Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@Sakura54 Thank you. It is strange. When you mentioned that Flo (?) counts spotting as start of Aunt Flo I was thinking that would mean your AF is potentially twice as long. I’ve had about four days spotting this cycle and now on day 3 of AF but it has been really light so don’t know what’s going on.

Having blood test today which im counting as CD3 as I don’t count spotting as bleeding 🤷‍♀️

There’s a good chance I will conceive naturally (I am reminding myself) so hopefully it will happen naturally at some point.

@mrsevo88 We have all suffered loss, many of us more than once, and it’s completely natural to be worried when you get a BFP. We’re also mostly above 35 so we get the age thing. The way I see it, if I want a family I’ve got to take the risk and that’s a decision we all have to make but it’s not easy either way.

That’s interesting @Mumlili9 Hope you’re ok

How are you @VenusStarr

Hello, I’m 34, new to all this. Miscarried 2 weeks ago tomorrow with anembryonic pregnancy with my first pregnancy. Waiting for my af and 1st cycle before I start trying to conceive again.

I'm sorry you're feeling low @Mumlili9 it's really hard to keep going isn't it, but stopping isn't an option (for me) ❤️ any news from the hospital about your hysteroscopy? I don't know if you've ever tried accupuncture, but I did in my early ttc days after coming off the pill and it really seemed to help my flow. Did sweet fa for getting pregnant though.

I'm sorry for your losses @mrsevo88 welcome to the group 🧡

How are you @Ally19

No idea why that posted! Sorry, was halfway through typing!!

Meant to say @Mumlili9 I went into superdrug and they had no baby aspirin. That's the only place I've found it before, everywhere else is the 300mg

Glad you're getting your bloods done @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow, I definitely count from the first day of proper flow. I think ivf clinics do too.

How are you @peperethecat hope you got some clarity from your blood tests.

I'm sorry for your loss @Will867 welcome

I'm 9dpo, these last few days are dragging. I find the first week I feel so hopeful and the second week I just feel like it probably hasn't worked and feel deflated. My temperature went up again today, trying to focus on the good signs but not get my hopes up as the crash back down is horrible :(

@VenusStarr have you tried boots or a chemist for the aspirin. I get mine from wilkos. No news about my hysteroscopy yet. They did say they would contact me as soon as an appointment was available.
Are you going to test early or wait and see if AF shows up

I haven't tried Boots or Wilko yet, but will do. I do have a month's worth @Mumlili9 I'll try and hold off until Friday for testing. I got a positive on a frer in my second pregnancy then at 11dpo.

My fertility clinic still isn't open yet, nor the hospital for the nk cells tests.

I actually feel like I'm on my period now - just with the cramping, I can't decide if it's mild or if it's just my period on its way. Ugh.

@VenusStarr I got super crampy when I was pregnant so it could be a good sign that a little bean is settling in. I really hope you get that bfp hun x

Thank you @Mumlili9 x

I'm an idiot, bfn on a frer at 10dpo :( ugh. I had high hopes for this cycle. I know its still early, but I think in out.

I've got a fertility coaching session tomorrow, so hoping that will give me some helpful strategies.

@VenusStarr I’m sorry. It’s rubbish when you get your hopes up (as I did this month) and then it doesn’t come through but you are not out yet.

What does fertility coaching involve? I haven’t heard about that.

I hope everyone is okay today.

Thank you @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow it sucks. I find the few days leading up to af are the worst. I know when it's actually here I'll pick myself up and focus on the next cycle.
The fertility coach is to help me try not to be so consumed in all things ttc. I've had enough of counselling and thought I'd try this instead.

That sounds good @VenusStart I hope it helps. I’ve decided to focus on my mental health a bit more, in the sense that I can get very down and anxious, part of it is grief, part of it is the severe PMT I get, but I feel like it’s unhealthy. I don’t completely buy into “relax and it will happen, of course” but I feel like I’m under stress and I need to find ways to relax. I’ll continue to try to eat well and exercise too but I think I just need to try to enjoy life more and not get so worked up about things!

