TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@Ripple2020 oh that’s so sad ☹️ But I guess you’re right about taking precautions so it doesn’t happen in the future. All I know is that her heart stopped and I had to be induced, it was the most awful week of my life. And although I’d never wish for anybody to go through it, it does help to know that I’m not alone, that others have gone through this and are there to talk to.

@Hayleylou89 I’m so sorry, Bonnie is such a lovely name 💖 3 weeks after the birth, I’d just about stopped bleeding, and we were having a lot of conversations about trying again. My husband wanted to wait until after the first AF but I just wanted to be pregnant and not have one. We compromised and I didn’t look out for any signs of ovulation, and we went on holiday for a week to sort of rediscover ourselves and obviously put the fun back into sex - I found it really hard to think of it as something other than babymaking for a while, but having that time away with him really made the difference. Unfortunately we must have missed the window and although this first period is heartbreaking and awful to go through, I feel a little more in control as I have a starting point now. I’ve also started using the Clue app again to track my cycle, and I’ve shared it with my husband this time, so that he can help take a bit of responsibility - I hated being the one to initiate sex just because I was ovulating, especially if he wasn’t in the mood!
I’m sure the whole experience is different for everybody, but I’ve found that since we went away, my attitude has changed a lot. Just setting a routine and aiming to do SOME exercise every day, whether it’s 20 lengths of the pool, or a walk to Tesco express, is massively helping to stay positive. I’m taking a little break today, still in my PJs whilst I finish my book for book club - but then I will be off to give a gym class a go! It’s rough, and every day has brought something different, but I’m just trying to not give in to the dark thoughts and feelings, and instead look after myself the same way I’d want to look after a friend.

@emiliet123

Yeah i think iv probably missed ovulation if i have ovulated at all, im going the drs to have bloods done just to check everything is out my system i only had bleeding for 2.5 weeks and it wasnt too bad i had to have the placenta manually removed in surgery following birth as i couldnt get it out myself so i was expecting worse bleeding but was surpised it wasnt as bad as i thought... now im in the limbo if when af will show im having all sorts of niggly little twinges but dont know what is happening inside suppose time will tell! Xxx ill keep in touch on here as it would be lovely to hear some good news close to mothers day for us all 🙏 xxx

@Hayleylou89 just be kind to yourself if AF does come. You’ve been through a lot and it’s sad and scary but you’re definitely not alone. Sending lots of love your way 💖
Mother’s Day is going to be very strange, because we’re still mums, even if we don’t have our babies 💔 all that love with nowhere for it to go... ☹️

Hello ladies. @Hayleylou89 @Ripple2020 @emiliet123 I'm so sorry this happened to you ladies, I thought I'd had a rough time but nothing compared to the hell you ladies have gone through, it truly heart breaking.

My new : got my negative this morning exactly 2 weeks post surgery. I'm really torn emotionally this was the goal (get a negative) but now I'm there I feel really crap. Now just 2 see if I start ovulation again. I stupidly googled ectopic recovery and some ladies didn't start ovulation for months after. I really hope that's not going to be me.

Anyway baby dust to you all xx

@emiliet123 welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss of your little girl

@Mumlili9 Oh I'm sorry, I understand that it's still so upsetting, even if that was what you were aiming for, it's never nice to get a BFN during TTC. I feel very much in a similar boat - there are good things about starting a new cycle, but you don't REALLY care about them when all you want is your baby, do you? And we're all going through rough times, you can't compare your journey to others - it's just as difficult.

@MOGMOGMOG85 wishing you lots of luck for a BFP, it sounds like you deserve a little good news. We all do. xx

Hi ladies.

I am so sorry to read all your stories. The world is so cruel and I am so sorry for you losses 💔

@Mumlili9 I hope it all goes back to 'normal' soon. My AF came back but as nothing has happened since, I have bought the Clear Blue ovulation tests so will use them this month to see if I am actually ovulating

@MOGMOGMOG85 fingers crossed for that BFP! X

@Ripple2020 I haven't had AF yet but I'm so confused - have ovulation type pain/temp rise and the spotting abruptly stopped, but still a faint +ve on an HPT. I guess maybe my body is trying to ovulate but it can't because of hcg?

