TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Thanks for asking after me @VenusStarr The truth is I’m struggling a bit. I feel a bit depressed. I know working from home won’t help but I can at least try to get out and run and that might help my mood. I’m anxious about coronavirus, like everyone.My DH also doesn’t respond well when I feel down. He doesn’t know how to act so he distanced himself and then I feel more alone and crap.

How are you doing?

Hope you’re ok @Mumlili9

@MOGMOGMOG85 I hope you’re ok. It has been about 7 months that we’ve been trying since MC in August so I can understand your frustration to some degree. I can feel like it won’t happen but I suppose (hope) it will happen for us all at different times.

Hi @clitterratti I’m so sorry for your loss. Ezra is a lovely name. I lost my daughter at 40 weeks last year and then had a MC in August and been TTC since so feeling a little hopeless. I can understand feeling isolated but I hope you find some support here.

I also want to freeze my eggs but feel like the world will come to a stop now for a few weeks so will probably have to put off even making enquiries about that.

I hope everyone is ok and sorry if I sound negative.

@Mumlili9 this coronavirus thing just feels like the cherry on top for me. i work in a school and not sure whether i will be getting paid after friday, or if i will have to leave my plants to die (i'm a gardener and have been growing a lot from seed) and beds to get over-run with weeds after all the work i've done this year to develop the garden. my boyfriend is working from home and he is so overworked and stressed, he hates being at home as he gets a million emails a day from people who would usually just pop their head over and ask a question, he misses his set-up at work and all his paperwork which makes it 10x harder for him to do his job. i got home today and he was in such a bad mood, but guess what i'm about to ovulate. we already put it off yesterday because of his stress and bad mood. he works in law and tbh his job makes him almost 100% stress and in a bad mood. all partners of lawyers acknowledge the huge burden of stress that the partner takes but it doesn't make it any easier on days like today. my neighbour just announced she is pregnant, and i told my partner how it made me feel and his response: "people get pregnant, the worlds not going to stop just for you". my mum lives up north and has underlying health conditions which give her a 1 in 9 mortality rate if she catches this virus. she is a social worker and trying to work from home for her is a total nightmare and this virus is already causing total chaos for her vulnerable clients. i can't help her out with her food shopping etc which upsets me. i have a gp appointment next week for a fertility referral but no clue if that will happen. this is the second time i got referred to fertility because we caught before i got through to them last time, so i still don't know why it is taking me so long. it seems to be a recurring pattern now where every month my boyfriend is sour as hell when i'm ovulating and we argue and don't want to have sex, and i end up crying. to be fair last month we were staying in a pregnant friends house when i was ovulating which was a nightmare. tonight we are sleeping in separate beds for the third time in our relationship - we've been together 8 years. i've pretty much never seen him in such a bad mood, to be honest i even felt a little scared of him tonight. he is so level headed usually but i think the combination of stresses is too much for him today (the changes at work, the coronavirus generally as there is so much to worry about there, he is supposed to be having a really important job interview in a couple of weeks and its now looking that it will be cancelled altogether, and me ovulating puts pressure on too). i think both of us are feeling scared at the prospect of being locked together for weeks or months... i think we've both been using work to deal with the shitness of infertility... honestly today after about 3 weeks of being in a really good mood, i'm feeling like... i just want to give up (on becoming a mother). I don't know if i can deal with this constant cycle of pain... i know its just a bad day today but... god everything feels so overwhelming at the moment.

wow, i think i ranted there. so much going on. i guess others must be in the same boat too? relatives to worry about, jobs to worry about, money, and then fucking ovulating at the same time, or waiting for period to arrive - no matter where we are in our cycle we don't really get a break from thinking about it.

i think i originally wanted to reply about your egg freezing and that I feel your pain but all that came out. You're obviously not the only one feeling negative anyway xxxx

Omg I even tagged the wrong person in the above post - meant to be writing to @BunnytheBee about the egg freezing, not @Mumlili9 who I also hope you are doing ok with everything at the moment? xx

@Mumlili9 sorry to tag you in that massive negative rant - you're probably not wanting to take all that and wondering what is going on haha!

@MOGMOGMOG85 The uncertainty is so tough but a lot of that sounds familiar. DH and I are lawyers. I’m working from home now and find it harder to be at home than at work too. DH has been told he still has to go in though and that seems worse as I at least have the choice to go in. My mum is in a high risk group and is still working on not a great situation but like everyone she is worried about her job and we are worried about her. We’re worried about both our parents. DH and I have been arguing today but better this evening. I think everyone is just so stressed! He doesn’t deal with stress well anyway and us both being in the house together might be tough too as we bicker and get annoyed with one another quite easily. Today I noticed - sorry if TMI - fertile CM today - so thought that’s not great timing either. I think egg freezing might have to go on hold but if I remember I might at least call the clinic tomorrow as I haven’t even got to that stage yet and don’t even really know what it involves

I hope everyone is ok. These are worrying times but I hope you are all keeping safe 💕

@MOGMOGMOG85 I don't mind hun. We're all stressed out. My DH is a lorry driver but also has a lung condition that requires 3 different medications to keep his lungs open and a cpap at night so he doesn't suffocate. We are totally torn as to what to do. His work said he has to go in and we can't afford bills if we don't work. I've been out of work for 4 weeks and I go back Friday so really nervous about it.
DH even said the words " well we better crack on getting you knocked up after your AF incase I get it a die" it made me cry so much and even a bit angry.