Speech mark was in the wrong place - “relax and it will happen”

Hi all, sorry I fell off the thread for the last few days. I’ve been feeling really low and struggling with the heaviness of the grief, it’s just exhausting. I know it’s really early days still since DS died but I’m just so anxious that I will never get pregnancy again/it will end in loss. I’ve also read that you’re at increased risk of a stillbirth again once it happened once so getting a bit worked up about that

Still waiting for an appt to discuss the post mortem results. Will chase bereavement Mw tomorrow.

Sorry others are feeling low too, it’s just crap isn’t it.

Sorry about the bfn @VenusStarr although as @Mumlili9 says, I had cramps in early pregnancy pre BFP so 🤞🏻

I’m feeling the same @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I know I’m getting really worked up about ttc and feel all consumed by it, coupled with the grief of what has happened. It’s so hard to be a bit more ‘zen’ about it all though!

CD 33 here, and I think I might have finally ovulated on CD 30

@marmitecheesetoast I’m sorry you feel that way too. I have also read the odds are higher but I assume that’s because in some cases the death would have occurred due to a genetic issue or other problem that could realistically happen again so the odds will be higher for those people but it means the odds are higher for us overall (if that makes sense) even though many of us individually don’t have a higher chance of it happening again. Also we would be watched so closely next time. For so many people it is a really unlucky one time experience and they go on to have a healthy baby shortly after. I’m assuming you don’t have a “reason” yet so this might not help but hopefully when you get the PM results you will get some answers.

I get how you feel. As you know it’s over a year since I lost my DD and I’ve had a MC in that time but I seem to be in the minority as most couples I’ve met have conceived and had another baby within a year so the likelihood is that it will happen. It’s completely understandable to fear the worst when the worst has happened.

I’ve decided to focus on little things every day that make me smile or raise my spirits, like listening to music I love, as I do think a bit of positivity could help.

I might actually step away from these threads but haven’t decided. I get a lot of support from them and enjoy chatting to you all.

I think focusing on your mental health is a positive step @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow, that's partly why I wanted to try the coaching. Just having a chat with her about what's been happening and the anxiety I've been experiencing and she framed it as grief and it made so much sense to me.
I also think taking a step back from here can be really beneficial - I like that I can dip in and out. You'll always be welcome here ❤️ do what's right for you

@marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry you've been feeling low, I find the waves of grief can be overwhelming at times, sending you a big hug 💙 I hope you hear from the bereavement midwife soon x

Glutton for punishment that I am, I did another test this afternoon - a tesco one and a faint line came up but I don't believe it as one: it's a blue dye, two: frer was negative this morning, and three: it's still too early. Have resolved to try and hold off until Sunday when I'll be 13dpo. Its the day I usually come on, but since my chemical I've gone up to 15dpo a couple of times 🤷‍♀️ just like wasting my money 🙄

@VenusStarr Thank you. Your anxiety being part of grief makes sense. Only recently I’ve realised I still feel a lot of anger at the world about what happened to our baby and that a lot of what I’m feeling is part of grief.

A line is a pretty positive sign... Fingers crossed for you🤞

Thank you @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow for you kind words. I know rationally everything you say is right, it’s just hard to think reasonably in the aftermath of this I guess, as I’m sure you know. No we’ve had no reason at all so far, perfect textbook pregnancy throughout , perfect scans, then just a day of reduced movement to find out his heart had stopped. Hopefully as you say the PM may give some answers but I’m trying to prepare for the fact it could be inconclusive as I know so many are. It’s all just a waiting game at the moment. Coupled with the weirdness of lockdown it all feels very much in limbo. Did you have a PM for your DD, if you don’t mind me asking? You don’t have to answer of course.
I really am sorry that you’ve had such a rough ride, it’s so unfair how cruel life can be sometimes and I can imagine it’s really difficult seeing other mums who’ve gone on to have their rainbows and you’re still waiting. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, if it helps to step away for a while then you should do that. As @VenusStarr says you can always dip in and out.
Finding something positive each day sounds really good and positive in itself. I was thinking of starting some sort of daily journal where I wrote something down each day that felt good/I enjoyed.

