First time TTC?!! Let's get through this together!!

[DawnAS]

Hi All,

This is a difficult time for most women (and men) I think.

Certainly for me, I've waited a long time to get to this stage , having not met Mr Right until the age of 31. Now 34 and got married 2 months ago and now want to complete the family!

So, just started "trying" for a baby and due to my impatient nature, have already started using Ovulation Kits. (Probably not a good idea). I also did the Female Fertility Test and that seemed to have a good result aswell.

I was on Dianette for 8 years and came off of it 3 years ago. My cycles became regular again but every 5 weeks instead of 4. I had previously come off of the pill for 6 months and my cycles were regular, so I guess all this is a good sign.

Anyone else had similar experiences and fallen pregnant quickly? I know everyone's different but any good news stories help move us all along!! .

xx

Good advice flirty bonifacio but as flirty says you need to move forward from this and have some nights when you dont mention BD but just plain old fashioned bonking!

i had the discussion with my DH that i didnt want it to be all clinical as i was worried it was getting too technical and taking the romance out of our bonking. So we made a pact that we both want a baby very much but still love eachother and enjoy the BD/Bonk fest.

The chances are he did just have a crap day and was sleepy and maybe felt the added pressure to perform.

On yer way for some good lovin' tonight! Good luck and good vibes over to you! //////////

RELAX. I know it is hard. I too had to wait a long time for DH to be ready for children, in spite of him being 10years older than me. Don't panic though, this is not him saying he doesn't want to have children! Thsi is him saying you were acting unusually and he was feeling pressured. Don't read more into his words...men rarely do that.

Now, to be honest, probably shoulting that 'we only have 3-5 days a month to conceive' was not helpful... Sorry. If he does feel pressured, that won't help. I'm not saying any of this to be nasty...AT ALL. I'm just trying to show another perspective. I'm absolutely not saying my way is right (I've been wrong many a time...) but I've found that calculating fertile days and all that is great for me to know, but I don't tell DH. That way, to him there's no pressure...and so whilst I am determining when we BD more, he is blissfully unaware. It may be worth giving it a shot...

Maybe, tonight sit down and talk and say that you're sorry if you put him under pressure but it's just because you so desperately want his child. And tell him about the things he did which upset you...and let him expain to you what it was you did that made him feel under pressure. Agree to both try and be more sensitiev to whatever the differences...then, kiss and make up and get BDing! We're on the same cycle and I didn't get any action last night...we still have a few more days! No panicking yet...

Hang in there Bonifacio...it will happen xxx

PS. Summerbird...I'm lovin' you're good vibes picture!

Thanks Summerbird I just don't think I would be so obsessive about it if we had started when we had originally planned to (June last year) As it happens though I have speant a year on the internet and looking at books which is a PITA as now I have nothing to do when I do eventually have DC's!!

I just really needed to offload how stressed I was especially as he didn't seem to realise that I was

Flirty great advice (are you an agony aunt in RL)

I laughed when you said screaming 'we only have 3-5 days a month to conceive" is not helpful your so right and I picture some mad banshee woman screaming it not me!!

I have tried the talking to make it better and I always emphasise that I want to have HIS children I mean to me thats such a compliment I suppose I can't see that that might be pressurising him.

I am cheered up, I will try not to be a mad woman and be calm this evening, even though he is out again and prob won't be in till 3am again. I don't think its going to happen this month. Never mind, i'm going to pull my socks up and stop being a mardy bum!!

Thanks you two!!

So how are you both doing!!

Oh Bonifacio so that your night didn't work out as planned. Flirty and Summerbird have given really good advice - well done ladies!

Hopefully tonight you can talk things over and make up and get down to some BDing

It's good to have somewhere like this where we can all rant to people that know what we are going thru

Hi to everyone

Bonifacio - no...not an agony aunt ; I'm an author...not that you'd know it from my spelling on some of these posts!?
Glad you're feeling better...and calmer. I think that we do really need to all try and keep calm or we'll be worn out morons before we ever get PG! I think you need something to focus your mind on that is not in any way baby related...I know you're not working just now...could you take up a hobby/volunteer work anything to take the pressure off you? I suspect that all the baby talk/focus is putting immense pressure on yourself...

Now...life Chez Moi...well we (unexpexctedly) got down too it on Monday, but then yoga last night so was too chilled to contemplate anythign but sleep when I got home. Tonight I'm on a girls night and hubby is out playing sport, so I'm hoping that I get a bit of action when I'm home. I suspect I'll get a positive OV test tomorrow/Friday (haven't tested yet today...waiting til I need a wee!)...

I must type slower and re-read before I post...sorry about the spelling and grammar, kids!

I go out quite often as am a member of the womens group here and play tennis and golf so really do plenty. But think I should look into something that exercises my mind a bit more!!

