Getting Ready to TTC baby #2 (anyone else want to join?)

[DaisyEM]

We are gearing up to TTC baby number 2 and I thought it might be nice to chat to others in the same boat :)

I'm 35 and have a DS who is 3, planning on starting TTC next month. We've been on the fence about it for a little while, but I'm finally starting to feel a bit excited (and terrified!) at the prospect of a second baby!

@Blue2020 hmm I would say if it's particularly unusual for you maybe book a GP appointment to have a swab done just in case? When I had BV I had no symptoms other than the bleeding. I had no irritation or discomfort etc. You could leave it a week and see if ovulation perhaps happens a bit earlier and it correlates with that? I always get 4-5 days of EWCM in the run up to ovulation.

When we were TTC #1 it was super easy to DTD lots as we were in lockdowns so home all the time! Now with a 3YO and jobs/hobbies it's proving to be a bit more challenging 😅When we conceived DS we DTD three times in the FW, but realistically I think we will only manage once, or at best twice now, but then technically you only need one sperm anyway!

My partner has been very willing shall we say. Conceiving last time resulted in a 2y drought so .... 😂

We ended up in paeds after she reacted to her 4 months jabs and that's when we were put on the highest dose of omperazole but we also need gaviscon and domperidone to keep it under control. She has had to stay of the highest dose for her age otherwise it all comes back. We ended up under two paeds earlier this year when we reached the capacity of the general paediatrician so we saw a gastro specialist. There's been a bit of discussion about running some diagnostics but they are wary of unnecessary general anaesthetics and they don't think it will change the treatment plan. My mum also has severe reflux and it has taken her 10 years to get them to operate on her to improve her quality of life but she can't tolerate the reflux meds.

It feels a bit weird not knowing. We have started traveling back today but it will be tomorrow before we reach home as we are driving from the south of France to Manchester. Also a bit of apprehension as I had bad pregnancy sickness starting 5 days after my positive test last time. I've been trying to enjoy my food incase that starts quickly again. It has also been hard to find excuses not to drink and have the soft cheeses without drawing too much attention to it! My mil guessed straight away last time. I got my positive test.a week before Christmas and spent it not drinking and struggling to keep any food down!

@DaisyEM That's hard when he's away a lot. Hopefully this time things will align a bit better!

@Superscientist glad it's not just me that didn't want to DTD for probably around 2 years also!! Obviously we did from time to time, but it was't particularly frequent 😂

You'll have to let us know how you get on with testing tomorrow. How many days late are you now?! I think this month we should be within a bit of a better chance. Helpful that ovulation should fall over the weekend, but unhelpful that it's DS's birthday weekend!

5days!

I had horrendous sickness in the 1st and 3rd trimesters and we had a bad car accident at in the 2nd and I had a broken rib and bruised sternum and then reflux baby and seriously touched out. Felt utterly loved by how is selflessly and without complaint he held us all up when I couldn't though x

Could I join. I'm 33 and actually going for number 3 technically, I just never brought 1 and 2 home. I had a section but my twin boys died at birth 7 and a half months ago. One of my boys was stillborn and my second angel lived for four days in the NICU.I'd love to join but I understand if it's just for mom's who have a living baby too.

I'm sorry to hear about your boys.
It must be so fraught with emotion to be trying again.
My sister is a butterfly twin, her twin was lost in pregnancy and she has always been included in our lives even though she never took a breath

@Ella31 of course it’s ok to join! I’m so sorry for your loss and what you have been through. How are you feeling about TTC again? I can imagine you must have a lot of mixed emotions. How far along are you into TTC or are you just planning to at the moment? X

Thank you. We've technically been ttc for two years, I got married July 2 years ago , got pregnant on honeymoon but had an early mc in August, pregnant again in March but had a chemical loss and then pregnant with my boys straight after. My twin pregnancy was high risk as they were identical with one placenta but it was going really well and I was literally a few weeks from my planned section but sadly I developed acute twin to twin tranformed syndrome. A very rare condition that only identical twins can get . It all happened in a matter of hours and one of my babies was already gone.