@VenusStarr a line does sound promising although I understand you’re trying to not get your hopes up. Everything crossed for you.

@marmitecheesetoast Your experience sounds v similar to mine sadly. I had a perfect pregnancy but went to hospital with reduced movement the weekend the baby was due. They couldn’t find a heart beat as she had died. I was induced and gave birth a few days later. When she was born she was tangled in the cord so we knew that was the likely cause of death and we had a PM which confirmed this. So there was a reason but not a genetic one. It’s heartbreaking because my baby was healthy and could have been delivered healthy if I got the care in that pregnancy that I’d get in a future pregnancy (as they’ve said they would induce me earlier as they say to many mums in this situation) and probably been fine but the positive is that there is not a significant chance of it happening again if I have another baby.

I have found it hard that the friends I’ve made have mostly had their babies or are pregnant because I feel like it’s not happening for us. That’s not why I’ve said I might step away from this thread though. I’ve been doing this over a year now and I feel like maybe I need to change something but I’m not putting any pressure on myself either way.

I started a gratitude thread on here ages ago and a few people posted on it but I lost it and have started posting on it again today, just finding things to be grateful for every day.

Could you link to the gratitude thread you started @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow, I think that sounds lovely ☺️ hope you're OK xx

@marmitecheesetoast 💙

Hope everyone else is OK today, I'm glad it's Friday. We had planned to have my sister and her family round for a bbq but the weather has turned here, had to put the heating on last night! So probably postponing which is a shame.

@VenusStarr Such a shame about the weather. Hope it picks up

This is the gratitude thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3794307-Gratitude-thread?msgid=97158274#97158274

Posted too soon. I’m ok thanks. Also pleased it’s Friday!

I hope you are ok too @VenusStarr and @Mumlili9 💕

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow tbh not really hun. Last night my bf had a beautiful baby boy. I really want to be happy and over the moon for her but I'm just so angry. She smokes, drinks, has the worst diet I've ever seen, she never take supplements even when pregnant, she already had 7 other kids all by different dads and to top it off she's older than me. I feel bad for feel to angry about it all. It's just so bloody unfair, I'm doing everything I possibly can to be as healthy as I possibly can be, avoiding anything remotely bad. She just dtd once on a one night stand and bam healthy perfect baby every time, she's never had a loss either. I know I sound bitchy and I'm sure karma will make me pay but today I'm so angry

It's really really unfair @Mumlili9 ❤️ please don't feel bad for feeling angry and all the other emotions you must be feeling - they are all valid. I'm trying to not be upset or judge myself when I have bad feelings, they are real and it's all part and parcel of what I've been through (as much as I wished I hadn't had to go through it). It's really hard when we feel we have to pull ourselves together or put on a brave face - all that does is put others needs above our own and can make us more isolated. I'm glad that you can share with us here. We all understand 💕 sending you lots of love xx

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow thank you for the link, it's a really nice idea to have a focus outside of ttc and loss ❤️

Hope that Tesco test was right! @VenusStarr

@Mumlili9 That’s crazy and so many kids! I think it’s normal and ok that you feel this way as that is so unfair. It’s a bit weird that we spend our lives trying not to get pregnant, well not in your friend's case lol but the reality is that it’s just not as simple as how they make it sound in school!

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I spotted for 3 days, bled properly for 2-3, then spotted for another 3 days. It’s my first AF since the MMC, but still relatively normal for me albeit maybe a day longer. So my period mainly consists of spotting I guess? lol...the spotting is so minor that it could easily be missed if I weren’t checking properly. Now I’ll have to see if my next AF arrives on time as my cycle is regulating and I highly doubt I’ll get pregnant straightaway. No idea if I even ovulated.

It must be confusing for you as you got pregnant somewhat quickly twice before. The logical explanation would be due to age now I think, but that’s not a bad thing in comparison to other possible issues! Hopefully it’ll just be a matter of time. It’s completely understandable that you would still feel angry about your situation; who wouldn’t be after something so cruel and the fact that there was nothing genetically wrong? Imagine, people even get upset about 1 early MC which is common. That gratitude thread is a good idea!