Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@VenusStarr Sounds exciting!

@KerryW87 @Kiki275 I think a few of us are 35+ so we are in good company! I definitely know people who are pregnant or babies in their later 30s and their 40s. It is hard to deal with insensitive comments. I try to remind myself we all have ups and downs and others should be able to celebrate when they are in a good place, just as we would want to, but it is tough. People don't get it until they get it.

@Mumlili9 Sounds like you have a lot on but I love the new car and orchid!

Thanks for those asking after me and my lonely bunny. I think he's ok. They were not bonded rabbits who lived together and snuggled. They did at one stage but they fought so they lived side by side but separated. They've been together four years though and they lived in the garage so I feel bad havin the other one out there alone. I had him in the house a few days then he was back out one but I have brought him back in. I'm going to try to get him a friend. He seems a bit subdued at times so I'm just keeping an eye on him and spent about £60 on Pets at Home yesterday with toys to keep him occupied!

@AliceinBunnyland have you any rehoming centres near you who will help and maybe bond the lonely bunny with a deserving bunny?x

That's exactly what we are hoping to do @Kiki275 I got these two from pets at home but they were my first pets so I had no idea and I now wouldn't want to go somewhere like that or to a breeder. I have been looking at local shelters and RSPCA etc to see if there is a suitable bunny at there they needs a home x

A BFN for me this morning. AF is due so just have to wait for her now x

@VenusStarr Ah how exciting! Glad it went well for you! I'm afraid to say I don't know much about IVF in detail...did you mean trying yourselves this cycle and then IVF in September? Ah I have everything crossed for you ❤️❤️ Doing fine too, thanks. My partner's sister got us an overnight stay in Edinburgh so we had a nice dinner and wee night, first we've been out and worried I'd have been too fed up for it but actually really had a lovely time :)

@AliceinBunnyland Oh god, of course! Always happy for anyone who's pregnant and I know myself that back in my early twenties I sailed through pregnancies with my boys and didn't consider the difficulties others go through! Luckily it doesn't hurt too much and I'm genuinely happy for everyone...just anxiously hoping to have that too one day 🤞

@Kiki275 Ah sorry, it's so disappointing :( You never know until AF is here? xx

@KerryW87 Exactly. What gets me is that it's not happening for us and other people being pregnant and having babies just reminds me that we're not and makes me think someone is wrong. I don't care how long it takes as long as it happens but right now it's the worry that it won't happen for us.

@Kiki275 Sorry to hear that but you're not out 'til you're out!

@AliceinBunnyland That is exactly it. You wish someone could tell you the future and let you know that it'll happen for you one day, and then the waiting wouldn't seem as painful I think. Wish we all had a wee magic ball!

So glad I've found this forum, though. I know it's only been 2 weeks but everyone's so happy that I'm "better" and I don't want to let them down by telling them about frantically wanting to try again, or that I'm still crying at nights for our wee boy and trying not to think about how many weeks I'd be right now, and all that sort of stuff. Everyone on here is so supportive, and so quickly you find yourself rooting for everyone and hoping for a happy ending for them all ❤️❤️

@KerryW87 it's like every time you mention it, you can feel them looking at you wondering why you're not over it yet? So you never mention it again and all you want to do is talk about it x

@Kiki275 That's it, everyone in my family jokes that I'm a "people pleaser" and I never really see it in myself but I can hear myself talking a big game to family and friends about how

"I'm so grateful for labour and to have had time with him, luckier than most/I've accepted his journey and we're feeling better about it" etc etc. There is some truth to that, of course but I do cry most days at some point, whether it's remembering his wee face, or the midwife taking his Moses basket away and knowing that was all I was ever going to get, or how heartbroken my big boys are about not having a baby coming in December...just lots of things. But you don't want to be a downer or drain the joy out of folk so you just say you're doing loads better. I really wish I was! I don't want to feel like this forever which is why I think maybe I'm so frantic about trying again, as if that'll cure it all? I don't know.

I'm absolutely here any time you want to talk about your experience too, any time ❤️ x

@KerryW87 I'm actually not too bad myself now, it just grates that now lockdown has eased it's all systems as normal.
My story is that I was due twin boys and at 20 weeks was diagnosed with Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. We went for surgery (incredible team at BWH) but my waters broke on the table. Advised I'd miscarry but didn't. At the follow up appointment back home there was no good news so we chose to induce the miscarriage. They were born at 22wks+1.
I was heartbroken but more than anything I HATED the gossip. Lockdown started the week afterwards. My SIL was always ringing my MIL for updates and passing every bit of news onto her wife's family. Never once sent me a message asking me if I was okay or just "I'm thinking of you", sent DH two messages total. Her MIL sent my MIL a card full of sympathy and a story how her daughter went through TTTS too. Not me, I was a footnote (addresses to MIL, FIL, DH & me). My MIL was always passing these conversations on as if I was pleased to hear them, I just smiled and cried inside. Even the day of the funeral she was messaging SIL with the order of service etc. We saw them last week and not a single word was mentioned.