We actually went back trying really soon. Probably too soon like 8 weeks later. But I'm 33 and I don't want to wait. The emptiness is so hard. So I'm going into month 6. I met my obestrician yesterday and he advised me dtd every other day and forget about opks as I'm stressing out. I'm nervous about dropping that control though and nervous about every second day being enough. Sorry for the long rant. It's nice to be part of a group of people who have babies too because I often have to remind people, I did give birth, I did hold my sons and one of them lived for 4 days and he was beautiful. They both were.

Trying again is scary. I feel so guilty and yet I still want to bring a baby home. But there are times I see pictures of my boys and feel like I'm hurting them by wanting another.

Nice to meet you all. How are ye getting on?

I'm so sorry about your sisters twin. That precious baby will always be part of your family no matter what. It's so hard and all you can do is keep talking and remembering 😊

My mum has spoken about the guilt she felt in feeling joy at bringing a child home when she left one behind. She lost the twin some time in the 2nd trimester but gave birth to her after my sister.

My uncle past when he was 8 after being born with a birth defect long before I was born but I still felt like I knew him because of the way my gran and mum held his memory. When my grandparents past in 2021 we found the school books of his from his time with the hospital tutor. My grandparents kept them for 60+ years!

When you have felt the hurt of losing a child the amount of love you have increases. You hold those that you care for a little bit longer and a little bit harder. Treasure those 4 days with one of your twins. Both boys will always have a dear place in your heart if you gone on to have more children, and I hope you do as it sounds like you have had a difficult journey, they will have their own space in your heart nestled next to your boys

In other news, I managed to sneak to Tesco to get milk and a test and it was positive

Now I just have to figure out how to tell my boss in the morning as I have to tell work straight away due to my job

Congratulations. That's wonderful.

How long are you trying. You must be buzzed with excitement

It was only my second month but it feels like much longer as it took 8 months to change my medications for safe ones for pregnancy and then make sure my mental health was still ok. We started talking about a second in July/August.

It still doesn't feel particularly real, and my family has a history of early losses so until I see it's real on a scan I'm not sure if can feel excited. Pregnancy wasn't fun last time around and me and my daughter had a hard time during the first year. So there is that at the back of my mind too

That's so understandable. Hopefully now you'll get all the support you need for this pregnancy and remember its a new journey. I totally get the not feeling excited brfore the scan though. I had two losses before my little boys and until I saw the scan I couldn't relax but I remember my mother telling me no matter what you do it's out of your control. It did help a little.

Thanks. I'm bipolar which puts me at high risk for mental health episodes in pregnancy and afterwards. My consultant is seeing me every 2 months to monitor me and the plan is once I get to 20 weeks in a pregnancy I will be transferred to the perinatal mental health team who can look after me for up to 2 years post partum.

How are you doing?

@GoldieMam oh no, a chemical is horrible and two already just seems unfair

@DaisyEM I got at on Friday. Was expecting it but it still felt like a kicker.

@Superscientist I was in an mbu too so keep stopping/starting changing my mind. My diagnosis was perinatal OCD. It must be scary this time especially the uncertainty. I'm glad you'll have more support in place. Can your husband also take more leave, unpaid if necessary? This is our plan if #2 happens as it was when he went back to work I convinced myself that I was going to chuck my baby out of the window and tried to harm must instead as 'the less bad option' which ended up with a long mbu stay.

@Ella31 I'm sorry, I just read your story. How sad and difficult. Those precious boys xx

My update is that I talked to my husband and he wants to put off trying for three months and try to get our health in a really good place, lose weight, sort out mental healthy. I went a bit crazy around ovulation last month and very obsessive and he saw early glimpses of what last time turned into full blown OCD.

I feel like there are some psychological barriers in place stopping me getting pregnant too, like a big concrete building of fear and arguments and terror and resentment and self loathing which I should probably address.

