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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

TTC a Rainbow...

551 replies

Halpmer · 27/06/2023 08:37

Hello everyone. I thought I'd start a thread to see if anyone else is out there TTC their rainbow baby 🌈 and wants to join me?

Any loss is a valid loss here, early miscarriage, late miscarriage, chemicals, TFMRs etc. I know we can sometimes face judgement from others or have others not understand!

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Vic231 · 29/07/2023 12:17

@Halpmer @SnookyPook I am out of sync with you both 😂 just entering my fertile window! DTD this morning and going to try and keep to a minimum of every other day - husband seems pretty keen this cycle so fingers crossed 😂

SnookyPook · 30/07/2023 00:12

@Vic231 ooh good luck! ❤️🌈

Jessie30 · 30/07/2023 09:07

hi everyone, hope you're all having lovely weekends. Welcome to the new joiners, so sorry for your losses xxx

@Vic231 im almost the same stage as you 🙌
I'm on cd16 now thinking ovulation coming soon! Weve been just every other day so far this time as well. Good luck in your window!

@Halpmer @SnookyPook good luck in your TWW! Those hormonal dreams are crazy! I had them when I was preggo too but also got them during last month tww. Keep us updated when you're at testing stage! 🤞

Halpmer · 31/07/2023 02:24

@SnookyPook you're right not to overthink things!

@Jessie30 I'm awake again tonight with horrific vivid nightmares that I can't seem to escape, it's definitely hormonal for me, but not necessarily pregnancy related. I think I'm quite sensitive to progesterone increases in particular based on previous 'reactions' to it. So exhausting!

@Vic231 good luck in your fertile window!

Should be 6dpo today, the wait continues... I've been satisfying the desire to POAS by looking at 'line-eyes' threads 😂. Hoping I can hold out testing for another week or so, of course. If I make it 'til then without testing I'll be very proud of myself 😆.

Feeling much calmer about everything now. Obviously, I'd be beyond thrilled if we had managed to conceive this month, but I'm okay with a bfn this time if my rainbow isn't ready to join us yet. I'm aware this will change the more cycles that go by, but for now I welcome the break from the desperation and I'll be bathing in the calmness while it lasts ☀️.

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Jessie30 · 31/07/2023 09:17

@Halpmer oh you poor thing being kept awake with it! I hope they calm down soon. It's so ironic isn't it, your time of rest is actually what exhausts you! I've been having quite a lot of very vivid sex related dreams, probably because that's what I'm mainly doing/thinking about at the moment 🤣

I think I'm ovulating now which is cd17 for me, a bit earlier than last month which is hopefully a good sign as Ive had short luteal phases in the past. I don't know if anyone else has this, but I've found that when I take the conceive plus supplements it seems to help lengthen my luteal phase - it could just be a coincidence but it helped after my first Mc before I fell pregnant again.

i have a feeling it's not gonna be my cycle this month as I rowed with husband on Friday and probably stressed out my body a bit. I think stress for me is a major factor! So gonna try and take a leaf out of your book and chill, do some yoga and meditations etc. ill probably feel a bit leas serene later in the TWW though!

SnookyPook · 31/07/2023 10:04

@Halpmer haha I'm also checking out all the BFP threads - living vicariously 😂 I've been able to ignore tww quite effectively until now but 6dpo things start to get more real... Will see how I go from here 🤔😂

@Jessie30 my body reacts badly to stress too. Sounds like you're planning the right things anyway! And good news you've ovulated a bit earlier!

Halpmer · 02/08/2023 19:17

How are we all?

Had my follow up consultant appointment post-Jude and had a bit of a cry but they're such an amazing team of people that I was so reassured in there that they had my back for the next pregnancy. The consultant's assistant even scooped me out of the antenatal clinic waiting area to wait in a private room so that I wasn't surrounded by all the heavily pregnant ladies which I was thankful for.

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oop · 02/08/2023 20:15

@Halpmer Glad your appointment went okay, it's nice that the people are so good, that makes such a difference.

I'm okayish. Tested 11 and 12dpo and had stark negatives so I'm out this month. Had a bit of a breakdown as expected but talked and cried it all through with my husband and feeling a lot better now. I always knew the first month after was going to be hard. I think everyone saying "you're more fertile after a miscarriage" hasn't been very helpful for me. I never seem to fit the positive statistics (e.g. catching in the first 3 months, usually only have 1 miscarriage max, more fertile after etc). But there we go. I was due today but AF hasn't arrived which is a bit weird as my luteal phase has been 13 days every single month of the last year but I guess it's to be expected post MC. Hope it doesn't take too long.

Daniki · 02/08/2023 21:36

9dpo and bfn. Still early I know but I always got a positive on 9dpo 😥 feeling so frustrated as my 2 due dates have been and gone and I feel like I'm going to have an emotional breakdown over the next few days 😩

SnookyPook · 02/08/2023 23:56

Hi all... Sounds like it's been an emotional few days for everyone. Big hugs to all...

