TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@BunnytheHoneyBee hope you manage to get some bding in. Are you wfh then?

Im enjoying the sunshine and gardening.

@clitterratti*.*@zoomies1 @VenusStarr @MOGMOGMOG85 @FloDaffodil @Isittimeforbubblesyet @Babytinx11
And anyone I haven't tagged
How are you all holding up? Hope your all well xx

Hello, is it OK if I join this thread? I've been lurking for a while but signed up to ask some questions on the pred thread.

I've been TTC for just over a year, had a CP/very early MC in cycle 1, another early miscarriage in cycle 3, took a couple of months' break over the summer to have some testing done, then got pregnant again just before Christmas but had a MMC in January. My cycles are (I think) just about back to normal, but I think I had another CP at the very end of last cycle.

I've found Easter really hard because last year I found out I was pregnant for the first time on Good Friday, and spent the Easter weekend in a little bubble of happiness thinking it had worked first time and this was going to be easy for us, before starting to bleed a couple of days later. Finding it quite difficult thinking about where we were a year ago, and how I should be on mat leave with a little baby by now, and now here I am a year later, still not pregnant and with three, possibly four losses under my belt.

I don't think lockdown is helping tbh!

Hi Ladies,

I'm well. I just filled in the American form for some relief money. I pay taxes in both countries so the idea of getting a couple dollars extra feels exciting. I still haven't sorted out my kids passports or social security cards...which is something I have been meaning to do for about 11 years, but never got around to it. TBF, Trump scares the shit out of me. I've been watching 'The Good Fight' and I can't wait to start watching 'Killing Eve'.

I do have a tonne of work to catch up on, and I can honestly say: I hate cooking, but I hate bad food more so I guess I have no choice but to keep cooking.

We had run out of food on Easter Sunday, because my husband bought less than he was supposed to and also shared some of our groceries with some of our neighbours. Then, when I went into the pantry I realised my little girl and my younger sister have been sneak eating all the cheese and cured meats. So we had chocolate eggs and crackers--for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

We are also running dangerously low on Gin.

Anyone else running into situations like these?

@Mumlili9 Yes we are both WFH but our laptop broke and DH doesn’t have his work laptop yet so he is only really working for a couple of hours a day (if that). We have a nice garden that DH has been working on since we moved in last year but I’ve told him to save some energy for later 😂

@peperethecat I’m sorry you find yourself here but it’s a lovely group. It is hard to think back to where you were this time last year or the year before or thinking about what could have been and I find my mind runs around more when I have time on my hands so trying to stay busy and get out for a walk or do some exercise helps x

Hi @Mumlili9 thanks for asking.
I'm OK except I am still really angry with everyone, including DH who keeps telling me what to do like I am a child and hasn't done anything to acknowledge what has happened even though I have said that even a £3 bunch of tulips would be a lovely gesture. He is also no longer interested in sex even though my sex drive has come back with a bang for the first time in ages and I want to be able to enjoy it without having to pee on sticks every bloody night!

Also, my 'friend' who took a full week to ask me how I was after the MMC and has only been in touch once since then to ask about setting up her virtual baby shower. I haven't even replied yet.....

BUT I am loving the lack of commute and the exercise and I think I am finally losing a bit of weight.

How are you keeping?

I was meant to put on my summary -

38yo
Started TTC in Nov 2019
BFP Dec 2019. followed my MMC in Feb
BFP Jan 2020 followed by MMC March
In theory will be trying again once my cycle gets back on track
Seems like I get lucky once a year at Christmas....not so lucky in Spring

@peperethecat welcome and sorry to see you here.

I'm very sorry for your losses. People say the due dates are the hardest but I found the anniversary of the BFP and the memories of things from when I was pregnant to be worse. I am also surrounded by people having babies. Come vent here.

God - sorry I'm losing it was meant to read
38yo
Started TTC in Nov 2018
BFP Dec 2018. followed my MMC in Feb 2019
BFP Jan 2020 followed by MMC March 2020

Hoping if it happens again, it doesn't take another year!

@BunnytheHoneyBee @zoomies1

Thank you for your messages. I actually just found out today that I am pregnant again but I don't understand how. The dates don't work. I'm supposed to be on day 10 of my cycle and I had a five day period last week and day 3 tests done where all my hormone levels were normal for the very beginning of my cycle. Progesterone level was pretty much zero.

And yet somehow today I am pregnant. I'm terrified it's ectopic. Nothing else seems to fit with the timing.

@zoomies1 It’s tough isn’t it. Would you try not tracking and enjoy the dtd? Might encourage your DH too. Mine hated the tracking or feeling like sex was just for baby making so I had to find ways to let him know I’m ready without mentioning ovulation as that’s not sexy apparently.

What will you do about your friend’s shower? It’s hard to make up an excuse when it’s remote and we’re all supposed to be at home... when you say to ask about setting up, she wasn’t asking you to help set up was she?

@peperethecat If your MC / CP was last cycle did you get a negative test before getting this positive? CD10 is early to get another BFP but I’m no expert though and could be misunderstand so all the best if it is a BFP 🤞

@clitterratti How are you? Sorry I missed our post somehow the other day. I’m looking forward to Killing Eve too! Haven’t watched the first episode yet. I also liked the good wife but haven’t watched the good fight.

We’ve been ok food wise but I don’t look forward to going shopping. We are lucky to have a butchers shop on the corner and also a couple of other shops that are like mini marts as they have bread, milk, tinned food, cleaning products, pretty much evening. One of them even has some veg so we haven’t struggled food wise. We’d like a wider variety of veg so I did my first supermarket shop in a month the other day but can’t complain about that.

