TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Uggghhhh I did a cheapie pregnancy test and the line looks darker than yesterday's. I really really really hope my HCG hasn't gone up again when I have my next blood test tomorrow because that would really mess me up.

@peperethecat they used to be 26 days on the dot before this ectopic and the first cycle was 24 days this one looks to be 22 days

@Mumlili9 it's still very soon after your ectopic to expect your body to have settled down into its new normal. If you are like me you want to get back to normal overnight... we all do I suppose but don't put pressure on yourself.

I rang a few private clinics and hospitals about having a smear test done as I've been waiting my 12 weeks after miscarriage to get a smear done before trying again. Then Corona virus came.
Basically I can't get a smear done on the nhs or privately. All private facilities have been dedicated to nhs procedures which is great and I'm amazed how the private sector has come to help. (But arghghg I want a a smear).
My GP said she didn't think it was a problem to wait for the smear test so I think we'll gently try again. So I'll aim for the right time without using sticks and see what happens.

I’m sorry you find yourself here @Noble89 and @Ranoutofgoodnames

Pleased it seems to have calmed down @MOGMOGMOG85

Hope everyone else is ok

I went for my blood test this morning and am sitting here hoping that my HCG has gone down since Monday and that the slightly darker line I got on the cheapie I did yesterday was due to dehydration.

What a strange life we lead.

@MOGMOGMOG85 really pleased to hear the bleeding has stopped. Fingers crossed that's the last of it!

@Ranoutofgoodnames, you may not have any cramping at all after the ERPC but if you do, it should stop the day after.

@Mumlili9 I'm taking vitamin B to try to extend my luteal phase as well but it hasn't had any effect so far. 10 days bang on every month. No idea about follicular phase though, sorry.

I took a cheapie test yesterday (three weeks after ERPC). There was no second line until I went back and checked it that night so I'm hoping that was nothing and my body is finally getting back to normal, esp as I think I ovulated on the 18th.

I am so desperate to be pregnant. I have all this love ready to give a new being and I just can't believe there's no one coming for it. I have never felt this way before and I don't like it. I'm going to get a puppy. It's not right that I wanted to love and nurture something and now I'm left with nothing.

I want a Goldendoodle but alas, I can't find one.

Dream dog: Tuxedo Goldendoodles. Anyone else have pets?

@peperethecat how did the results go?

My HCG has almost halved since Monday. Down from 380 to 182. Phew!

Horrible situation but at least it wasn't an ectopic.

@clitterratti I'm desperate to have a baby but I bloody hate every minute of being pregnant. I find it so stressful.

My brother in law has just announced that he is putting off his wedding to next summer. We had two months at the end of last year where we felt horribly guilty about trying because if I got pregnant and it worked out we wouldn't be able to go to the wedding. Now it looks like July will roll around and they won't be getting married and I won't be pregnant. And my first thought was that we probably still won't have a baby when they get married next year.

@clitterratti and @peperethecat I was exactly the same after the first MMC. I think it is completely normal. After this second one, I don't think it has hit me yet. Either that or I have just accepted that it might never happen. I should be doing visualisation or googling acupuncture or something but I just don't have it in me this time (yet). However, I feel like I am slowly sliding into feeling sad rather then angry so it may change any day now....

Like @clitterratti I was thinking about getting a dog earlier. And then this afternoon I joined a work Zoom call where my boss hadn't arrived yet and for some reason my team were talking about the lifespan of cats and dogs, and how the fact that cats and dogs are living longer now means that they get senile and forget where to go to the toilet, and then my colleague said that she once had an old dog and they had to put a sort of nappy on her when she was on her period because she was getting blood all over the soft furnishings.

My reactions:

Ugh, that's gross.

I didn't know dogs got periods.

I find my own periods traumatic enough, I don't really want to have to deal with someone else's.

It's insane that dogs still menstruate when they are old enough to have dementia, I guess that fucking biological clock doesn't apply to them, huh.

So gross.

I don't want a dog anymore.

@peperethecat 😂😂😂

@clitterratti I am sorry you are feeling so down and I am with you in this hole at the moment

I am thinking about what if I get pregnant again. I think we have agreed we want to try. But how can you ever enjoy it again and feel anything but stress and fear?

@peperethecat It sounds horrible, but the periods only happen to girl dogs. If you spay your girl dog, she won't get her period. Dementia happens to a lot of people and pets...but the years the dog is with you in all senses will probably make the ending negligible.

@zoomies1 I hear you; but at this point in time you have committed yourself and your husband to try again. I'm right there with you. I don't want to face the word 'never' at this point in time, and I hope I can find a way to encourage you from seeing it now that you know what you want.

@Ranoutofgoodnames I don't know how I will ever have a happy pregnancy, but I suppose I would be content with any type of pregnancy as long as it resulted in a healthy baby. Happiness was replaced by fear the day I noticed my son had severe SEN.

