Fuck you TTC

[painintheholeSIL]

Today should be day one of my period. No sign. We've been ttc dc2 since summer 2018. I don't have any tests in the house. I'm trying not to symptom spot, I haven't told anyone in real life that we're trying.
Our son is almost 4. I'm desperate to give him a sibling. I adore him. He's amazing.

But I am aching to have another baby. People keep asking when we're going to and we just laugh off the questions. They hurt. Every one of them hurts. I suppose I'm just looking for people who understand.

Every single thread I look at in relation to this ends up full of BFPs and I'm just not in the space where I can read those and not feel devastated.

So Fuck you to TTC.
Fuck you to months off slightly delayed periods
Fuck you to every fucker that asks me every time they see me if I have any news
Fuck you to the whole fucking lot of it.

Anyone care to add theirs?

Just fuck how much TTC takes over your life in general 👎

@MrsB2019x every conversation we have turns into "well if we manage to get pregnant again". Fuck that. Fucking fuck it. Fuck the whole fucking lot of it.

@painintheholeSIL Exactly! We’re not planning anything cos it’s like “but what if we’re pregnant by then” 😒😒

Can’t commit to certain business trips in 5-9 months time as they are in countries you wouldn’t want to go when pregnant. And long haul etc. Drives me crazy!
And yes my life is taken over by TTC - and all yhe stupid money spent on fertility tests, pregnancy tests and OKPs. I could have had a holiday 😭😭😭

@painintheholeSIL completely agree that's probably the bit that sucks the most - it's always at the back of our minds, whatever we're planning, it always ends with 'but what if we're pregnant by then'... we've been trying for a year now, so these future what ifs are getting annoying! Fuck that!

@Jeds55 agree with you! I almost feel like I've been misled all my life! Literally believed i was going to get pregnant the minute someone takes their pants off. So unfair!

Hahaha
@Rybenka &Jeds55 - feel exactly the same - misled, but then again we are not 19 anymore, when this can actually be true ;) I am 34 and already thinking, it's a shame I did meet my true love so late in life... but then again, happy I have found him at all, still have some friends my age that are single (not by choice)
@painintheholeSIL - that is sooo true. We are supposed to go to our friends next month, but now I am checking my calendar and it seems I will be in my fertile window that time next month, and I do not want to go... It would be so weird to have sex in their house...and painful not to try properly as if we stayed home... and I haven't gone through the fertile window this month, maybe it will happen this month, but still planning ahead as if it did not. It's changing my life completely

Also, my beloved was so stressed yesterday, he was not able to DD in the beginning, and once it finally happened, I was a speedy one.
So never telling him again when the fertile window is :)

But I did it this month, because I was so fucking tired of hearing "just relax and it will come" even from him, so I told him ok, now you are in charge, and look what happened
To calm him down I just said : "just relax ;)"
then we laughed about it, because he finally got it, how it all feels

*by "DD" I meant - do the deed

@AggieD86 I don't ever tell DH when my supposedly fertile window is. Has the total opposite to the desired effect😂😂 they can't handle the pressure. So he's blissfully unaware at all times.

@painintheholeSIL - I am at it for one year and still so much to learn ;)
I only told him because he was asking why I am so "stressed" ;)
I shouldn't have done that

@Jeds55 Totally agree with that! Being brought up Catholic my mum used any scare tactics she could to stop a teen pregnancy - even telling me at one point you don't have to have sex to get pregnant!

Seems so unfair now I wasted so much time worrying about that when I'm not worrying about TTC!

@MrsB2019x @painintheholeSIL agreed on it taking over! I'm due to be a bridesmaid in August and keep thinking how nice a dress would look with a bump but also means I can't buy a dress yet as who knows!

Fuck you also to working in a horrible toxic environment but not being able to afford statutory mat leave so staying put just in case, but not knowing how long its going to take

Fuck you to endometriosis leaving me unable to move at least once per month and causing extra stress with having a horrendous sick leave record

*now worrying

@MrsP1989 Does the bride know you are TTC?

Fuck you endometriosis - diagnosed this week at age 41 after 21 years of pain

Turns out my ovaries are adhered to both my bowel and my uterus. I found out yesterday.

Fuck you fucking patriarchy for not listening when I complained for 15 years about unbearable pain

Fuck you for deciding that a scan was worth it when I was trying to get pregnant but not when i was crippled in pain half the month for FIFTEEN YEARS

Fuck the many many gynae who rejected my questions about whether I had endo and fobbed me off and refused a laparoscopy to diagnose me

Fuck you all for taking away the opportunity to have surgery earlier or make different choices about ttc

I cant say I would definitely done anything differently but it would have been nice to have had the fucking choice

@TigerJoy

Thank you @painintheholeSIL

I'm calm about it in real life. I'm as infertile as yesterday. I just didn't know before. Knowledge is power etc.

Inside I'm trying to work out what I can legitimately set fire to.

Current plan is to write to every doctor who dismissed me.

@TigerJoy I'm so angry on your behalf

Agree with a huge fuck you to the patriarchy, if men had to put up with all the shit we do around ttc the diagnostics, care etc would be a lot better (or maybe the human race would die out)

Can you imagine if men had periods?! There would be monthly period days allowed off work, free chocolate, massages, you name it. Gahhh all I ask.my partner to do.is take a zinc tablet a day, does he remember? does he fuck

@TigerJoy that’s bloody awful. Hope it’s something that can be worked on now though.
Today’s fuck you is... fuck you af for turning up bang on time (even though I’d prefer this to being late) then fuck you to dropping dc off at nursery to be greeted by one of the other mums & her brand new baby, I couldn’t even look, all I could think was & im definitely NOT PREGNANT standing there bleeding while everyone coos over a newborn. Fuck you ttc for making me feel like this

Fuck you family friend at my Grandma's funeral today who asked how married life was and if we will be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet soon.

Fuck knows. Fuck you.

@Em4815 people are so stupid and thoughtless. Fuck them.

Don't even want to call it a fuck you, but having had a shitty few weeks, feeling overwhelmed by it all and having a minor breakdown at work/taking a few days off last week, I went back in to colleagues saying "we've worked out you've had enough here so you'll get pregnant and go off soon" I wish it was that bloody easy. I wish working in a childcare environment I wasn't surrounded by pregnant parents and babies

@MrsB2019x yes she does and she's being lovely about it

@TigerJoy I'm so sorry to hear youve gone through that. It's so shitty how long it takes us to get diagnosed. It took me a number of years to be listened to as well and is a fucking awful illness. Good for you for turning your anger to something constructive and sending out complaints. It is so needed!

Fuck you to being away from tomorrow and it coinciding with predicted fertile time
Fuck you for considering cancelling it and putting life on hold for something that may never happen

How's everyone doing? Been quiet on the fuck you front so hope that means people have stopped being such twats to us all