Oooh if your on a girls night a few drinks he won't be able to resist, plus your DH will be all testosteroned up!! Hope your OV'ing, fingers crossed!!

Hi guys,

Sorry Bonifacio, that your night didn't go according to plan.

It does sound like your DP feels alot of pressure to 'perform'. But to deny all knowledge of the argument happening is a little weird...unless he is embarassed about it. I guess us ladies like to talk and men don't like that so much. Maybe he just wants to forget and move on. I definitely agree with Flirty, that men say what they mean and there's rarely any underlying meaning!! So it's probably not him saying he's not ready, just that he's aware there's a new reason for the bonking and it's making him uneasy.

To be honest I would have been upset by what happened too, and would probably have reacted in a similar way...mainly because I would have felt rejected.

I know how hard it is to just be 'normal' and have sex just because you both feel like it - i.e. before TTC. There's this whole new agenda for all of us. DH and I BD'ed last night and although I was quite up for it earlier in the day, by the evening I wasn't really in the mood, but I forced myself to get in the mood just so we were achieving our every other day BDing goal. I feel bad writing that, because I do want making our baby to be passionate and full of love, not just because I thought I should. Plus it sounds disloyal to my DH, who is being so good and is so excited about making a baby!

but heyho...there's my ramble.

BSL x

Hi all! well as usual i am too late to give my advice! B you seem to be feeling better about it already though!

Summerbird I know about the mess- we have pulled down ceilings, had the whole place rewired, built walls and completely ripped out/replumbed generally rebuilt a bathroom! Hallway/landing is the last bit!! then its just skirting and doors etc- it would have been much better if we had somewhere else to live whilst doing it, being here is one of the reasons it has taken so long as after each big job i just need a rest and to just have a normal home!

Flirty I am very jealous i always wanted to be an author but didnt know how and as i got older (and more cynical!)i just decided i wasn't lucky/good enough/ things like that dont happen for me! So became an English teacher lol xx

You hit the nail on the head BSL I felt really rejected which is what made me react so strongly. ANd I agree that I want our baby to be made on a passionate and fun night, which is why I tried to dress up nicely for him and watch a sexy film. But will wait and see what he says / does tonight when he gets in and won't push the BD'ing if it has to wait till next month then so be it!

I feel so much better for offloading, would never feel comfortable telling this to RL friends. Thanks

Hi Crunchy...funnily enough, I actually had in my mind for many years that I'd be an English teacher. That was my aim right up until I graduated - complicated why it all changed. The writing is full-on. I love it and I'm very fortunate to have found a great publisher. It's HARD work though; long long hours and no social life at all as a deadline approaches, and it's a largely solitary game once the research is done... Anyway...enough about work. What kind fo author did/do you want to be - fact or fiction?

Good one bonifacio just think if you didnt have MN you would probably be stewing over this all day, my RL friends wouldnt understand rants like this but we all do! It is so true that blokes say basically what they mean, my DH had to drum that one into me when we got together as he was fed up with me 'reading' into everything

flirty i am v impressed at you being an author, we will all come to your book launch and demand signed copies!!

Bonifacio - Don't give up on this month...it's only day 9. Why not dress up nicely again tonight...just this time, do it just for your DH. Imagine it's like when you first met and wanted to impress. Then, tell him straight, that you wanted to it just for him... It'll make you feel good too. xx

Morning ladies,

I have missed so much this morning...

Bonifacio, really sorry to hear about last night. I would definitely have reacted similarly (and in fact, have done in the not too distant past...). Try to put it behind you and maybe, even though it sounds silly, make an effort NOT to make an effort next time? Just to try and keep it is normal as poss (ie if you wouldn't normally dress up in the house, so DH is more relaxed?) I don't know what the answer is, TBH, but I do agree that men RARELY hide hidden meaning! Is he particularly stressed at work at the min?

Now this is probably TMI, but I think my DH had a bit of a wobble last week, and ended up pulling out at the crucial moment.... I was distraught and decided it was because he wasn't ready and it was his subconscious at work, but I think basically he just panicked and was so used to doing it that way (we were pretty lax re BC for a while...) But it did really upset me, and he felt really guilty....

Crunchy and Flirty - I also used to want to be an author!! V jealous, FLirty. I did work as a journalist for a few years, but not really the same....

Hi to everyone as well, hope you are all having nice mornings? We went to the ballet last night and ended up having a ridiculous panic attack on the way home... Not had one for years...

My tips girls- give them lots of attention. Offer a (non-sexual!) massage or stroke their hair and generally make them feel like you can't keep your hands off them- then its not all about the babies, its just you two. And it helps to make them feel more in the mood so it may start off non-sexual but...

Flirty i wanted to do fiction, i love things like Patricia Cornwall and John Grisham and have just finished Malorie Blackmans noughts and crosses trilogy (but i am also a huge Harry Potter fan lol) I love stories in gerneral. My DH knows he can turn me on if he comes home with a new book for me lol or a present from lush...

