TTC a Rainbow...

[Halpmer]

Hello everyone. I thought I'd start a thread to see if anyone else is out there TTC their rainbow baby 🌈 and wants to join me?

Any loss is a valid loss here, early miscarriage, late miscarriage, chemicals, TFMRs etc. I know we can sometimes face judgement from others or have others not understand!

It's funny actually because I'm both pregnancies we've absolutely dreaded the tiny possibility of twins and now, after losing Jude, we couldn't care less and would be over the moon with any pregnancy that didn't end in loss. It has put things into perspective for us and that perspective is MASSIVELY different to our previous one!

Forgot to mention, I'm CD8 and I've done my first OPK of the cycle 😅, faint but definitely there - I love a good ovulation test it gets the pregnancy test urge out of my system 😂

I'm so sorry that you've all had such a tough time of it ladies. I can't even imagine going through the heartache of a tmfr. Love to you all.

I've been feeling quite positive the last few days, got a pretty much negative preg test today after my miscarriage so that's good. But I feel like I've told myself that it's all okay because I'll get pregnant this month instead. And I know there's a good chance of that not happening and I just know I'll spiral if it doesn't. Still can't help myself though as i feel like the hope of falling straight away is keeping me on a relatively even keel right now 😞. Anyone else do the same?

It took 7 months (and 2 chemicals) to conceive my first and I assumed that was bad luck. This time we had tried for 4 months and then had this miscarriage but also had to delay trying for 2 months in the middle because of work stuff so in my head it feels like we've hit that 7 month mark where I assumed I'd definitely be pregnant, even worst case scenario.

Sorry just rambling and getting my thoughts out in the hope it clears my head.

I so agree! Isn't new found perspective so wonderful though?! I think of it as a gift from our daughter. I have new perspective in so many different aspects of my life now that I'm so thankful x

@Halpmer omg yes... Hit the nail on the head there... I was so sick at the start of my mmc I thought it was twins n I was dreading it.... Now that's happened I actually would love twins!!

So I'm on CD14, opk was faint this morning... I've had the usual OV twinges all day so just did another opk n this is it now.... Not full positive the line has to thicken slightly but just shows the difference that can happen so fast!! Glad I did another one... Plenty of dtd for me since Tuesday and the rest of the week 🤞😂

@Kellyaust ah that's great and so good that you can listen to your own body so well and knew before the opks!

The new perspective is definitely a thing. I've also had a few 'gifts' from little bean, and am choosing to take all the positives I can from my lost pregnancy. It's little life certainly wasn't in vain. 💕

@oop it is tough. I'm just on my third period since my loss in April and I've found the pms has hit me so much harder since as it just kind of re-emphasises the loss and the pregnancy that isn't there any more in a way. However, I am also seeing it as my body taking the time that it needs to heal and be ready for the right little rainbow baby. It is frustrating that it hasn't happened again straight away, although my previous pregnancies have been cycle 4 and 3 respectively so that's also been a bit of a milestone in my head. I do think if it doesn't happen for me this month that will also be a bit harder because it will be the longest TTC I'll have had, muddled in with, "I should be entering the third trimester now".... But... One day at a time. The right rainbow baby will join us at the right time. I do strongly believe that. And that is helping me to cope with everything else. 💕

@SnookyPook absolutely though it is slightly different to any OV I've felt in the past 10 years... Usually one sided pain but both sides are hurting today 🤔

And I definitely 1000% agree with signs I also have had many and little bean has made us all appreciate each other so much more, our angels were definitely sent for a reason 💖

@oop sorry for your losses xx I totally empathise with you, as soon as my Mc bleeding started I was thinking 'I'll just get pregnant straight away after' and I was looking for forums of people who got pregnant right away and putting so much hope in that happening, it's completely understandable and natural. I was the same and used the thought of it to get me through the darkest time. It's normal to have that hope, and if you've got a negative test now then you're in a good position to try so that's a positive.

Even if you don't get pregnant right away, it will be okay. As hard as it is, we have to try and have faith in our bodies that they know what to do and when you're ready it will happen. Easier said than done though.

