TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Sorry I’ve been away and thank you to those asking after me. I’ve NC again but hopefully it’s obvious who I am

DD’s first birthday and anniversary of her death were tough last month. I’ve got PMT this week so had a tough week with that as everything get to me more. I get really severe PMT sometimes.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I missed your comment before but I haven’t been pregnant 3 times in 2 years. I’ve been pregnant twice. I first found out I was pregnant in June 2018 and lost my DD at full term in Feb 2019 (and then was pg again for 2nd time in July 2019 and MC in August 2019. I’ve been trying again since September.

So yes I’ve been pregnant and I don’t have real reason to think it won’t happen again but I just turned 36 and honestly I’m worrying it won’t happen again. I’m sure that’s party my own negativity / anxiety. My DH smokes which can’t be helping. Lots of people who lost babies as I did seem to be pregnant again within a year so I feel like I’m the unlucky one again because I lost my baby and I haven’t even managed to get pregnant again but then I know my hormones are playing on me.

@VenusStarr What stage are you at with IVF? Sorry I’ve tried to follow where everyone is but I was back on page 15(!) so have skim read some pages.

Sorry to the new people who find themselves on this thread but it really is a lovely bunch

@BunnytheBee hi xx Sorry I didn't mean to get your pregnancy number wrong, the perils of misreading! I totally understand your fear/anxiety, I think it's a perfectly natural response to what you've gone through. I don't remember what I Said but hope it didn't come across like "just be positive!" as that is the most annoying way to approach someone grieving/suffering fertility issues. I've been trying since October too - I know what it's like waiting and waiting and feeling something is wrong. It took us 16 months the first time to conceive and that was my only pregnancy so as you can imagine I've been in hell just desperate to conceive again... My period is due Monday and I tested Thursday morning bfn. For the first time though after that test I barely cried. This month I am going to try and relax/stay positive, as I've decided it's literally the only thing I can do now. I'm aiming to try it for a whole month, but I'm sure the doubt/fear will come back in no question. My mantra is "I have been pregnant, I will be pregnant again, if not this month it's not the end of the world", maybe it's working or maybe I'm just having a lucky month where I'm not seriously effing premenstrual (I suffer with my hormones too, always have, and combine that with miscarriage and ttc and it's been absolutely awful every month). Like you I haven't any reason to believe there is anything wrong, apart from the sheer amount of time it took to conceive the first time, and the fact I've now suffered a miscarriage. My gyno this week said my fibroids would have no impact on fertility, also that a previous infection I had (where I was worried about scarring) clearly weren't preventing me being pregnant as I was pregnant once. My hormones are perfect, my ovaries are perfect, I ovulate and have a regular cycle, my endometrium looks good (although I haven't had a thickness test yet), and my cervix looks spot on apparently. My partners sperm is healthy, I get loads of exercise and veg, don't drink caffeine or alcohol (well occasionally I do!), and take loads of vitamins... and so I can def identify with that feeling of "something is wrong" despite medical professionals saying there isn't... sending loads of love to you for your recent anniversary that must have been so so tough xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 No don’t apologise. It was pages back as I think I last posted on p15 or something. I didn’t take what you said in a bad way at all but just thought I’d say I have only been pregnant twice. It didn’t take long the first time and I wasn’t tracking. I was tracking the second time and it took about four cycles. Now it’s been about 5... I know I should be positive and sometimes I am. My period is late but I think that’s just my cycle being irregular as I’ve had horrendous PMT so I think that’s getting me down. I got a BFN a few days ago too. It was my birthday so did a test before I had a drink! I am going to look into freezing my eggs still as I think it will help me feel better if nothing else and I suppose I have full control if they are just my eggs. For example if DH and I were to split or anything were to happen to him, heaven forbid, then I wouldn’t be in some kind of war over his eggs. I haven’t been tested for anything but haven’t felt like I need to but I am at the 6 months point now. I don’t think DH would be up for testing etc although he is v keen to have a baby... I drink v little alcohol and caffeine too but I am trying to eat a bit better generally as I am a half a stone heavier than I’d like so will probably be more active on the fit & healthy thread xx

Hello ladies just checking in. How are you all doing?

