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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:
EggsActly · 15/01/2023 09:59

It sounds like you and your DH both really want this and have made up your mind, so you should go for it.

It doesn’t really matter what other people think, and you know the risks and that potentially it might not happen. You don’t need 10 pages of people listing them for you if in your heart you know you’re going to do it anyway!

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 10:04

EggsActly · 15/01/2023 09:59

It sounds like you and your DH both really want this and have made up your mind, so you should go for it.

It doesn’t really matter what other people think, and you know the risks and that potentially it might not happen. You don’t need 10 pages of people listing them for you if in your heart you know you’re going to do it anyway!

When I started this thread, yes we wanted it, and yes we knew the risks but we weren't 100% sure if we should do it. After lots of talking and the positive comments on this thread (we already knew all the negative stuff) we have decided to let nature do its thing and see what happens

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 10:53

Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:24

@Cuppasoupmonster I know you don't need a baby with every partner. The fact I have two children and have had more than two partners shows that. I want a child with this partner. He has no children and its something we both want.

Why ask on here then? Sounds like you’ve made your mind up.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:12

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 10:53

Why ask on here then? Sounds like you’ve made your mind up.

Show quote history

You didn't read my last comment, did you? Isn't a forum like this to find other experiences? Gain other people's perspectives? Looking at your other comments, you seem like you just want to argue with people. What is it about my situation that triggers you?

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/01/2023 11:15

I had Dd at 42.

Having a teen in my late 50’s is no different to having a teen in my 40’s.

l never understand people who say they don’t want a teen in their 50’s. The world doesn’t fall in at 49!

l would say I’m a better parent as l have more time to spend with her.

Iusedtobedontcall · 15/01/2023 11:21

I’m 42 and pregnant now - I have teen dc and this is my first with DH.

Moonriver79 · 15/01/2023 11:29

I am 45 and have been trying for 18 months now and nothing, you are a bit younger though. I completely get why you would want another - go for it!

Psychonabike · 15/01/2023 11:32

I had my 3 at 35, 38 and 42. I have been perimenopausal since delivering my second so very lucky that no3 came along.

First thing I would say is that a lot of the pregnancy and delivery related risks that people quote are from data based on delivering your first child over 40, not subsequent children to someone who has already birthed children.

Personally I think having little kids around keeps you young. You have to take care of yourself, eat well, exercise etc to keep up the energy for them. If you don't do this, I guess it can be tiring!

I have no regrets. No3 is a delight and I've felt like a more patient and relaxed parent the older I've got.

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:35

How long have you and your partner been together? How commitment is he? Any reason you are not engaged/married?

I would never "gift" a baby who a man who has not shown actual commitment to me. No ring, no baby. It's the least a man can do.

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:38

Go for it 😊

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:39

Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:12

You didn't read my last comment, did you? Isn't a forum like this to find other experiences? Gain other people's perspectives? Looking at your other comments, you seem like you just want to argue with people. What is it about my situation that triggers you?

Show quote history

She loves to argue with people 🙄 just ignore her

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 15/01/2023 11:39

I was 35 and 38 (nearly 39)
But I have 2 friends pregnant in their 40's at the moment one is 43 and one is 45.
Both Have had ok pregnancies no worse than their previous ones and both are under consultant led care

If you want a third I'd have one - we're 2 and done I'm ok with that they're a handful and I'll be 50 with a 15 year old and a 12 year old

By 60 they'll be 25 and 22

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:40

@LaLuz7 really? The least he can do? That just seems ewww to me.
Marriage means nothing. It's a bit of paper. I have no interest in it. We have both been married before and don't plan on doing it again. We are fully committed. So much so we want to have a child together

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:40

Committed *

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 11:40

Yes to be honest if you’re not married or at least engaged that’s a red flag that he just wants a last minute baby and sees you as that opportunity.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2023 11:42

I'd go down the route of trying and seeing what happens. All that matters is you keep your mental and emotional health balanced no matter the outcome.

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:43

Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:40

@LaLuz7 really? The least he can do? That just seems ewww to me.
Marriage means nothing. It's a bit of paper. I have no interest in it. We have both been married before and don't plan on doing it again. We are fully committed. So much so we want to have a child together

Marriage is just a piece of paper just like a house title is just a piece of paper. Just like a will is just a piece of paper. It's got major financial implications.

Making a baby with you shows commitment to the baby, not to you. Marrying you would be a social and especially a financial commitment to YOU.

And I can't help but notice you dodged the question of how long you've been together...

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:43

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 11:40

Yes to be honest if you’re not married or at least engaged that’s a red flag that he just wants a last minute baby and sees you as that opportunity.

No it's not a red flag.

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:44

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:35

How long have you and your partner been together? How commitment is he? Any reason you are not engaged/married?

I would never "gift" a baby who a man who has not shown actual commitment to me. No ring, no baby. It's the least a man can do.

I'm engaged but we've decided not to get married and have a son together. You don't need to be married

AnnieFarmer · 15/01/2023 11:44

Definitely not too old.

MissCrowley · 15/01/2023 11:46

It's absolutely your prerogative. However from my own opinion I would not wish to be parenting an 8 year old at 50.
I have an 8 year old now and she's hard work.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:46

@LaLuz7 a child is a bigger commitment than a marriage
@Cuppasoupmonster i don't want to get married. I want a third child as much as he wants his first. You can understand wanting a third can't you? If something happened to your DH and you met someone else who wanted a child would you refuse because you have 2 already? Even though you want another?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:52

@LaLuz7 i didn't dodge anything. We have been together for 3 years now. Do you want months and weeks too? Do you think a marriage actually means anything? In my experience it doesn't. The fact this man is there for me, my kids and my friends shows me he's committed. The fact that he is my partner and equal shows me he's committed. If you need a ring to show commitment then I feel for you

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:52

A child is not a bigger commitment to YOU.

If you get married, all income is shared income. If you give up work to care for baby you are legally entitled to his income. If you divorce down the line you will walk away with a share of his assets including his pension. If he dies you inherit him.

If you split unmarried you are entitled to zilch. Nada. Child maintenance and nothing more. If he dies, you get nothing of his and if you own a house together you might find yourself owning it together with his next of kin. Have fun with that...

Emmelina · 15/01/2023 11:56

I’m 42 and my youngest is 10, I personally couldn’t start again! But good luck whatever you decide 😊