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TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

959 replies

BunnytheBlueWhale · 23/01/2020 09:23

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

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BunnytheBee · 24/03/2020 07:30

@clitterratti It is scary but also annoying it has come to this because people were ignoring the guidelines. We’re not supposed to see anyone in another household which is frustrating. My parents are nearby but we aren’t supposed to get together and my mum is high risk although she is still going to work atm.

I hope everyone stays safe and well.

I fear this could go on for a while.

VenusStarr · 24/03/2020 09:06

Morning. Thanks for the messages. I'm not doing great, pmt and lockdown are not a good combination. Dh is getting paid, at the moment, but could change.

I'm working today, got 3 phone meetings booked and I've scheduled a lunchtime walk. I'm showered and have dried my hair. I can't remember if I said that I've had an eczema flare up. It had started to get better but is so sore today and has spread. I don't think stress is helping at all.

I feel the same @BunnytheBee, scary that this is what our life is like now.

I'm sorry @clitterratti we've been video calling family. There's a big baby loss and infertility community on Instagram, someone is running a pub quiz this week, which I'm looking forward to.

Feeling on the edge today and a bit hopeless 😔 sending lots of love ❤️ xxx

VenusStarr · 24/03/2020 12:05

I've had my biopsy results - all normal. So no answers with that then. Not sure how I feel. Happy that it appears all is well, so why did my babies die? :( :(

clitterratti · 24/03/2020 16:05

@VenusStarr I'm sorry to hear this. I know how it feels to not know the answer to such a big question. I was highly dissuade by my doctors for a post mortem of our baby.

I went to see my doctor and she kept telling me it was because of my weight and suspected diabetes. But I've never been prescribed medication...and they can suspect and test all they want but I'm never found with high blood sugar.

I am a big girl (size 16 on a 5'5 frame) but I'm tired of everyone blaming my big ass for for everything. I have had two children already and I know my body. I know I'm fine, even if I'm considered unhealthy. Women much larger than me have healthy uncomplicated pregnancies. Women with far higher health conditions also go on to have successful pregnancies. I already feel bereft and incomplete after this loss; I don't need to feel like eating a big-mac in the summer of 2008 is the reason I lost my baby.

@BunnytheBee I feel like you, these guidelines need to be more inline and consistent with each other. Your mom shouldn't have to work if she's in the high risk group. This whole covid-19 is such a vicious and unpredictable virus. I hope it ends soon.

VenusStarr · 25/03/2020 15:40

Gah. My period is awol. Positive opk on Wednesday 11th, plus had a temp dip that day so FF confirmed ovulation as that day. Putting it on here to induce af to arrive....

We dtd on holiday without protection as I thought I'd ovulated. There is a tiny chance we dtd on Friday 13th without protection - neither of us can remember if we used anything... 🙄 We definitely dtd, just can't remember. I vaguely recall us discussing it but can't remember if we tossed caution to the wind... I really don't want my hopes to go up but I can't help it.

My luteal phase is 12 days, it's 14 today. Is it possible to ovulate and just not come on but not be pregnant?? Cheap hpt are negative so far, but in my last pregnancy they were barely visible.

FFS.

VenusStarr · 26/03/2020 08:12

Panic over. I've been doubled up with horrible cramps half the night and came on this morning. Feels weird that I'm relieved.

Hope you're all OK xx

BunnytheBee · 26/03/2020 08:20

I hope you’re ok @VenusStarr and I’m sorry you haven’t got any answers. How are you today?

@clitterratti How are you? I really think that if the medical professionals have no idea then they should just say they have no idea rather than guessing what might be going on.

I just feel like I’m living in another world. Working from home is ok but this all happened just as our upstairs was nearly finished (decoration wise). It’s not the be all and end all but would have been nice to be stuck in a house that is decorated rather than one that isn’t as in an annoying in between stage with no doors or carpets upstairs.

The weather seems to be getting brighter and that helps my mood but I feel up and down tbh.

clitterratti · 26/03/2020 10:16

@VenusStarr

I know about the hopes going up--I can't help thinking this way as my af hasn't returned yet. My post party bleeding only just stopped last week. already, in the bottom of my heart I'm hoping af is missing because of some sex miracle.

I know the odds are against me, they always are. But I saw two magpies this morning. Two for joy, right?

clitterratti · 26/03/2020 10:26

@BunnytheBee

I know how you feel! We had sorted to have our house converted for the new arrival. Now they want to come and start regardless and I just don't want them to. I also spent a year with halfway done bathrooms. It's annoying at best. I hear ya.

I really dislike doctors who won't admit to not knowing. It causes so much more harm than needs to be done.

