

RubyLoves1 - thanks for the positive story. Much needed!

Cith - sorry about the BFN but hopefully your body is fully back in sync now and ready to try again.

Monkeys - I'd be pissed off with your friend in the circumstances. Less about the wording of the text but more that she wasn't on the phone or came round straight away to talk to you. Is she normally supportive? I guess some people doesn't understand how upsetting a m/c can be. Maybe chalk it up to experience.

Cheepz - completely get your mini milestones. Stopping bleeding was a massive one for me - it stopped in less than a week and I was grateful as I'd read about people bleeding for weeks on end. But be patient after that - I feel in a mini limbo not knowing where in my cycle I am etc. I just want to get on with things.

Helpet - hi, hope you're feeling better today? I know my DH has expressed a desire to not know when it's "the date" and he prefers blissful ignorance. Do you know what exactly is stressing your DH? Just wondered if Cheepz's approach would help at all?? sorry if that's too personal a question but just feel for you as you don't need any more tension at the moment.

Meita - sorry to hear about your m/c but welcome on board. I haven't tempted before but I'm just about to try (m/c a week and a half ago) so perhaps we can compare experiences. Had a nightmare buying a thermometre thanks to swine flu! Finally got one yesterday which told me I'm running a high temperature despite feeling normal .

Got the blues today. Don't think this weather helps - we really need some blue skies and sunshine to cheer up us.

Cith - fingers crossed that this cycle is the one for you

Monkeys - glad you have support from other friends. I think a lot of the time people feel they have to ask a question to show they are concerned and they see that as a fairly innocuous question.

Cheepz - it is hugely frustrating (and I loathed having to use towels again), hope it's not long for you. Have a fab time tomorrow, it sounds like an excellent plan.

Meita - according to fertility friend, you just count day 1 of the MC (full bleeding)as CD1, I couldn't tell you anything about temperature patterns though as I never remembered to take mine. Fertility friend lets you search charts though, so you may be able to work out a pattern.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

monkeys seems like the bleeding is getting much lighter now and it started like yours did on a sunday so seems to be following same sort of track

meita not glad you are here but glad you clicked through, lots of support here

tfls am quite lucky that i usually get major ovulation symptoms that are quite obvious, notable mood swings, change in CM and cramps for 48 hours beforehand so even though use Persona on normal months my body ypically tells me when. I am sure that it will be different post mc and will try and be patient- but am seeing the inbetween weeks as an opportunity to do some diversionary bding and get the ball rolling again prior to actually ttc so dh is oblivious to timescales and so on. We had not done bd since BFP as was not really in the mood - mostly too tired and pretty hormonal

weather is definitely not lifting my spirits either, but short work week is a bonus, roll on tomorrow.

hello all,

Have just re-read my message from this morning...lots of typos - please read 'kind' messages! Was obviously running very late for my meeting! RE BPN - I was fairly sure I wasn't pregnant - have been feeling so well, full of energy and not bloated since the preg hormone has obviously said caio to my system...ironic isn't it - would welcome some morning sickness and tender boobs right now if it meant something exciting like a BFP
monkey - I'm sorry that you have felt upset with your friend -it doesn't help things. I have to agree that it is interesting how certain people/friends react and those who actually become particularly supportive are sometimes the ones you least expect. One of my close friends for whom I have often been an 'agony aunt' after various fights or break ups with boyfs, I was supposed to have a 'cuppa' with on the weekend that I ended up miscarrying. As the bleeding was so heavy and I couldn't stray to far from the bathroom I rang her and ended up telling her over the phone that I had been pregnant and was miscarrying. She said at least I knew I could get pregnant and maybe we should postpone catching up! I have to say I was a little taken-aback! And other work-friends who I don't have as much 'history' with, have been amazing, rescheduled or taken on things for me and dropped everything to come and visit me at home. Like you - a friend who had a MMC last year while TTC with IVF, has been the most amazing source of comfort and information. She is in her 9th month now and due to give birth any day - this is also a great comfort! Don't lose hope for the 'friends' who have NFI and seem so tactless...I am convinced that until you experience a MC you really cannot truly understand how so very sad an event it is - regardless of weeks or days that you have known of the pregnancy. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, although threads like this dispel any myths or secrecy about how frequently it happens.

