Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@Mumlili9 you’re not being bitchy or unreasonable. It is unfair and it’s understandable that you feel that way. I feel the same as you and don’t know her! 😊

@Sakura54 Yeah I think it’s all about what’s normal for us. I still feel a bit strange. I was hopeful in the 2WW as I felt different and thought I might be pregnant but I still feel a bit different and I’ve had a period. I have been a bit stressed with work and stuff.

Yeah I wonder if it’s age but then think not much should have changed between now and July last year. It shouldn’t be stress / grief as no one else seems to have that problem! My DH smokes so I’m trying to get him to stop but he thinks it’s fine as he’s always smoked and I got pregnant twice and he has two older kids! It does feel really unfair that I went through all that only to be TTC now but I know people deal with crappy things every day.

Hence gratitude thread! 😁

Ah @Mumlili9 that’s tough. I think any feelings of jealousy or negativity are totally normal and just part and parcel of what we have all been through. I’m jealous of her just reading your post and I don’t even know her!

Finally got a date through for DS post mortem this afternoon, it’s 15th June which isn’t too bad, only just over a week to wait. It just feels so hard knowing there is a 12 page document sitting there with information about him and what happened but I don’t know what it says right now. It all feels very surreal and sad and sh*tty.

Gratitude thread is such a good idea @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I might try and join you!

Morning all. Hope everyone is OK.
I think this is another chemical - I'm not telling dh. I tested again with a tesco test and got a good clear positive but an asda test yesterday afternoon was negative. I have done a cheapy today and it's positive but faint. I'm 13dpo today. If I haven't come on by tomorrow I'll do my last frer and then just wait for af. My af is due today as I usually come on at 13dpo.
Strangely feeling OK - I'm kind of reassured that we timed it right. We'll keep going and try again with smep next month.
Going to try and take my mind off it now.
Have a good day xx ❤️

Ah @VenusStarr sounds like you’re managing to be very positive. I really hope it’s not another CP, 13dpo is still on the early side? Was the Asda test less sensitive? I have a friend who didn’t get a clear BFP until several days after her missed period and now has a little girl. But I understand you’re not wanting to get your hopes up. Have everything crossed for you.

I think I’m at 6dpo and starting to get a bit crazy. It’s just so weird and shit and sad to be doing this when I gave birth 9 weeks ago and I’m fast approaching his due date.

Hope everyone else is doing ok

Also I’ve had raging thrush for the last two days which is driving me mad

(Of course I googled whether it could be an early pregnancy symptom, despite knowing it’s too early for symptoms at this stage 😳)

Hi guys ! new here - glad to have read through some of the comments and found such comfort in your words.

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks 5 months ago. I found the experience to be incredibly lonely and traumatic.

I felt like nearly all of the medical professionals I dealt with saw it as such an common occurrence ( obviously as it is) however that shouldn't have taken away from my individual experience and memory of that.

As it was early on I hadn't allowed myself to get excited yet as I knew it was a possibility. I was two weeks from my first scan, and had lower back pain. I stood up and felt a gush and knew immediately something was wrong, multiple A&E visits later and conflicting information from one doctors to another "You are probably just worried and this is normal " to " Realistically in your mind what do you think is happening" I just felt so let down and hurt by the lack of direction for women in this situation. Even when I had visited my doctor for the first time after bleeding to the point of fainting she failed to perform a set of vital signs on me. When I requested to see a specialist or to perhaps have an internal ultrasound to ensure everything was okay and had passed naturally she laughed .. LAUGHED and said no they wont see you until you have had three miscarriages. I understand that is protocol its felt very insensitive.

Only when I went to the early pregnancy clinic under the help of a midwife friend did I ever feel like I was cared about and reassured.

We are hoping to try again when things are more settled re COVID 19 however I dread to think of how I would be able to cope if this were to happen again.

