TTC for fabulous 40+

[xserialshopper]

I've decided to start the new thread

Anyone coming to join me?

lunatoms and symcarceration that's where that's headed.
OK, poor DP is hiding, I did say every other day until day 13 and it is only day 12, but I thought, 'well it can't hurt'. And he is hiding. He's right, it's better this way. Must control the frenzy!

tee hee at rowing's DP hiding in a cupboard...what happened to herbaceous? Are you still here herb - do let us know that you're OK.

back to Poirot now!

LOL at hiding DP Poor man, forced to have sex!

I'm still here!

Feeling kinda low. Was sure I was up the duff this month - sore boobs, felt really vile, like I had when pregnant before, funny cramps, late period - so was gutted when Bitch Flo turned up last Thursday. Added to the woe that my best friend - and partner in childless crime - has got herself pregnant, with twins, on her first IVF attempt. I'm horribly jealous.

And then I went to a party on Saturday night, and two of my friends were pregnant, and I hadn't known. They just turned up with bumps, and I had to pretend to be pleased for them. They're the sort who have had no difficulties, so can't see the problem.

I'm booked into the Lister for an initial consultation about IVF in early October, but I'm scared it won't work. What will I do then.

Boo hoo.

Hello all,

I'm currently delighted to have no symptoms or sphamptoms as then I am able to forget about it all. If I am achy or get pains it just preys on my mind all day, I eat too much and am desperate for the day to come that I can test. Currently have a cold and we are off to Spain on Saturday so plenty of things to keep my mind off it anyway.

Although, after a short cycle ride yesterday, that almost killed my DP (he does no exercise these days) we stopped for a drink, and he confessed that he didn't think he could have coped with having a baby on top of our recent house move. He said he was 48 and getting weary. I think he was trying to say he was having a change of heart about having a 2nd child.

It really seems so unfair. How can you change your mind about something so important?

So if I get a positive pregnancy next week, he goes back to being sulky just like last time, even though we have discussed it to death and agreed to have a second child. I hate how he manages to sabotage good things. We just moved city because of his job and because he wanted to, but now he is suggesting it was the worst decision he has made (we like the city, its just the emotional and financial drain from it all). When I was last pregnant he said he didn't really want it, and then when I miscarried he was really upset (angry with God) and said immediately that we must try for another!!!!

Being with someone who is 48 and often doesn't seem to know his own mind, and subconsciously twists things to portray himself as a victim, is hard at times. It is as if he feels he has no control over all this, even though he is at the heart of all the decision making. Especially when he is really clever and has a fantastic career (he says the hours are killing him and he wants out, but at any opportunity he takes on more responsibility, pay etc, even though I have suggested he take it easier).

MEN. AGGHHH!!!!!!!! As we are all over 40 here, would love to hear any of your experiences with older partners/husbands feeling 'weary'.

herb sorry that things are so grim, what with AF (that cow!) and all the bumps around you - it sounds very tough. But your clinic date is not so far away and that's a step in the right direction (sorry if my attempts to be positive are driving you nuts - I know that sometimes I just need to be allowed to feel miserable about it all).

daisy that sounds a bit (actually a lot) rough - maybe a bit of a defence mechanism on his part - doesn't want to be disappointed either. They are complex and mercurial creatures, and what they say and do often seems to bear very little relationship to what they feel or think...

Herb, we are planning to go abroad (organising passports) and have been doing quite a bit of research.
On the positive side, if the treatment doesn't work out they do charge less, but we won't think about that. If the IVF itself doesn't take, then you can still return for frozen embryo transfers, which are generally drug-free (you I mean) and cost a lot less than IVF. I have been on a few forums where people have said that they conceived with the frozen embryo transfer (FET) and felt much happier in general because there was a lot less strain on their bodies from fertility drugs. So I suppose if you look at it that way, you have the chance of quite a few attempts if you include FETs. I'm sure you know all this, but it's nice to see that others have managed to conceive this way at our age.
I know it's a bit touchy, but how are things going down the adoption route?
Daisy, at least one of you knows what you want. I find it pays to ignore quite a large percentage of what stressed people say. He sounds like one of those people who thinks aloud, so you get to hear the entire thought process as well as the considered conclusion. I am one of those types of people and I know I talk a load of poop quite a lot of the time. Just buy earplugs, and proceed!