@theotherfossilsister I'm sorry you have experienced similar. Had you had any experiences prior to this episode?

It has taken a lot of talking for us to feel ready. I had counselling with my HV and my partner was WFH on one of the days and we had a joint session which really helped.

Before having my daughter I was given a 50% chance of developing severe depression and/or psychosis. It would be the same risk again, possibly higher. I think I would accept a bed in the mbu quicker. I was first offered a bed at 10 weeks but didn't go in under 10 months.

My partner can take shared parental leave this time. He hadn't been in employment long enough last time for shared leave but as it was during the pandemic he could only work in the lab/office in the morning so he was from lunch time and often came home to find us both crying our eyes out and often spent a chunk of the afternoon looking after us. The big downside was overnight, he had a long commute and had to leave at 5am so slept in the spare room. It was overnight that pyschosis ramped up but as I believe she wasn't real anyone that was linked to the baby such as hv, perinatal team, nct group also weren't real so I didn't feel able to reach out to them and it took a while for the psychosis to be picked up.

I was prepared for depression but the whole combination of was just so far removed from anything I had experienced before and I have had a mental illness since I was 8! It became treatment resistant and I was absolutely not prepared for my usual medication combinations to do jack all. I do now have a different set of medications that I know might help and there's a plan to restart me on the lithium in the third trimester if I become unwell in pregnancy. I would like to breastfeed otherwise the plan would be to go back on the lithium as soon as the risk of birth defects goes away.

Hi @rosepetalbee they should be able to put support in place in pregnancy. In my booking appointment I was referred straight to the obstetrician that specialised in maternal mental health with a plan to get the perinatal team in place quickly too

With sad news I am back. I had a miscarriage on Wednesday at 10 weeks. Still processing but we have already spoken about trying again. I had a pretty rotten short pregnancy with hyperemesis and a lot of time off work. My partner said whilst we were waiting for confirmation of the miscarriage that he felt bad for me having such a tricky time and for it to end. I wasn't sure if it would have put him off.

How is everyone else doing?

@Superscientist so sorry about your miscarriage. I hope you don’t have too long to wait ttc again.

Im 9dpo today, it’s my second cycle tracking but third if I count the cycle directly off the mini pill when I didn’t track but we still DTD just incase. I feel out for this cycle.

Also in my last cycle I only had 10dpo before AF turned up so I’m wondering if last cycle was odd (I had ovulation pain too which I didn’t this time) or if AF will arrive on Sunday. I guess 13dpo was typical before ds. So I guess anytime between Sunday-Wednesday for AF.

@Superscientist oh I’m so so sorry to read your news, I hope you are managing to rest?

I haven’t been on here in a while, but I’m now 6 weeks. I had just over a week where I thought I was having a chemical as on the day I got my BFP I also started bleeding. But the bleeding stayed light and lasted about a week, plus my lines were getting darker too. I was hoping to be seen by EPU because of the bleeding, but I think now it’s stopped they won’t see me, so I’m just trying to put it to the back of my mind.

Hope everyone else is getting on ok x

Thanks everyone. It's my daughter birthday today and we have grandparents staying so keeping busy and distracted as well as getting a bit of space. I stayed at home whilst they went to a park for a picnic. I have to go for more blood tests in the morning to check my HCG are still dropping they halved between Wednesday evening and Thursday morning. I've taken a few days off work. I don't know if it's in my head or just because my hormones are still on the way down but the pregnancy sickness hasn't quite gone which is an unhelpful reminder!

The EPU have been good they have already said that if I get pregnant again they can get me in for a scan at 6 weeks and discuss starting progesterone. We're just trying to focus on moving forward. I'm in good company my nan, mum and sister have all had miscarriage. It doesn't take away our hurt today but it's nice to know that I'm not alone in the world.

Congratulations @DaisyEM that must stressful. Fingers crossed everything is ok. Do push if you need some reassurance.