Fuck you TTC

[painintheholeSIL]

Today should be day one of my period. No sign. We've been ttc dc2 since summer 2018. I don't have any tests in the house. I'm trying not to symptom spot, I haven't told anyone in real life that we're trying.
Our son is almost 4. I'm desperate to give him a sibling. I adore him. He's amazing.

But I am aching to have another baby. People keep asking when we're going to and we just laugh off the questions. They hurt. Every one of them hurts. I suppose I'm just looking for people who understand.

Every single thread I look at in relation to this ends up full of BFPs and I'm just not in the space where I can read those and not feel devastated.

So Fuck you to TTC.
Fuck you to months off slightly delayed periods
Fuck you to every fucker that asks me every time they see me if I have any news
Fuck you to the whole fucking lot of it.

Anyone care to add theirs?

Well, I’m just frustrated with my body. I’m not sure I ovulate, so it’s really not as simple as just keep BDing.
Think I need to sort my lifestyle out.

@Jeds55 I have some! Fuck you to Dh's college course keeping him out til midnight 2 nights a week. I'm in my fertile(supposedly) window and we haven't dtd since Saturday morning.
Fuck you to Dh for really not getting that it won't just happen at any random time of the month.🙄

Fuck you to...

My husband who thinks it'll just happen any old random day of the month

My SIL who has announced her new (unwanted) pregnancy

Oh I have some! Fuck you grumbling period pain from 7 days DPO which is not implantation pain, just bloody pms cranking up. Fuck you later ovulation and therefore later period and therefore sliver of hope, quickly dashed. Fuck you to having no guarantee of ovulation unless you do stress inducing things like bbt while actively trying NOT TO STRESS.

Fuck you to guests who come and stay on peak fertility days
And fuck you to peak fertility days who came late
And fuck you guests who stayed up chatting until midnight every night

@Jeds55 people really are twats!! My coping mechanism for this seems to have been avoiding people at all costs recently haha!

So fuck you to my boss who has been bullying me at work for over a year
Fuck you to staying in a toxic work environment to ensure we get mat cover even though I don't know how long it will take to conceive
Fuck you TTC for impacting my mental health so it becomes impossible to come of meds which I was hoping to before conceiving

Fuck you to being a week late and getting BFN after BFN

@56AdriannaP I get this all the time, people staying in the fertile window and OH then refusing to do the deed!
@58MrsP1989 I try and avoid people at all cost too. They are all self centred arseholes when it comes to yet another "helpful" comment that i am not getting any younger and it's about time I have another baby...

So fuck you scheduled sex on and off for the last 5 years.
Fuck you shit sex when I can't wait for it to be over so I can just go to sleep.
Fuck you OH who is never in the mood.
Fuck you people who keep announcing their surprise pregnancies.
URGH

Fuck you to the people who tell me to stop being emotionally invested in this. Also to those who just say get drunk and have sex and it'll happen that way. NO. FUCK YOU.

Please may I join!!

Fuck you body for giving me pregnancy symptoms most months for AF to arrive a couple of days later!!

Fuck you to everyone saying just relax! You're still young you've got plenty of time!

Fuck you to the 'it'll happen when you don't want it to' people

TTC is a tough ride I'm just glad I've got mumsnet to share the ride with!

Fuck you OH who, when I asked last night of he'd be upset if I'm not pregnant again this month, replied with 'why would I be upset?'
Because TTC means you want a baby and I'll be fucking devastated. Looks like I'll just have a cry by myself while you're at work and get on with it. Again. Prick.

@Hannahb26 I get that too. How are we supposed to ttc but be detached from it.

@Twitchett22 I know exactly how you feel. Dh told me a few months ago that he has a feeling that ds will be our only and he couldn't understand why I started crying.

@Wishtobeamamma it's great to have the support here isn't it?

Fuck you to AF coming a week late
Fuck you to my diminished motivation
Fuck you to everyone who implies it's MY fault I'm not falling pregnant because I'm thinking about it too much

This is something which is going to change my life forever- how the fuck can I not think about it?!?!?!?!

@Painintheside30 Totally agree! I don't know how it ever become normal for random people who you barely know to essentially ask 'so are you having unprotected sex at the moment?' !

