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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:

Original poster

Pjsandpringles · 10/02/2023 19:56

@Johnnysgirl its really not a red flag because I don't want to get married

OP posts:

BeaKind · 10/02/2023 21:15

Aw @Pjsandpringles I really feel for you as the trolls have come out in force on this thread. You need to stop feeding them so they get back in their cave! 😝

My sister had her 4th at 41. She’s now 52 and never been happier with her family.

Also, I lost a parent at 21 and have many friends that have lost a parent too. I’m 31 now.

And can we please stop using the phrase ‘muddy the waters’? It’s horrible and thankfully this new generation will never think like this.

Wishing you lots of happiness!

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 04/03/2023 06:54

No judgement from my part but… I remember baby brain being so bad I couldn’t remember what I just read. Perimenopause brain fog has been even worse. Combine the two and I would spend the day wondering where did I put the baby!

Be aware also that your OH relationship with your children can change significantly when he has a child of his own to favour and protect over the others full time (something that happens to every parent regardless of the circumstances).

I admit that I was very broody for another one at your age. I realise now, that it was the hormones shouting over my brain.

With regards to “gifting” your OH a child of his own… oh well, I have been raising that “gift” single handedly for most of his life even when it took us years of fertility treatment to conceive him. Don’t regret but it has not been easy at all.

Original poster

Pjsandpringles · 04/03/2023 10:29

@MonkeyMindAllOverAround im not gifting anything lol. His relationship with my kids is a friend not a parent so I'm not worried about it changing.
Its probably not even going to happen because of my age and history but if it does then that would be great. Not getting hung up on it though.

OP posts:

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 04/03/2023 11:07

Pjsandpringles · 04/03/2023 10:29

It doesn’t matter if he is acting like a friend not a dad to your kids. As any friend or parent who spends a lot of time with other children, he may start putting his own child’s interests, wants, needs and like above yours’, especially if the new child is likely to get outnumbered.

This shouldn’t be a problem if your kids are older teens wanting to spend time with their friends or stay at home over spending time in family outings but if they are younger, a good gap between their ages can make these family activities not suitable for all the kids to join or enjoy.

SadGirl6 · 04/03/2023 11:32

Yes, it’s selfish to be an old mother

Original poster

Pjsandpringles · 04/03/2023 18:00

@SadGirl6 Why? I can offer this potential child a shit ton more than I could my other children. I have more time now, im financially stable, I have a vague idea of what im doing as a parent which I didn't previously. Im fitter and healthier now. What can a young parent offer that an older one cant?

OP posts:

Reddahlias · 04/03/2023 18:07

Well, just to mention a few benefits of having children younger: Your body bounces back more quickly, less risks of birth defects, your children will have longer with you and likely meet their great grandparents, you have more energy. There's probably more but these popped into my head first

Original poster

Pjsandpringles · 04/03/2023 18:16

@Reddahlias So nothing really relevant then. Birth defects can happen at anytime and yes there may be increased risk but it's not a guarantee. I am healthy and fit plus my family seem to live very long lives (into their 90's) so going by that I would be around until they are in their 40's or 50's. At the same time I have friends who lost their parent very young. There's no guarantee on life. I have more energy now than I did when I was working stupid hours just to make ends meet. Life is calm and pretty smooth sailing now that I have the job that I have.

OP posts:

Reddahlias · 04/03/2023 18:23

It sounds like you've made up your mind then and aren't really looking for opinions. Good luck!

Original poster

Pjsandpringles · 04/03/2023 18:26

@Reddahlias the post was 2 moths ago so yes we have made up our minds. We are just seeing what nature plans.

OP posts:

philautia · 04/03/2023 18:37

Pjsandpringles · 04/03/2023 18:26

@Reddahlias the post was 2 moths ago so yes we have made up our minds. We are just seeing what nature plans.

Good luck!

If it helps, I'm 38 and in 3rd trimester. When I had my first 9 years ago, I found pregnancy really hard - this time it's been a breeze (so far!) and I'm not worrying about anything at all, just taking each day as it comes and I'm grateful for each extra week.

BrilliantUsername · 05/03/2023 17:07

Definitely not too old, my parents were older having me and were amazing and are still around, fit and healthy and nearly 80.
I say go did it.

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