TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Hi @Mumlili9 thank you for checking up on me. Im good thank you. Currently 6+4 weeks. Very very anxious and worried and if I am honest trying to not think about it at all.

@MissSparkles81 good to hear all is going well. The anxiety is normal I think. Hope your staying in where your safe xx

Yeah very much so ... working from home. Im a specialist nurse so my days are literally filled with this coronavirus. Completely stressing me out ... dunno how much longer I can cope with it all 😬

@TheFoz hi and welcome to our group - I'm so sorry for your losses xx

@Mumlili9 what is the sister group, is there a new thread? Also best of luck for your appointment tomorrow, will be thinking of you xxx

@VenusStarr sorry you're going through a crap time, it seems to come in cycles doesn't it. I was really remarkably ok my last period but I'm due on Sunday and I don't think I'll be able to be totally cool about it again. It would have been my due date next Saturday too. I told a couple of people and they were just silent, I guess there's nothing to say, and it's kind of how I feel about it. I'm testing tomorrow and if I'm not pregnant then that was my last chance to fall before the due date.

@BunnytheBee sorry that you're thinking af on the way, I hope you're not right! If it helps (probably not!) the only time I was pregnant was the only time I was absolutely convinced I was not pregnant and my period coming. I had cramping, mood swings, just felt like bog standard pmt. Speaking of - I have always suffered with pretty extreme pmt. I've got better at it in my 30s simply by actually being aware of my cycle and at least being able to remind myself regularly "I'm premenstrual, I'm premenstrual". I also warn my partner - I am due on Sunday and I've been feeling really angry today, so was pretty snipey with him all morning, then apologised and mentioned it was my time of the month. Unfortunately he then said "still it doesn't mean you can just take it all out on me though" and I answered "I KNOW!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!! !!!" and he had the good sense to back away! He's learned over the years that if I give him fair warning it's probably best if he gives me space! I know the depression too, for decades I felt as though it was the actual end of the world every. single. time. for me I get really hyper and happy halfway(ish) through my cycle though which is the upside. Weirdly this one website here www.myhormonology.com/learn/female-hormone-cycle/ helped me loads in understanding my hormones, and particularly that you have a mini-pmt period just after ovulation which I had not known before but always wondered why that happened to me! When are you due? Hope you feel better soon xx

@clitterratti having happy sex sounds like a plan! I've decided to put a bit more effort in that department too. When I've been depressed and just so desperate to get pregnant its definitely been a massive chore rather than a happy thing. Trying to remedy that now. Thinking of investing in some new underwear, maybe even an outfit which is pretty groundbreaking for me, and you've got me googling sex positions haha! There are some pretty insane ones out there but some worth trying for sure! Generally though I'm with @BunnytheBee my chart would be pretty zzzz xx

@MissSparkles81 so glad things going well in your pregnancy (coronavirus notwithstanding - its a complete nightmare. I find out tomorrow if I'm furloughed, although seriously doubt it but you never know) xxxx

Thank you so much for all the welcome posts. It is much appreciated.

@Mumlili9 it’s definitely not a miracle diet! I just googled how to boost progesterone naturally as I know low progesterone can cause miscarriage. So the foods it recommends are chocolate (no bother to me there), eggs, oily fish, avocado, pistachio nuts, coconut and getting good sleep! So that’s what I’ve been trying to implement.
I’ma terrible water drinker so I’m trying to do better in that regard too and I’m walking 45 minutes to an hour every day. According to bmi charts I have about 2 stone to lose

AF is due tomorrow. I’ve has a little spotting when I wipe and boobs have been sore for the last week but less so today. I keep flip flopping between thinking I might be and thinking I’m not! It's a total rollercoaster!
I hope everyone is doing as well as they can be.

@Mumlili9 No I haven’t spoken to GP about it but have thought about it. It’s only maybe last year that it occurred to me that the level of PMT I get seems to be a lot worse than my friends. I mean at that time almost went message I sent starts with “I have PMS so...” or “My hormones are all over...”. I will look at castor oil too.

