TTC for fabulous 40+

[xserialshopper]

I've decided to start the new thread

Anyone coming to join me?

tab you are right of course; I look back now and can't imagine (or even remember) what it was I was doing 10 years ago that seemed so damned important at the time. But to be fair to myself, I did totally change my mind on the whole child thing, not that long ago. So for now, I keep going. Thanks for all the support - it really helps,

I keep on saying I'm going to give up - and my deadline was Dec 31st - but - how can I? Even today in Tesco's I was saying to myself (thankfully not out loud) I will have another baby - so much for giving up (sigh).

Rowing I doubled my dose this cycle to 100mg as I wanted this to be my last cycle on clomid. So, have we BD? No, as my hubby hasn't been well. Am I having hot flushes for nothing? Seems so (side affect of Clomid). Still, it's only day 11 of my cycle, maybe I will get lucky tonight

Good luck with your visit to Hungary. I've got my fingers crossed for you. I hope your appointment for december is possible.

I'm seeing my consultant on monday - but I'll probably end up crying through it as I think we have come to the end of the road with NHS treatment. I'll just have to jump off into the 'unexplained fertility' box

(((((jumps.........)))))

Serial I know that feeling so well, whatever else is going on, somewhere in my head the please, please, please can I have another baby thing is going round and round. I feel such a loon .

Seems lots has been happening on this thread, so sorry for all those having a rough time just now to all who need them.

Am on day 30 now but very much doubt I'm PG, our BD timing was rubbish this month and suddenly I seem to have acne definitely some hormone weirdness going on here.

Have just made myself feel extra brilliant by reading up on weight gain and perimenopause symptoms. Definitely ticking a few too many boxes there. Perhaps time to buy some flax seeds and or have a little panic?

BTW my friend tried acupuncture after going through several mcs, her dd is now 5 months...

Gosh this thread has suddenly got busy! It's great (in a way) knowing there are so many of us out there, and being able to share the experiences. It has really helped me since I discovered this community on mumsnet - before i was just ploughing on in solitary and slightly embarrassed misery.

Anyway, having been off the air for all of one day, I ended up with notes for everyone!!:

sussex - naughty girl, I saw your post! But I am happy you are feeling a bit better. I am not laying down the law, just saying: value yourself FIRST at the moment. If you need time, take time, because we've got to get the fundamentals right in life - all of us - if we're going to get anywhere with this.

xserial - you are talking about giving up, but I've said it before: in a way there IS no giving up. Yes, you can stop the meds, but you're not going to stop the BDing, so hey, who knows? The two times I got pg over the last 2 yrs were EXACTLY the months when I stopped worrying and said "to hell with it!".

pearshaped - like you, last month I got totally into the perimenopausal panic. I ended up having a hormone profile done and the news was good, which has really helped my optimism this month.

rhet and tab - I am so with you on the "oh my god what was I doing wasting my time with that loser ex-H" vortex. Luckily for me, I did have 2 DS at quite a young age, but stuck around with that vicious bastard for years after that. Now I finally have the right DH (I want his babies yes yes yes please god), I despair of all those wasted years. Still, hope springs eternal, and WHEN it happens, it's going to be great!!!

*rowing" - tell us about Hungary (good luck!). Do they accept aged crones for treatment? And what are the stats? And is it much cheaper? I've been reading about Norway, which sounds promising.

heron - thanks for the acupuncture tips. Everyone reports well of this. I am going to give Eva at Zita's a try.

Hello, everyone

We've got our fertility clinic appt. tomorrow - will be interesting to see what happens. Poor DP has to give a sample, the results of which will be ready there and then . Do you think it's bad of me almost to be hoping that it's a problem with him?

Hello all,

I'd like to join if I may. I just turned 45, having had a MMC in July aged 44. I need to vent, as I'm feeling really sad. My baby would have been due in December. Soon after my MC I discovered that my younger sister is pregnant and due to give birth on the same day I would have been! How weird is that? So I have to put up with my family being excited about the birth and talking about it all the time. I feel like I'm in a weird nightmare and I'll wake up soon. Recently my periods just stopped and after one blood test my doctor told me it could be menopause. This week I feel so sad

Anyway, I think I will have further tests elsewhere as my GP was really unhelpful. Any suggestions where to go? Or how to begin? I live in London

Oh poor you Bobbi. If you scroll down a few days you will see I posted on almost exactly the same thing - Dstep-D announced pg on exactly the day I miscarried and was due within 2 days of my date. I totally understand what you are going through - and so do others on here.
I also had the missed period thing and had a hormone profile done to find out if it was a menopausal issue - but good news, it wasn't. So all is not lost. It may just be an anovulatory cycle - which happens to everyone from time to time.
I think from time to time we are all but really the only position to operate from on this thread is eternal optimism!

sussex good luck with the new fertility clinic

Hi grownupbabes, thanks for your message. I looked back and read your post. It does seem like these situations are sent to test us. I really don't get on with my younger sister, so this has been a real thorn in my side. I hate the feelings of jealousy, as I know that if I conceived and had a baby all would be OK again.

