Fuck you TTC

[painintheholeSIL]

Today should be day one of my period. No sign. We've been ttc dc2 since summer 2018. I don't have any tests in the house. I'm trying not to symptom spot, I haven't told anyone in real life that we're trying.
Our son is almost 4. I'm desperate to give him a sibling. I adore him. He's amazing.

But I am aching to have another baby. People keep asking when we're going to and we just laugh off the questions. They hurt. Every one of them hurts. I suppose I'm just looking for people who understand.

Every single thread I look at in relation to this ends up full of BFPs and I'm just not in the space where I can read those and not feel devastated.

So Fuck you to TTC.
Fuck you to months off slightly delayed periods
Fuck you to every fucker that asks me every time they see me if I have any news
Fuck you to the whole fucking lot of it.

Anyone care to add theirs?

Thanks @painintheholeSIL xx

Fuck you to dreams where you get a bfp

This thread is better than therapy.
Fuck you implantation symptoms last month that got me way too excited.
Fuck you AF turning up EARLY for the first time ever on the one month that I thought I could be pregnant. And for being a particularly nasty, heavy bitch too.
Fuck you DP who told me I was stupid to get upset over it and there are plenty more months to try. Funny how, to me, a cycle feels like forever. Yet he's not arsed and just glad about the extra sex.
Fuck you to everyone at work who keeps asking if I'm pregnant if I dare comment that I'm feeling under the weather.
Fuck you to only being able to DTD once this cycle so probably bfn this time too.
And fuck you to my constant bad mood. 😂

Fuck you to getting my hopes up when desperately trying not to just for my period to start today.
Fuck you for then having inlaws staying with me taking over my house.
Fuck you to the consultant who told me to wait another 3 months as he is sure it will happen naturally.
Fuck you to everyone in my life who doesn't have a fucking clue how draining this shit is. Day by day, months by month, fucking year by year.

Hi all. Just de-lurking so I can check in and keep up with the thread.

Think I’m wasting lots of pregnancy tests but it’s the hope in me.
Baby dust all. Don’t let the bfns get you down

@Paininside30 extra fuck you to having the in laws over. Especially when you just need to be alone and cry or smash something or get pissed.

Still fuck you ttc.
Fuck you bbt chart that doesn’t look like a “pregnant” chart
Fuck you already planning for next cycle
Fuck you that I feel shit but not in a morning sickness pregnant kind of way, I’d love to feel like that rather than just low & PMS like
Fuck you that I’m wishing my life away

Oh & fuck you to the people who get lovely obvious BFPs at 8/9dpo, it’s not that I’m not happy for them about their BFP I genuinely am but ffs so fucking early
Fuck you TWW which I also like to call the weeks where time stands still
Fuck you the urge to POAS even though it’s bloody pointless, I swear it requires more willpower than giving up drink/drugs/smoking, none of which I do but I’m seriously considering

Fuck you SIL for asking me if I'm pregnant because I missed a party. I'm not fucking pregnant I just didn't want to look at your face all day.

Fuck you Dh for telling them I wasn't there because I was sick🙈🤣

And fucking fuck you SIL for telling me "well I don't believe you I still think you're pregnant" after I'd told her I'm absolutely not.

Your SIL sounds batshit pain. Horrible behaviour from her.

Today I’ve got horrible period pain. Fuck that. Fuck all of this.

Feeling all of the above today.

But also fuck you to not being able to plan, in the hope that I get pregnant.

Also fuck you to the people who think I’m only having one because I’m a ‘career woman’. That is not the case at all.

Fuck you to feeling guilty when I go for a (albeit slow) run incase it somehow prevents/halts the conception process
Fuck you for feeling guilty for not going for a run

Fuck you for having already worked out the due date of a baby conceived this cycle
Fuck you to the hope I have for this cycle despite only dtd once, 2 days after a positive ov test so probably too late

I’m so thankful I found this thread already. I think you are my people.

Fuck all of this. I don’t want to hear about your traumatic birth. Fuck my body.

@Yutes I have to say I am finding it so helpful. I don't feel so alone in my struggle.

Ah I'm new to the world of forums but this thread is perfect.
Fuck you to "it will happen just wait" when you have endometriosis and that means every period is one step closer to infertility
Fuck you to everyone around you getting pregnant, often by accident
Fuck you to "so and so just got pregnant after 4 months of trying and she has endometriosis"
Fuck you to "so and so just got pregnant by IVF so there's still hope for you"
Fuck you to uncle / cousin / family friend you haven't seen in years asking if/when you are going to have children (but no one asking husband)
Fuck you to "just relax"
Fuck you to stupid tests and thermometers and becoming obsessed with research and apps
Fuck you to not knowing what's happening in your own body

I've come back with some more 😂

Fuck you to the mental load of TTC which always falls on the woman.
Fuck you to my best friend (and I feel bad about saying this but I feel like this is a safe space to vent!) who got pregnant very easily and will not stop talking about it and just doesn't get what two years of TTC is like!
Fuck you to the fact that even after all the failures, that little bit of hope always creeps back in and then just makes me feel worse.
Fuck you to the people who make money out of infertile women even though I always fall for it and buy stuff anyway!
Fuck all bitter this makes me and I think I said this one on my last post but I think it's the worst part so I'm saying it again.

@NoseringGirl that's an impressive fuck you list. I second every one of them.

@painintheholeSIL thank you! 😆 and thanks again for this thread, it's doing me the world of good! This is such a lonely process and as much as I'd never wish anyone to be in the same position, it's amazing to not feel so alone.

Fuck you to the early cramping before AF was due and no signs of AF which convinced me this was our month.
Fuck you to the painful AF which has come 3 days late.
Fuck you to the stupid 2ww and symptom spotting.
Fuck you to knowing we haven’t been trying very long, it’s early days but it still feels shit. (partner had VR recently) You ladies who have been trying for so long are bloody saints.
Fuck you to knowing there is a chance this might not happen.
Fuck you trying not to stress and think about it all.
Fuck you to my overthinking and anxious mind... you at not helping me right now.
Fuck you to friends and family member who have said aww it will happen you can’t think negative, well big FU I am trying to stay positive but have to be a little realistic about the circumstances! (they don’t know about VR, I don’t want the added pressure)
Fuck you to the family member who asks ‘what will you do if the VR doesn’t work’.?well fuck me Susan I don’t know, cry?! Susan has no bloody idea what it’s like to want this so badly and for so long... Susan was lucky enough to just casually not try and wasn’t bothered... Susan now has 18 month old.
Fuck. you. Susan.
Just a big fuuuuccckkk yoooooouuu right now.

@NoseringGirl that's exactly it. I wouldn't wish this misery on anybody but it's comforting to chat to other women who understand how it feels

@Lowprofilename that's hard to deal with

@Squishy93 I hope the VR works.

Fuck you to testing early yesterday (9dpo)
Fuck you to having all my hopes pinned on being given progesterone when/if next have a bfp
And a massive fuck you to the person who told me they weren't trying to get pregnant but left their contraception pill in the car so it got too hot and stopped working

Which reminds me... fuck you to having it drilled into my head all through my youth how easy it is to get pregnant and how careful you must be blah blah. I was clueless when started ttc at 34, expected it to happen the in the first few months