@msenglesias I'm so sorry this happened to you. We all understand how you are feeling. I hope you feel this is a safe place and that your never alone here. I too experienced this kind of treatment. It hurts when it's the people you should be able to turn to and get answers and understanding that let you down the worst.

❤️ @marmitecheesetoast it's hard when time feels like it's going so quickly. Sorry you have thrush, I hope it clears quickly

Welcome @msenglesias I'm sorry for your loss. I agree, there is a distinct lack of care and empathy when going through this.

Hope you're OK @Mumlili9 ❤️ been thinking about you

I've started spotting this morning, frer has a very faint line, a cheapie test is positive. I wish I hadn't tested to be honest. Its different from my last chemical - I had clear positives and was 5 days late and was still showing positive when I started bleeding. This one I'm expecting af today anyway. I just want it to come now. I've got no more tests and I won't buy any for my next cycle.

Hope everyone is doing OK xx

@Mumlili9 @Venusstarr

Thankyou so much for your lovely words! It feels so comforting to have your support. I really appreciate you all taking the time to acknowledge me

Sending lots of hugs and good wishes to you all ❤️

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry this happened to you again x this is just so unfair.

I'm OK plodding along. Its cd9 for me and cbfm is saying high fertility so we'll give it a go tonight. I've no fertile cm or any other signs of ovulation. My opks are very negative. I'm just at this point praying I ovulate and hopefully it'll be on the right side then we will have at least a shot this cycle.

Good morning ladies x
2 weeks ago I had an early scan which showed 2 embryos but only one with heartbeat, we have immediately dealt with the fact that the smaller one is not likely to develop. Had a follow up scan on Saturday which showed only one embryo which had stopped developing so I was diagnosed by private clinic with missed miscarriage 😭 I feel so empty, angry and sad. I had a very early miscarriage in August last year, but this time I was supposed to be 10 weeks today 😭 and my little angels have gone 😭 EPU appointment on Wednesday to re-scan and consider my options, hoping it will start naturally, I started to spot brown last night 😔

@VenusStarr I’m so sorry, it’s just so crap and unfair. Sending love.

@msenglesias I’m so sorry you had such awful care, it’s so frustrating how dismissive some people are. You don’t need to be dealing with that on top of everything else.

Today should have been my first day of maternity leave so feeling a bit down about that today. Also still got raging thrush, don’t know whether or not I can do a second pessary, especially as I guess there is a chance I could be pregnant... does anyone know?! I might ring the GP

I'm so sorry @Katie1109 ❤️❤️ that limbo phase is really difficult. With my first missed miscarriage i started with brown spotting that got heavier, so it could be the start. It's an awful thing to go through, sending you lots of love xx

@msenglesias I'm glad you have found us here. I've really found it helpful to have this group, I've been here since last April and everyone has been so supportive through my other losses ❤️

@Mumlili9 thank you. It's really shit. I'm trying not to dwell on it. Really wish I didn't 'know' I've called the implantation clinic to see if we can at least have a consultation, even if they aren't doing the biopsies.
Hopefully you're gearing up to ovulate 🤞

@marmitecheesetoast thank you. I hope the GP can advise about the pessary. Hope you're not in too much discomfort.
I'm sorry today is tough, I find there are so many reminders of what should be 💙 sending you lots of love today

Thanks everyone, its good to be able to share here. I purposely didn't tell dh about the tests (he's very much a wait it out type person). He's given me a big hug and I had a few tears this morning 😢

@VenusStar thank you x and I’m sorry about your disappointment, I have just read few posts back x
If you don’t mind me asking, how soon after you started spotting it got heavier? x

@Katie1109 we posted at the same time so I missed your post earlier, so sorry you’re going through this. Sending strength.

