Fuck you TTC

[painintheholeSIL]

Today should be day one of my period. No sign. We've been ttc dc2 since summer 2018. I don't have any tests in the house. I'm trying not to symptom spot, I haven't told anyone in real life that we're trying.
Our son is almost 4. I'm desperate to give him a sibling. I adore him. He's amazing.

But I am aching to have another baby. People keep asking when we're going to and we just laugh off the questions. They hurt. Every one of them hurts. I suppose I'm just looking for people who understand.

Every single thread I look at in relation to this ends up full of BFPs and I'm just not in the space where I can read those and not feel devastated.

So Fuck you to TTC.
Fuck you to months off slightly delayed periods
Fuck you to every fucker that asks me every time they see me if I have any news
Fuck you to the whole fucking lot of it.

Anyone care to add theirs?

This is such a great thread!

Fuck you to the TWW and the amount of money spent on sticks peed on.

Fuck you to the doctor who told me 'take comfort in the fact you can get pregnant' when referring to my miscarriages. Yeah 18 months of ttc and no children/not pregnant really makes me feel comforted.

Fuck you to the person who told me 'I suppose they just didn't want to be born'. I'm sorry, you fucking what?!

Fuck you to wanting a positive result but being fucking terrified at the idea.

So sick of all this shit! Fuck you to it all.

@Daffodil21 Jesus fucking Christ if how did you not beat the shit out of thon??? Who says that!!!

@whatsthecraic91 I couldn't, I was at work and it was a client. (I took time off work so my boss knew what was going on and the client 'guessed'). We were at their house and I would have walked out and left if I could have, but I couldn't because my boss had driven us there so I didn't have my car.

Of course I went home and did the responsible thing - opened a bottle of wine and cried my eyes out! (There was no way I was pregnant when I opened the wine!)

She was in her 70s and I think she meant well but I was fucking mortified!!!!

Fuck you to people saying "o think of all the babies who'll be born in 9 months because of couples in self isolation" O BECAUSE ITS SO EASY TO CONCEIVE IS IT?? JANET ON FB?!!

@AliSxo YES!!

If I see that one more time!

Fuck you Mother’s Day.

💗

Agree. Fuck you Mother’s Day.

And my friend meant well, but she was like “you should watch Babies on Netflix. It’s all about the scientific aspect of babies.” Nah. You’re ok, mate.

Fuck you to my stupid hope. My period is late. I don't know why I even bothered to test. I knew what it would say.
Fuck you hope

@Icouldstillbejoseph I'm sorry. We all feel your pain.

Thank you - it's very cathartic to be able to vent it on here. I know 'real life' has bigger issues right now. Anyway AF is here now and my stupid uterus can fuck off for a few days

How is everyone doing? I feel like shit today. Ds will be 4 very soon, I thought he'd have a sibling by now.
Fuck you to not being able to fully enjoy anything because it's always at the back of my mind.

@painintheholeSIL I hear you. We were meant to have a fertility appointment today but we now can't afford it and obv life is on hold.
I pissing myself off for being bothered when there's bigger issues. Also I think it would have been a waste of time anyway.

Gin must be an essential item.

@Icouldstillbejoseph I'm sorry. That's really shit.
Fuck all of it
Fuck my "D"H too. He's being a total prick. We've just had a row and there's nowhere to go to get away from him. I feel so sad today

Fuck it all today. The whole fucking lot: the Ovia fertility app, ovulation pain, ovulation tests, sex, PMT, periods. Most of all fuck off to the crushing disappointment of not being pregnant: not giving DD a sibling and my body not doing its most basic function.

Been trying to conceive number 2 since January 2019. Today we got the results of our tests and everything is OK. I had bloods done a couple of months ago but today was told my swabs and pelvic US are fine. DH got his sperm analysis results and he's fine too - good quality and motility.

We're older (42 and 39, nearly 40) but we don't have any health issues, we eat well and exercise.

Why aren't we pregnant? I track my cycle and have regular sex and I don't know what else we can do and I am so fucking fucked off with it all

I hear you all. I really fucking do.

Is it just me or does it all feel worse at the moment?

I'm feeling worse because I feel bad about feeling worse. People are dying unnecessarily and here I am whinging about the fact I can't have a baby.