Are you in fiction or non-fiction? you're very inspiring!

oh eth i am sorry. Do you know what triggered it? I haven't been there myself but i have had a lot of experiences of painc attacks/ depression with close family members. Maybe you should go to speak to a doctor? I hope you are feeling better today xx

I have just emailed him and basically said I felt rejected and said all I want him to do is answer the question, do you want to have children with me? And he replied with YES!!! so feeling a bit better now. Also decided that I wouldn't dress up, so have my normal day clothes on but nice undies!! Thing is its not like I don't dress up normally I looked the same as I did most days except that it was a short skirt. Hmm i'm stopping reading into it now! He does frequently tell me that he says exactly what he means and nothing else!!

Wow flirty an author how exciting!! Do you write novels or factual stuff. Would I have read anything that you have written (ok not to say for ID purposes )

Oh no eth sorry about the panic attack, do yu know what brought it on? How was the ballt, I used to love going but haven't been since I left UK (2 1/2 years ago) I might have a look round here and see if they have anything I am sure they do!! DP is always stressed at work, but it has been worse since we moved here. He works around 14 hours a day in a hhigh level job, but I knew that when I met him!

Shit massive thunderstorm just started, must go and batton down the hatches!!

Crunchy - I'm a travel writer (so, factual). I don't want to give too much away in case I'm 'out-ed'! I do love it though. Curiously, I have no desire at all to write a novel - never have. Horses for courses...it's a totally different skill set. The first book you write is such a rush though...seeing it on Amazon or Waterstones or wherever...I'm totally not a narcissistic person, but you can't help yourself but go and look at it on the shelves. Anyway - no more about me!

eth - Are you ok? What brings on your panic attacks?

Bonifacio - challenging your mind is important. Lovely as tennis and golf and swimming and ladies lunches are, you need to use up some of your mental energy. You are clearly very capable...so my challenge to you, is to spend a few hours today sourcing some intellectual stimulation. Volunteer for a charity (don't know what the Philippines are like about this on you visa?), look up some adult eductaion opportunities, find out if the the school need any help..paid or just hearing kids read...maybe check out the British School sitewww.britishschoolmanila.org/web/WJOBADVERTS0708-ADMIASST-FINAL-MY.pdf Do you want to work/can you with your visa?

Thanks, yes feel a bit better this morning, although couldn't sleep all night, kept waking up with a start and had a racing heart all night. Horrid.
Not sure what triggers it.... Had been feeling really jumpy lately and noticed I was tense in my ribcage etc, but really not sure why... End of term was really stressful but surely I should be able to relax in the holidays?! We'll see.

Crunchy when is your plastering work starting? Will you be back at work so you can hide?! We are having our windows restored (starting next week) and am dreading it - I'd rather be at work!

B v glad you sent DH an email about it. Do you feel a bit reassured now?

Oooo Flirty I worked as a travel writer (but for a magazine and then freelance) for 3 years! Wonder if we have met?!?! Small world

Flirty I know I really should get something to do mentally. I did have a job teaching English but then they moved the location and it was too far away. Plus technically I don't have a visa, as me and DP aren't married i'm not allowed in on his visa (have to get a stamp every month) so this job I did was technically illegal. I looked into getting some more education like doing a course or something, especially as we have an allowence for me to do things like that so the company provide it. But there don't seem to be any short courses, they're all 3 / 4 years which is too long as t DP's contract runs out in a year and we'll be moving somewhere else. There is a photography course but I wanted to do something a bit....I'm not sure what i'm trying to say but I suppose I mean better. Ideally I want to be: a teacher, a midwife, or a really high flying business woman!! Thast it though, i'm sick of talking about myself!!
Where have you written travel books for, anywhere you would reccomend visiting!!!

Etc yes feeling better now thanks, just had pizza and chips for dinner which helped!!

Hi eth - glad you're feeling better. Which magazine did you work for (this is unlikely to out you as the turnover of jourantists is so high!? It is likely in the field you have read at least one of my books.... small world indeed!

Bonifacio - glad you feel more positive. Have found you some volunteer opportunities in Manila...don't know if you're interested in that kind of thing? So ignore with pleasure if it's not your cup of tea:
p-c-f.org/get_involved/ovs.php
www.volunteerabroad.com/listingsp3.cfm/listing/30672
www.greenpeace.org/seasia/en/get-involved/volunteers

Bonifacio - I'd LOVE to do a proper photography course to improve my skills. MY DH has had lots of photos published...he's really very good. But I'd love to get better...I think that would be a lovely thing to do. If you know you are likely only to have a year, definitely make the most of the opportunity to do that kind of thing. Especially if someone else is paying.
What kind of visa are you on? Are there restrictions on volunteer work?