Im plodding along. Don't think I did ovulate in the end as I've not had a temp rise at all temps still around 36.25. Maybe my bod will try again later or maybe it will be a long anovulation cycle, who the hell knows anymore. Most of my incisions have healed except the one on my bikini line that just will not heal and god is it sore. Nurse doesn't think it's infected, she says it's because of where it is and everytime I sit or stand up I'm pulling on the wound so disturbing it, but I can't sit around all day.
I am however crocheting red baby hats for Telford maternity ward, they put them on the babies if they need more attention from staff like temperature, slow feeders and it just helps all staff know that little one needs watching. Really enjoying it. I figure if I'm never going to put one on my baby I can at least try and help look after other babies.

This is the link to the hats appeal

www.pat.nhs.uk/oldham-news/traffic-light-hats-keep-newborn-babies-safe-and-well.htm

Oh that’s such a lovely thing to do @Mumlili8

www.sath.nhs.uk/news/reducing-neonatal-admissions/

Oops wrong link lol

@Mumlili9 thanks for the link. I love crocheting

@Mumlili9 such a kind & caring thing to do, god I hope you get your sweet baby soon- it’s true this only happens to the best of people.
When would you be due for af? Is it too soon for me to ask are you going to try again straight away? Ouch, that sounds very painful..make sure ur getting pain relief, you’ve been through enough. Are you using OPKs or just temping?
I don’t have a clue how to temp, I’ve stocked up on OPKs, on CD11 now of 3rd month TTC-testing 3 days and blank circles but I’m not expecting my fertile window for another day or so! Hubby’s workin Tomoro n Tue night so from Wed on I’ll be locking him into the bedroom😊

@Mumlili9 sorry tagged mumlili8 but hopefully it was obvious I was meaning you! Says the person who keeps NC now

@Ripple2020 What is it that only happens to the best of people?

I didn’t get along with temping tbh. I am not using OPKs either now as I know roughly when I ov. Just do what works for you.

@bunnythebee fertility issues and pregnancy loss, only happens to the best of people.

Hi all! Just reading through your posts! Good to see you all are getting on despite all our circumstances! I’m doing good. I have been offline doing IVF! Going better than the last cycle! I’m hoping and praying for embryos! My husband looked at me today and said we are going back to ttc after this right? So I will be back soon doing my temps, and tracking FW. I kinda miss it! Miss you guys!
@Mumlili9 so happy to see your posts.

I wish I knew how to knit so to help those babies!! Is there a YouTube site to learn how to knit ???

@Ripple2020 to be honest I've no idea what is going on with me right now, thought I ovulated but didn't get a temp rise despite a very positive opk. As for trying again, I don't know what to do. I want to try again but I have to wait until I'm healed, plus I'm to scared incase this happens again. My heads not in a great place right now, I lost my babies, my tube and could have lost my life (dramatic I know). DH is to scared to even hug me incase he hurts me, bless him he is having nightmares about this too. I don't think we think enough about how our partners feel watching us go through the losses when there's nothing they can do to help. I do opks and temp. I've not taken any pain relief since waking up from the op because I'm terrified it will fry my eggs (rediculous I know but I can't help it my brain hates me). Fx for fw hun
@Morganmom I hope your ivf cycle goes well hun x as for videos yes there's loads of videos make sure you put something like how to knit/crochet for beginners then the video is slower.
@BunnytheBee yes hun I didn't actually notice until you said lol. Thanks

This is one of the little hats it looks orange in the pic but it's a deep red in real life

@Ripple2020 💗

@Mumlili9 You’ve been through so much. Don’t rush into anything. None of us know what the future holds but you’ve been so strong. I know you don’t have a choice in what you’ve been through but you’ve been such a support to the rest of us and now helping others’ little babies. You are an inspiration

@Morganmom I am a bit behind on the thread. Are you having IVF now? How is it going? Good luck! PS I tried to crochet when I was having my DD and couldn’t do it even from a YT video...

