TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

You are right @Mumlili8, I'm so sorry for your losses and the damage, I hope you have a swift recovery ❤. My partner and I tend to DTD everyday anyway so I'll maybe just wait for the tracking and testing until after my first period so i have a fresh start. Still getting strong positives on my hpt so hopefully that starts to fade soon (didnt think I'd ever be saying that). xx

@Ilithya none of us do hun x it kind of goes against every thing we're trying to achieve. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you get your rainbow bfp quickly xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope you don't mind me asking but how long after your surgery did it take you to recover.

I found it a harder recovery from the surgery than either of my c sections @Mumlili9! I was very weak and wobbly for about four days and struggled to walk. The first week was hard physically and I bled heavily. For about two weeks I was very tender and sore but I can't remember after that. It also took a while for my first period, about 8 weeks. That freaked me out as most things I read said by six weeks. It was quite a heavy period and painful too.

XxxX

Hi everyone, it's finally Friday!
@Mumlili9 I hope you're getting lots of rest and that you start to feel physically a bit better soon. Are you back home now?

Good news, I am booked in for my first biopsy on Monday afternoon. I had emailed the secretary my situation and worries about missing the next couple of months and she called me earlier. I wasn't sure if the chemical ruled us out this cycle, but they don't count it as a miscarriage - which I'm conflicted about as it is an early loss to me, but at the same time it means we can get started this month so I should have some results in 4-6 weeks 🤞 someone I've spoken to on Instagram has high nk cells and said her first test was negative but the second showed elevated levels, so found that helpful. I feel much better knowing we're doing something, the worst thing for me is waiting and not being able to ttc.

How's everyone else getting on? Xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank goodness for that hun I was starting to think I was being pathetic. I can barely walk at the moment. Going the loo is like running a marathon. Just getting in and out of bed in the morning and evening is an event. I can't believe how the surgery has knocked me around. I spoke to the nurse and she said I have 12 internal stitches and 8 external. She said because I have damage to the muscle part of my uterus it's going to feel bruised for a bit longer than normal. I have to say I'm not enjoying the heparin injections everyday. I'm also bleeding from the d&c too so not having much fun right now.

@VenusStarr great News about your biopsy hun hopefully some answers for you real soon x

Hi ladies, I am just checking in. I am finding things very tough at the moment and feel a bit like I am getting too obsessed with reading things online about ttc! So I am limiting myself to checking in once a week.

@Morganmom @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr thank you so much for your helpful replies when I asked the question about temping and ovulation. I'm on CD 24 today and I still have no idea if I ovulated. I persevered with OPKs and temping. I got a positive OPK last Saturday (CD18) and my app predicted ovulation on CD20, but I still don't have a temperature rise. Basically I have no idea what's going on. Maybe my body is still adjusting after the TFMR in December. There is definitely no point in hoping that we have conceived this cycle.

@mumlili8 i am so sorry to hear your news. I have been thinking of you this week. I hope that you are home and being comforted and looked after.

@MOGMOGMOG85 your post about people wanting you to be ok and to fix you really resonated with me. My parents are the same, they are determined that I should be fixed (or what they think of as fixed, which seems to be never mentioning my DDs ever again, or having any mixed feelings about somebody else having a baby). My dad actually told me he thought there was something wrong with me. I feel like in their determination to 'fix' me they are just asking me to forget my babies ever existed. It's one of the main reasons I am not talking to them at the moment. I don't have any advice on this I'm afraid, I have no idea how to deal with it. At the moment I'm choosing to distance myself because I cannot think of any other way. I'm sending you a hug of solidarity.

I hope everyone has gentle weekends. I am going to see my nieces tomorrow, which is always lovely even though it is difficult. Then a Sunday of mostly pottering about, sorting out general jobs around the house and on the allotment. I have started off potatoes (from seed potatoes) and chillies from seed (they are currently on windowsills in the house). I have no idea if they will germinate but I feel better for having got something started! The allotment has become my place of peace and quiet at the moment, it is like my therapy.

