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Conception

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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/01/2023 00:50

Is your partner the father of your existing children? Why do you want another? What would another baby give you that your existing children haven't?

JungleJungle · 07/01/2023 00:55

I personally wouldn't, but only because I wouldn't want teenagers in my 50s or possibly 60s depending on how long it takes you to conceive. I'm in my 30s and already worried about my parents getting older. Cancer and health problems cropping up. Can't imagine having those same worries as a teen (yes I know lots of 60 year olds are very fit and healthy)

Knobknob · 07/01/2023 00:56

What do you think is best for the two you already have?

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:57

My partner is not the father to my other 2. He has no children of his own and my children don't need him to "parent" them. Why does anybody want a child? Mine are nearly grown and I love being a mum. I have the financial security, relationship security and love that I want to give to another child.

I can't see why wanting another child means there was something missing from the children I already have.

OP posts:
Baconand · 07/01/2023 00:58

No, plenty of people do it. I had my only at 41. It was a doddle.

But beware the miscarriage risks are high as are the increased risk of abnormalities. Autism is connected to higher paternal age. So think about what could go wrong that you can’t test for. We had NIPT but we’re aware that there could be other issues too.

primeoflife · 07/01/2023 00:58

If you want to do it but I wouldn't have wanted to as I like the stages my children have been through and would hate a big age gap.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:59

Knobknob · 07/01/2023 00:56

What do you think is best for the two you already have?

We have spoken to them and they love the idea of having a younger sibling to do their bidding love and teach things to

OP posts:
PerpetualFailure · 07/01/2023 01:02

A 60 yr old parent as a 17 yr old? No. Too many health risks as we age.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 01:03

Baconand · 07/01/2023 00:58

No, plenty of people do it. I had my only at 41. It was a doddle.

But beware the miscarriage risks are high as are the increased risk of abnormalities. Autism is connected to higher paternal age. So think about what could go wrong that you can’t test for. We had NIPT but we’re aware that there could be other issues too.

My son already has autism so its always a risk (increased I know though). I've also had nine miscarriages so another thing that's always been something I assume will happen.
I know the chances I will even fall pregnant is slim but I want to just stop using any protection and see what happens

OP posts:
HolliDays · 07/01/2023 01:05

DS1 2010
DS2 2011
Got together with OH 2017
DS3 2021, I was 43

I say go for it. The utter joy of being able to gift our newborn to OH (no other DC) after he has helped bring up readymade DS (then 5 and 7) was exceptional. The older two adore their baby brother, and I love having a baby with an OH who is so hands on. A very different and wonderful experience, and we all feel very fortunate.

Downtherabbithole83 · 07/01/2023 06:41

I’m almost 40 and we’re trying at the moment - we already have 3 between us but none together (and we share custody of the ones we do have so they’re not always here) and we would really like another to finish our little family.

We’ve tried to be sensible by giving ourselves and end point for trying but plenty of people are having babies in their 40s now. I say if you want to go for it, then go for it!

freezingpompoms · 07/01/2023 06:49

Of course you aren't too old.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 07/01/2023 07:10

I had my second at 42. You are not too old.

LittleDoveLove · 07/01/2023 07:59

I'm 40 and we've just conceived our second, I have two friends that both had additional children at 46, I think you both agree I think you should go for it OP. :)

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 08:47

I think my next step should be a visit to my gp for blood tests to make sure everything is OK and then start taking prepregnancy vitamins. Im really excited and nervous

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 07/01/2023 08:49

Yes. Sorry to say 42 is on the older side.

GingerFox2021 · 07/01/2023 17:43

Go for it. Everyone is different. Pregnancies at 42-43 do not surprise me anymore. If you feel fit, good health etc, try. It’s better to try and not to
regret it later that you didn’t. Listen to yourself. Others don’t live your live, you do. You should be comfortable with your yourself and your decision.
I personally do much more with my child than my 10 years younger colleague with her child and we also don’t have any family support whatsoever.
Good luck!

Loudmouth1 · 07/01/2023 22:17

My mum has 6 all together and she had my youngest brother at 42 he's 10 now I'm the eldest at 29 and I absolutely love having a baby brother still, so go for it you've got nothing to lose by trying!!!

SirVixofVixHall · 07/01/2023 22:21

I got pregnant the first night I tried at 42, so don’t assume it will be difficult. I was 43 when giving birth.
Quite a few people I know had a baby easily at the same age.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 07/01/2023 22:24

By all means go for it however, you will be very high risk of miscarriage and much higher risk of fetal abnormalities or disabilities than when you had your older kids. So I'd ask myself a few questions first. What would further miscarriages do to your mental health? How would having a child with profound disabilities affect your older children? This may be less as they're older but worth considering. If they have a disability that means they can't live independently, what will happen when you pass?

There are still many that go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies at 42/43 so if you go ahead I pray you will be one of those lucky ones. Just make sure you are prepared before going into the pregnancy.

Herejustforthisone · 08/01/2023 07:54

The utter joy of being able to gift our newborn to OH (no other DC) after he has helped bring up readymade DS (then 5 and 7) was exceptional

The idea if ‘gifting’ a child to a man makes me uneasy for some reason.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 08/01/2023 11:44

Why would it make you uneasy? How would you put it? Giving someone the opportunity to be a parent is a gift. Not in a here's a box of chocolates, thanks for looking after my cat kind of gift but an opportunity to have something you have always wanted. Wouldn't you can that a gift?

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/01/2023 05:41

I love being a mum. I have the financial security, relationship security and love that I want to give to another child.

And your question is....?

Bluelightbaby · 10/01/2023 00:13

midwives I work alongside day that they’re seeing many women in their 40s and it’s becoming far more common. I’m 43 in a week and been trying a year

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 10/01/2023 00:17

Had my first (and only) at 41, I am so tired I wonder if I had done this younger I would have much more energy. I am always exhausted

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