TTC a Rainbow...

[Halpmer]

Hello everyone. I thought I'd start a thread to see if anyone else is out there TTC their rainbow baby 🌈 and wants to join me?

Any loss is a valid loss here, early miscarriage, late miscarriage, chemicals, TFMRs etc. I know we can sometimes face judgement from others or have others not understand!

@Halpmer i can imagine you're feeling drained after the tears and emotions lastnight... All I can say is it's normal! I am exactly the same.. If me and dh have words even the smallest of words it sends me into an absolute downward spiral!! I won't move I feel depressed and i cry and cry.... Maybe it's because we've had them be the support that really has held us up... So any disturbance in that feels like our support was pulled from under us 🤔 I hope you're feeling a little better today but if not then just allow it... Allow yourself to have days like that you need it, you're going to grieve forever.. It just that eventually it will get easier to deal with in a different way. Hugs to you xxx

I'm so sorry for your losses and what you've been through @Vic231 and @Halpmer 🤍
I can only imagine the pain of feeling safe at 12 weeks scan and then getting the tragic news. It's so so unfair and horrible x

@Halpmer im so sorry you've had a bad night and feeling so shit. I really hope you feel a bit better today x I've found arguing with my husband much more upsetting since the MC too, everything feels so raw and cuts deep.

I'm same with the ups and downs, sometimes I'm okay for a day and think 'ok I can do this' and then the grief and sadness will bubble up and take over everything for a day. I keep having vivid dreams about breastfeeding or getting a positive test right before I wake up.

I also get upset asking why me/us. And I worry that maybe I'll never get there, that it's just not going to happen for me and my husband.

@Vic231 im in my TWW now too, 9dpo, but not holding out too much hope as I've got no symptoms like I had when I was last pregnant. I know it's always different but I can just tell AF is coming.

After my chemical I tracked ovulation and dtd at the right time, and got so upset when it didnt work. Then it was only when I didn't track for a month that I got pregnant, so I think that me stressing over it with the tests doesn't help - but I don't want to not know what's going on! It's a balancing act.

@Vic231 it's interesting to see you write about your experience after TFMR, I feel a lot of similar things already. Perhaps I'll just gain some more control over it as time passes. My follow up consultant app. is at the end of this month, so I'm hoping they have our genetic testing results at that appointment. Ours was a neural tube defect that had several other effects and so I feel like it's probably not genetic. I'm looking forward to going through what will happen for the next pregnancy as I think that reassurance will be good.

@Kellyaust same here with not having ovulated yet, but already planning when I could do my first pregnancy test 😂 toxic trait is definitely testing too early.
There's not more research because of the usual reason - men were in charge of medicine and studies into medical issues... say no more 😂.
I am very reassured by what you've said about tiffs with partner causing a spiral, I think it's definitely related to the support we get from them. It's such a minefield isn't it?! 😵‍💫

@Jessie30 yes, the 12 week scan being fine is definitely the worst part. That's the green light usually for everything being fine so we had told lots of people 😞. I'm so reassured by stories of feelings around fall outs with partners causing feelings that don't necessarily match the situation. It definitely cuts deeper at the moment. I feel bad for DH really because I don't want him to be worried to bring things up 😅.

Thanks for the love everyone, it was a tough night. This thread makes it so much easier to cope with, I will say that.

@Halpmer ahhhh yes good point... Us women are much better at research we literally don't stop until we find an answer 😂 oh well I guess we could have worse toxic traits 🤷‍♀️😂 yeah it's very hard when you're both grieving too, no couple is perfect though and you will have tiffs... It just seems so much harder to deal with given our current situations... I'm sure we will get there in the end it's just a very hard journey. I love that we can get support on here it really does help so much... No judging and complete understanding 💖

@Kellyaust you're right about women getting those answers 😂 it's not even that in the medical field, it's just the history of gender bias. I'm sure it's only been recently recognised that women have entirely different heart attack symptoms than the ones you first think of... those ones are typical for men!

It is really hard when both grieving and stuff, and grieving differently also.