@VenusStarr Virtual hugs

@MOGMOGMOG85 That’s exactly me. It feels like the end of the world and usually I think I’m on the verge of a divorce when I’m pre-menstrual. It’s funny, with my first pregnancy I thought I had PMT but then was pregnant with DD. My second pregnancy (which didn’t last long) what made me realise I was pg was that I didn’t have PMT. I don’t even know when I’m due because my cycle is a bit irregular still. It was about 29 days but the last couple have been longer 32-33. Im CD24 now and I’d guess I’ve got 4-5 days as it will get worse yet 😬 I will look at that link. Understanding helps a lot.

How are you? Would you like to be furloughed? We had an email today inviting volunteers.

@MOGMOGMOG85 hi the other thread is one that was set up so that when you fall pregnant you move across so that you can talk pregnancy and scans ect and it's like this thread but for the next step. I've been across a couple of time and then when it went wrong I jumped back to this one. There's also a fitness and healthy lifestyle one connected to this one too. It's a way of encouraging each other to improve health and fertility through tips, recipes etc. I also started one recently for ttc after ectopic pregnancy too. I've been through most types of miscarriage now and by far this last one has been the very worst. Not having a part of my reproductive organ anymore to me is a double whamy loss and I felt there need to be a thread for this too.
Any type of loss is devastating but I found losing my tube and effectively some of my fertility to be the most devastating loss yet.
The fear I feel after ectopic pregnancy is so different to the fear I felt after each of my 8 other losses. Its not just the fear of losing another child but what if I lost the other tube that would be it, I wouldn't ever carry a child. Its so hard to explain. I am in no way saying that my ectopic was worse than anyone else's loss, never would I say that or even think that, it's just it's been the worst for me. Wow that was a bit of a rant wasn't it I do apologise x

Hi @Mumlili9 thanks so much for thinking of me! I'm doing ok, I got a bfp last week which is great but I'm feeling very wobbly about the whole thing. Anxious about it going wrong, grieving my previous loss and anxious about coronavirus. I'm a homebody but I'm finding it quite hard now, especially as it may go on some time - but I know everyone feels like that!
But I am ok 🙂 how are you, I'm sorry to see you still haven't fully healed! I hope you get answers to your questions at the hospital today. Make sure you make notes as well as it can sometimes be hard to remember everything someone says to you in those sorts of situations.
Hope everyone else is doing ok, it's a tough time at the minute so make sure you all take some time for yourself.

And also no need to ever apologise for a rant on these threads! It's exactly what they are here for, and someone will always understand exactly how you are feeling

Long potentially pointless story: So I tested this morning (af due on Sunday so that makes me either 3 days before or 4 days before missed period according to different things I read, and the test can be used 4 days before). I woke up about 4am needing a wee so did it then as I consider that first morning urine and I'd gone to bed around 10. I knew I was going to be gutted if it was negative but did it anyway, and it was negative. I think I waited around 3 mins and didn't see anything come up on the window. Usually I chuck away in the main bin but was half asleep and chucked away in the little bathroom bin. So I got straight back to sleep despite the disappointment and then woke up properly a few hours later and went to use the loo again. The test was poking out of the bathroom bin staring at me and so (everyone now knows where this story is going) I picked it out the bin and looked at it - it had a strong pink line on it, not as thick as the control line but pretty dark. I hated myself for looking. I've never seen an evap before, but have had a couple of times where the test line gets kind of wet and gray and I stare at it for ages willing it to come up darker. But this line was really dark, it looked like my positives used to look after a few hours (I tested ALL. THE. TIME. when I was pregnant and used to have a test sat around for at least 24 hours so I could enjoy the 2 lines before I threw it away, yeah I'm crazy). I've now done loads of reading online with some people saying an evap can't be pink and others saying you can never trust a test after the time you're supposed to be looking at it. I know what the answer is: it means nothing, and I simply have to wait and test again. But damn I've driven myself crazy already!!!!!!! !!!!