I was totally desperate to be pregnant this month, but as I've got closer to AF time I've come to terms with it a bit more. Im 10dpo and just started spotting now and had a little cry and just gonna try again next month. I think the waiting to find out is always harder than the reality when it happens.

I've just leaned into it, bought some nice wine to have when AF hits this weekend and gonna watch a crying movie on the sofa!

@SnookyPook omg yes with the worse PMS! It makes my symptom spotting radar go absolutely mad!!

@Jessie30 glad it's not just me!! I had a nice glass of red last night - trying to savour it this week in the hopes it'll be my last vino for 9-10 months!! I always find that my mood immediately improves the minute AF hits. It's like I can relax out of the uncertainty and just accept where I'm at.

@oop thanks for the love, I'm glad you've been feeling positive and your negative test is a good jumping off point now. I could have written the part about spiralling if it doesn't happen this month, I've really put my eggs in that basket of 'well if I can just get through to the first period, then ovulation and then the TWW - I'll be pregnant again' and realistically I know it doesn't happen like that for a lot of people. My other pregnancies were both conceived in the month we started trying, I'm so grateful for that as I know many who have struggled through conceiving, but it doesn't help this time as that's the expectation. I will say that I know I'll have a massive cry and be down for a few days if we don't have success this month, but I'll start setting more milestones to reach soon enough anyway and I'll get through it. We're all so strong, we've got this.

@Vic231 the new perspective is definitely a gift, I value what Jude has taught us so highly. And I'm sure I'll find more and more things that we learnt from him in the years to come.

@Kellyaust I think part of the dread of twins came from wondering how I would cope... now I figure that you just find the strength to cope with anything so I don't think that's even on my radar as a worry now. Exciting OPK 🤩 the way they change so quickly makes me stressed 😂 but I also love it... if both sides are hurting maybe they're both releasing 👀... twins anyone? 😆.

@SnookyPook your perspectives on TTC etc are so thoughtful and lovely. I know you have your struggles and you'll be hit by emotion just like anyone else but it's nice to hear/see the silver linings and the hopeful outlook, it's refreshing when my own can be quite... the opposite 😆.

@Jessie30 sending love for you, if AF comes I think the wine is a great idea! At least there's something small to look forward to. Not big into wine here but maybe some Camembert and some Parma ham might be in order if AF arrives for me this time.

@Halpmer i actually joked about that earlier to dh and he absolutely loves the idea of twins 😂😂 but of nightmare timing coz he works away on a Thursday night and Friday night but we've managed to dtd before he left today (great timed nap by my LG) 😂😂 and he will be back for about 3 hours tomorrow so have to squeeze in another! No way I'm missing out 😂😂😂

@SnookyPook @Jessie30 @Halpmer thank you all, it really does help to talk to other people who understand. It's true, we will all get our babies in the end, even if it takes a bit longer than we planned.

Agree on buying something you couldn't have while pregnant when AF arrives. I'm also partial to a glass of wine on that first night, did the same when I had my scan to confirm the loss. Got to find the positives where we can!

My ovulation tests were about as light as I've ever seen them today but hoping they start turning in the next few days.

Hi everyone, just checking in on how you're all doing. Think I'm ovulating in the next 24 hours then the dreaded tww starts. I'm actually in a lot of pain with this OV this month 🤦‍♀️

@Kellyaust exciting! I'm sorry about the pain though, I've never had much bother with ovulation pain - aside from possibly the odd sharp twinge here and there but I'd be only be guessing at that as I didn't used to track!

Done my first for today (doing two daily just to make sure my cycle is as usual since our loss), 8 days to go until predicted ovulation - although I suspect it'll be more like 9 or 10 days!

@Halpmer glad you like the positivity but yes, it certainly isn't constant! It's something I try to foster because otherwise at times I'd sink right down. It's hard getting that balance sometimes of allowing yourself a wallow without getting too bogged down by it all. But generally I am quite an optimistic person and I do think there will be good things and rainbow babies for us round the corner. We just have to be patient and trust the process! 😊

@Kellyaust great stuff!! Hope the tww will be kind to you!