Hi there,

I hope I can join this.
MMC in October 2019, failed medical management, failed ERPC and ended up having a hysteroscopy in Jan which suggested all was ok. A small amount of pregnancy tissue left but they were confident that would come out with my next period. Period came on 01st feb so TTC this month but CB fertility tests have suggested no ovulation this month 😔
I'm so much more affected by this than I ever thought I would be. Knowing that we will have to wait another month to try again is stressing me out and I am worried that something is wrong. Looking online, ovulation can miss a month but with everything that has happened in the past 4 months, I just feel a bit crushed.

I have read the stories on this thread and I am so sorry that we are all here. I send hugs to you all

Sending love @Mumlili8, you've had it tougher than I did and that was enough. Wishing for a speedy recovery xxx

@VenusStarr I'm so glad you're getting your test done, that must be such a relief! I'm really hoping for some answers for you. Gosh I'm surprised that someone had high NK cells but it didn't get picked up at the first test, that's scary. How did she end up going for a second test?

@Isittimeforbubblesyet welcome to our sad but very kind group. It is a huge thing that you've been through and none of us knew how much it was going to affect us until afterwards.. sending you healing hugs and plenty of luck for getting back on track ttc xx

@JuniperAndRose I'm so sorry your Dad said that :( there is nothing wrong with you, I'm constantly shocked by how similar my feelings are to others on here - it just goes to show that guess what: miscarriage is a huge deal and fertility issues are hugely straining, not easy to fix, and life doesn't just continue as normal after a loss. From what you've said I'm glad you're distancing yourself - it's not usually the best answer in life, but I think in terms of fertility issues and miscarriage it does seem to be the best way. It is only temporary what we are going through, although temporary can feel like it's going to last forever... I've come to the same conclusion today re: distancing myself from certain people, just whilst I'm in this fragile state, however long that may last for xx

I went to visit a friend this weekend. She is 4 months pregnant and fell almost directly after my MC. Prior to this she and I had both experienced difficulty getting pregnant. I'd been hugely anxious about seeing her, but a couple of friends I spoke to persuaded me it was a good idea to go, face my fears, and that I would have a good time. As soon as I arrived it felt odd. She is very aware of my emotional state and was clearly trying not to talk about being pregnant/children etc and had asked her partner not to either. Its so nice that she wanted to protect me and be a good friend, but it actually just felt really weird and artificial. Despite their best efforts I could see how happy they were, how the strain on their relationship that had been there when they were struggling had lifted and how excited they were to be parents. We had planned to stay the night and after spending Friday eve trying to appear happy and normal and blocking my feelings I woke up at the crack of dawn today and just couldn't stop crying. I tried to gather myself before leaving the bedroom but after an hour it became apparent that I just couldn't appear normal so just went out to say good morning anyway with a swollen face from crying. I felt like such a dick, I just felt so guilty for not being able to be happy for her, and for bringing my pain and sadness into their happy house. We managed to have breakfast and I managed to chit chat without crying but I just feel 100x worse today than I did yesterday, it's really knocked me back. I'm thinking that perhaps I really need to avoid pregnant people for the sake of my own sanity, and because it serves no purpose to torture myself and let others see how low I am. I think being around her just made me feel like a failure, and seeing how happy her boyfriend was made me notice how unhappy and strained our relationship has come, and that I've failed to let him become a father :'(

We came home straight after breakfast and I'm trying to regain my composure. I think it'll take a day or 2. Its weird because I was doing really well and feeling really positive literally just before going over there. I'm sure I can get back to that headspace, and hopefully at least I've learned a lesson - protecting myself is key at the moment, for however long this painful journey is going to last.

To top it off I'm ovulating and we just haven't managed to dtd since wednesday. thursday oh was at a work function and yesterday we didn't go to bed until midnight and i was knackered. today doesn't look promising either as not surprisingly my boyfriend doesn't feel massively like jumping me when I've been crying all day... he told me he is feeling really anxious, I don't think he knew how badly I've been feeling and it shocked him

Ah the hormone crash is kicking my ass today. Any tips on how to cope while I'm laid up?

@MOGMOGMOG85
You haven't failed at anything my lovely. You are working your way through a horrific situation that no one can understand except those who have been through it.

You totally did the right thing by leaving your friends house. I've backed away from a friend who is pregnant. Well to be honest she's backed away from me and I've been trying to make the effort to keep us on track but I don't care anymore. I'm looking after myself now as number 1.