:'(

Ahhh @mogmogmog85 that's frustrating - are you going to order more tests? I have used cheapie ones of amazon and found them fine before AF is due. Plus you dont mind wasting them.
I also keep my tests for a day or so and have tested every day for a week 🙈

So I'm back from the hospital. Devastated doesn't cover how I'm feeling. It's looking like my journey may be over.

I was told my baby wasn't tested due to the form going missing and my tube and baby were sent for incineration.

Also because the baby was alive when they removed it and my tube it is not classed as a miscarriage but a tfmr.

I have now seen photos of the LITTLE bit of damage to the top of my uterus from the op. It definitely was not a small damage. They perforated my uterus on the top twice through and through. I have been told its likely caused scar tissue deep in the muscle. When I asked the odds for me having a baby I was told unlikely without help. Where I live the cut off for NHS funded ivf is 35 so I'm 3 years too old. He said try on your own for 6 months and if you don't get get pregnant (which is likely to be the case) then they well do a hsg (?) but after that there's nothing else they can do for me on the NHS. DH is going on about suing them but I don't think I'll have a case

Hi girls CD 17 and just got this opk however my cb digital is still a flashing smiley no peak... should i expect a peak maybe tomorrow after this being pretty much positive now? Only my first month using CB and its driving me mad x

@Mumlili8 so sorry to hear ur having such an awful time! That sound like it was a major cock up...Why are u thinking you wont have a case to sue? Xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 heyy have u got a picture of the test and we can have a little look and see what we think xx

@Hayleylou89 DH thinks that I should sue for the perforations but I Believe they are a complication on the permissions form you sign before surgery so it wouldn't stand up would it

It upsets me that the odds for a perforation are 1 in 1000 so to have 2 holes is that negligence or just pure bad luck

@MOGMOGMOG85 have you still got the test can post a pic so we can look too xx

Oh @Mumlili9 ❤️ ❤️ I am so sorry. That's awful. It's definitely worth a complaint (I don't think you can sue for negligence if you haven't first been through the complaints procedure - but I may be wrong on that). I guess there are always risks to any medical procedure but that doesn't take away from what's happened. I thought you were having a hysteroscopy? Or did you already have one?
Would you consider private ivf? I'm thinking that's where we're headed.
Sending you lots of love xxx ❤️

@VenusStarr I'm still waiting on the hysteroscopy. I just feel so crap after the consultant said that a natural pregnancy would be unlikely. DH is so angry I'm hoping he calms down about it. We really can't afford private ivf as we already have a £10k loan that we're paying off for the new car. I know that sounds stupid saying we can afford to have a baby but not afford ivf. It's the lump sum issue. We have had trouble in the past with credit because DH was on sick pay for almost 18 months about 7 years ago so we ended up on a payplan scheme. We finally paid it all off when we started trying for a baby. We though right were in a good place financially we can finally have a family but instead we had 9 miscarriages and me on the sick on and off for 3 years. I'm just in a really dark place right now 😢

Not to mention I had a really low temp drop this morning and now FF says I didn't ovulate after all. It's like I'm down so just keep kicking.

@Hayleylou89 I would say you'll probably have a good positive by tomorrow night. Good luck hun Fx for you and hope this is your cycle.

Oh @mumlili9 you poor thing 💞 sending you so much love. I'm not surprised your husband was angry. It's awful that it happened, but also awful that they have only just told you! I think it is right to make a complaint, even if you dont take it further than that, so that it can be looked into and hopefully prevented in the future.
Make sure you take some time to yourself to heal, and let yourself feel whatever you need to. Sending you lots of love xxx

Af just arrived. I’m so angry and frustrated and upset and annoyed and bloody pissed off. I got pregnant on the 2nd cycle after the first mc. This is the third cycle now after the mmc and surgery and I’m only getting older.

@Mumlili8 I’m sorry today was so crap for you. My 17 year old daughter had her right tube and ovary removed in August due to a huge dermoid cyst and I have such fear for her for the future. How much would you be looking at for ivf? Is there any way to raise the money?