TTC a Rainbow...

[Halpmer]

Hello everyone. I thought I'd start a thread to see if anyone else is out there TTC their rainbow baby 🌈 and wants to join me?

Any loss is a valid loss here, early miscarriage, late miscarriage, chemicals, TFMRs etc. I know we can sometimes face judgement from others or have others not understand!

@Kellyaust I hadn't heard much about it, so I just expected a normal-ish period, so far so good! Hoping it doesn't last an age though - if it could politely leave in the next couple of days that would be appreciated 😅.

Hey, I had a late miscarriage in January and it then took 12 weeks till I had a period. Since then ovulation has been either a week early or late. CD 8 atm so fingers crossed for this month. This month I'm not going to be logging symptons or ovulation testing, I think it made it more stressful and took the fun out of dtd.
Fingers crossed it'll just happen 🙏

@Ttc2n my fingers are crossed for you, very sorry for your loss.

Anybody else really desperate to be pregnant but also quite terrified of being pregnant again... for fear of further loss?

@Halpmer yes absolutely. But I know it's the price to pay. In a weird way, I also feel stronger now than I would have done before.

@Halpmer me! Since the mc I'm raring to go! I just want a baby back in my tummy as I've felt so empty since I lost my last one.

@Kellyaust mine was the same! I expected a really horrendous AF but it was lighter and shorter than normal with the same brown spotting at the end. We managed to dtd a couple of times this fertile window and predicted ov is Thursday so I'm going to try and get some in today and tomorrow. My normally plentiful ewcm seems to have dried up though which is odd so maybe I ovulated early? I'll see what the rest of the week brings. How are you feeling? X

@SnookyPook I definitely feel that - stronger than ever. But definitely still terrified 😆.

@thejollytrolleydolly I'm raring to go too haha.

It seems AF was a very strict 5 days this time! Which is never the case for me usually, so I'm happy with that. We've decided here that we're taking the every other day approach to DTD at least for this first month. I'll test LH too. I just want to maximise our chances in case of haywire ovulation timings and things.

@Halpmer thats what we did this cycle - app predicted ovulation 5 days earlier than it came but we had been DTD every other day in case. My last two cycles I've ovulated cd12 and CD17 so will deffo be taking this approach just in case as things don't seem to have properly normalised yet.

@SnookyPook luckily DH is made up with the idea of DTD every other day 😂

@Halpmer haha yeah men have it so bloody easy don't they?! And lots of sex to boot. Haha.

@thejollytrolleydolly it's weird I have some very strange twinges n cramps since mmc, just randomly in the middle of cycle, no sign of OV yet but this happened last month too my LH tests were barely visible until the day before peak so I'm hoping I do ovulate... Flo not predicted it til Saturday anyway so time yet. 🤞

@Kellyaust yeah me too, I wondered if they were ovulation pains or just gas 😂 it's always on the left side though so god knows. Can't wait for the tww again... 😂 I've got my tests at the ready so staying hopeful for us both. One of my best friends is just starting ivf at the minute too so I'm praying we fall together as that was be amazing x

@thejollytrolleydolly I've always had ovulation pain on my left side anyway, so these new twinges etc are new to me it's bang in between af ending and ovulation. Weird 🤔
I'm dreading the tww after last time n the dodgy tests, I've got all completely diff tests this time and I'm not planning on testing too early either.... If I can control myself 😂 aw that would be good.... One of my best friends was preg when I was with my LG who's 2 and again this time... Very strange, I'm happy for her but it's a bitter pill for me as she's just found out its a boy... And I was longing for a boy this time. Makes me very emotional.

@Kellyaust oh bless you, I'm not surprised! I was meant to be pregnant at the same time as my neighbour who had just got her rainbow baby but hers continued whereas mine ended so I know how you feel. At least if you fall again soon your children won't be far off the same age 😊 yes that does sound odd your early twinges! I've never noticed ovulation pain before so I have no idea if that's what it is lol!

I still have one frer but a load of different ones too. So bad that we both got false positives last time. They shouldn't be allowed to sell them like that! X

Hi ladies, can I join?

I'm sorry to hear about all your losses and difficult experiences, this journey is so tough! You are all so strong dealing with it all.

I'm 33, I started TTC in January and had a chemical straight away, then fell pregnant again in April, and sadly lost the baby in June. I've struggled a lot with blaming myself or trying to find a 'reason' or a special way to make sure it doesn't happen again, which I know doesn't really exist.

I've also found it really hard that almost all my closest friends are pregnant or have just had babies, and none had any trouble. I'm so happy for them and they have been really sweet, but it's still hard.

My SiL is also pregnant 6 weeks ahead of where I was, and she knows about our loss, but keeps mentioning her pregnancy and that she'll have a baby soon in their family group chat I'm in, so I've deleted the app! Feel sorry for my husband dealing with it too though.

It helps to know others are going through similar and really helpful to see the success stories ☺️

@thejollytrolleydolly yeah I think that's possibly why they're so hard to get hold of now looks like they've poss been recalled to look at the issue. I have some easy@home and some one step... So we will see I really hope we make it happen this month 🤞

@Jessie30 welcome, sorry to hear of your loss and struggles it's such a hard journey to be on. Especially when it seems like baby season all around at the moment!!

Ahhh families... My MiL is a nightmare everytime we see her she talks about who's pregnant now or who's having a baby or had a baby... I don't think it's intentional I think she's nervous around me and instead of not mentioning it because it's in the front of her mind it has the opposite effect 🤦‍♀️

I'm glad none of my family are expecting so really I can avoid most situations that upset me. This forum has been amazing for me tbh it's really really helped

One thing I want to bring up girls... You might think I'm crazy but I'd like others opinions.... Do you think it's possible a woman struggled to carry a certain gender?