@Mumlili9 That sounds scary too. I take ithis work aware of his condition.
Can he keep a distance from people doing his job? I hope you both stay safe.

@BunnytheBee yeah they know but still make him work 3 x 15 hour, 2 x 13 hour shifts and nights out every week and the government has just decided to extend lorry drivers hours to meet panicky buying needs. So he could be working up to 17 hours in 24 hours. They said if he refuses to work then they will have to look at his salary. He can't get a sick note because he has got the illness. It's catch 22.

*hasn't

@84TinsOfBeans Thank you for sharing, Lilwen sounds beautiful and whimsical. I love it. What does it mean?

I was taken care of well during the whole ordeal but it was all so foreign for those around me to experience this. For some reason, the midwives and doctors I was with during my experience said that in 35 years they had dealt with stillbirth 20 times...so it wasn't something they were used to. This made me feel incredibly alone. I am an ordinary woman, with an ordinary life and I have always wanted to feel specialbut thisthis made me feel cursed.

@BunnytheBee I'm sorry to hear of your loss, a cruel and horrible experience beyond comprehension. It's not fair and again, I am sorry you went through this only to face miscarriage...I hope you have recovered well and that you get your rainbow soon.

Hello everyone. Can I just say I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m reading your stories and they are so sad. The loss of a pregnancy or child is absolutely devastating. I really hope you find healing and go on to have healthy babies soon.

Just had my first mc at nine weeks on Saturday. I hope I can conceive again soon.

@clitterratti - I'm sorry for what you've gone through. This whole journey just seems to make us all feel so very alone - that's why we're here I think xx

@Mommybear05 - I'm so sorry for your loss :(

@Mumlili9 that sound scary with your husbands work. It sounds like his lung condition would qualify as a disability in which case they can't force him to take on more hours? It's awful that vulnerable people are being forced to work unprotected... our boarding house in the school went into quarantine today as the kids have been going down left and right with the symptoms. They sent up the cleaner to decontaminate the surfaces, only she has really bad diabetes... I hope she's going to be ok.

@BunnytheBee glad its not just us crumbling under the stress (we seem better today though luckily), its obviously affecting everyone. OMG you're both lawyers though - I bet you know how to argue! Since my bf did the bar course he's become super annoying in arguments, trying to use his lawyerly tricks on me! I won't put up with it though and I hold my own :) since you know this stuff the important job interview I was talking about was for pupillage at a really big chambers - he got through to second round and last year (which was his third year of trying) he was first reserve at the same chambers which was heartbreaking. So now it's looking like the whole process might be called off he is devastated! Plus pupillage time is always a nightmare anyway, it's so stressful for him and it affects me. Ho-hum. Is there any way your mum can work from home??? My mum is a social worker which you'd think they can't work from home but her office are making sure she stays home, she's doing all her client calls on speakerphone to families! I forgot we're cycle buddies this month - we better get busy!!! Best of luck xxx

I'm back to work tomorrow ladies, I'm really nervous about it though. First AF due around Sunday / Monday. Anxiety is my controller right now.
How are you ladies holding up?

Hi everyone 👋 ❤️ thanks for asking after me. Our holiday ended early and we got home late last night. Really thankful they brought us home. Shocked to see how things are here. We were in Portugal and everything was pretty much closed down, but here seems normal, apart from the shops, which I need to brave today. Really scary and surreal.

@Mumlili9 all the best for today. I hope it goes OK for you. It's normal to feel nervous but I hope you settle quickly. Are you recovered physically now? Take it easy today xx

@BunnytheBee I'm sorry to hear you're finding things tough ❤️ it's very stressful times, coupled with other worries and concerns, it's hard to not let that get on top of you. I've seen some helpful things onlibe about trying to maintain a routine when working from home which makes sense.

@Mommybear05 I'm very sorry for your loss, welcome to the group :) my first mc was at 9 weeks too.

Sorry to hear about your work situation @MOGMOGMOG85 ❤️ it's such an unknown time, it's like it's not real. Accept it is and it's affecting all of us :(

I am sorry to hear about Ezra ❤️ @clitterratti sending lots of love to you

I've still not had my biopsy results but the hospital are seeing me today for another biopsy (brought forward from Monday) and I've got a consultation so might get them then. I'm going to ask whether he thinks ttc is OK right now. My dh is cautious that maybe we shouldn't. I'll report back later.