@Mumlili9 I'm not sure if this helps but I stocked up with yummy foods and treats, posh tissues so my face was less sore from crying and wallowed and listened to sad podcasts. I gave in to everything and wasn't brave at all. X

Hello ladies how are you getting on?

Hey @Mumlili9 how are you? Hope you're less sore now?

Sorry I've been quiet. @MOGMOGMOG85 I'm sorry to hear about your weekend but it sounds like you made the right decision to leave. Protecting yourself can never be a negative thing ❤️ how you feeling today?

@JuniperAndRose glad to help. I think you taking time out from constantly checking in here is good - something I aspire to! It's too easy to check back in and get lost in threads. Hope you're OK

Hope everyone else is getting on OK. I've just had my first biopsy (think it was @MOGMOGMOG85 who asked about this), but you have 2 because apparently your nk cells can fluctuate month to month so they do 2 for a better picture. I can't lie, it was very unpleasant. Some of you who were here last Summer might remember when I had the hsg? Yeh, it was like that, but thankfully only a short reminder. The midwife had to hold my hand and I almost squeezed it off while she did a countdown!! Anticipating a 4-6 week wait for the results but overheard the office say some they did last week were back already 🤞 so, am off my slimming world plan for a hour to drink a latte and eat a brownie - think I deserve it!! Am a bit crampy now.

Welcome @Isittimeforbubblesyet sorry you find yourself here (I think we've spoken before?) but this group has been so supportive to me xx

Well ladies just an update from me.
We were so excited I mean elated when in my hubby bday we saw a VVFL ! Well it was short lived because the next day it was like non existent and today my temp dropped. I soon got my period! So I dunno if it was evap or very early miscarriage but we are out this month. It sounds crazy but as happy as I was, I knew it wasn’t going to stick.

@Morganmom I'm sorry to ask but what's WFL stand for? In any case I can see it's now a negative and I'm so sorry for that. A whole new opportunity awaits this month for you now, with its own new odds at success. Xxx

@Isittimeforbubblesyet

Sorry you have to join us but nice to meet you. This thread can be a lifeline and there's so much knowledge in these collective brains here!

Hello everyone else too!
Missing out on a month is crushing. I'm 40 now so feel added pressure to get on with it but I've given myself a few months off now. Two miscarriages in four months has taken its toll on me and now I'm overdue a a smear test so I'm waiting to have that. We aren't not trying if you see what I mean but I'm not monitoring dates or testing. I feel better already releasing the pressure off and the sex is better too.

@Mumlili9 how are you recovering?

Thanks so much everyone

@VenusStarr yes we have spoken before! Trying very hard to move away from the other boards and stay positive for the future but finding it difficult. The whole experience has affected me much more than I ever expected.

@avocadoincident missing a month is crushing. Like you, I think we might leave it a month or two although I do feel I am letting my OH down (although I know I'm not and he just wants me to be ok). The emotions are all over the place!

Hope everyone is doing ok

Hi all, and welcome @Isittimeforbubblesyet, sorry you are here xx
I'm in the tww, d10po. Once again I have all the symptoms but this is the 3rd time I've done it, last 2 just couldn't stay put, so its a nervous time. Trying not to think about it, because I now know it doesn't mean anything until it sticks. Waiting for my recurrent MC clinic appointment to see what they can advise.
Does anyone else have cramps all the time still? Feel like I've had cramps most of the time since a few days after ov early December with the 1st pregnancy. Wondering if theres something wrong in there 😕

@SweetpeaOrMarigold You’re not alone in that one! I definitely find I get varying degrees of cramps (mostly mild) at all times throughout my cycle since the miscarriage 🙈 Doesn’t help when that happens in the 2WW and then you get AF does it 🤨

I'm having cramps the past few days, but I think it's too early for AF. I dont normally get cramps that badly so assume its yet another fun thing my MC has given me!

Glad its not just me! Nobody warns you of the rest of the MC stuff

No worries it’s very very faint line. @avocadoincident and it was nearly not there. But I had classic symptoms like smelling everything and nausea ( which I didn’t mind) cuz I got to be pregnant again for one day!!! You r right I have another cycle this month and I will find out soon IVF start day.