TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@Hayleylou89 you never know you might just be blessed with your rainbow already fingers 🤞 xx

Im feeling very confused guys. I normally hit my peak around day 16/17 but this month it looks like day 14 (yesterday) which is fine but clearblue digital is showing as negative?

Any ideas?

I am going to keep testing and see what happens just wondered if anyone else had had similar?

@Hayleylou89 I’m so sorry for the loss of your little girl. Can I ask could they find a reason why this happened? I was the same when I had my little boy, I wanted to try again straight away but I bled for about 7 weeks after delivery so I waited. I stocked up on OPKs this month and booked a weekend away for during my fertile window so full steam ahead🤞🏼I’m more than ready now x

@Mumlili9 how are you doing physically? Did ur doctor have any reason for asking you to wait 3 months? I prob would wait until you’re feeling a bit better, as hard as it is when you just want to start again straight away I think it’s important to be gentle with yourself. You’ve went through a very traumatic experience and your body needs to be strong and ready for your next go because this will be the one!🤞🏼👊🏼 I don’t take anything for eggs etc, doctor in the PLU gave me prescription folic acid and baby aspirin and I’m taking iron supplements the last 3 months to try to keep my system strong - it’s prob in my head but I feel like this is helping my periods because I got my first one as soon as I started taking them!

@MissSparkles81 I’m not sure why the CB is negative but I wouldn’t take any chances and lock him into the bedroom now!! :) I used them last month n found them good but bought the boots brand to go alongside them this month too coz I’d like to see the progression and dip once I get my static! Don’t like that I can’t test once I get that!

Writing this has just made me realise I’m going into my 4th month since losing my little boy and thinkin that I’m not pregnant yet is very disheartening. Everyone kept telling me how fertile I would be straight after him so I thought I’d sneeze and get pregnant. Here’s hoping March is our month ladies and we all have beautiful Xmas babies.❤️

@ripple2020

Hi Lovely,

My bleeding only lasted just under 2 weeks which i was so surprised about but i did have to have surgery for manual removal of the placenta following the birth so maybe they got alot of the messy bits out at the same time sorry tmi :( ..i was told it could be 6 weeks and iv been having all ovulation symptoms for the past week or so... we are waiting for the results from hosp but that wont be until April but my waters broke and im convinced i should have been given the stitch after having lots of cervical treatment but i was never put under a consultant and now in hindsight after researching i think i should of been monitored more closely but wasnt :( next time i will be high risk so monitored more closely but doesn't make it any easier :( x

Okay if I join? MMC at 10 weeks, treatment a week later on 11 Feb (medical management but then manual extraction of the gestational sac the next day) but still waiting for the bleeding to stop and to get a negative test so that I can start TTC again.

@ravenwheeler hello, welcome and sorry for your loss x this is a wonderful group so much friendship and support. Hope your recovery goes smoothly x

@MissSparkles81 are your surges always that quick hun. Don't forget lots of drinks can make a difference. If I test am and pm over a couple of days my am ones are always negative and pale but by the evening they are blazing again so my cbfm sometimes misses my peak but I catch it on the easy@home tests. Just kept testing and of course dtd (coz it fun anyway) and fingers crossed 🤞

@Hayleylou89 oh ya that def sounds like a weak cervix maybe, possibly should have been given a stitch. I’ve researched a lot too and as awful as it is, it sounds like it should be an easy fix for next time! If u do get pregnant before your results they will prob put a push on things anyway! I had a meeting with a consultant just on Tue(exactly 3 months to the date of delivering my boy, such a long wait🙄) but I had a bleed behind my placenta, I had no symptoms that there was anything wrong. I’ve been given a plan for going forward which is very reassuring, weekly scans etc, but u know yourself there’s a long road ahead of us but hopefully it’s all worth it in the end! Even the doctors were like oh it’s gonna be an extremely stressful time etc but in my head I’m just trying to get that positive test and then I’ll tackle the next hurdle. My due date is April 10th so reaaaally hoping to be pregnant by then! Hope ur managing okay and going easy, it’s extremely difficult 3 months on but I just remember those initial weeks I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow, I was just crying all the time and although it’s still indescribable pain, it’s familiar and you can carry it a bit lighter is that makes sense!