Hope everyone else is ok

@BunnytheHoneyBee I got a very very faint line on a FRER on what should have been 13 DPO, so I had a blood test done the next morning (ten days ago) and my HCG level was 6. I didn't get a repeat HCG test after that because I started to bleed that night and had what I believed was a very heavy period which lasted for five days.

If my HCG has continued to increase from 6 ten days ago, I suspect it has increased very slowly and I've had a very heavy bleed since then.

My doctor has replied to my email basically shrugging off the suggestion that it might be ectopic, which isn't doing anything for my stress levels. I'll have to wait until tomorrow morning for the blood test result.

@peperethecat
I know it sucks to have to play yet another waiting game. We won't brush you off. You know your body and you know what's going on. You just want medical confirmation. I get that. I hate when the very people we trust with our health are the ones to brush us off.

@BunnytheHoneyBee

Do watch the Good Fight! It's soo fun.

I think I'll watch Killing Eve tonight; on Thursdays I used to go out to dinner with my little sisters and we would catch up and just laugh and drink a little. I miss those nights.

@clitterati I’m not up to date on the Good Wife because I think the new ones were not on Netflix or something but I was missing some that were on channel 4. I did like it though so I’d watch it if it were on Sky or Netflix (which I haven’t checked for a while)

@BunnytheHoneyBee no, she didn't ask for help to set it up but the thing is, I would have offered to do it for her if only she had been in touch. I have a real thing right now about people having kids expecting me to call and message and give them gifts etc when my baby died and it takes them a week to send a whatsApp but I don't know if that is just my 'angry' stage. Do I tell her I'm mad with her? I know I'll feel guilty if I miss it (if I haven't already!)

@peperethecat going through this takes away the excitement of being pregnant. Fingers crossed this sticks for you but being anxious is totally normal.

@zoomies1 I have felt that way about friends too. I know part of it is people don’t know what to say but it’s not hard to send a message occasionally.

If she’s a close friend then I would say something but it depends how you feel. There were two friends and said something to. One of them the friendship was over anyway (I said something once after I hadn’t heard from her in months and she then didn’t get in touch again for months) and the other one actually stepped up and we’ve been closer friends since. I’d only say something if I considered them a close friend though, otherwise I just wouldn’t make an effort. I don’t think you should feel guilty about your friend’s shower when she hasn’t made such effort.

Hi @Mumlili9 thanks for your tag. Woken up to some bleeding this morning so feeling pretty rubbish. Nothing I can do but just wait :( I'm not surprised but I'm gutted xxx

@clitterratti Yes that's it exactly. Thank you. My HCG result from yesterday has come back at 383 so now I play the waiting game to see what it will be tomorrow.

@zoomies1 My husband just commented now fucked up it is that we are miserable about this rather than happy and excited.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm so sorry to hear this. How are you doing? Fingers crossed it stops but I am gutted for you because there is just never ending worry.

@peperethecat what's fucked up is I am almost waiting to get pregnant again just so we can lose it and then the NHS might actually do something to help us. But at the same time, I am almost excited to try again....

DH needs to buy vitamins.....I don't want to nag him but I want him to take some responsibility for his part in this process. I wrote it on his shopping list yesterday but he forgot....

What time can I start drinking on a Friday in lockdown?

@zoomies1 I think any time now is acceptable to start on the wine 🍷

I hope you’re ok

@MOGMOGMOG85 Are you bleeding or is it spotting? I hope you’re ok and hoping for the best for you x

Hello ladies

@MOGMOGMOG85 when you say bleeding is it a flow or spotting, because spotting can just be normal. Fingers crossed 🤞 all is well.
@peperethecat gently saying congratulations xx
@BunnytheHoneyBee good luck with fw xx
@zoomies1 we're about the same age. I think the anger is normal hun. I'm just numb now but hopeful that the doc is wrong and I can get pregnant again.

I'm currently cd4 after a disappointing AF, extremely light and short and ovulated on my bad side last cycle, so hoping for a better cycle this time.

Baby dust to everyone xx
Stay safe xx

Wanted to recommend a couple of books to everyone that have really helped me. One is Prof Lesley Regan’s “Miscarriage: What every woman needs to know”, which is a super detailed examination of all the causes of spontaneous and recurrent miscarriage, investigations and treatments. It gets a bit techy on the scientific stuff but definitely worth reading. The second book is Julia Bueno “the brink of being: talking about miscarriage”, which is about the emotional side of things. I literally cried my way through it but it really helped and I’m thinking of recommending it to my family to help them understand what it feels like. Hope everyone doing okay.

Thanks @Mumlili9

You’ve mentioned before being worried your AF can be light. Have you spoken to anyone about it?

Thanks @FloDaffodil I hope you’re ok

My periods are very light and I was diagnosed with a thin endometrium, although both times I was scanned I was quite far from ovulation so I don't know how thick it gets at that point. My doctor prescribed 1000mg vitamin E and 800mg pentoxifylline to try and boost it.

@peperethecat I've been taking Vitamin E at 400 uq (phone does have the correct symbols) I'm not sure what this is in mg. How long do you take it upto ovulation or the whole cycle? This pentoxifylline can you only get it on prescription? If you don't mind me ask a tmi question but how would you describe a light period. Mine is first day of light red flow and second day of red spotting followed by 2 days of brown spotting. I've not had any tests for this as I'm trying to convince gynaecology to take it seriously but they just said they will do a hysteroscopy but never sent me an appointment, then covid happened and my ectopic so I don't know where I stand right now with tests. I'm just going to keep trying. I was given progesterone for when /if I ever get a bfp. But if my lining is a problem maybe I should take it before hand to help thicken my lining or its going to be too line to implant anyway? That do you ladies think?