@ravenwheeler hopefully it is but it also could be hcg still in ur system, Have you any idea when u would be due af? You could get blood work done with docs

I feel kinda down the past few days, gonna start my ovulation tests again this month starting Friday. I have an overwhelming fear about not being able to get pregnant again and if it doesn’t happen this month I honestly don’t know how I’ll cope. Exhausted from trying to stay positive when this has been consuming my mind 3 months now. Angry at how easily some women make it look(obv happy for them n all that) but it’s just so unfair, I should be 36 weeks pregnant and instead I’m wondering if I’ll ever be a mother💔

@Ripple2020 ah im so sorry you're having a sad day :( to feel angry is very normal, and even though its not their fault its definitely infuriating that some people have it so easy - or rather, its infuriating that we have to suffer so much when we deserve to have our babies in our arms :'(
I'm 6 months down the line and tbh i don't know if, or how, i'm coping, but I am getting on and surviving, we adapt to what we have to. It is exhausting trying to stay positive and keeping the fear at bay (the fear of being childless) is an impossible task sometimes. My best advice is: accept that you will have negative/angry/depressed times, sometimes daily, but appreciate the times that you have that aren't like that. Don't stop trying to be positive - for me a little mantra is helping. Sometimes it feels pointless but if I keep saying it, it might help to counter that negative voice that is telling me I'll never succeed, I say "I have been pregnant, I will be pregnant again". There is nothing to suggest you won't be and nothing to suggest it won't be successful next time. I have confidence in you if that helps! And yeah, it's not much, but we're all here going through similar things which helps keep a perspective on it. Hope you are kind to yourself today and have a better day tomorrow! xxx

@Ripple2020 just to add 3 months ttc (or 6 months for that matter) is perfectly normal. Sadly it doesn't feel it when you've gone through a trauma like you have and just desperately want your pregnancy back. But it is perfectly normal and good to verbally remind yourself that, even if you're not feeling it atm.

On a slightly connected note, I had a shit day yesterday and when I came home I switched on our disco ball (we have a mini-one!) got my dance ribbons out and danced to disco music for about 45 minutes. At first I was very sad (I was forcing myself) and even crying but after about 15 mins the endorphins kicked in and I cheered up. It definitely helped me be a bit more positive during the evening and stopped me slumping into a despair as I sometimes do. This is my favourite happy song - I'm a sucker for trumpets!

@MOGMOGMOG85 you honestly have cheered me up a bit, thank you😊 I don’t know is it my hormones now that my af has finally gone, the prospect of another month of scheduled sex or mother’s day’s and due date approaching but it sucked me in. Just all day at work I’ve had that pain from the pit of my stomach coming up my chest n I just didn’t know if I’d get through without screaming..but I did, survived another day! I know I feel so dramatic saying it’s been 3 months but that fear it’s etching away at me, I still have some weird spotting but it’s brown so hoping nothing to affect conceiving.
How are you doing? You’re due af around now are you? Any signs??

@Ripple2020 haha I feel you on the scheduled sex omg! We try to do it when I'm not ovulating too just to remember what it's like to not "have" to do it, it helps slightly! I feel you on the physical pain in your chest too.. think maybe that's something to do with loss generally, but it's awful. Don't let that fear get on top of you though! Your feelings are real, but it's not rational at this stage to think that you will never have children and it's important to note that, or that's what I'm desperately trying to do

@Ripple2020 don't know if I'm weird but I didn't have loads of pregnancy symptoms. My boobs didn't even start hurting one bit until 5 weeks, and then it was mainly that and tiredness that were my symptoms. It can't have been lack of hormones either as when they tested me even 2 weeks after embryo stopped developing my hormones were sky high - think I'm just skookum at weathering those hormones lucky for me. But means I don't really know when it's started!

Ahhh @Ripple2020 sorry you’ve had a shitty day! But I’m with @MOGMOGMOG85 on the dancing! It really works. I had my workout gear on today and smashed out some of my old faves from being an angsty teen - My Chemical Romance, Paramore, Linkin Park, Evanescence etc... blasted it as loud as poss with no concern for neighbours and just jumped and sung and screamed the lyrics as loud as possible. I was DRIPPING with sweat once I was done, had to go and stand in the rain to cool off!
It’s okay to feel really angry because you should be! It’s not fair and nothing anybody can say or do will make the pain go away, you’ve had the rug pulled out from under you and all you want is for your life to go the way you want it. ☹️ Xx