I realise that I just needed a good 'vent', so sorry for inflicting that upon you.

Good points rhet and rowingboat. After four years together I am getting to understand him, but I am a steadfast Capricorn so find this to-ing and fro-ing massively hard work. I like clear cut decisions and then making the most of it. He is a wonderful guy, he just tears himself up over stuff - I don't know how he deals with the internal turmoil!!

herb - I really empathise - how unfair is that. I hope this month is the one for you.

rowingboat - it must feel good to have a plan underway. Has dp emerged from his hiding place or did you manage to bd in aforementioned cupboard?

Goodness, i step away from MN for the weekend and there are so many posts!

sussex glad you had good time at your mum's - good luck with this month too

rowing lol at your dh hiding - mine tends to look terrified as I brandish my CB monitor and i worry about pressuring him but tbh if I didn't we would be very unlikely to get round to it at the right time...

cece ime it is traditional to get rid of all your baby stuff and then have another baby - tis fab excuse to buy new stuff

rhet am loving sphamptoms - word of the month I think. Captures the lunacy of it all perfectly

herb sorry things have been a bit down for you. All sounds very hard with pg friends etc. Hope the Lister appt brings good/helpful news - I think with ttc we just need to go one step at a time although it's very difficult not to get caught up in what ifs.

daisy - vent away! We all need to sometimes. I don't think dh has any idea how much I obsess about ttc at the moment and tbh I don't want to tell him as I suspect he would think I am bonkers.

fruitbowl how are you? Any signs/sphamptoms yet??

Phew mammoth post! I am on CD24, usual sphamptoms ie sore boobs, bit queasy - could be anything or nothing. Trying to hold off testing till Sat as am more than usually hyper about it this month...

Hi everyone! CD27 Still without sphamptoms but thinking the absence is actually a sphamptom in itself...

Ooh no, tell a lie. Went a bit dizzy today and immediately thought was up the duff (sigh)

Rowing I am slightly alarmed at the "every other day until day 13" thing. Crikey, does that mean that you do it EVERY DAY after that?? We're so lame that we think it's brilliant if we manage every other day in ovulation week. Are we being crap?

Anyone else care to share how often is often??

Hi everyone! CD27 Still without sphamptoms but thinking the absence is actually a sphamptom in itself...

Ooh no, tell a lie. Went a bit dizzy today and immediately thought was up the duff (sigh)

Rowing I am slightly alarmed at the "every other day until day 13" thing. Crikey, does that mean that you do it EVERY DAY after that?? We're so lame that we think it's brilliant if we manage every other day in ovulation week. Are we being crap?

Anyone else care to share how often is often??

oops!

fruitbowl as I think I've said before no symptoms is usually good for me so you could be in luck...

Re. frequency, we are in your camp - find every other day from days 9ish to 15 pretty exhausting let alone any more. In fact it is sometimes a struggle doing that...we have managed the odd consecutive night but only in exceptional circs ie dh away for work the other nights.

Should add this is not because we don't enjoy it (!) - it's good once we get going but we are knackered/lazy. Mind you have also had some pretty functional procreational shags over the past few months...

Let's hope dh doesn't work out my MN name

Our frequency was not so impressive this month - just three times so far total, however on CD7 and CD9 (I ov on CD9ish) so at least we managed it when it mattered, although CD9 experience was touch and go after too much bubbly at 25th Wedding Annivesary of friends!).

Here are some 'could be something/could be nothing' sphamptoms on CD20 (sorry roque I miscounted last time so alas not really cycle buddies!!)
....urine darker and am drinking more water
....slept on top of bed the night before last (but could just be the progesterone at work
....have eaten tonnes the past two days but haven't put on weight (a long shot clearly but great relief after devouring many jaffa cakes and Green/Blacks chocolate to recover from DP cycling 'moment'.
...murmourings from boobs but that is normal in my luteal phase (aren't I clever now I'm half way through my ff course!!!)