AF should be finishing in the next day or two and then I'll be joining you back on the merry-go-round... Probs be in the tww at a similar time @Halpmer 💕

Good luck @Kellyaust! my first ovulation since the Mc was really sore as well, on the right hand side when I'm usually left. It felt like I had a gigantic bruise there for about 2 days, when we dtd on the actual day it was a bit painful and I think my husband was a bit freaked out by me writhing around! I think this is normal though just in case you get the same, I'll take paracetamols next time if it happens to me again!

I'm on 11dpo now and been light spotting on and off since 9dpo. It's been so light and not at all consistent, so I was hoping it could be implantation bleeding, but I think it's most likely that this is AF and my cycle is just a bit messed up this month as it's a super short luteal phase. I hope that it's just this first cycle and will get better next one 🤞planning to crack open the red wine and have a cry tonight! It's quite miserable weather where I live too so very apt 🤣

I'm sending you all massive positive wishes for a good try over your ovulations! 🙏🙏🙏

@Jessie30 ah this was me a few days ago.. hope AF proves you wrong though and stays away!! If not, we can be cycle buddies! And deffo enjoy some vino etc while you can. Xx

Oh I'm sorry your AF arrived but yes to cycle buddies!

Does anyone have any tips for the constant pregnancy announcements I seem to see? Taking some time off of social media is my first step but then when you have friends tell you etc? Do you go and scream in a field for a bit 😂 I'm obviously happy for them but it's painful too x

@Halpmer well docs just called and I also have blood in my urine so does look like another uti as well as this OV pain... Us women really do get it don't we.
Exciting I actually was so happy at the start of doing my opk coz you know it's coming... 🤞

@Jessie30 that's funny you should say that... I'm usually left sided and I've felt both sides this time but especially my right!!! Haven't felt right sided ovary pain for approx 10 plus years!! It's quite severe... This is my 2nd ovulation but now I'm wondering if I actually ovulated first round because it wasn't at all this painful! Also worrying about dtd later it's going to hurt quite a bit... But I have pre warned dh to be gentle 😂 I'm sorry you've been spotting and I hope AF arrives soon so you can put this month behind you and look forward to trying again 🌈🤞

@Vic231 Im sorry I can't offer advice really because I get so upset n triggered... Just knkw you're not the only one to feel that way 😪

Thank you @Kellyaust i hope that this is your month! Also you might already know this but I have always found a teaspoon of bicarbonate in a glass of water helps me with UTIs.

@Vic231 i feel you, it's so hard. I'm happy for my friends but it's really upsetting when you've had a loss and you can't help but think of where yours would be at that stage. It gets easier over time. I had my miscarriage the same week as my best friends baby shower and had to bail as it would have been too much.

Definitely take all the time you need off socials - I've been off all socials for years as I think they're bad for my mental health 😅 I was in a WhatsApp group with pregnant friends though, and when I had my 2nd Mc I decided to leave as that was tough for me.

When friends share announcements, it is painful but I think it would be harder if they avoided sharing with me. I have a friend who miscarried who completely didn't want to know for a few months and came back when she was ready.

Everyone is different and just trust how you feel is right for you. You could speak to mates and say you're finding it hard, you want to avoid pregnancy chat for a while or you would prefer if people still told you but 121 etc. I'm sure your friends will understand and try to support you in whatever way they can.

People find it really hard to deal with mc so they might just not know how to handle it, so you can be open with what you're comfortable with.

And just let the feelings out, whatever they are. I usually do cry a bit if I need to otherwise it stays in my head all day, writing helps too xx

Saying that - sometimes people can be really thoughtless like casually talking about their ongoing pregnancy and how great it is, without thinking and that's actually more difficult for me to deal with as I can't imagine being so insensitive! But maybe that's because I've been through the loss myself too

@Jessie30 in all my years of utis I did not know that haha ill give it a try thank you! the doctor is also wondering if I have PBS (painful bladder syndrome) with it hitting me around ovulation and I get a lot of infections... More investigations or tablets if so 🤦‍♀️