I am wondering whether to track this month. I have had a few cycles of not tracking, just using Ovia, but it might just help me feel like I’m doing something especially as my cycle has been irregular again. I had settled at a 29 day cycle but December was 36 days and last cycle was 33 days. On CD1 now but at least the PMT cloud has gone ⛅️

Hi @BunnytheBee I'm on day 2, we're cycle buddies..

@Ripple2020 what a nice thing to say. I don't want to sound arrogant but every one of my friends says I would be such a wonderful mummy and if they could pick one person to get what they want it would be me. It all does feel so random and unfair.

I wish so much all of us will get out of this with a happy ending.

@Mumlili9 how amazing, your hat is beautiful, and to think of all the good it will do xxx

I'm throwing myself into work atm. I'm a gardener and growing a lot of seeds atm, reshaping borders and planting and watering in new things. It's beautiful to think of how things will change over the coming months. The only issue is I've become so passionate and channeled into my work that if anyone gets in my way I've become a bit of a nightmare. Think my boss has learned to step back and let me get my own way because I get obsessed with an idea for how to make something more beautiful and even if it takes me extra labour and time I won't stop until I achieve it. It's good to remember the positive impacts we can have on the world that aren't all about procreating... and in the mean time I'm just hoping we all get a wonderful surprise this year. I know if I made it out of this hell I'd be so sad if you guys didn't all get your rainbow babies too :(

sending lots of hugs today xxx

@VenusStarr it sounded like you had your hopes up before that the results would come back quick rather than the full 4-6 weeks, that's probably why you're impatient to get them! I really hope they come soon.. gosh being rushed into an IVF decision sounds horrible. Like you - I'd want to know what is going on before trying, surely any reasonable medical professional would feel the same?? xx

Hi everyone

@FloDaffodil I haven't had a septum resection - I have an arcuate uterus but the dip is mild. I do follow someone on Instagram and she had one done before Christmas and just had a frozen embryo transfer and is pregnant. Pm me if you want her details. Are you OK? Have you recently found out about the septum?

@BunnytheBee I've paused the ivf appointment for now. They were very pushy for us to just go to the appointment and I kept saying we're not in a position to consent or move forward. Luckily I saw my GP on Friday and he was very supportive. He no longer believes our issues are infertility and it is recurrent miscarriage, so to do our private tests before we ttc or any assisted conception. Had a good discussion with him on Friday so am feeling better (he's not always been that sympathetic!)
Glad the pmt has passed, sorry af arrived though. If you think you won't get stressed by tracking, it might be helpful? I'm finding it is just part of what I do now (bbt) but it might be because I'm not ttc that it's not stressing me out.

@MOGMOGMOG85 you're right! I just thought we'd hear soon but in reality, it would be unusual to hear that soon. Luckily I'm off on holiday on Saturday and so by the time we get back the results won't be far off, really feel like we need a break now. Sorry to hear af arrived. Your job is very creative, I'd love to get more into gardening (ours is a mess at the moment!)

@Mumlili9 it's great to see your crochet project :) for a good cause too. I have a crochet kit that I got at Christmas but haven't started it yet. I can do basic knit and pearl but have never tried crochet. It's such a difficult time for you, having a distraction definitely helps. I hope the healing time passes quickly.

@Ripple2020 hope your dp is prepared for the next few days! :)

So, I'm having a weird cycle. I thought af started early after my biopsy as had heavy spotting which led to a really heavy period. My usual ovulation should have been over the weekend but no signs, blank opks and low temps. If I adjust it to the day I heavily bled, I should have ovulated today, but again my opks yesterday were very negative. Kind of hoping that it'll be Friday as then I can go away and have the biopsy on the Monday I get back. Bit concerning though as even after my miscarriages my cycles regulated straight away.