Don't be enabling our toxic trait 😂 I've had positives at 9dpo/10dpo in both other pregnancies so the temptation would be real this time 😳.

@Halpmer yeah I heard something about the heart attack symptoms! Crazy that's only just come to light!

To be honest I've never tested early apart from last month... I've never obsessively followed ovualtion and pregnant until now and obviously that's been causes by the mmc.... So all my other pregnancies I've tested at the time my AF would've been due 🤷‍♀️ so now I'm unhinged n I test like a crazy woman 😂😂

God I really should spell check before I post.... 😂😂😂

@Kellyaust I have respect for people who manage to wait until AF is due 😂 I've never had that will power, so you can imagine the urge is MUCH stronger now 😂

Let's see who gives in first 😂😂 when are you due to ovulate? My flo app says Saturday, my opk are really faint still but I can feel the usual start of ovulation twinges... I feel it in my left side and this is weird but my bowel... Coz I have endo I have some attached to my bowel to when my hormones increase for ovulation that bit of endo plays up n give me pain in my bowel 😩

With my first pregnancy I managed to hold out testing until my period was a week late 😂 I think it was disbelief of what was happening haha! Then the last two months I've been a crazed testing person, testing g early which needed in the chemical, so I'm going to try and hold out until I'm a week late 😬 I'm not sure how 🤣

I was so causal about it when I first fell pregnant. We had only been trying for 2 months at that point and I hadn't even gotten my head around OPTs yet, let alone thinking I was going to get pregnant so quick. My mum took 2 years for my brother and her mum was about the same and we only started literally the day after our wedding as we wanted to get started trying so we would get a referral quicker.

Now I live in a constant state of "if it happened last time, surely I can fall (and stay) pregnant quick this time". Now 5 months in and I test far to early! I'm not due on for another week but had funny pains, and a backache last night as well as an unexplained temperature this morning.... I'm probably just getting sick as it's the last week of term and am stressed as hell!

Hi All! Sorry to hear you've had a tough few days. I can't really add anything helpful other than to say I'm sending massive hugs and glad we can all support each other.

AF arrived for me yesterday. I knew she was on the way and had a gut feeling it was a no this month, but even so, I was clinging to hope that maybe the pms signs were early pregnancy etc. I find the loss always hits a bit harder now around the hormone dips pre-AF. Each period is just such a stark reminder that there is no pregnancy any more. But that said, I do feel lucky to be having clear cycles again and able to try. It's all so emotional isn't it. Anyway, CD2... Gearing up to go again.

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me jumping in. We lost our first at 19 weeks in February. I don't think I'll ever feel ready but I'm just completely fed up of being in limbo so we're trying.

The issue is that they gave me the depo in hospital before I was discharged.. so I have no idea whats going on with my cycle at the moment as not had a proper period yet after its supposedly worn off. Going to just test regularly and see what happens rather than track properly as nothing yet to track!

Sending everyone lots of hugs. It's just the next level of hell isn't it..

@Kellyaust I'm not due to ovulate until 22nd, so I'm a week behind you I think! Think of it this way, when I'm only a week into my TWW you'll be done and you can test away 😂. Until then I'll be telling you not to out of jealousy if nothing else 😂😉.

@Vic231 A WEEK LATE?! That's great 😆 denial or not! So, with chemicals do they happen so early that you probably wouldn't know if you tested at the two week mark?

@inthewest welcome to the early tester toxic trait club 😂. It's always the way last week of term, I'm expecting DH will come down with something in the next week or so. We're both teachers but I'm on mat leave at the moment (TFMR related, I wish I had a newborn to look after!) so maybe I'll avoid a direct hit of illness 😆.

@SnookyPook I'll take the hugs, got to be thankful for the support we have here! I feel for you with AF arriving, I'm sorry it wasn't your time this month. It's good that you've now got clear cycles and, this could be the second day of your pregnancy this time 🤞🏻 I'm going to say this every time now 😅.