Thank you @Katie1109 I started spotting on the Monday and it got heavier on the Wednesday evening. I miscarried the next morning. Xx

@marmitecheesetoast thank you x I need as much strength as I can get x
@VenusStar thank you for sharing, I hope I can do this naturally without medical intervention, baby was 7.5mm on the scan 😔

:( @Katie1109 ❤️ I found a heat wrap or hot water bottle really helped and taking ibuprofen and paracetamol every couple of hours (so only 2 hours between painkillers) really helped. I was on my own the first time but dh was there the second time. It definitely helped me having him with me but I think it really affected him being there. I don't think he'd realised after my first miscarriage what I'd been through. Sending you lots of love xx

@VenusStar thank you for the suggestions x I had a miscarriage last August but I was only 6 weeks so it was all over after 2 days of period like bleed, this time I’m sure it will be worse 😭 my OH is likely to be with me, depending on work commitments, but I wouldn’t want him to take time off for it, he doesn’t need to see this 😔

Hi all, I’m new and have just come across this thread - hoping you all might be able to help me rationalize my thoughts a bit.
TTC for almost 9 months and delighted to get positive HPT a few weeks ago. Unfortunately l lost the pregnancy at 6 weeks along. We’ve both been struggling with things, and not sure how to process everything. We both decided that we didn’t want to keep it a secret from our closest family/friends, and have so far told a close family member. The reaction surprised me, questions of whether or not the pregnancy had been confirmed by a doctor. I know I’m probably not feeling very rational at the moment but I found this upsetting, as if they were questioning if I even had a miscarriage, or it wasn’t a loss because it was so early.
I’m wondering did any of you share an early loss with people close to you? I’m actually sitting here wondering if people think we’re being dramatic to be so upset over our loss...

Hello to the new additions

Sorry @VenusStarr 💜

Hope you’re ok @marmitecheesetoast and @Mumlili9

I'm so sorry for your loss @Waitingforourtime ❤️ I did share after my first loss and there was definitely a vibe of 'when are you going to move on?' from some. And even with my second pregnancy, we told people early because we were so anxious and one person said 'has it been confirmed?' just made me feel shit, so when that pregnancy ended in the same way I felt ashamed that I had failed again. I didn't bother telling many after my third loss as there just wasn't the support, I don't really trust some of the people we told now. But what helped me was last week I saw a fertility coach and she said you've been through lots of trauma and loss over a relatively short time (infertilty then 3 losses), if 3 people had died, no one would be questioning the way you feel, but there's such stigma attached to pregnancy loss, partly because it's not seen. You're definitely not alone with how you feel ❤️ this group has been brilliantly supportive to me xx

Thank you @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow, did you get your bloods done?

How are you today @Katie1109? Hope you're OK xx

Any sign of ovulation @Mumlili9? ❤️

Some unexpected good news today, I've chased up the hospital about our ivf funding - the hospital is still not ready to resume any treatment. But we are able to move the funding, our ccg has selected a new provider and all I had to do was email to request a transfer. It's already been acknowledged and the process to move my care has started 🙏 honestly, I skipped through the house! There's a glimmer of hope on the horizon :)

Thank you so much @VenusStarr
Lovely to hear your good news...wishing you all the best x

@VenusStarr thank you for checking in and congrats on your good news x no more spotting since Monday and my pregnancy symptoms seems to be getting stronger and not going away at all?! I’ve got my EPU appointment tomorrow morning x I’m adamant I do not want surgical management because we want to give it another go as soon as possible. If I opt for medication, do I take it there and then or can I take it in couple of days so I don’t start miscarrying until Friday when my OH is not working for 3 days? x if it starts naturally before then I can’t do anything about it obviously x

@VenusStarr great news about the ivf. As for me I Don't know. I've ovulation pains on my right side (tube side) and ewcm but opks still negative. Cbfm says high for the last 3 days and I'm cd10 today. DH couldn't dtd it just didn't go as planned. Hoping for a better chance tonight but after that he's back to work for 5 days. Last cycle was so weird, my follicular phase was longer than usual but my luteal phase was the shortest I've ever had and my AF was practically none existent but for the first time in a year my bbt shift was a good one and not a slow rise for a change. This chart is very strange my temps are stable but low.