Wow...I have obviously had a vino this eve to rebel against the TTC angst and have the gift of the gab tonight! sorry for long message! Hope everyone else has had a nice evening (probably off BDing!!)

Cith wise words indeed. Friend of mine yesterday rather tactlessly said 'well at 5 weeks its not really a baby is it' - i know she was nto tyring to be mean - in fact i think she was trying to help, and in truth before it happened to me it might have been the sort of thing i would say, because until its happened to you you can't understand the emotional impact - its taken me by surprise how upsettnig it was despite early stage. its losing the idea of the baby that hurts, because you have know you are pregnant you have a due date, you have imagined the baby, you have started thinking about the pregnancy, os you already have an attachment and the maternal instinct has kciked in.

anyway - off for the next couple of days (with laptop so may drop in) take care ladies

Hello all, and hi for the first time to Meita - so sorry you're going through this too.

Heavens I don't want to drag you all in to our bedroom, so to speak. In short we have quite a few issues for all sorts of reasons so BDing is all too infrequent whether it's the time or not. Sometimes telling him it's time is the only way I can get him to do it - but then invariably it's a flop because there's even more pressure. I can't help feeling resentful and yet that's the WORST thing I can be - makes it all so much worse. I need to seriously chill out and gently coax him into trying more often so it's a habit and not an infrequent disaster. This is tricky and will take all my will power as I have never felt more impatient in my life - it's also making me feel very selfish - and I hate that. I've cancelled going out tonight and am going to devote my evening to repairing this week's damage - ie cuddle up to DH on the sofa and NOT mention TTC/BD/babies- not even once! Wish me luck - I'll need it.

At least this thread, thank you all, makes me realise that I am not alone in being obsessed by TTC. It's not so much that I will be devastated if we don't get a BFP right away - I'm certainly not expecting to - I just can't bear not even getting the chance.

Cheepz - grrrr to your tactless friend - have had a couple of similar comments - e.g. trying to calculate if it would have had a heart beat before it 'failed'- as if knowing that it didn't would make it all ok and I should stop thinking about it. I don't think people realise how sensitive an issue it is (whatever the stage) and how your hormones make you even more emotional. Anyway - isn't it the lack of understanding out there that's brought us all to this thread?

There is a bit more sunshine today. You're right - all this rain doesn't help. I'm holding out for an Indian summer .... we have to keep positive, ladies - it's important.

Hello again - apologies for boring long message off-loading. I am SO bored by myself at the moment, so you lot must have completely dozed off.

Anyway I wanted to check if everyone realised how important it was to eat LOTS of protein, especially eggs, if you can. Also you must eat a proper meal 3 times a day (don't skip any).

I am taking this opportunity to stuff my face with things you're not allowed to eat in pregnancy. I have just cheered myself up by making a brie and parma ham on toast concoction.

Right, back to work and enough of my rambles.

x

You are not at all boring, the point of threads like these is that you can off-load because everyone else is usually thinking something very similar. Best of luck for this evening.

The thing about the protein's interesting. Suddenly dinner of veg and couscous not seeming quite so virtuous!Thank goodness I had that ice cream for pudding

Now pondering some kind of tofu, cheese and egg concoction for tomorrow!

Brazil nuts also v good apparently, because of high selenium levels.

brazil nut omelette for lunch it is then! made sure i had a proper breakfast this morning which isn't something i always do but shall try from now on!

had a strange day yesterday. work on site two days a week and the rest from home so it meant i got to catch up with a couple of poeple and tell them waht had happened. one of them was one of my bosses. he knew about the mc but hadn't spoken to him since. he was amazing and very sensitive and also engineered it so that i could have a proper chat with my friend in private so i could get all teary without worrying! she was fab too but it was difficult because she lost her baby at 21 weeks. so it was all emotional but cathartic.

hope you had a good evening helpet with no mention of babies! my plan for today is to buy last minute bits for dd's party tomorrow then thoroughly deep clean the house, declutter and build an extension so if it rains there'll be room for everyone inside!

Hello ladies. Just being nosy and popped in as the thread title rang lots of bells for me. Just wanted to add my experience.