I am trying to be optimistic but am afraid I may be kidding myself. But at least I have friends my age who have just given birth and I hold on to that as a good sign.

Can anyone here recommend a good fertility clinic in London? I just don't know whether I should see a gyneacologist or just go to a clinic. I don't want them to be pessimistic about my chances as I already know that part. I want an optimistic and caring doctor, if there is such a thing!

Hi Bobby, I'm so sorry to hear about your MC. The sister thing doesn't help at all does it! Have you had all the relevant tests done to determine your hormone levels. Stress levels can affect your AF, so it could just be recent events affecting your mood.
MG I take raspberry leaf capsules and evening primrose, both of which are supposed to improve your uterine lining. If you do an internet search you can check them out. I can't actually vouch for them as I haven't had a lining check. Are you having private treatment?
Sussex, do you think venting helped? I hope so! What lovely colleagues you have, sometimes that's all it takes. You are bound to feel up and down, you will just have to be patient with yourself.
Xserial - good luck with the appointment!! Do you think you will go for IVF? Come to Hungary with me!
Thank you everyone for your wishes of good luck! I have heard back from the clinic and now have an appointment for the 17th of December, just need to get a new FSH test done, so going to plead with my GP. Might end up paying though, particularly as they have already carried out one test.
So lots happening, feel much happier now we are doing something about the situation.

rowing you're so funny

I'm glad you've got your date sorted out at last. Fingers & toes crossed for you.

Hi again, thanks rowingboat for your message. Everything crossed for your trip to Hungary, 'Break a Leg' as they say in show biz! If I do IVF I'd probably need donor eggs at my age so I was thinking of going to a Spanish clinic as my partner is Spanish.

bobbybits - I an occasional poster and see you are the same age as me. I want number 2 but keep thinking I am running out of time....Glad to see someone else still wanting a baby despite it seeming like the world is against older mothers!

Haven't done any tests - not sure I want to know! Keep me posted!

Xserial I'm a bit worried about how you are going to walk with crossed toes.
Thank you Bobby! It's hard to say whether this will work at my age, but I have to try. I had my ds when I was 38; it was a very healthy pregnancy and he is fine, despite all the doom and gloom about over 35s.
I have noticed that there are a lot of IVFers using donor eggs on the forums I have visited. Have you been on Fertility friends it's really helpful. There is a really good clinic called Ceram in Marbella, at least the reports are very positive.

Oh big huge to all you lovely ladies. It's so stressful all this uncertainty isn't it? I just wanna if we'll have a baby or not. Even if it's a "no", at least I'd be able to get on with my life...

I completely agree about the "what the hell was I doing" between age 25 when I met my husband and age 36 when my DD was born, what were we bloody waiting for? I know we can't change anything in the past but sometimes it feckin well helps to wallow in it and let off a bit of steam I say! Along with the chocolate of course. And I have the extra spare tyres at the mo to prove it.

Oh yes - the peri-menopausal panic - OH YES! I feel so sure my eggs have run out and that I'm a spent old hag . Sorry, that sounds horrible to any menopausal and post men. ladies but coming to terms with the end of your fertility is such a major thing to deal with I imagine even if you're NOT trying for a baby.

Sussex - how did you get on with your fertility clinic appt? We had our 1st one last week and now I'm def not looking forward to the horrid dye n x-ray test thing. Your poor DH having to "spill the beans" (as my DH put it) on the spot like! Yes, I was secretly peeved when found out his swimmers were normal - natural reaction I think. I'm scared he'll leave me for a more fertile model.

Ahhh poor you Bobbi. So sorry about your MMC - me too. hugs to you. It's so tough when you feel resentment for other's pregnancies, especially families which are fecked up enough at the best of times I think! As the others say, we understand here, so do ask for support when you need it.

Glad you got your appt Rowing - good luck!

Big hellos to everyone else. Glad it's not just me feeling despondent. Isn't MN a lifeline sometimes? x

der should be big "hugs" to you all not "huge".

OK you can have big huge hugs aswell - what the heck!

I liked the idea of a bit huge actually.
What is the clinic doing Fruit? Have you had the day 3 and 21 tests? Sorry, I can never remember who has had what.