@ravenwheeler so sorry for your loss. You’ve went through a very traumatic thing so just be easy on yourself, it’s so understanding to want to try again right away but just make sure u allow yourself to heal aswell - be gentle on yourself, I hope you get your rainbow baby soon x

@Mumlili9 Thank you so much, I'm in awe of your strength and compassion. I hope your recovery is going well.

@Ripple2020 Thank you, you're completely right and I think I do need to give myself some time. It's just difficult to because nobody else really understands and it's taking much longer to stop than the doctors seemed to think it would. I'm so sorry for your loss and fingers crossed that this is your month.

@Ripple2020 and @Mumlili9 thanks for replying. Im hoping ive managed to catch the window this month but not feeling confident. Will see if the bf is up for a quickie in the morning lol xx

@Ripple2020 my due date was April 11th! I'm trying not to tell myself I expect to be pregnant before then because given it took 16 months the first time I think that would be too much pressure. However having said that my period is in a week and I am constantly wondering "am I? am I?" and this happens every time and always with tears for a few days when af arrives or I test negative :'( in retrospect I wish the nurses hadn't said that thing they say about being super fertile the first 3 cycles, it just added pressure on me and made it feel like a REALLY bad sign that it didn't happen, I was really devastated around this time :(

After a year ttc we went to the gp who referred us to fertility. We got as far as blood tests for me (my hormones are perfect), sperm count (all good - I think, I'm no expert! But the doc said all good), and an initial ultrasound which flagged up fibroids and an enlarged right ovary. However no-one could answer any of my questions and I was referred for a specialist ultrasound. Whilst waiting for this I fell pregnant and my appointment got cancelled. I had a load of scans during the miscarriage and everyone said my ovaries were perfect, however fibroids made visibility very difficult (so much so that even with a 6 week old embryo in there they couldn't locate it for 48 hours and thought it was ectopic) and I still didn't get any answers on that. One guy said I had "loads and loads" of fibroids and that they were inside my womb and blocking my cervix etc which was alarming, but then when I had my scan to confirm completion I was told that my lining was smooth, no fibroids were interrupting it. I was told by the registrar that since I fell pregnant once I would likely fall pregnant again but that it might just take longer - this is what people have been telling me all the time. She recommended waiting 6 months before going forward for any fertility testing. She also said if I have a second miscarriage they would recommend testing and not make me wait for 3 which is good (I suppose, although a heartbreaking prospect nonetheless). So I've waited 6 months (this is my 6th cycle now due to end in a week), and I have an appointment this month with GP where I will ask to be referred to fertility. I also have an appointment this week where I will get a specialist opinion on my fibroids (I now know that I have 2 5cm ones within the wall of my womb but not interrupting the lining - one either side. Also a 5.5cm one outside the womb, and potentially 2 very small ones). So it's felt like a hell of a lot of waiting. Before I was pregnant I was coping quite well with the waiting, but in these 6 months since the mc i've been miserable and had a really bad feeling about my chances of successful pregnancy. I'm turning 35 this year which is on my mind... anyway sorry for the long answer to your question but yes I am very very very slowly finding out more but there doesn't seem to be an adequate answer why things are taking so long - except that fibroids do slow down conception but don't stop it altogether..

@Ripple2020 sorry I haven't been on for a few days but to reply to your question from last week...
Our baby had a post mortem but nothing was found. The consultant seemed to think that was good news as it rules many things out. Still very frustrating but I feel optimistic going forward.

We lost the baby at the end of October and we tried to conceive as soon as I stopped bleeding (about 4 weeks after) we conceived end of December but I miscarried 7 weeks later (3 weeks ago). So extra devastation as I felt so relieved that I would pregnant on the due date of our daughter. But it wasn't to be and now I'm waiting for a few months as I'm overdue a smear so want to do that but have to wait three months after miscarriage.

As I said I feel positive and have had been referred for tests and specialists so fingers crossed.

