TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@clitterati It’s so shit to feel like the unlucky one. I don’t feel unlucky generally but when it comes to DD and having a baby I do. My team at work (it’s about 25 people across four offices) it feels like 2+ people always on mat leave. Me and 2 others off together. Ofc my DD died. Came back and someone else went on mat leave. Another went a couple of weeks ago and today the announcement email went around (I really like the girl but didn’t feel up to it so deleted it) and one of the girls who was off when I was came back from mat leave the month after me already pregnant again. We always joked there’s something in the water with pregnancies but I feel so unlucky to be the one whose baby died. It’s nice that your sister is thinking of you though and i hope you find comfort in your friends’ babies. I have loved baby cuddles with my friend’s baby and cousins baby, both girls, who were the same age as my DD. I really hope it happens for us soon🤞💕

Hi All,

Well I'm back on the conception board after my second MMC and ERPC last Tuesday. If you'll have me, I'd be glad of the company as I brace myself for attempt number 3. (I was sooo happy to get off the rubbish baby making sex train).

@Mumlili8 I haven't read the full thread but saw your update and I am so sorry that this has happened to you. There was a case in the press recently where the NHS had to pay for someone's IVF because there was negligence on their part. Perhaps its worth looking into.

@Bunnythebee
I am so sorry that you are here with me, that all of you are here with me.

I cannot wait till we graduate to the other thread, and graduate again onto the thread where our babies are born, all perfect and healthy. Bringing an end to this need for validation that only peeing on a stick will give us.

I don't like being the unfortunate one.

Meanwhile, I am sooo bored I'm thinking about cooking really complicated recipes. Anyone else trying new foods/recipes?

@clitterratti thank you. Your feelings towards your friends are totally understandable. Its one of the worst consequences isn't it? I've never been jealous of my friends ever and the last 6 months I can't stand people announcing their pregnancies. I even tried to push past these feelings and went to stay with a pregnant friend who had previously been experiencing problems ovulating and we'd felt like we were confiding in each other a lot before her pregnancy. As soon as I saw her bump I started to feel so depressed and the next morning I just couldn't stop crying and had to come out of my room with a swollen face and admit I felt like crap before going home again. I've never felt so ashamed it was awful. I messaged her to apologise but she didn't respond. I've learned my lesson - not to push myself. It does feel like we're kind of doomed to always be the one with terrible luck, but it's not true - the luck is all so bloody random and one day we'll have our babies and we won't feel that way any more :( xx @BunnytheBee that sounds really intense at work as well, especially the woman already pregnant again, anyone of us would find that so difficult to deal with!

@zoomies1 I'm so so sorry that you're back here :( also that negligence case sounds really interesting and relevant, I do think @Mumlili9 it sounds like negligence to me but I'm no expert xxx

I'm not sure I should still be on this thread, I just don't feel safe to leave yet xxx

@clitterati Not this week but have you been on the health and fitness thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3781794-TTC-after-loss-penguins-get-fit-healthy-in-2020?pg=1&order=

We post more recipes and stuff on there

We have a moan and a rant too lol but there are some recipes on there

@zoomies1 I’m sorry you’re back here

@MOGMOGMOG85 Didn't your friend understand at all? Strange she didn’t text back.

@zoomies1 @clitterratti @BunnytheBee @MOGMOGMOG85 hello ladies so sorry I've been awol. My head isn't doing so well tbh. I'll catch up with the thread tomorrow. I've been hiding in my green house. I don't think it's worth trying to sue the NHS. Who the hell is going to help me go against the NHS after covid-19. I'm just going to have to live with the heart break and pray fora miracle
Hope your all safe xx

@Mumlili9 I'm sorry :( ok to hide from the thread for a while, and to hide in your greenhouse. It's so much to process :( xxx are you growing anything nice? xxx

@BunnytheBee after about a week I texted her again just talking about something totally random like our pets (I think it was) and she replied straight away. I guess we're not going to talk about it. I understand, she has her own anxieties about her pregnancy, especially at this time, and I think she doesn't feel she can talk to me about her pregnancy any more since she sent me her scan photo and I had a complete meltdown (like fell on the floor weeping) and later had to ask her not to send me any more. It's just very sad, there's a big distance between us now. I wouldn't even tell her that I've conceived again because I am too scared the same thing is going to happen and I know that if it does I'm only going to feel 10x worse than I did before which is frankly terrifying. Infertility putting a distance between you and friends is one of the worst consequences for me, but I've learned not to fight it, it's inevitable and theres nothing you can do. I tried to push myself to ignore my own feelings for the sake of trying to preserve that closeness with pregnant friends, but it was too painful for me. Thank god for non-pregnant friends and friends who don't want children (although they can be a little insensitive too!) xxx

Hi All,

Really struggling today (although I may just be procrastinating).