@Halpmer so glad your appointment went well and that your team is so good. It really does make a difference to have good support. It does boggle my mind though that these places don't have separate waiting areas etc as standard. When I was in EPU discussing surgery for my MMC, they warned me that unfortunately the recovery ward backs on to the new baby ward and you can hear babies crying etc... Just madness.

Sorry that you suspect to be out of the running @oop @Daniki ... Though you can never be completely sure until AF appears... But saying that, I do think we usually know our bodies quite well so don't want to be annoying with false hope etc!

8dpo here and have had really weird dizziness today and a bit of nausea, but trying hard not to read anything into it. Time will tell.

Halpmer · 03/08/2023 04:04

@SnookyPook it makes me a little frustrated to know that the midwives aren't flagged about someone coming in for a loss-related appointment as it shouldn't be the case really that the consultant's team have to spot patients in the antenatal clinic area to then usher them to the private waiting room. There have been many instances of there being limited facilities at the hospital which sort of meant we (including the hospital team) had to make the best of a bad situation: birthing at the end of labour ward - happens to also be above birthing centre - hearing women labouring and hearing their babies' first cries; sitting in antenatal clinic waiting area for appointments when we knew we would have to opt for TFMR; having to go to triage postpartum and sit on labour ward watching women be wheeled past with their beautiful living newborns; being seen in triage postpartum and having to hear the next bay over with a beautiful, pounding baby heartbeat. I really made the most of those situations when I could, especially while labouring and hearing the babies crying (found the joy in it rather than sitting in the sadness), but facilities certainly don't make losses any easier even when your team is amazing.

@Daniki sending big hugs, as Snooky said you're not out until AF appears, but the pending emotional breakdown is absolutely understandable and I'll be sending all my love to you over the next few days.

@oop the same goes to you, it's heartbreaking. The statistics are brutal when you're on the wrong side of them. In my appointment yesterday it was reiterated that I'd just been exceptionally unlucky with Jude's diagnosis, that's difficult to know in itself. I just end up thinking it's pretty crap that I have been so exceptionally unlucky that I have a baby that I can only visit at the cemetery. Seems unfair and makes other stats that many people might find reassuring quite terrifying in a way.

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Daniki · 03/08/2023 07:34

Yea I think we just know sometimes! Iv just had a feeling if I knew it didn't happen this month even tho we done SMEP 🫠 negative this morn 10dpo. Will try and not get too hung up on it. My friends wedding in 3 weeks so at least I can have a drink at that I suppose 😂

Jessie30 · 03/08/2023 07:38

hi everyone

oh its horrible getting negatives im sorry @oop @Daniki xxx it's so absolutely crushing when you dare to get your hopes up. And very annoying what they say about fertility after I agree, just makes it feel even more sad. It's so shit! Let it all out and get something nice to treat yourselves xxx it WILL happen soon 💚

@SnookyPook good idea not to read too much into it but I hope that it's a good sign for you 🤞

@Halpmer im glad your appointment went well 🤍. You poor thing, it's hard enough seeing pregnant people at all when you've had a loss, let alone what you've been through. Its frustrating that there can't be more separation at the hospital. At my epu Mc appointment, they had signs up saying no babies allowed here and a lady had bought her baby in anyway, so I think they also can't control it sometimes. It's still crap though!

im 3dpo here and getting all my normal AF is coming signs (I get 10 days of PMS!) like the bigger boobs, noisy digestion, tired, bloated etc. I'm pretty sure im out this month as well, I'm probably not gonna bother testing (I say that now but see me in a week!! Haha) I'm just trying to keep my mind off it... and failing 80% of the time 🤣🫠

oop · 03/08/2023 07:42

Yep AF here this morning as expected. Onwards and upwards I guess.

Thanks all for your kind words. Will treat myself to a bottle of wine and book the smear test I'm due (not so much of a treat hahahah 😂).

Sorry to hear you also think you're out @Daniki . I was the same in that I know when I usually get positives so seeing that stark negative a few days ago I knew it was over.

Vic231 · 03/08/2023 08:29

Please can someone talk some sense into me? I feel like the need to be pregnant is starting on desperation 😞 and I feel like we aren't DTD enough (when I know we are!) and it's making me feel anxious which is so silly! Every month my brain plots due dates and each month it's getting further and further away which makes it feel like years, especially since the losses too! Does anyone else feel this?

Im supposedly ovulating today according to my app, but I had a fair bit of EWCM on Tuesday so we DTD then and I've had no EWCM since. Is 4 days post period too early to ovulate or does EWCM not necessarily mean ovulation is happening right then?! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ Other than that we DTD Saturday and Sunday. I want to again tonight but husband is working late and I'm not sure how likely it will be.

Sorry such a ramble!

Vic231 · 03/08/2023 08:31

@oop sorry to hear AF has arrived 😞 sometimes I find the relief of her arriving is uplifting, ready to go again. I hope you can feel this way too in a few days!

@Daniki boo to the negative tests. And after doing SMEP too! 😞 fingers crossed you're not out just yet!