The days of skimpy bikinis on large boats while sipping on cocktails and dancing with my lover are no longer pertinent. It's the price I paid for taking the chance at motherhood and to be honest, I would choose it infinitely.

Stress and Fear are not as horrible as we all feel they are. They are also protective measures we need within us. Fear is not an enemy, she's here to help us achieve our greatest desires as long as we are willing to process what she means to us. Stress just warns us of distractions. (I tell myself this bullshit all day long).

That’s not bullshit at all.

@peperethecat just realised you may have been upset by my emojis - I thought your use of words etc re dogs was funny and I was not at all laughing at the sentiment you were expressing xx

I have had a bad reaction to the anti biotics I was given after the surgery last weekend - it seems to have all calmed down this morning so I am hoping now I can just concentrate on starting to get my head around what happened and my loss and then start to think about the future. The doctor did say she probably wouldn’t recommend we try again until at least eg three months have passed. I will see her again to get test results in four or five weeks so we definitely won’t try again until after that but three months does seem quite long - I am nearly 41 and feel a bit like time is not on my side

@Ranoutofgoodnames Not upset at all, it was intended to be light hearted!

Hi ladies I'm out I think this cycle. Not last night but the night before was a bust DH didn't finish and I though last night would be OK but I got my temp spike this morning so last night's attempt was probably pointless far too late. In any case my ovulation was far to early so even if we'd have caught the egg it was probably no good any how. On to next cycle.
@peperethecat I have a dog and sadly she doesn't fill the huge gap in my heart. Yes she's smelly, needy and we got her done because of the doggy period thing (it gets everywhere) but she's captured my DH heart so I have to live with the huge hole in my heart on my tod.
Tbh after 9 mc's I should be trying to move on knowing that it's never going to happen for me but the bio clock is still screaming at me. I guess I keep going until I stop ovulating completely.
I'm having a very down day and have spent most of the day tearful and hating my body. I spent and hour in my greenhouse and that helped me a bit. After much googling I have come to the conclusion that either I'm starting menopause or I'm estrogen dominant so I'm going to try and fix the later and hope it's the menopause.
Sorry to be a downer today. Hope you ladies are all well

Oh @Mumlili9 I'm sorry. What medical help are you getting at the moment? Do you have a doctor helping you with this?

@Mumlili9 I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. If life has taught me anything, it’s that anything can happen 💓

@clitterratti How are you? It can feel so unfair that we all want to be a mum or a mum again so badly and probably doing all the things things, especially when it seems to happen so easily for others. I have rabbits and bring me a lot of joy 💕

Hope everyone is ok

@Mumlili9m as @BunnytheHoneyBee says, nothing is beyond the realms of possibility. Sorry you are feeling so down. How are you today?

@peperethecat I had my girl dog 'spayed / neutered'(?) and although its not the same at all, she makes me laugh every single day and on the worst days, gives me a reason to get out of bed to take her out. Although I was offended when a friend of DH's suggested that she is a surrogate baby. She isn't. We wanted a dog and got her before we started trying.

I don't think I can even get my blood tests done now, I think everything is classed as non essential so I can't go.....argh. Feel really stuck.

What blood tests do you need, @zoomies1?

Evening all - hope all you are staying safe in the current climate

I've been quiet since my last miscarriage

we finally got some answers (Trisomy 18) was told the pregnancy was not compatible with life

Loss at 11 weeks

Now we are here almost 9 months on

Thinking that we TTC as I am now 37 ... and believe it's now or never xxx

But with a high flying career and age against me

I need to get a move on

Hope you are all staying safe

Will give you a update on my journey - and look forward to hearing about you guys journey

We are currently a family of 4 ( 2 sons aged 4 and 15 )

Feeling greedy for wanting a Third

But after suffering 4 miscarriages in 1.5 years - my heart just wont heal x

Is here we go

Wish me luck xx

@Rumi1 I understand the age pressure. I’m 36 and lost my only child last year so I’m trying for no. 2 now but this would be my first living child. I have always been v career focussed and started trying the first time when I was 34. I was lucky to fall pregnant quickly and had her before I was 35 but now I’m 36 with no living children and still trying and wondering whether I left it too late. I don’t know whether I will ever bring a living baby home.

It’s perfectly ok to be grateful for the children you have while wanting more.

I hope everyone is ok.

@BunnytheHoneyBee

Thank you for those kind words

One thing that gives me comfort is that I've connected with many mums over 37 and pregnant at my sons school

Some mums in his class are turning 45 ... So it's not impossible for us

We just have to try not to loose hope

But your words brightened my day ... thank you

Career vs family is hard . Especially when flexible working is like gold dust

Wishing you all the best in this journey

I'm right there with you hun xxxx