But I guess having such restricted liberty doesn't help either - and obv much worse if your partner is being a prick too.

Selfishly I feel that it would give me something wonderful to look forward to at the end of all this if only I could get 2 lines on a pissing test.

I'm in the NHS. I should be grateful to get out of this without any lasting trauma, let alone bleating on about my stupid uterus.

Sorry - that was a right moan vom.

Ooh I've got more. This month will be my official year of trying without a fucking sniff. Fuck you 1 year anniversary. Fuck my age. Fuck this.

I have really enjoyed this thread! There are so many things to say, but this is my worst one:

Fck you to not being able to feel fully happy for all my pregnant friends and their beautiful children because I'm fcking jealous and miserable as I don't have that in my life.

And to be topical- F*ck you coronavirus delaying all kinds of fertility tests and treatments for months.

And because I'm naturally optimistic- hope many of us can conceive naturally in the meantime!

I am so fucking miserable. Been ttc for 15 months.

Long story short FINALLY found out I have really bad endometriosis- turns out ovaries and uterus are all stuck together and all stuck to my bowel. And I have polyps. No doubt cause of my infertility. Had it for 21 years and noone was bothered til I was trying to get pregnant and proper diagnosis and treatment took from last August until March this year.

Was going to get it operated on then have last chance IVF before I turn 42 and percentages dwindle from low to almost nothing (from 8% to less than 2% chance of a live birth)

AND I HAVE COVID-19. Been in bed suffering for 12 days now - moderate case but can't do anything

So fuck you the patriarchy for structuring medicine to treat my pain as unimportant, and not giving me the chance to get this sorted before and/or make better informed life choices

Fuck my partner (only a bit) for making me wait for a couple of years while he ummd and aahd

Fuck my stupid defective body for bleeding in all the wrong places and getting sick

And fuck this pandemic for delaying any treatment so that my tiny little sliver of a chance to get pregnant is extinguished before I can get surgery

And now I have both a crippling period and Covid-19. I am crying multiple times a day. I am raging. I am being a fucking nightmare. Fuck it.

@TigerJoy I really feel for you and I hope you're better soon.

@TigerJoy That is an absolutely shit situation and there's nothing I can say except thinking of you x

Flowers from me too @tigerjoy

I have similar endometriosis and it's shit. Feel better soon.x

Amazing thread! You guys are brilliant!

Just had a 2 day AF instead of usual 6-7, so even after initial devastation I tried to convince myself... maybe it was a heavy implantation bleed, wait 3 more days....test....BFN. Fuck you - and what was that even about then 2 days AF - am I drying up?? did I not ovulate - OPK said I did WTF.....?

Only been trying for 4 months but am 39 this year and have been told to wait for various pointless reasons for SEVEN fucking years by DH. DS from previous relationship is 19 this year! Been married 9 years in September.... ITS FUCKING TIME!

Been on the pill for 15 years so cycles are hard to predict and a mess but could be worse, and I really am just trying to track them so I can know my own body again (as well as obviously TTC).

Only to be told by DH that I should "just wait and see" "if it happens it happens" and "why am I trying to calculate everything" erm like because its fucking hard to get pregnant - I have a 10% chance per cycle - thats if I even ovulate - thats 12 in a year and I'm getting older each month. Literally has no fucking clue - thinks sex = pregnant.

So fuck you for not only making me feel like i'm TTC alone, but also questioning my efforts to do so (seems to me that the 7 years wait was not enough, perhaps we could wait until my periods stop altogether and then start trying, maybe when i'm in the care home, or when I get my birthday card from the queen??)

Fuck you to stepping it up a gear each month....

Ovia
Ovia and OPKs
Ovia and more expensive OPKs, HPT
Ovia, most expensive OPKs, Vit B6 (appear to have a short luteal phase) and femometer..... (not got any HPTs left but prob won't need to bother...AF will tell me)

Also fuck you Covid and the thread about waiting to TTC so as not to burden the NHS... I refer you back to the 10% chance anyway.

Thankfully I am still OK with people I know who are pregnant and can be happy for them - but I know i'll get there too - it's only been 4 months for me so I can't imagine what some of you have endured - the madness is real already and it got progressively worse.

finally fuck you in the face to being told i'm "overthinking it" and "know too much"

Happy weekend xx