Sending lots of love to you all today, sorry I didn't tag everyone ❤️ ❤️

Not unexpected but my biopsy is cancelled until further notice. My first set of results are delayed because the lab staff have been redeployed.

Dh doesn't want to try as he doesn't want to put me at risk. So that's that. Forgot to mention that he works in hospitality, so I'm also worried about his job.

Ugh, this is shit.

@Mumlili9 I hope he stays safe

@clitterratti Thank you. I’ve had a few weeks of feeling a bit crap but generally I am ok

@Mommybear05 I’m sorry you find yourself here

@VenusStarr I’m pleased you’re home safe. My friend flew out to Portugal on Monday (well at the weekend she was saying she plans to go so I’m assuming she went) so I hope she is ok too. I hope your appointment goes ok. Fingers crossed

I’m feeling a bit better since yesterday. I went out shopping to try to get the house sorted since we’ll be home for weeks / months and then it might not be possible. It felt good to get out and have a reason to go out other than food shopping.

I am trying to get my home office set up and that might help me with working from home.

I am feeling a bit more positive. It seems a lot brighter out, like we are in Spring, and I think I’m going into my fertile period. I feel a bit more upbeat.

Also worried about what TTC means right now but haven’t made any decisions either way there.

I hope everyone is ok physically and mentally

💕

@VenusStarr oh that's gutting. I understand that the new biopsy would be cancelled but not even getting the results from the other one... I hope you get them soon. This is awful time for all of us undergoing investigations because it just means more delays... but you can't even try - I really feel for you xxx

@Mumlili9 I guess this throws your following up on your miscarriage investigation into chaos too :( that is truly awful what happened to you and they didn't even have coronavirus as an excuse at the time..

sending strength to all of you who are having to put things on hold atm xxx

Update on my care regarding my lost baby. I have been asked to go to the hospital on Tuesday to talk about what has happened.

Thank you @MOGMOGMOG85 I feel OK about not trying for the next couple of months as that was the original plan. And hope I might have my results by that time. I've watched a gynecologist video on Instagram today reassuring about pregnancy and the virus (as much as they can at this stage). But given my situation of recurrent, I feel OK with putting things on hold for a while.

I'm pleased you have a meeting @Mumlili9 I hope you get some answers ❤️ ❤️ how was your first day?

2 of dh's friends who both work in his industry have been put on unpaid leave. Watching the news now and relieved to hear the updates regarding covering 80% of people's salaries.
We managed to get some basics today, I was shocked to see the shops and town still so busy. Good to hear that they're more enforcing people not to use bars and restaurants and that there's support for the staff. It's very scary though. Hope all is OK with everyone 💕💕

Well ladies I'm back in the saddle so to speak I'm cd2 and figure we will just start trying and realistically we aren't going to fall pregnant easily now so why wait. By the time I possibly fall again hopefully this virus will have died down if not gone.
Hope you're all OK and healthy xx

Good luck @Mumlili9 🤞

TTC is most definitely on hold for us. Dh just lost his job 😢😢😢

I’m sorry @VenusStarr

This really is such a strange and difficult time. It’s quite surreal.

Will your DH get paid? I don’t know what the govt proposals cover

TBH I’m wondering whether to put TTC on hold anyway as we would all be anxious enough during a pregnancy let alone with a world pandemic going on

I hope everyone is staying safe and well

Hi all! hope Mothers Day wasn’t too upsetting yesterday! I only had 1 breakdown so feeling proud🤦🏽‍♀️😊
@Mumlili9 you sound a lot better, hopefully you’re feeling it and the wounds are healing😊🤞🏼
@VenusStarr that’s awful, my hubby’s hours were cut and I’m day to day in my job at the moment but the social welfare will help us until this blows over, have u tried looking into it?? I know it won’t be as much but it might help!
@bunnythebee I was thinkin the same but this kinda blew up out of nowhere and my ovia app is telling me to take a test in 2 days😬nervous I am and nervous I’m not!🤷🏻‍♀️

@Ripple2020 Well yeah if we had conceived already then that’s different. There are lots of pregnant people. But some people might chose not to TTC now. I’ve concluded I might keep trying (and then just stay in the house for 9 months if it comes to that!) but it really depends what happens as one of us could get CV any time and might have to isolate from one another.

I actually didn’t think of Mother’s Day much with all that is going on

Evening Girls,

All this is scaring me beyond belief. A lockdown? What the hell is that supposed to mean exactly and can't we just see our family at least? I am so desperate to be around my loved ones during this time.

I'm wishing all of you safety, comfort and clarity at this time.