Daniki · 03/08/2023 08:55

@Vic231 before my miscarriages I used to ovulate around day10/11 so defo not too early! It can 24/48 hours after EWCM that you ovulate so sounds about right! And totally get the desperation aspect of it, when you're doing everything right it's extremely frustrating. Especially after a miscarriage, after my first the need to be pregnant again literally consumed me(best way to describe it) and I got pregnant the second cycle after but unfortunately lost it at 9 weeks at the end of November. The lady I was going to for acupuncture said maybe give my body a break for 3 months and I'm annoyed I listened to her to be honest because apart from a chemical in may iv not been able to conceive since. 🫣 hope you're lucky this month 🙏🩷

moosey89 · 03/08/2023 09:42

Right - time for me to get back into the swing of things following my second loss, got my first flashing smiley today! Going to be really closely tracking cycles for the next few months to make sure everything goes back to normal and hopefully won't be too many months before I get another BFP. I'd absolutely love to have a baby in 2024 - will be 8 years since I first starting trying! (not been trying constantly since, but feels so long ago that I first thought 'yep I'm ready for a baby'.)

Vic231 · 03/08/2023 10:27

Thank you so much @Daniki this really helped me put things into perspective. For some reason my brain is already telling me that I am out this month as we haven't DTD at the right times, even though we have 🤦🏻‍♀️ argh so weird!

I'm also like you, but instead of acupuncturist it was my husband after we lost our daughter at 25 weeks. I wanted to get 3 months of high dose folic acid in me and then he wasn't ready to try again for a further 3 months which was absolutely fine and I got it but the all consuming want to be pregnant was so upsetting. So even though we've only had 4 cycles since, one of which included a chemical, I feel like I've been desperate and trying for 9 months!

Daniki · 03/08/2023 10:37

@Vic231 oh god, 25 weeks that is awful in so sorry! I can only imagine the need to be pregnant after, I feel like it's a way of coping with it as there is a baby to look forward to then. So hard watching everyone around me announce pregnancies and have babies.
Hopefully you get it this month 🙏🙏 xx

Jessie30 · 03/08/2023 10:42

@Vic231 honestly you're doing everything right, try not to second guess yourself if you can. When I fell pregnant we only had sex twice in my fertile window. So many people get pregnant from just doing it one time too. It's sadly partly up to chance, but you've done all you can do, try and give yourself a break.

I try not to think about the length of time it's taking as it doesn't do any good. You are doing everything right and your body is doing what it needs to do to get there, we just don't know exactly what that is all the time. it's so hard but try and trust yourself x

i do the same thing every month and work out potential birthday if I conceive, star sign and everything 🤣 it's hard not to, and I think it's a symptom of hope. Worst is thinking about what could have been, milestones and due dates that will never happen. Looking forward helps me balance that out a bit.

Im not sure if this helps, but I read an article saying that life isn't just about choosing what you want to make you happy, it's also about choosing what suffering you can bear to achieve the happiness. Like you can't become a pop star without playing to empty gigs and being told you're shit sometimes etc.

I found that really helpful as I was getting so desperate and depressed too, and it helped me reframe it: I can withstand this sadness and the challenge im going through in order to be a mum and have a baby I love one day. I think when you're really sad and don't think it will happen, this is harder, but you have to try and believe it will and it will all be worth it in the end xxx

Jessie30 · 03/08/2023 10:52

@oop enjoy your lovely bottle of wine!
Smear test isn't quite so lovely 🫠 but good to make sure it's all shipshape regardless.

also I've never had much going on with ewcm at all! i try and think as long as you're ovulating, it will be ok. Checking more stuff can make me go a bit mad and super anxious! I just about manage with the strips, haven't tried bbt or anything.

I think ovulating earlier is good if you have a longer luteal phase @Vic231, my luteal was super short and that's more of the worry xx

Vic231 · 03/08/2023 16:39

Thank you @Daniki 🤞🏼

@Jessie30 this is so helpful, thank you so much. I really like the thought process with the article, that really resonated with me. And looking forward is such a good way of looking at it. I had some therapy after our daughter and the therapist said getting excited or looking forward to a future pregnancy isn't going to alter the outcome. Which I am really trying to embrace as I am definatley a 'sods law' type of person. I also hugely catastrophise since the loss so it's like building up a resilience to understanding that yes things going wrong but also (and more importantly!) they do go right too!

I really appreciate you all and this forum! It's helped me so much today when it feels like such a lonely place to be x

oop · 03/08/2023 19:09

Thanks all ❤️

@moosey89 yay to flashing smiley and feeling ready to get back into the swing of it. Hopefully we will all have those 2024 babies.

@Vic231 totally get how you feel, I'm a nightmare for planning and then being disappointed. But that is a nice way of thinking, it's true that you can't jinx it just by being positive.

Halpmer · 07/08/2023 13:14

Any news from anybody?

Sorry, it's been a bit hectic over here for the past week or so!

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