BunnytheBee · 26/03/2020 11:06

@clitterratti That’s tough. We bought this house last year when I was heavily pregnancy and then of course the baby died and we ended up moving about ten days after the funeral. It was so tough for life to go on around me when it wasn’t what it was supposed to be. Moving was good for us though I think. I know that’s not the same as having the work done but hopefully having your surroundings done up a bit will help. I feel like I’d have felt better if I could have at least got upstairs done especially as we are all stuck at home!

Are they still doing your works? Everything seems to be coming to a stop here. I was expecting some furniture today but just got a text to say they’re delaying deliveries...

MOGMOGMOG85 · 26/03/2020 13:50

@clitterratti I was fuming reading your post where the doctors just assume that your weight is the issue!!! Surely a doctor shouldn't assume anything, it could be literally anything!!! Like you say plenty of overweight people have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies, I have friends twice the size of me who get pregnant first time without even having to try. I get the opposite annoying comments actually with doctors saying I'm slim and healthy and so I should have no problem getting pregnant, and I feel that my infertility is not taken seriously. It's so backwards, they should think before speaking. Sigh. I hate the pressure that comes with an extended period of ttc in terms of your health and everything you eat or drink. If anything with the depression that I had after the miscarriage I ate way more sugar and crisps than I ever did before, because it's that much harder to eat healthily when you're grieving. I am currently trying to eat a lot more veg and less processed sugar, but I refuse to give up on my alcohol (which is like a beer every few weeks so it's hardly over the top!). Anyway I also laughed at your magpie comment, I never used to be superstitious but this whole baby thing has got me reading tarot cards, magpies, the lot, lol! We just want it so much! Too much, according to my mum, as though me wanting it too much is why I can't get pregnant, which is SO RUDE and annoying - I defy anyone who's had a recent miscarriage to not want it!!! She never had fertility issues, she doesn't understand. Gah being trapped indoors is bringing out all my frustrations haha!!!

@VenusStarr I'm sorry about your period arriving :( and I'm sorry about your test results.. sort of! I know how you feel - when I was told that my fibroids have no impact on my fertility, I couldn't help feeling "but why then?" as though I'd prefer to be told I'm not healthy than to be told there is NO REASON why I'm not getting pregnant.

@Mumlili9 good luck this month. I'm also going to plough on despite what is going on in the outside world - like you I don't feel I have time to waste as it took me so so long to fall pregnant that first and only time. Probably shouldn't have used the phrase "plough on" there lol!

@BunnytheBee heading into the 2ww now, guessing your'e the same? We only managed 3 times this month during my fertile window so doesn't seem massively hopeful..

I'm only allowed into work 4 hours a week now, which is driving me nuts. At least the sun is out. My boyfriend working from home but has moved his "office" to the spare room which is allowing us to feel some separation between work and home, which is helpful! His job interview is not going to be affected by the virus either, it will be done via Skype, so that's good news! I've actually been in a really good mood the last 5-6 weeks, which is a welcome relief as I think I was fully into a depression for at least 4-5 months there. In a way this coronavirus just feels like an extension of the chaos in my mind that's gone on since the miscarriage for me. It's just more uncertainty, more total lack of control, things changing from day to day and not knowing what's going to happen to your body. In a way I think maybe I've been a bit better prepared for the total chaos than some friends, if that makes sense.

Hope you're all well, safe, and staying sane xxx

clitterratti · 27/03/2020 09:15

@BunnytheBee and @MOGMOGMOG85

It's really nice speaking with you two. You really understand. It's the biggest comfort right now.

We did the clapping last night at 8pm with everyone. All my neighbours were soo complimentary about each other and all the other children in the neighbourhood; but they overlooked my two despite us being the nicest neighbours. We watch everyones pets when they go away and we are always the first to offer help/food/wine. It shouldn't affect me as much as it does, but I think I'm just losing it.

Did I tell you how I sort of started a fight with my neighbour over having a bbq?

footprintsintheslow · 28/03/2020 07:34

Hello everyone, I've name changed recently as all my posting added together would be a big flashing sign with my name on it. But I've been here since October after losing my daughter at 20 weeks and another miscarriage at 7 weeks back in February. @Mumlili9 We've travelled this road together. Did you get your appointment on Tuesday?

We are waiting to conceive as I'm so overdue a smear test I wanted to get that done before going ahead. Now everything has been cancelled so i don't know what to do. I'm 40 so can't hang around. I've been thinking of having a private smear test but I think even that avenue is on hold now and we can't really afford it.

I'm also worried about conceiving and not getting the basic care you'd normally get let alone the extra care we'd want after all our horrific experiences. I think we'll wait a few months but I totally understand those going for it.