Hello, everyone

bobbi I was so sad to hear your news. Am in a similar position with my SIL i.e. don't really get on, constantly having her casual ability to produce perfect babies waved at me, so really feel for you. I'd have some hormone tests done - you can have the day 3 and 21 day tests done for free and some GPs will also arrange for chromosome tests to be done on the NHS, too. At least you'd be better placed then to make an informed decision.

I was interested that you and rowingboat mentioned donor eggs, as have wanted to ask for ages how everyone feels about this? Is it hellishly expensive?

Hmm, as for our fertility clinic appt, well, I'm not sure I feel better for going or not. The huge shock was poor DP's sperm count. It was so bad, that the Consultant said he was amazed we'd ever managed to conceive (we have DS, who has just turned 2 and I have had three mcs in the last 12 months). DP has been in bed with terrible flu, though, and got up just for the appt, so he said this was possibly why and he has to go back in Jan for another test. Poor man, he sat there with tears in his eyes As for me, well, he didn't seem to think it's a problem with the fibroids I have, as implantation seems to be happening. I'm going to have the tests mentioned above, but he so casually said (and this will stay with me forever) it is "probably just my age". Christ, I only turned 41 on 26th Oct! Soooo, the plan is to have the tests and if everything is OK to keep trying for 6 months, then think about either IVF or IVF with donor eggs. I have to say, on top of the recent mc, it has all got me down a bit - it was a huge shock. I suppose I was just hoping he'd do a blood test, laugh and tell me to take some Aspirin and everything would be OK

Oh b*gger.

I'm so sorry if this is a miserable post, just feeling a bit crappy at the mo. Only thing that cheered me up was catching sight of GP's referral letter, in which he referred to me as 'delightful'

Sending huggy huges to everyone!

Just as an addition - I've been having a look around the internet and MN and there's loads about poor sperm causing mc, yet when I asked the Consultant, he said it wasn't the case and it was indeed my age. Not sure what to think now

Hi sussexoldspot I can help but feel furious with that attitude of your consultant. 41 is still young! I have five friends who have all conceived more than two children in their forties and they have all had to put up with that attitude cropping up in one form or another. You have plenty of time and I hope this silly man hasn't made you feel even more anxious than you must be feeling already.

Talking of prejudiced doctors, it was the gynae who did my D&C who suggested next stop should be IVF with donor eggs(because of my age). I am still hoping to conceive naturally. I wont entirely give up hope just yet. I do think that success is based on hope and attitude. Our emotions affect our hormones I believe.

As for donor eggs, it's not ideal. But if all the other options run out soon, and looking at stats, IVF with own eggs at 45+ is not really done that much in this country, then I will consider it before total hagdom sets in, fruitbowl!

I meant to add, rowingboat, I only had one blood test so far. My hormones apparently were elevated. The doctor based her assumption that I was in peri menopause on that. I have since had another blood test and am waiting for results. From what I can tell, the tests should be timed, shouldn't they? This and the last one were done at random, ie when I happened to be in the surgery.

sussex I'm so sorry that the consultant was so thoughtless and unhelpful, especially given what you've just been through. I really do think that they are quite lazy and 'it's your age' is just code for 'I don't know but I'm a big important doctor so I won't say that'. Lots of evidence seems to suggest that quite often older women don't get the treatment they need because of this attitude. Can you get a second opinion? And there are plenty of women of your age (and older) who have lovely babies (although seemingly not me ). It makes me really to see people treated like this.

Thanks for your support, bobbi and rhet. Thing was, he seemed like a really nice bloke, not the usual arrogant arse. I think we'll have the tests, put together a plan of attack with my acupuncturist and go from there - there's no way I want to start trying again until after Christmas, anyway. Actually, that makes me think of another thing he said about every cycle counting/no time at all to waste - I know there's some truth in that, but Jeez, that sort of talk really does pile the pressure on.

I also got the feeling that they were more interested in younger couples who couldn't conceive at all and we are lucky enough to have DS. However, at £150 for a consultation, I was naively hoping for a bit more encouragement, if not a bloody miracle

sussex - some consultants are real wankers. "probably just my age" - I got that too when I was 39!! Git. We already know our age is not on our side we don't need it rammed down our throats. gggrrrrr.
OHTH - Hope the tests give you some good news. I got pg both times when I had my IUI appointment booked. First time ended unfortunately in mmc, but the second time gave us our lovely DS. Good luck

Bobbi - sorry to read about your loss. mmc's are horrible and disheartening.

Rowing - you have a date - are you excited?

As predicted AF arrived saturday. One more attempt before DH's work cycle intervenes. Heho. Not sure we're manage 5 times in a row this month, but will give it our best shot!

Whoops - OTOH was what I meant, don't know what OHTH could mean