@Hannahb26 @painintheholeSIL @iswhois Agreed! Who on earth could decide they want a baby but then be blase about whether or not it happens. I cant cope with taking bbt or ovulation tests anymore, we're just DTD every other day the whole time and I'm resigning myself to being allowed a grieving process every month it doesn't happen (i.e. getting embarrassingly pissed and ugly crying over whoever I am with at the time).

Fuck it seeming like EEEEEVERYONE is getting pregnant at the moment and we’re not!!!!

(I do feel a tinge of guilt about this fuck you as I don’t know their stories and they could have struggled too.. but still my heart sinks when I see another announcement)

@MrsB2019x couldn't agree more! Many happy stories on Mumsnet and deep down i am happy for those ladies as some of them really tried for a long while... however it doesn't change the feeling of 'i deserve it too and this was supposed to be my month!'.

Instead, i caught a cold right on my supposedly ovulation day, so i am not sure if i actually ovulated - BBT chart is a mess and the opks too!

I'd also like to say fuck you to the planning in my head - we cant plan this and that at the end of the year because what if we have a newborn by then... it's not the first Christmas i am thinking about in that way...fuck that.

Fuck you OPK for getting my hopes up that I'd ovulate but my temps haven't risen so I'm probably stuck in another ridiculously long anovulatory cycle.

Love this thread.

Fuck you to the whole TTC journey... it's still early for me but why is everything so confusing?

Fuck you Ovulation sticks, they are messy and a pain and I don't know if I believe them.

Fuck you to currently being on CD50...

Fuck you to the old lady who asked me if I was pregnant in work the other day.... no I'm jus fat love.

Fuck you to not coming off my pill earlier...

Fuck you to starting to convince myself I don't think I'll ever see 2 lines.

Fuck you to just being so tired sometimes to even DTD.

Love to you all ladies 😘😘

Ah and fuck you to the birch herself who's finally decided to arrive on what was CD50! Just in time for me to go back to work tomorrow after a week off 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Elmlee

Here’s some more
Fuck you to the mind fuckery of OPKs, anyone else get excited when they see 2 lines then think why the fuck am I excited it’s the wrong fucking test, there’s always 2 lines you idiot, then think what would I give to see those 2 lines on a pregnancy test. Then getting even more excited that the lines are darker than yesterday’s then realising you don’t want a positive OPK because OH is away till Thursday.

Fuck you to myself for waking up late today therefore temp is higher than it usually would be so have to disregard it because I don’t want it to fuck up my chart.

Fuck you to how much this is costing me in vitamins, food, OPKs, mentally, wouldn’t mind spending the money on pregnancy tests but don’t ever bloody need to, need to buy tampax instead.

Fuuuuucccckkkkk yooooouuuuu

I have more too!
Fuck you ewcm on day 23. Day fucking 23. Not a sniff of ovulation before that.
Fuck you person who told me she got pregnant the minute she relaxed.
Fuck you horrendous stomach pain since last night that's left me barely able to walk.
Fuck you to another friend having her 2nd baby.
Fuck you to having no idea why I'm in so much pain and being afraid to go to the doctor.
Fuck you to the headache I've had since Sunday.
Fuck you to the utter misery I feel today.

Hi beautiful ladies,

Can I add mine please as I’m really not in a good place today.

Fuck you to stupid fertility medications that sometimes make me throw up and make me nauseous all day long.
Fuck you to having to put up with winking faces and knowing smiles from people who think they’ve guessed that I’m pregnant because of said nausea and sickness when really I’m not.
Fuck you to wishing that it was morning sickness as that would mean I would finally be pregnant.
Fuck you to the way I know it destroys my incredible DH every time it’s negative as he wants this as much as I do.
Fuck you to the brave face DH has to put on when I have a bad day and can’t keep it together.
Fuck you to taking my temperature every day and it being constantly random.
Fuck toy to my bbt app for telling me that I’m clearly an idiot and doing my temp wrong as it can’t predict ovulation from said random temps.
Fuck you to 80+ day long cycles and doctors that wouldn’t listen to me when I first told them there was a problem.
Fuck you to having to wait 15 months before the doctor would refer me to the fertility clinic.
Fuck you to the doctor that didn’t organise any of my tests and meant I missed my first appointment and had to wait another 4 months.
Fuck you to 20 months of failure ttc.
Fuck you to my ovary that just doesn’t work.
So much love and luck to all you ladies
❤️❤️❤️