Baby loss is totally isolating and on top of that we have lock down. We have to remember we are never alone with mumsnet around. I must remember to check in on this thread more often to give and get support. X

BunnytheBee · 28/03/2020 07:49

@MOGMOGMOG85 It’s really good that you were starting to feel more positive but I do get that all of what is going on right now is so scary. I hope you’re boyfriend’s interview goes well. I’m working from home full time now and that’s strange. Unfortunately our home office isn’t ready as the lockdown was announced in the middle of us decorating so we are working in the dining room but having that separation is great if you can do it.

I think I’m heading into the 2WW now. I’d normally ovulate around day 14 but I’ve had a couple of longer cycles recently and so Ovia predicts I am due to ov about now but I think I am in the 2WW. We haven’t been trying much this month as we’re sort of in two minds about whether it’s a good time to conceive. I’d be happy to be pregnant and would probably just stay home but going for midwife appointments and scans would be scary. So I don’t have much hope for this month tbh.

@clitterratti It’s really lovely chatting with you too 💗 Thats annoying about your neighbours. I must confess we didn’t go out as I completely lost track of time and I think we were having dinner. No you didn’t say you fought with the neighbour! What happened?

@footprintsintheslow Mumsnet has been a comfort to me especially now when we can feel a bit cut off from everyone. As I said above I’m not sure about conceiving now either as I worry about having to go into hospital etc but I also worry about my age. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. It’s worse because we don’t know when things will be somewhat back to “normal”.

clitterratti · 28/03/2020 19:57

Soo let me spill the tea on my other neighbour.

So, I've watched her cat twice in the last 8 years. The first time was fine but it took her 3 weeks to say thank you to us.

The second time, she came to see me the day I was moving in and she asked if I'd watch her cat again. I told her that the house was full of boxes and I didn't know how my family would be with all the upheaval, but if she was fine with it then fine. Long story short, on day 6 out of the 7 I was supposed to have the cat, I couldn't find him for 4 hrs. I told her that I was looking for him. Within 5 minutes of my message about her neighbour had printed a bunch of fliers to post around the street.

I found the cat sleeping in my laundry safe in my house...the neighbour with the fliers demanded to take the cat from me to keep him 'safe'. She was incredibly rude, but why she couldn't take the cat to begin with--I don't know.

Anyway, I never got a thank you. And this neighbour treated me terribly ever since.

I asked in the neighbourhood chat if I could have a bbq as I really needed something to lift my spirit. My baby shower for this baby was going to be Korean bbq and Kareoke (K-PoP till C-Pops). Everyone told me they had no problems whatsoever and some even offered to cook for me. Cat lady however responded with how unhappy and unpleasant the smell would be for her and it would affect her health and her property value in a negative way.

So, I flipped out and told her about how racist and rude she was and how I can have my bbq if I want.

Mumlili9 · 28/03/2020 20:25

@footprintsintheslow hello no it was changed to this Thursday instead. I'm so scared to go on my own but covid 19 has deemed the world unsafe right now. How are you?

Mumlili9 · 28/03/2020 20:36

I'm not sure what to think with this first cycle. I know when I ovulated after the surgery but my luteal phase was only 13 days when it's normally 15 days without fail. I normally get a high fertility on my monitor cd 10 and peak cd 11 and ovulate the same day. I have a high already on Cd8 so I'm wondering if my cycle will be different now. Has anyone else had an ectopic pregnancy tube removal and what where your periods like after.

Mumlili9 · 28/03/2020 20:44

I'm also getting super annoyed now because my largest incision just will not heal. It keeps looking like its healing and then it busts open again and I have to put steri strips on it to heal it again. There's no infection in it but I don't know what to do about it. Any ideas would be great. My appointment with the surgeon was changed to this Thursday so I be able to ask about it then but it's doing my head in right now. I hate my scars they are like a permanent reminder of my loss and failure.

I'm also doing castor oil packs but I'm not sure if it's doing anything. I'm trying to improve my uterine lining as it seems to be really thin. I was 7+4 weeks pregnant with one baby in my tube and a blighted ovum in my uterus but my lining was still only 9mm.
Any ideas of how to thicken it?

BunnytheBee · 29/03/2020 11:08

@clitterratti Your neighbour sounds awful. So have you had the bbq?

@Mumlili9 Can you get a GP appointment tomorrow (by phone maybe) to discuss your wound opening? The last thing you want right now is for it to become infected.