I've had 5 mcs. With 4 of them, I conceieved quickly after the mc, but with 2 I had a d&c and went on to carry to full term ( now have 2 DSs, one is only 12 weeks old and SO worth the wait and difficult 2 years we waited for him). I have no idea whether the d&c made the difference but it is strange that my only successful pgs followed one.

I can also recommend reflexology. I had this to TTC and also to get over the mc and I have no doubt that after the mcs, it got my cycles back quickly.

Mc is such a horrible experience and I remember the feeling well that it was never going to happen and it completely taking over my every waking thought. But ladies, you will get there! 7 pgs here and 2 beautiful boys to show for them.

Best of luck to you all!
xx

Bestlaidplans I love brazil nuts - especially covered in chocolate (extra protein) ... I feel a purchase coming on.

Monkeysmthwgr how did the extension building go?! Sounds like the sort of to-do list I set myself. Have a brilliant party for DD today.

LadyHelen2 thanks for popping by - we like success stories on here. How awful for you to have had so many MCs. I think it's useful for those who have had D&Cs to know they have every bit as much chance as those who haven't - and perhaps, like you, more! Isn't the human body amazing? I sometimes think we underestimate it's ability to recover quickly - perhaps because our emotions are not so resilient!

Oh and FINALLY, we managed to get our act together last night. The avoidance of any TTC/baby chat worked!

Have happy positive weekends everyone.

Loads to catch up on.

cith - enjoy that vino while you can! Hopefully it won't be long before we all have to be tee total!!

helpet - glad last night went well. But please don't ever worry about offloading here. Surely that is what we are all doing in some way or other? I've not told anyone in RL about the m/c or TTC yet it's such a relief to talk here where we're all going through the same mix of emotions. I share your fear that I'll be devastated if I don't conceive straight away - which seems really strange as I was very laid back when we were TTC before (to the point it only dawned on me belatedly when AF was late that maybe I should get a pregnancy test - ohh for those days of innocence!). I guess we will just have to deal with that, if and when....

Thanks for the tip re protein - luckily I like eggs! My acupuncturist said the same thing re eating regularly being important.

bestlaid - please tell me the brazil nuts are recommended for DH rather than me as I hate them! I could suck off a chocolate coating if that helps??

monkeys - glad your day back on site went OK. Must have been draining but carthartic like you said. Good luck with dd's party - here's hoping for sunshine chezmonkey this weekend.

LadyHelen2 - thanks for the positive story.

Have a great weekend everyone.

monkeys - hope all the party preparations went well and you all have a fab time tomorrow.

LadyHelen2 - thanks, all these positive stories are really lovely.

helpet - So glad to hear it went well. Excellent point about the chocolate covered brazils - doubly healthy (probably not in the quantities I'm likely to eat them sadly...)

thefatladyscreams - After a quick trawl through PubMed to check I wasn't talking nonsense, it's both of you ideally. Promotes healthy sperm production and it's thought it may help prevent some types of miscarriage by reducing DNA damage and chromosomal breakage. Also apparently "key in counterracting certain viral infections" which can only be a good thing at the moment! It's in lots of supplements though if you don't fancy brazil nuts.

Thanks bestlaid - just had a quick google and apparently selenium is also meant to be anti-aging.

So you can get younger munching on your chocolate brazils

Helpet, I MCed in OCT07 @ 10 weeks & 2 weeks later conceived what is now my soon to be 1 year old dd. There's no harm in getting back to ttc immediately. Best of luck to you.

Stopped bleeding yesterday - seems like finally but actually just like normal AF in duration so shouldn't complain

Sounds like everyones holding their own - am interested in the protein point - glad i had that great big steak on thursday night and a full english yesterday morning! not so keen on brazil nuts though!

helpet totally what the rest of the gang say - no worries about having a moan, christ if you can't here where can you and like tfls so few people in my RL know about the mc that if it weren't for forums like this and people like you I would go quietly bonkers on my own. good news about the bd sucess, its so difficult to get into the right mindset to just do it for fun as oppose to achieve a result, but really important

twilight thanks for posting am finding it particularly motivating that something could be on the move in as little as 2 weeks for me, gives me optimism

Bought some lovely clothes in Bath, although some may not fit for long, with luck, bought dress for a wedding in september but made sure it was a wrap dress with some give just in case such an eternal optimist

Missed the reassurance of being able to log on and find you ladies though..