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Conception

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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 10/01/2023 00:18

My friend had her youngest at 49. Her eldest was born when she was 25.

Annabananna1 · 10/01/2023 00:24

Well it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks really does it.

I wouldn't. I'd focus on all the time you get to spend together with relative freedom.
Parenting small children is exhausting, expensive and almost all encompassing. It may not be the romantic idea you have in your head.

Wheredowekeepthehoover · 10/01/2023 00:26

If you both want to try I’d go for it. I had my son when I was almost 45 and it’s been fine. Yes I got more closely monitored during my pregnancy but he was born fit and well. There are more risks though so you would need to think about that. I do worry that I might not be around for him as long as I’d like but then worrying about what might happen can stop you doing anything. Good luck with whatever you decide x

bellabelly · 10/01/2023 00:37

How would you feel about twins (or more)? I'm a parent of multiples and found it really tough. Just a thought.

HerringBoneBlanket · 10/01/2023 00:37

I know several who have had children in their 40s. Absolutely no reason why not really. A couple of friends only met the partners in their late 30s/turning 40 and am so pleased they went ahead and had the DC they had always hoped for. My cousin had a long infertility battle that they only got the right treatment for in her late 30s leading her to have her youngest at 43.

All these women have been brilliant mums at each stage and my cousins are my role model family tbh!

I had issues, losses and then couldn't get pregnant in my twenties...and my easiest pregnancy was in my late 30s, so whilst the averages are always against older mums, your own personal journey could be v different. Good luck!

MissedItByThisMuch · 10/01/2023 00:40

People are always going to bring their own experiences and judgements to questions like this, you’re the only one who knows your situation and body. But if you’re looking for anecdotes I had my last of 4 at 43 (had my first at 38 so different to you, but still). It was exhausting and busy but totally fine, and still is now that he’s 17 and I’m 60, contrary to many people’s opinions on here about having a teen at 60. Nor was I conspicuously old at the school gate - another objection I’ve seen here. Having a child at 40+ is more common now and you won’t stand out at all. If you’re healthy and want a child go for it.

Getinajollymood · 10/01/2023 00:42

MN is always a bit odd about having teens in your fifties. I am not sure what is more inherently exhausting about teens than toddlers, myself, but am possibly missing a trick. I am 42, and pregnant, with a toddler. Is it tiring, yes. Do I think it would be any less exhausting if I was 32, no.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/01/2023 00:43

If you can conceive naturally and the foetus is healthy then you’re not too old.

I was 40 and my husband 46 when we had our second. I can’t lie, it was physically much harder than his 9 years older sibling when he was small but he was never anything but a joy.

margegunderson · 10/01/2023 00:46

I had my last at about that age and it's been fine. Wasn't the oldest mum in the playground, age gap between him and us is fine. Think about what you'd do about Downs testing though and what if that was positive.

AliceMcK · 10/01/2023 00:49

1st 36
2nd 38
3rd 42

3rd pregnancy was actually my easiest. My health took a hit after number 3 was born though making it harder for me to be as active and hands on, but I had a perfect storm of stressful events all happening at once so although having a baby at 42 is definitely harder on the body I don’t think it was the main cause of my health issues.

RiderofRohan · 10/01/2023 00:51

Go for it, with the understanding that there are higher risks. We live in the modern age and women are having babies older. So what? There are always risks attached to having a child. At least now with antenatal testing and medical intervention we can check for problems and sometimes rectify them. We're living into our 80s and 90s, so it's less of a concern that the child will be left alone before they are grown.

I'd rather be a child to parents in their 40s who have a loving relationship, have emotional maturity and are financially stable than younger parents who are not. It's not just about the first nine months after conception. You may be in a way better position to give a child love and care throughout their childhood than if you were 20 years younger.

Luckystar7jf · 14/01/2023 21:06

I’m trying I’m 43 this month!! Go for it

GoT1904 · 14/01/2023 21:10

Ignore the negative Nancys and go for it! It's your life. You already sound like you very strongly want to. You're aware of the risks and that it may take some time.

Rooting for you ❤️

Fivefootoffun · 14/01/2023 21:17

Definitely not too old-if you’ve got the yearning and the energy to boot - go for it. It sounds like it’ll be a very much loved and wanted baby - wish you all the best (in my 40s with 2 under 4 - tired but honestly not sure if I’d have been any less tired at 20!)

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/01/2023 21:27

I had one at 42, he's autistic (and in my experience that is fairly common among older parents) but it's been fine. I'm now a single parent at 53, DS is 11 but an absolute joy. So I would if I were you 🤷🏻‍♀️

OfCourseChangs · 14/01/2023 21:29

Apart from higher risks, what would happen if you broke up financially, that’s it but I’m practical.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/01/2023 21:36

GoT1904 · 14/01/2023 21:10

Ignore the negative Nancys and go for it! It's your life. You already sound like you very strongly want to. You're aware of the risks and that it may take some time.

Rooting for you ❤️

Agree!

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:19

@bellabelly I think twins are a possibility and I would be totally ok with that.
@margegunderson I wouldn't have the test. A child with downs would be as loved as a child without.
@Luckystar7jf is there a TTC thread for us geriatrics (my partner found this hilarious when I told him that's what the pregnancy is called after 35)
@OfCourseChangs I have more money than my partner so financially, I would be fine.

We have decided ill come off the pill and start folic acid and I'm having a blood test to check my other levels to see if I need additional supplements.
We arent going to track or do anything different and we will just see what happens. It would be amazing if it happens but if it doesn't then it doesn't.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 09:21

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:57

My partner is not the father to my other 2. He has no children of his own and my children don't need him to "parent" them. Why does anybody want a child? Mine are nearly grown and I love being a mum. I have the financial security, relationship security and love that I want to give to another child.

I can't see why wanting another child means there was something missing from the children I already have.

No, I wouldn’t create a blended family and muddy the waters. Just be content with what you have. You don’t need a baby with every partner.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:24

@Cuppasoupmonster I know you don't need a baby with every partner. The fact I have two children and have had more than two partners shows that. I want a child with this partner. He has no children and its something we both want.

OP posts:
Darkdiamond · 15/01/2023 09:32

I was 38 when I put this question to mumsnet and the overwhelming majority advised me not to.

I didn't listen and conceived a beautiful, healthy baby the second month of trying. Easy pregnancy, easy baby. I always felt like I had one more 'room' in my heart and now that baby 3 is here, the house is full and complete. Sorry if that sounds incredibly corny but that's how I felt.

I'm now 40 and am currently breastfeeding said baby. She is such a delight and very much feels like like the icing on the cake. Having 3 kids is obviously hard but my other 2 are still small which is the main issue.

I still wouldn't change it.

If I was you I would go for it.

Darkdiamond · 15/01/2023 09:34

Op I read that taking a coenzyme q10 supplement for 90 days before conception supports healthy division of the fertilised egg, so I started taking that but got pregnant 2 weeks after starting the supplements!

orangegato · 15/01/2023 09:34

Be careful with this, another baby would mess with the inheritance of existing kids. The baby will get all of his plus 1/3rd of your property, your kids only a third each. Morbid but you want to make a will making all kids equal when you have kids by different dads as it’s a right mess in the end (from experience).

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:40

All kids will be treated equally. Also, Everything we have is ours. We don't have a this is mine and this is yours home.

OP posts:
Ihaveawonderfulpartner · 15/01/2023 09:44

I had a baby at 40 then one at 45. Both pregnancies were easy and so were the births. Both children are happy and healthy and we are all currently in bed eating chocolate biscuits. Well, it is Sunday 😊.