MOGMOGMOG85 · 29/03/2020 18:59

@Mumlili9 good luck for your appointment. Sorry about your wound :( honestly though what you call your failure is not your failure... we're all here having "failed" in some way, some of you over and over and it's so so incredibly painful, but it is not your failure :( I think Bunny maybe has a point with gp phone consult just to check on things before thursday? Best of luck with it all, and please do continue to get things off your chest here, if it's helping you xx I don't know about thickening lining - I did some research a while ago even though I have no **ing idea what my lining is like, literally every time i go for a scan randomly is at the end of my period and they wont look at my lining until I'm referred to fertility which WHO KNOWS if/when that will be. I certainly considered fertility acupuncture as well as castor oil packs (after I found out they weren't deadly poisonous - for some reason I thought they were ricin lol!!!). there must be supplements you could try? Anythings worth a go right as long as it's not dangerous/going to mess with your cycle! I considered Agnus Castus too but found out thats better for people with PCOS/ovulation issues and I'm pretty regular. As for your ovulation - all I can say is my whole body was all over the place for 6 months after the mc and my period is still not exactly the same colour it was, although it seems to be a lot redder now which is good. With the tube removal that could affect things - I hope someone else will have some answers. Sending love xx

@clitterratti cat lady sounds like a bell! She clearly needs something to feel superior about and she's been clinging onto her standards of cat care for however many years!!! I love Karaoke, and K-pop! You will get your baby shower xxxx

@footprintsintheslow I'm so sorry for your losses. This place is honestly so good for getting stuff off your chest! I love my friends but the truth is there's only about 1 person who's been able to truly be there through me in all this, I think the subject just scares a lot of people off/they don't know how to respond.

@BunnytheBee omg working from the same table sounds horrible, I feel for you! I guess you don't know how to feel in this 2ww then. I'm on day 22 of 28 now and the madness has started, it's constantly at the back of my mind "am I?" sigh.

Def hormonal today, which is not unusual at this time of month. Tried to push past it but was driving to shops to get supplies for an elderly neighbour today and there was a very sick pigeon on the road, not sure what was wrong with it. I came to a stop and this guy came up on a moped behind and started beeping and shouting at me, then bashing my car and coming round to the drivers side gesticulating and shouting, was so scary. I just broke down crying and couldn't drive any more. Then had an argument with my boyfriend, I think because I was so strung out on adrenaline. Cancelled any plans to be productive and hidden in bed all day. Watching "Unorthodox" on netflix, which is really good. Might pop out to see the sunset quickly so that my earlier experience wasn't my only time outside today! I'm not good at going out on my own at the best of times as I was attacked about 4 years ago and since then just avoid walking on my own... but my boyfriend doesn't want to come and I think I'm going to have to be brave. I know I'll appreciate having gone but when I'm walking alone my heart is always going a thousand miles an hour it feels like I'm in a war zone or something just strolling down the street sigh.

Hope everyone had a slightly better day than me with no HORRIBLE men (who should be ashamed of himself) involved!

BunnytheBee · 29/03/2020 19:13

@MOGMOGMOG85 OMG that’s awful! I’m not disturbed you don’t like walking alone if you’ve had a few bad experiences. If you’re bf won’t go out for a walk can you watch the sunset from your house / garden? I must confess I haven’t been out today but I’ve tried to have an hour of being active. I feel a bit lazy tbh but I’ll feel better if I get up and do something. I’ll look up Unorthodox. I just watched a documentary on YouTube about Gypsy Rose Blanchard and now I’m watching True Blood.

MOGMOGMOG85 · 29/03/2020 20:38

True blood, thats a blast from the past! I remember it being really good though! And wow that Gypsy Rose story is intense, I just looked it up. Did you go down a youtube rabbit hole? I did go out, and it was actually fine because very few men were around and the ones that were kept a really good distance from me - I realise perhaps I usually get nervous if people come into my personal space so actually that's one upside of cov-19 for me! I'm so glad I went out - found a downed bough on a cherry tree covered in blossom and picked a load to put in a vase at home, lovely.

I don't have a garden! If anyone fancies sharing any lovely spring flower pics from their garden I'd love to see!

Hope everyone is having a nice cosy sunday and not mourning the lost hour too much!

BunnytheBee · 29/03/2020 21:39

@MOGMOGMOG85 I used to watch True Blood years ago and then stopped before I got to the end so I started watching again a few months ago. It’s been long enough that I can enjoy it as I don’t remember much of what happened! The Gypsy thing was because I keep seeing a trailer for The Act (I think?) which is a tv series about her and it I tricked me but it’s on Starz TV or something that I don’t have but I saw there was a documentary on YouTube (I think there have been a few!).

I’m glad you enjoyed your walk. I suppose people will hopefully keep their distance from you now anyway

Mumlili9 · 30/03/2020 03:36

So got a positive opk and cbfm yesterday 29th which is cd9 for me so stupidly early. I can't figure out which side is ovulating as I have sharp pains both sides, praying it's the right side as I have a tube that side. I don't think I will ever get used to the fact I only have one tube it feels like I lost part of me that makes me a woman and now I'm somehow less.
How are all you ladies doing

BunnytheBee · 30/03/2020 10:29

@Mumlili9 I’m so sorry this happened but you are not less of a woman so please don’t ever think that. I think Myheartisbroke posted some positive info on how an existing tube steps up when one has been removed so hopefully this won’t prevent you from conceiving x