TTC after MC - May 2021 thread 19

[bez91]

Here we are again... thread 19. Not sure if any of you ladies are here from thread 1. I think I've been around since about thread 5.

@SLCxxx
@justwant2beamum
@Canadadarling
@Marvellouslymadmum
@SamBass
@bubblybrit
@elsimo
@Loulou237
@Fingerscrossedfor2021HK
@susiebluebell
@Mamat90
@Lollipop25
@TheDaydreamBelievers

Tagged everyone I can find/think of.

A very new tag list from the last one I did in February, a lot of ladies got BFPs 🤰 Hopefully some good news for us in the coming months... 🤞🏼

Any recaps on journey so far welcome...

@elsimo Well done for making a decision in your own best interests. Sending hugs xx

@gizmo167 That doesn't sound too horrific actually. I will ask about it.

@elsimo - so sorry you're leaving but you have to do what's right for you, take care xx

I’m sorry I’ve been quiet for a few weeks. I’ve not really had a lot to report. We didn’t dtd during fw last cycle as DH wasn’t feeling well after Covid jag.

I got high fertility yesterday for the first time but couldn’t dtd as DD refused to sleep until gone midnight and we were both too tired then. I then got my peak this morning but DH is saying that he doesn’t feel great and doesn’t want to dtd. I said that it would be another ‘wasted’ cycle and his response was that he just doesn’t care as dtd is the furthest thing from his mind.

I don’t feel that he is holding up his end of the bargain at all.

It doesn’t help that this was the week that I should have wrapped up work for maternity leave as baby would have been due early July. I’m really struggling with this and the fact that I’m not pregnant yet (which is hardly surprising due to lack of effort on DHs part).

I’m starting to resent him and can feel the pressure building up. Don’t know how long I can go on feeling this way.

That's really frustrating @bubblybrit. Does your DH want another baby?

@Lollipop25. He keeps blowing hot and cold to be honest. I’m frustrated as I’ve always said that I wanted 2 children and I feel like he is kinda backtracking. Honestly I wouldn’t have married him (or anyone) that didn’t feel the same way so this is a major issue for me.

I’ve just been catching up on the thread....congrats on your BFP....brilliant news xx

@bubblybrit I really feel for you, I know what that resentment feels like. When myself and DH started out, we both said we wanted 3 kids, but after the 2nd he put his foot down and said that's it (it's not that he didn't want a 3rd, he was more afraid for my health) but that didn't stop me feeling like he was taking away my 3rd baby from me, I really started resenting him for it. It took me until last august to "get him to agree".Quite simply I said to him that my time was running out, he could always father another child if we split up but I was on a very short time limit. Hence the big gap between this baby and my youngest (8years old😬). Can you sit him down and have a heart to heart and find out is he in this with you or not? It's really not fair on you to agree to do this and then not put the effort in 😞

@bubblybrit that's tough especially when anniversaries of what if arise. @Lollipop25 is right about having a heart to heart. If you can feel the pressure building up it would be better to discuss in a more constructive way before letting things build up and having an outburst. Can you arrange a evening to chat things through?

No news here, CD9. Early but enjoying no OPKs and BBT. Meeting with the consultant Friday about results of our initial investigations. Excited and nervous 😬

@bubblybrit I'm really sorry to read about this. Didn't you have a similar time of miscommunication a while back? Do you think it's genuinely just that DH hasn't been feeling good recently, or do you think there's more to it than that? You said he was worried for your health before - has that resurfaced, or is there a chance he's uncertain for another reason?

My partner is quite good at forgetting that TTC for me involves thinking about what my body is doing, timing, measuring, tracking - worrying! - because his end of the bargain is just having sex and being lovely and supportive. I can easily see him saying 'what's one cycle' or something similar, whereas in my mind it has built up to this monumental thing that we have to get right.

That's what makes me wonder if it's actually two related subjects - DTD on your peak days, and doubt about whether he's really in it as much as you are.

You'll have to talk to him properly about it, obviously, but trying to leave out any accusations, and figure out if this was a one-off or part of something more that he is thinking about xx

@elsimo sorry you're leaving, good luck on your journey, I do hope everything works out for you ❤️

@bubblybrit I'm sorry you're feeling so low, my oh didn't get how much this was effecting me at all until we sat down and had a proper chat and I've got to say that since then he's been great. Really trying hard even when he doesn't feel like it and supporting me. Do you think it would be worth sitting down and having a chat with him? Finding out why dtd is the furthest thing from his mind at the moment. I do think that sometimes ttc is so all consuming that we don't notice other things going on.

@Lollipop25 I wouldn't worry about your age gap, I have two children 15 & 16 and my partner has two 13 & 14 and we are still ttc we also have big age gaps in my family and it's no issue

@bez91 good luck for your consultant meeting on Friday!

I do feel that he is ‘taking away my 2nd baby’ and I find it really quite cruel @Lollipop25. My feelings have started to change for him and I’m the unhappiest I’ve ever been.

@bez91. I just don’t know if he cares right now. He is being quite self centred at the moment and I’m finding it difficult to be in the same room with him never mind actually talk to him right now. He is just unbearable and I’m starting to fall out of love with him.