Good luck to you both conceiving ASAP. Getting pregnant made me feel a million times better in myself after our loss. It was a magic fix. X

@ripple2020

Yeah the first few weeks are horrendous never felt anything like it just constantly crying and to lose my first baby and see her beautiful face was heartbreaking and although she will never be replaced the pain of waking up not pregnant no more is horrendous and its alls we want so we will keep trying, iv never heard of a bleed behind the placenta how did u find out about that? ...theres so many diff thing that can go wrong its insain... i was so relaxed in my pregnancy i never worried but this next time when it happens ill be a nervous wreck. X

1 week before af due and major symptom spotting - someone please kill me now!!!!

@ravenwheeler have u had first af yet? I know, it’s so hard when ur body is screaming at you to become pregnant again, looks like we’re all in the same boat here though so you’re in the right place:)

@MOGMOGMOG85 oh my god, we were 1 day apart!! That’s a bit mad! I’m so sorry it took that long..that’s awful. I Feel the exact same way every month, I’ve felt so heartbroken when my af arrives but at the same time I’m relieved that I’m getting it and ovulating ya know and then as soon as it’s gone I just get an incredible motivation to try again. It’s tiring tho. After we lost him, I really didn’t expect such an overwhelming fear that it might not happen for me but I’m making every effort to try to train my mind to be positive. It’s hard to not expect bad things all the time after what we’ve been through tho! I so so hope this is ur month, what symptoms? Have u had spotting in the days prior to AF since your loss can I ask?

@Hayleylou89 My boy was my first too, leaving the hospital without him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I know what u mean tho, within hours of finding out his heart had stopped I knew I wanted to try again ASAP and not to replace him but just to fulfil the dream of becoming a mother. They sent away my placenta and cord for testing, they found a lot of old and new blood behind my placenta which would have caused his death. I had no pain or bleeding or anything which is scary that I had no idea anything was wrong. They’ve given me a high dose of folic acid that I’ve started to take and prescription aspirin that I’m to take as soon as I get a positive test. It helps the placenta develop apparently. Have you started using OPKs to track ovulation?

@ripple2020 yes iv started opk doing 3 a day mostly for about a week now but not getting a peak however i started with my cb fertility monitor and thats said high fertility for 5 days now so dont know what to think ... iv had what i think is ovulation type pains this past week but just dont know when ill get a peak on the opks or when af will come ... where are you upto with it and when did ur body seem to get back to normal? X

@Ripple2020 thank you - and I'm so sorry for your journey too, what you went through is truly heartbreaking.. Strong words on staying positive, it's so important. If I listened to the advice of others around me I'd be on antidepressants now and not trying for a baby at all because it's too hard, but I know myself what I've been through, that grieving is natural, that negativity is natural too, but that I have to find the strength to keep trying and stay rational. There is nothing to say we won't become mothers and we need to keep telling ourselves, and also that it will take however long it's going to take, there's no rushing these things! Baby dust to you too xxx

Re: spotting, no I have never really got spotting, but I got lots of odd things after mc that weren't there before - my af has been completely different although slowly getting more normal (it was very very light and a very watery colour too). I also got cramping all the time at weird times for the first 4/5 months. My boobs seemed to keep going up and down in size for ages and that never happened before even when premenstrual. I got nosebleeds since the mc and i've never had them before except when pregnant. And my moods are less predictable by what time of the month it is, although hopefully getting better with that too. Just generally loads of stuff that made me really confused about whether I was pregnant each month and then even more gutted when not.

This will be my 6th bleed next week and I'm hoping it will be a lot more normal, I was quite pleased with the last one it was 70% normal which was a relief!

My other closest friend has just messaged to say she's sorry but she's pregnant. I'm now the person people dread telling they are pregnant

@Hayleylou89 I got my first af after 35 days, next 28 days and this one 31 days. I get ovulation pains now too, and I never ever had them prior to delivering. Keep using them though. Have u thought of checking in with ur doctor just for a post natal check up, u should still have the 6 week free care, I found it good to get my bloods checked etc and have a chat with her. Did they book u in for any scans etc? We started tryin again in Jan but weren’t too serious, then last month I used OPKs, got a peak but obv not pregnant so trying again this month..we got pregnant with our little boy the second month last time, I’m worried tho and I suppose I don’t really have a reason to be, I just feel like my body is gonna fail, hopefully not tho! So how many days ago did you deliver her? X