Thanks lovelies @emiliet123 and @MOGMOGMOG85 I’ve just been reading up on success stories after stillbirth and feeling a bit better about things! Gonna start my ovulation tests again from sat instead of Tomoro coz think I’m a late ovulator! Planned a few things for the month to try to take my mind off TTCing so hopefully they will work!🤞🏼How r ye feelin!? @MOGMOGMOG85 any signs of AF yet? @ emiliet123 how r you feelin? Have you had any check ups since your delivery? Has AF arrived?/have you decided on whether or not you’d like to try again soon? X

Hi all, sorry for the radio silence, I've been feeling quite overwhelmed with everything. Having 3 appointments in 1 week was too much. Just waiting for my GP to open... My eczema isn't any better. We've also had an ivf appointment and the hospital want to sign consent forms in 2 weeks. I don't even know if we need ivf, I definitely don't want to go to the local hospital, so going to discuss it all today. Definitely finding that I'm avoiding things to deal with the anxiety 😑 plus my period after the biopsy was horrible and I'm still spotting now which is unusual for me. Convinced myself that I don't have nk cells anymore just because I haven't heard anything yet 🙄 the results take 4-6 weeks and I only had it done last week, but my logical brain appears to have fucked off.

Sorry to see so many new people here ❤️❤️❤️

How are you @Mumlili9 I hope you're recovering well. Are you still off work?

@BunnytheBee @MOGMOGMOG85 hope you're both OK

Just popping in to have a wee moan as im currently 6 days po and having all the cramps😔

I never used to have painful periods but since the MC(miscarriage)in November its been awful. Last month they started day 8 po and lasted all the way through to 8 days after period finished.

My Gp says its just my hormones but I seriously cant deal with this every month. The 2WW(Two week wait)is bad enough without all these symptoms messing with my head and body😔

On the plus side im off work now for a weeks annual leave.

Thinking of everyone in here who is having a tough time. Sorry I haven't replied to individual comments. Big hugs to you all xx

Sorry you are both not feeling good @VenusStarr and @misssparkles81 I think everyone is having a bit of a downer week this week.
I gave myself a pep talk yesterday but only worked for the day. My brain is mashed tonight.
Happy Friday everyone - wishing you all a peaceful one x

Has anyone had a septum resection?

@VenusStarr hello hun sorry your feeling overwhelmed. Its not surprising to be honest hun. You've been through so much in a short time. Be gentle with your self. Can the NHS not hold off until you have the test results?

As for me my body is letting me know it's trying to work properly again. I had a positive opk yesterday and tonight I'm doubled over with ovulation pain but I'm happy because it's on my right side. I always have ovulation pains but never this bad, I hope this is not the new normal now. I can count on my hands the number of times I've ovulated on my right side and I'm praying this isn't a fluke because this is the first time in 3 years that I'm ovulating and not trying ( needless to say it's stressing me out so so so badly) but the surgeon made me promise that I wouldn't try before my first period because of the damage to my uterus during my op. He said it would be dangerous to get pregnant before it has chance to heal. But this is stressing me to the point of tears and feeling sick. I have this irrational fear that this will be the last time I ovulate or this is my last good egg. If I could lock my brain up I would it's my worst enemy. DH is enjoying the break I think but not liking the no sex rule. I'm actually to scared to even try right now incase I feel pain or feel different ( I've no idea why it would be again my brain hates me)

Baby dust to all you ladies x

Oh @Mumlili9 try and be kind to yourself, everything you are feeling is very understandable from what you have been through! You have had a traumatic experience, it's natural to not feel like having sex for awhile - and I'm sure your husband understands that.
Try and view the positives - the fact that you are ovulating is great news, and it's great your body is working so hard getting back to normal. I know it's tough not to rely but you need to get yourself back up to 100%.

Tough not to try I meant

@Mumlili9 it's so hard not trying isn't it. I've stopped for three months whilst I wait for a smear. I'm like you wondering if my last egg is slipping away. We must for us on the bigger picture. Our overall health. It's important to listen to medical advice as hard as that it. X

I've been on this thread for a while but name changed recently.

@venusstarr

Hey lovely, think I'm in similar boat to u, I lost my girl at 22.5 weeks on 7th feb and yest I had my first positive on my opks 4 weeks to the day after the loss (yesterday)... we've not been told not to try and conceive as as-long as the bleeding has stopped its safe and it stopped approx 10 days and i had my placenta removed in surgery as i couldn't birth it myself. Can i ask how long its been since ur loss? X