@susiebluebell. Yes he was really unsure about TTC again after the miscarriage but agreed to try again a few months later. However I don’t feel that he is trying that hard if I’m honest. Our DD is going through a challenging phase and he seems to be concerned that we couldn’t cope with another baby. I keep trying to make him see that it’s just a phase and will likely be over by the time another baby arrives.

@Marvellouslymadmum. I’m so glad that your oh is now fully supporting you. I just can’t seem to have a conversation with him as I’m so angry that I find it hard to look at him. It’s probably even more difficult as our DD isn’t sleeping well at the moment so we have very little time in the evenings when it is just us.

@bubblybrit maybe trying wringing it all down as if you're telling him then re-read it, then wait a day and read it again and see how you feel. If you still feel all these things the same give him the piece of paper to read. I've done this with my oh before but usually once I've calmed down I don't want to say half of it to him. I also find that when he's not in a wanting to talk mood, texting it all to him and saying on the text 'this is the only way I feel I can tell you how I'm feeling right now as you don't want to talk about it' then even if you don't get a response you know he's read it, he suffers with depression and anxiety and sometimes just shuts off but I find I can get through to him like this sometimes without the irritation he gets from trying to chat when he's in a low mood xx

@bubblybrit you make a really good point @Marvellouslymadmum writing it down then once you're feeling more on an even keel picking bits out you need to address. I hope you can work things out 💕

@bubblybrit, it is really hard to feel like you are wasting time. I hope you and DH can work it out. Maybe I am reading way too much into this, but he comes across as a bit down and defeated from what you are writing. Is he feeling ok in general? Times have been quite challenging with Covid and all.

@susiebluebell, my partner is similarly blissfully ignorant of the military operation that is going on behind the scenes.

@Marvellouslymadmum, I think they were just playing it super safe.

@bez91, good luck on your meeting about the results!

@davidrosejumper I know, it's hilarious/infuriating depending on the day. If I tell him what I've been going through, his jaw drops (e.g. the recent 62-day cycle) and he's lovely, but in between times he literally forgets and that can feel quite unintentionally lonely.

@bubblybrit I agree with the others that writing down your feelings about the current situation would be good, to stop you stewing in them. I'm so sorry that you feel like he's undecided about something you had agreed on. It will all become clearer in a few days. Big hugs to you xx

Thank you @Marvellouslymadmum @susiebluebell @bez91. That is a good idea. I will try to take some time over the weekend to write things down and hopefully we can move forward x

@davidrosejumper. DH is about as anti social as you can get so he has dealt with lockdown in his stride lol 😂 however he does think that he may be suffering from long Covid as consistently doesn’t feel well. I do have sympathy but I also get frustrated as he will work, go the the gym etc whilst feeling this way but too ill to dtd?

@bubblybrit aw hun I hope you can sort things out, I know how frustrating that can be, I had same problems with my late husband when we were ttc, I think it added to my fertility issues too tbh!

Don't want to flood with scan news but all went well today, edd a day forward at 27 December, to say I am relieved would be an understatement!

Thanks @gizmo167. Really pleased that your pregnancy is progressing well. Hope it’s put your mind at ease somewhat x

@gizmo167 So pleased about your scan. Do you feel yourself relaxing and enjoying it a bit more?

@bubblybrit Sorry but well enough to work and go to the gym, but too ill to DTD? I would ask my partner if he took me for a complete mug. Hope you two can get to the bottom of this together xx

@gizmo167 yay! Congratulations! Must be such a relief to see the scan xxx

@gizmo167 that's great news, you must be so so relieved. Take it easy 💕

Had our private consultation Friday to discuss initial fertility test results. Husbands SA was exceptionally good, everything my end was good so 🤷‍♀️ consultant offered meds but we've decided at this stage to continue as we are and see how things go. They offered miscarriage investigations also which are quite expensive so we're going to park them for now too and review things towards the end of the year if we're still struggling. Also by chance got a call from my GP who have agreed to refer to NHS fertility clinic.

Not tracking this month which I'm loving and is doing good for my state of mind!

@bubblybrit hope you managed to talk to DH 💕

@bubblybrit I do hope you manage to sort things out ok

@gizmo167 I'm so pleased your scan went well and everything's ok for you

@bez91 that's good news, especially about the nhs fertility referral too!

I am having another miscarriage.

I would be 10 weeks on Thursday.

I am on holiday 5 hours away from home and I don’t know what to do. I am in pain and just feel devastated. I know this is a group where sadly it has happened to all of us but why is this still happening to me. This time last year almost to the day I began bleeding from my ectopic and then had a MMC in October 2020.

I am writing here because right now I don’t know what else to do.

Oh @Mustkeepgoing2 I’m so so sorry to hear this. Are you 100% sure this is what it is? Are you abroad, can you go to a hospital? I hope you have someone with you. Whatever happens, you will get through this xxx

Oh @mustkeepgoing2 I am so so sorry to hear! Hope you're ok, look after yourself 🤍