@MOGMOGMOG85 thanks so much, such kind words:) well hopefully it doesn’t arrive but if it does at least you know everything’s ticking away as it should be..I feel that’s strange, like I’m wishing af doesn’t arrive but at the same time worried if it doesn’t that would mean somethings wrong! I’ve about a week to my fertile window so just gonna relax:) when are you due af? It’s mad how it can mess things up so much isn’t it, are you getting peaks on the OPKs? Yeah I’m wondering what the spotting could be but they said once it’s not mid cycle I’m prob okay but they’re gonna send me an apt for a scan just to be sure!

@avocadoincident u okay? Yeah I’ve found that to be one of the hardest things in all this aswell, just feelin like people pity us, like they’ll cross the street coz they feel uncomfortable - not a nice feeling. Hope ur okay tho, it’s hard x

@Ripple2020

25 days its been so far so not long at all really.

Cant expect my body to go back that quick but i really want it too. Im usually 35-38 day cycles anyway so always quite long cycles.

Fingers crossed ur rainbow happens really soon xxxx

Hiya, hope you don’t mind me joining in.

I lost my baby girl in January at 24 weeks, and this month is the start of my first proper cycle. I’m feeling really scared and overwhelmed - does it get easier as time goes on? Or does it get harder and more stressful? All I really want is my baby back and to be having her in May like I was supposed to...

@Hayleylou89 I so get how you’re feeling. I feel like if it doesn’t happen this month I’ll have a meltdown but just again have to go back to thinkin it WILL happen it’s just a case of when! Be gentle on yourself, you only just gave birth a little over 3 weeks ago so hopefully it will happen this month for you but if not be easy on yourself. It’s such a hard time, I hope you get yours too xx

@emiliet123 doesn’t seem to be letting me tag you! So so sorry for your little girl, it’s such an awful experience. Did they find any reason for why yet? I lost my little boy in Nov and I’ll be honest my heart still aches for him, sometimes I feel like I could be physically sick I miss him so much but i don’t cry all day anymore. I’m living as opposed to just surviving now. How are you doing physically?

@ripple2020 no, and I’m also unsure as to whether I want to know. It won’t bring her back and I KNOW I did everything right, I love her so so much. I know what you mean about living vs surviving, I feel like I’m just surviving and making steps toward living, and then I get knocked back again. ☹️ But it sounds like there’s hope to be had! I’m so sorry you lost your little boy, what was his name? We called our little girl Maya. 💖

@emiliet123 I was on the fence about whether or not I wanted an answer too. I suppose I was hoping if it was just bad luck it surely couldn’t happen again. Of course you done nothing wrong❤️ I found out there was a significant bleed behind my placenta, I had no pain or bleeding so had no idea. They’ve given me aspirin to start taking as soon as I get a BFP as this helps the placenta to develop, it’s completely your decision, but if there is something similar it would be worth knowing to make sure you take every precaution for the future. Its so painful and nothing or no1 will replace our babies but I have to believe he’s with me, protecting me always. Unfortunately I’m going into my 4th month without him and have the same feelings, some days I feel I’m getting better and then suddenly I get knocked back again. Simple things like the brighter evenings are reminding me my spring baby won’t be here, those summer evening walks with him in the pram won’t happen. Trying again has given me a focus, like a purpose. I take my folic acid and prep my meals to make sure I’m eating healthy etc but u just have to go through it, there’s no other way around it unfortunately. It’s awful but we’re all in this together so hopefully you can take comfort in knowing ur not alone❤️Xx

@emiliet123

Hi lovely so sorry to hear you lost maya at 24 weeks i lost my bonnie just over 3 weeks ago at 22.5 weeks absolutely heartbreaking as my waters broke early at 22.2 weeks but she was ok inside but started to struggle without fluid and we lost her at 22.5 weeks ... can i ask how was ur body at this stage (3 weeks after) i feel like iv had all the ovulation sign but been opking and not showed any ovulation so now im just waiting on AF ... what was u feeling in the first few weeks following the birth? Sorry its a tough question x