I've got 3 girls.... This pregnancy with my mmc I was convinced I was carrying a boy because the symptoms were completely different... I have read that sometimes if we have something genetic with our X chromosome and we conceive a boy.. Because a boy is X and Y then we pass it onto them and they can survive... Where as girls obviously X and X so they would just be carriers.

The only reason I started trying again was to hopefully get a boy to complete my family.....obviously if I get another girl then great but I'm honestly worried I can't carry a boy

**can't survive

@Kellyaust I have said both times that I wouldn't test early and have broken both times 😂. Maybe we can be each other's accountability person haha. I'm really glad this has helped you by the way, it's helped me too to be able to come here and see that other women feel the same or similar. I don't think it's beyond possible for a woman not to be able to carry a particular sex, I know nothing about it, but there's a lot left to learn about women's health in particular so I wouldn't be surprised if that is a factor for some couples. If it helps, my aunt had the opposite of you - had 3 boys and finally a girl (I think they kept going until they got a girl to complete the family as you say).

@Jessie30 I'm so sorry for your losses, that's a lot to go through in one year 💔. I'm also struggling with pregnant friends and have isolated myself from certain groups because of it - I just can't cope with that right now! It's a little insensitive of SiL... read the room, ya know? I left my in law's chat too as SiL has a 5m old and I can't really cope with pics and stuff right now...

I was literally just talking to someone at work about this last week. I had never heard of it before but she swore it was a thing! I wouldn't mind another girl tbh I've always visualised myself having 2 girls so maybe it's fate. I don't really mind what the next baby is though 😊

@Jessie30 welcome and sorry to hear of your losses. It really gets to you when everyone else seems to be having babies with ease and you're the one struggling. That's exactly how I felt when I was conceiving my first. It took us 3 years to fall pregnant and everyone else was falling "without trying" so I get it. Stay strong though your rainbow baby could be just around the corner ❤️❤️

Hi ladies, I hope I can join and so sorry to hear about your losses 🤍

I first fell pregnant in July 2022, it was quite a surprise as it was our first month trying and we only DTD once! Anyway I was so naive and didn't imagine anything bad happening. 12 week scan was fine and then at the 20 week scan we found out our little girl was very very poorly. I had a TFMR and gave birth at 25 weeks and it was honestly the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to go through.

I was ready to start trying straight away but my husband felt otherwise so we waiting until May. I got my BFP on the second cycle in June only to have a chemical a week later which was sadly confirmed as an early MC at the EPU last Tuesday.

I've spent the last week feeling very angry that successful pregnancies seem to come so easy to some people and everyone around me seems to be announcing pregnancies or births.

I am now back in my TWW (that's if the MC hasn't messed up this cycle - I only track ovulation with the flo app) although we only DTD twice, so we shall see. I'm very nervous and anxious about being pregnant again but somehow I am also keeping hold of some excitement. X

Sorry, brain dump ahead -
It's crazy to me how up and down it can be after loss. I'm in floods of tears tonight where usually I can hold the pain differently and feel a dull ache of grief when I think about the loss and not being pregnant currently when I should be. It only takes something to just shift me over that line. DH and I had a few words last night before bed and it would usually have been fairly minor, but I just can't digest it at the moment. That minor disagreement has just massively set me off into big emotions, disproportionate to that situation - obviously the grief is playing a part.

I just feel upset and angry that this happened to us. That I know loads and loads of mums who have never experienced this and don't have to know the pain of this. It just circles back to the question of 'Why us? Why me?' (Which I know is silly because it's no one's choice to have us go through this). I'm sat here wondering what it will be like to bear this pain for the rest of our lives in one way or another. It's just totally unfair that some people have to go through loss like this and others don't. Of course, I'm happy that a lot of others won't experience the pain. I also know, obviously, there are many other mums who have experienced it and do know this pain, but it's just so isolating when everyone else in your immediate circles are not able to relate.

@Vic231 I'm so sorry about your losses. Your TFMR story sounds similar to ours: everything fine at 12 weeks, and tragedy at 20 weeks. My heart aches for you. The chemical must have been so hard to cope with, I'm not surprised you've felt angry. I'm glad that amongst the nerves of a potential new pregnancy, there is still some excitement bubbling!

@Halpmer I can relate to your brain dump so much. I am 6 months on from our TFMR now and it does get easier. I can now choose when I want to go deep into the pain and in the last few weeks it changed slightly from feeling the heartbreak forever, to love knowing we got to meet her and she will be a special part of our lives forever. It's hard to explain but I never thought I'd get there or there would be another option to breaking my heart everyday.

Our stories are very similar. Sorry I can't remember if you've had your follow up appointment yet? Ours showed that from all the testing what happened was not genetic and they also went through a plan for what happens when I would fall pregnant, which was invaluable when I had my chemical last month. With the chemical i have actually been generally ok, as it was obviously very very different to the TFMR. My mind took the emotion out and focused on the science of a chemical which also helped I think - it did set me back a lot in my grief for our daughter as it made loosing here fell even bigger. Especially as we don't have any living children yet x

@Halpmer we can definitely try to convince the other not to test....im already thinking hmmmm how many dpo is acceptable 🤦‍♀️😂 I haven't even ovulated yet 😂😂 and after reading a fair bit I reckon it's completely possible and I don't understand why there's not more research into it tbh.... Obviously I'm looking for an explanation where maybe there isn't one also

@thejollytrolleydolly no I really was hoping for a boy after 3 girls but now after the mmc I really don't care the gender but it would be a lovely ending.