@Skyblue22 sorry for your loss, I feel for you. Being in limbo was a lot to process for me even for such a short time. I hope your cycles and ovulation etc settle after the depo. Perhaps not tracking will help you rather than hinder anyway as others have said it has that effect sometimes.

@Halpmer hahaha oh well if I get my bfn I'll be jealous then of you still having a week left of the tww 😂😂😂

I know!! 😂

So as the midwife described it to me, I essentially was a week late on my period, but because I tested did a teat so early, I knew I was pregnant. If my cycles weren't so regular I might have just thought, oh my period's late. She said that my body was doing the right things (so I could detect the hormone on a pregnancy test) but it either detected there was something wrong or the embryo didn't implant.

I think that's why I'm future i will only test when my period is really late, although my cycles are like clockwork so I'll probably guess before hand anyway!

@Vic231 it's so hard isn't it. I'm the same, theinutw my period is a day late, I know what it means! Although I did say that if AF didn't appear I was going to wait a week. Not sure what that would really achieve though. I also find the whole language around 'chemical pregnancy' really weird. It's a really early miscarriage and calling it 'chemical' doesn't remove the emotion from that scenario! I think sometimes the professionals are a bit insensitive around this stuff too as for them it just seems common sense and 'oh it just didn't implant properly' or something, but to us it's a while future, and often a longer for one, just out of reach.

Anyway... Sending you a big hug and hope you're doing ok. X

Oops sorry, a few typos but hopefully more or less understandable!!

Morning everyone I hope you're all on a good day this morning 🤞

Well I can feel my cramps and tell take signs that ovulation is getting closer... Also my opk is getting slightly darker so I'll now be testing twice per day. I do have a problem.. Think I have a uti so sex is quite uncomfortable... Just at my fertile point 😩 so I'm gonna have to run with it no way I'm losing my window 😂 I will visit nurse today see if they can do me a test.

Also... For years I have had pain on my left at ovulation.. Maybe since I was about 25 and I'm now 38....but this time I've got pain on my right... I hope this doesn't effect my chances because I think its my right tube with the scarring causing a partial blockage 🤦‍♀️ wonder if this is also down to the mmc, very very strange for me to get right sided pain.

@Vic231 I'm tempted to wait until later to protect myself a bit from that possibility, as @SnookyPook says, it's a really early MC regardless of the language the professionals use and that would be quite a lot to handle for me at the moment if it did occur.

Good morning! @Kellyaust I hope the UTI is resolved and that your right side ovulation pains don't affect anything.

Had a dream last night that I had two strong BFPs on two different tests which told me somehow in my dream that it was twins 😅. I'm more than a week out from ovulating and I'm already dreaming of BFPs 🥲😆.

@Halpmer 😂😂😂 sounds just like me... I talk myself into having twins even when I'm awake 😂😂😂

Oh my gosh I would love to have twins! I dreamed I had them too, and was trying to carry them and breastfeed them at the same time. How funny that we all dream of that!

i completely agree about the way the doctors talk about the early miscarriages / chemicals. I always called mine a miscarriage and only found out the name chemical later and agree that it feels weird to name it so clinically. When I had mine, it was extremely painful contractions, so there's no way I could have not known what was happening. I had to take 3 codeines! My miscarriage was also awfully painful too so I think my body has a really strong reaction to the process or something.

@SnookyPook im exactly the same, I know I'm out this month as I just have a gut feeling, but nothing stops the tiny glimmer of hope that maybe I'm just wrong and this is it. And I always get really down when my period comes, hormones are so poop. I really hope this is gonna be your month 🙏

Ive had the same thing @Kellyaust, I always ovulate on the left every month and this first ovulation since my miscarriage was on the right!! It was really sore as well, more than my normal ovulation. I was worried about it too, but I went crazy googling and found some obscure study said that the right side can be better for conception, so I hope this is a good sign for you!

Im so glad I found this thread, it's so helpful and reassuring to hear your stories and share similar experiences, sending you all big hugs 💚

also welcome @Skyblue22, so sorry to hear about your loss xxx you're right it's complete hell 💚

@Jessie30 ahh really that's good to know thank you 🤞