I am still in the angry phase after the ERPC before moving into the sad stage and am finding it really hard to keep my temper. Every bloody Teams call we have has a new pregnancy announcement or photos of someone's new born or someone's toddler pops up on screen to say hello. I just want to hang up the phone.
Anyone else getting this at the moment?

I’ve missed lots since last reading the thread but saw your post @Mumlili9 and I’m so sorry about how badly your uterus was damaged after the ectopic surgery. Are they saying it will be difficult to get pregnant because of losing the tube or because of the scar tissue in the uterus or both? Gutting also not to get genetic results on the baby - how could they lose the form? Unbelievable! In terms of saving for IVF, a cycle at Guy’s Hospital is about £5k. Self-funded cycles at NHS hospitals seem to be cheaper than most of the private clinics. No clinics are offering IVF at the moment though.

I was supposed to be having a hysteroscopic uterine resection at the recurrent miscarriage clinic but that has been cancelled for the foreseeable future due to coronavirus. I did find out that the genetic abnormality in the baby I lost over Christmas was a random one-off and not inherited from me or my husband which is good I guess. But I had my sixth miscarriage last week and am starting to think more about surrogacy because I don’t think I can handle any more miscarriages. My husband is not at all keen on the idea though.

Keeping fingers crossed for you @MOGMOGMOG85

Hope you’re doing okay @BunnytheBee. I definitely sympathise with you @clitterratti @zoomies1 about the constant reminders from other people’s pregnancies and kids. Working from home should have made it easier but they still manage to shove it in your face somehow!

Sorry to hear about your missed miscarriage @zoomies1.

Hi all,
Trying catch up from where I posted last night told dh I am testing again in the morning he wasn’t sure it was a good idea but I am doing it anyway lol hope everyone is ok and staying safe xx

Hello ladies I'm feeling a bit better. AF due on the 14th bfn for me today.

I have to be very honest I'm lost as to where everyone is on there journeys so I'm thinking an early roll call just so we're upto date I'll go first.

Age 38
9 losses since 2018, last loss also resulted in losing my left tube due to ectopic pregnancy. I'm on my first normal cycle since the op, bfn today 10 dpo. Praying that the scar tissue from the botched surgery will not make me infertile as the consultant suggests. I have 6 cycles to get pregnant and if unsuccessful I'm to have a hsg and a hysteroscopy to investigate. I've been through rmc and all blood tests are normal except I have low prolactin levels and low AMH levels but my FSH and LH levels are normal.

Hope your all staying safe and healthy

@Babytinx11 hello and welcome, sorry for your loss x I can't find your other post. Is this a hpt for a possible new pregnancy?

Hi Ladies,

Another floater here and only catching up after a crazy month due to covid-19. @Mumlili9 I am so sorry to read through your experience. It just sounds awful and I am truly hoping that you get some good news. I can understand your reluctance to take things further with the NHS but it does sound like they have been incredibly negligent. I'm sorry to hear about your BFN. Fingers crossed for next month.

For those who feel like crap when there is another pregnancy/new baby. It is such a conflict of emotions but I also live in fear of a pregnancy being announced. It's horrible as that's not like me and I was never like that before but I get really down when another friend says she is pregnant.

@VenusStarr how are you doing? Again catching up but sounds like it hasnt been a great time for you 😥

I got my first smiley face after my MMC in October but no temperature rise so doubt it will happen for us this month (although this is my first month temping so who knows!) I'm currently furloughed and all i know is that is one more person makes a joke about joining a baby boom, I will actually lose it!

Hope all you ladies are doing ok. Sending to you all

@Isittimeforbubblesyet hi hun. Good news on the smiling face. The temping takes some getting used to. I've been doing it for 2 years and I sometimes still forget. I get to the bedroom door and think "crap I didn't temp". Sorry to hear about your mmc in October. Mmc's are awful its such a smack in the face because you're thinking all is well them wham it's all over in 4 words. Yes I'm fed up of this stupid baby boom thing too xx

@Mumlili9

Age: 36
Losses: 1 stillbirth, 15/2/2020
TTC for 2 months now.