Right, better go to work! Have a good day xx

I'm sorry to hear about your little girl @Hayleylou89 ❤️❤️ I've had 3 losses, 2 were missed miscarriages at 9ish weeks and one early bio chemical loss. After my first loss we started ttc straight away and conceived within a couple of cycles but we've not really tried properly since September and I'm now having some tests so stopping for a while longer. Xx

@venusstarr

Youv really had a tough time, but your doing the best thing having tests before u try again - im not being so patient...our review is in april so some people say we should wait until we know why it happened but i know it was nothing to do with the baby as everything was fine with her it was just my body and my waters breaking so i think itll be a case of me having a cervical stitch next time as sad as that will be if thats the case just a simple fix that could of been prevented🤞🏻 - and we didnt want to wait until april either to just start again so im hoping we conceive quickly like u did im currently in the 2ww which is always horrendous and i havnt had a period yet since my
Loss... how long was it before ur period come following ur awful losses? X

@VenusStarr good luck with all your appointments and results. I totally get your concern on starting IVF but there are some positives. If you do have too many NK cells or they’re overactive, the usual treatment involves a pretty expensive and intense drug regime while TTC. If you can’t guarantee conceiving quickly, you could end up spending loads and taking steroids every month, whereas doing it alongside IVF means you’re more likely to get the timing right first time. I’ve had a pretty good experience of IVF (though it’s starting to get expensive now we’ve used up our NHS funding). Two years of trying and failing to conceive over and over were very demoralising. But since starting IVF I’ve had four pregnancies in one year - just a shame they all ended in miscarriage.

I’d also been told I had an arcuate uterus with a mild dip last year. But I had my first appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic at St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington last week and the consultant there is now telling me it’s septate and I need a resection, which was a bit of a surprise. I’m definitely keen to try it if it could reduce the risk of further miscarriages but of course there’s a massive waiting list...

Well ladies FF has decided I did ovulate after all but I'm not convinced as my chart is all over place following my surgery. Fellow charters what do you think x

You know what's right for you @Hayleylou89 and you sound comfortable with your decision to keep trying. It's very personal ❤️ I hope there is a simple solution for you 🤞

That's a good point @FloDaffodil about the ivf and potential nk cells. I think postponing is right for now, and we want to ttc on our own for a few cycles, but it's reassuring to know that we still have that option (we'll one fresh cycle, but you know what I mean). I'm glad your experience has been good despite the unhappy outcomes ❤️ I can imagine you are in shock being told that. Have they indicated how long the wait might be? I hope its not too long. Have they recommended to pause treatment until you've had the operation? I had around 10 internal scans last year, my uterus was ok, bicornuate, arcuate, loads of fibroids, no fibroids, had a mass etc and my hysteroscopy only showed a polyp. So I do wonder sometimes how things are diagnosed but saying that I hope that you get the right support and treatment xx

@Mumlili9 I see what you mean but with you positive opk I'm guessing that has been taken into account. Did you get any cervical mucus too?

I think im ovulating today, I went from no lines on my opks to pretty dark last night and positive today. Had lots of cramps and ewcm too, so about 4 days later than normal. I've emailed the clinic as I might be able to go for the second biopsy on 23 March but I'll be 11-12dpo which might be a bit late 🤞

Hope everyone is OK xx

@VenusStarr thanks for the reply. Yes I did but not ewcm just creamy but loads of it. I feel really bad not ttc especially now I think I might have ovulated.

I normally get creamy after ovulation @Mumlili9, maybe your hormones are still settling though. It is an odd feeling when you're tracking but not trying, but I'm trying to think that holding off ttc is going to be helpful in the long term. I hope your recovery is going well. Do you think you'll ttc again from next cycle or wait a bit longer?