Sorry, that became a bit of a rant but definitely good to share.x

@Kiki275 I know, I wasn’t due to be going back to work (Early Years Practitioner) due to being deemed high-risk by our local authority, so going back on Monday does sting a bit now.

Oh I’m so sorry for your loss, how heartbreaking to lose your babies at all, but also to have it prolonged too and need induction - two weeks from finding out to when they were born must have been so difficult ❤️ I hadn’t heard of TTTS before, just read up on it. Makes you realise you naive you are to these sorts of things until it affects you or someone you know.

I cannot for the life of my understand your SIL’s thinking behind that approach?! Did she have a good relationship with you prior to this? To not even send you a message at all...I can’t understand it. Smacks of someone looking for gossip and not actually having a genuine feeling of care or sympathy at all. Absolutely feel for you, as if things weren’t difficult enough to also know there were text chats going on asking for details when they haven’t tried to show you any support! I’m livid for you for that, how awful :(

Not at all, it’s good for us to have this place to rant, vent and talk as much as we need to. Thanks for sharing that, and so sorry about your wee boys. I hope we both have happier times ahead ❤️

@KerryW87 she's like my DH and FIL, other people's thoughts just don't occur to them. She probably genuinely thought that sending messages through MIL was a nice thing. MIL is a martyr facilitator for everything family and excuses her saying she's always been bad at communicating 🤨 but the sun shines out of her arse so it'd be a loosing battle for me to argue.
I need to stop being catty now x

@Kiki275 Ah yeah, we all know the type, I think...you're right, no sense arguing if it'd be like banging your head off a brick wall! I'm so sorry you had to go through that ❤️ Hope you've got enough other family and friends for support! As for your SIL and co., sounds like you're right and just best to rise above it.

If you don't mind me asking, are you actively now trying again or still just waiting until it feels right for you? x

@KerryW87 actively trying now. We'd had several bleeds so I was awaiting a smear & results before trying again. It does feel right now too, especially with the Covid situation easing a little. The twins pregnancy wasn't easy from 12wks and I can't imagine doing that again without DH being able to be with me in the hospital etc. He was even allowed in the operating theatre for the TTTS surgery and there for all of my induction etc x

@Kiki275 Ah I'm glad you're feeling right to try again now, and yeah, definitely a safer time now that restrictions are easing! The hospital had only just eased restrictions the week before I lost our boy, so I'm so glad my partner was able to be in with me through induction and labour. Can't imagine doing all that alone! Good to know that all going well for you, he'll be able to come in for scans etc too :) x

Aww ladies my heart is breaking for you 💔. I have only ever made it to 12 weeks a few times and I found that so hard to cope with.

@VenusStarr fx this cycle works hun x

As for me if in 6 days time its a bfn were going to take a bit of a break and maybe call it a day. It would be really bad to fall pregnant during the probation period of my new job not to mention going off sick in the first month there because of yet another miscarriage or even worse another ectopic. Baby dust to you all

@Mumlili9 surely they can't discriminate against pregnancy related issues? Or would they find another excuse?x

@Mumlili9 Oh, what a sad decision to have to make! :( I so feel for you. I do completely understanding your thinking but also, like @Kiki275 said, surely they can't discriminate?

I don't think they can discriminate officially but we have v limited employment rights within the first 2 years of employment, more so in the first year, and an employer can easily sack someone without giving a real reason.

@Mumlili9 Fingers crossed for you this cycle. You never know! You shouldn't have to choose between your job and being a mum but I know the reality is we have v limited employment rights within the first 1-2 years so I hope you and your OH can come to a decision that works for you 💗

@AliceinBunnyland @Mumlili9 It's awful that any woman would have to think like that, but I can see what you mean now with the limited rights during the first year. That's just so rough :(

I'm with Alice though...you never know! Keeping everything crossed for you 🤞

Sorry I repeated myself there and didn't mean to! I typed something, thought it had disappeared and then typed some moren

I always say we really don't know what the future holds and it's true. Most of us here have experienced some shitty things that we wouldn't have ever expected but great things can happen too 💕

@AliceinBunnyland You're so right. Was saying to my partner last night that maybe we'll fall pregnant again and we'll be looking back on this time thinking how sad it was, but how much happier things are. Got to hope, don't you? 🤞💕

Hope you're good today? Three days until I'm back to work after a mammoth 4 months off with lockdown! Feeling torn between getting really organised before going back....or just having a chilled day since it's the last few days off 😂

@KerryW87 I would probably set aside one day to get organised, maybe today / tomorrow (depending on what you need to do!) and then you can have a proper weekend without having to worry about anything

Cam across this today and thought of us all xXx

That's so true, @Mumlili9 💕💕

My friend sent me this little peg doll in the post yesterday and this card came with it and thought it was very apt for us too xxx