Hope all well with other utterly fabulous 40+ers.

hello all - CD1 today. Short cycle this time (only 26 days) which I seem to recall is sometimes a sign of impending reproductive shut down so feeling rather grim and down about it - whilst yesterday I was all cheerful and positive. Anyway, have concluded that I ovulate earlier in my cycle than I thought - day 13 or 14, occasionally 15 so I think my timing has been off which is good news in one way, but bad news in terms of all of those wasted eggs. But on the whole not feeling at all positive about the whole enterprise and in some ways would like to give up - but I really do want to have a child, and I don't give up.

Hope others' moods are more cheerful than mine

Oh rhet - it may not be. Mine has been 25-27 days since mc but apparently that is not uncommon, and it will probably stabilise. I recall there are a few things that can cause your cycle to shorten a bit. You are a sprightly 42 year old.

CD1 is such a lousy day. I hope something happens to brighten your day. Do students every say really sweet things about your lectures?

Rhet, I'm not sure about the short cycle, sometimes that just 'happens'. I'm going to google it and find lots of reasons for it OK short cycle can be due to excessive consumption of brie and wine, or to driving too fast/slowly, or due to an excess of good taste. Or any one of many reasons. I sometimes only have 28 day cycle because I start charting immediately there is a hint of AF even at 11:30PM, otherwise it would be a 27 day cycle.
Actually, its' because you willed it to start early so you could get back on the TTC wagon.
Sphamtoms this morning, had apple juice before eating and felt nauseous, but then again that always happens if I drink fruit juice on an empty stomach.
Fruit we only started to bd on day 9 even though it was supposed to be day 8 and then did day 11 and 13 (yesterday) so not really that epic after all. I think the every other day thing kind of works better than trying for every day from day 11 or something and then failing miserably and getting all tense and making it all go poo (and partners hiding in cupboards)
Daisy I'm glad to hear that vent helped. He does sound lovely and will probably be very keen to have another child for half an hour this afternoon, then not, then keen, then not etc... Anyway, he will be over the moon when you actually have another baby, then he can tell the baby he isn't sure about weaning with baby rice or finger foods or baby rice or...
So this is day 14 and we managed a bd at the eleventh hour (literally) on day 13. I did a POAStick on day 10 and 11 and they were pretty faint, so I may be ovulating a bit later than normal. I usually get something on day 13.
Better keep going.

daisy, rowing thanks I feel a bit better now - went for a run in the early morning autumn sunshine, looking out my office window at the Wicklow mountains. daisy - sometimes, but they're 19, so tend to think that you don't care anyway - or that you are so old that your ears no longer work, let alone that you might have feelings! Also Irish students tend to be a bit more reticent than English ones, so you tend only to find out that your lecture 'changed my life' about 5 years later! But they are mostly nice. I think it must have been the gorgonzola piccante wot done it (anybody had that - it's just the best). Oh well, even though I have never had a 26 day cycle before, by luteal phase is holding steady at 13 days, and the variation between my cycles is only 2 days. So onwards and upwards - I will get this baby, and so will all of you. Thanks so much ladies for replying.

Gorgonzola piccante sounds gorgeous!!! What is it? Roque might be a bit peeved that you have chosen a rival cheese for your recipe though.
You totally will have this baby Rhet!

Hello all,

Got a date for my first scan. 8th October, so will be about 8 weeks or so by then. Gulp. Feeling a bit nervous about it. At first DH said he couldn't come because of work but looks like he can come with me now. I think I may be having the consultant do the scan which is a bit and . He was really lovely last time.

Ooo Cece. That's lovely. It will go really well.
I think my first scan was fine, but I got really paranoid between that and the next one and was a wreck going in the second time.
Your DH will go, he won't be able to resist.

It's just that it is the same place that I found out that Hope had died. It gives me bad vibes now.

Oh Cece, I'm so sorry that it reminds you of Hope. This time will be different! You can't think that way though, otherwise you will be a wreck. Hugs to you.

I know, I am trying not to think too much about it at the moment. My way of coping I guess. Getting the scan date though has freaked me out a bit....

Anyway off to my evening course now... mustn't forget my homework!

Ooo where are you going?