Thanks @Mumlili9 I was hoping maybe it was a late one this month but doesn't look like it. Feeling so crap this morning as this was our last chance to conceive before my due date next month. Feeling like such a failure for my body not working properly and so frustrated that no one can help because of covid-19. Anyone know if it's common to get positive opks but not actually ovulate? I just wonder if this has been the issue. All in all, we have trying to conceive for 2 years now 😪

@Isittimeforbubblesyet yes it can happen. I've had it a few times. It just makes that cycle longer and a heavier period. I totally understand that feeling of failure hun, we shouldn't feel this way we did nothing wrong but it's really hard to push it away.

I've had a crappy day I fell out big time with my best friend. She's right in the middle of her 8th pregnancy (she has 7 children and one part cooked) and she's smoking and still drinking and still going out visiting people during the lock down. I feel I just can't be there to support her anymore. She's seen everything I've been through and still treats her pregnancy like yah whatever I don't what I want attitude. It feels bad that I will not be there for the birth of this little boy, I've been there for all 7 of the other kids. What's even more annoying is they all have different dads and she gets pregnant within the first month she starts dating a new man. She is also older than me too. How is this fair.

@Mumlili9 that is really rubbish and so frustrating. I dont understand how some people can be so lucky and others have no luck at all 😪 I dont blame you for feeling you cant support her ❤ I guess all we can do is continue to hope...

I actually got a spike today in my bbt but I woke up at 3.45 and popped to the loo very quickly before waking again at my usual time to temp so think the rise is to do with that rather than ovulation Will know tomorrow I guess (I'll make sure I do a wee before bed tonight!)

@Mumlili9 How are you? You’ve mentioned your friend before and I’m not surprised you find it tough. Particularly the drinking and smoking in her pregnancies. That kind of thing winds me up after I had a full term loss when I wouldn’t even drink Coke during my pregnancy (avoiding caffeine) and then women who drink and smoke their babies are fine. It’s so unfair. You’ve been a good friend to support her for so long. Does she understand why it’s difficult for you?

@MOGMOGMOG85 I think people insensitive full stop and we are probably v sensitive / emotional about our own situations so it’s not a good mix...

@zoomies1 My team is like this. There is always someone on mat leave or pregnant and about to go on mat leave. I find it tough sometimes (a) because all the team’s having babies and my baby died and (b) on a bad I sometimes feel they’re being insensitive going on about mat leave constantly. But they did it when I had just come back from mat leave (6 months early as my baby had died) so I think they are a bit oblivious. There’s already been a toddler on screen. The other day some of them were doing all team emails jokey complaining about being at home with the kids. I felt like saying “It might not be ideal it’s better than the alternative!” Oh and got the team email last week with photos of newborn. I deleted it 🙈

@FloDaffodil I’m sorry you had another MC. Maybe give your DH some time to come around to the idea of surrogacy, if that’s something you want to give serious consideration to. I find my DH is resistant to some things too. He wants a baby very much and we’ve talked about adoption (not necessarily as an alternative to having our own baby, something we might want to do anyway) but he doesn’t like the idea of IVF for some reason.

@Isittimeforbubblesyet I think most of us understand the anxiety around people we know announcing pregnancies and I hate hearing about the possible baby boom too as it makes me picture everyone I know getting pregnant except me!

@clitterratti How are you?

PS happy Easter everyone

Eat some chocolate and get outside if you can

We spent time in the garden yesterday and that was nice

Hello ladies how are you all doing?

So AF arrived today 😔. On to the next cycle. I'm feeling very anxious with everything that's going on in the world but hopefully it won't cause any harm to my chances.

I’m sorry AF arrived @Mumlili9 buy wishing you well for this cycle

@BunnytheHoneyBee I see you name changed again. Like the name. Did you know through out culture the honeybee is said to bring improved fertility. How are you doing ? Hopefully it will be a good cycle this time the last one was very confusing.

Thanks @Mumlili9 I didn’t know that! I keep changing as I worry I’m too outing sometimes but hopefully it’s not too confusing! I hope this is a better cycle for you. My cycles are a bit irregular at the moment too. I must be due to go into my fertile period soon but my DH has been gardening every day and then he falls asleep on the sofa at about 9 pm do need to see if we can actually do the BD this cycle 😬