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TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

959 replies

BunnytheBlueWhale · 23/01/2020 09:23

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

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VenusStarr · 18/02/2020 19:00

I agree, people tend to say hurtful things without really realising 😔 @TerribleImagination @MissSparkles81 hope you're both OK

Dh messaged me earlier to say he's struggling with my moods (in response to me asking if he was OK, he didn't just randomly message, that would be worse) - feel horrible and don't really know what to say. I'm so absorbed in this, I'm really struggling to live my life - it sounds dramatic but it's taken over everything :( :(

MOGMOGMOG85 · 18/02/2020 19:14

@MissSparkles81 we've all been there... I am visiting a friend this weekend who fell pregnant shortly after my MC. To make it worse she had been having fertility problems too so we were kind of in the same boat but now I am alone... She sent me her 12 week scan of her perfect baby and I just broke down literally fell on the floor when I received it thinking of the one terrible picture I got of my little embryo in my wholly insufficient womb :( I'm not a jealous person either but its entirely natural to feel that way at a time like this xx

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. Gutted that you ovulated... but as your partner says - maybe this time will be the one?? Otherwise I'm crossing my fingers for you that your timing is off next month so that you don't have to wait. It must be really hard not to TTC but it is for a good reason you're doing it - you've been through so much xxx take care xxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue what a lovely message to @Mumlili9 - I'm very aware I'm only offering platitudes now. I don't know what it's like to have ectopic but I had suspected ectopic for 2 days and it was awful. Please do come and update us when you feel ready, we're all here for you and so sorry for what you're going through. Lots of love xxxx

@BunnytheBee it sounds like you're in a slightly different boat to me. You've fell 3 times in 2 years including your DD... to me this means falling pregnant is not an issue which is really a positive thing - not that I'm trying to minimise your pain at all because you've been through an awful lot :( I have a friend who has been on a similar journey as you. Sadly her 1st passed at 10 weeks old from SID. She fell pregnant shortly after but miscarried, then I think about 5/6 months after that she fell with her DD who is now 2 and healthy and happy. I can't fathom what she's been through, but in he insight it all just seems like such incredible bad luck - her fertility and her ability to carry to term were not an issue but at the time she must have just been so desperate and so anxious... I think freezing your eggs sounds like an idea worth pondering - at the very least would it take a weight off your mind? You're right its not as good chances as embryos but if OH isn't on board there's not much you can do about that. Although I seem to take a long time to fall pg (16 months the first time and I'm on month 6 now) I'm trying to be positive about my chances, but have put a time limit in my head (if nothing happens this year) so that I will know I have a back up plan and can then move for surrogacy in the future safe in the knowledge I have embryos frozen. Having this plan is helping alleviate some of the pressure and I'm hoping that it all might just happen naturally in the mean time. GOD I hope so, it's such a desperate need - for all of us!

My counsellor has recommended positive visualisation and I'm going to try some of that this evening. I'm going to repeat to myself what the ultrasound tech said - "my ovaries are perfect, my endometrium is smooth and good", and remind myself that my body did a good job miscarrying, that I have been pregnant once, and I will be pregnant again, that I will get my baby, either naturally or through surrogacy - visualising these things as I go along. She pointed out that our negative thoughts and worries are like weeds, popping up all the time without invitation, and we need to nurture our positive thoughts like ornamental plants - as a gardener this really spoke to me! For me I've been thinking of myself as broken, failed, and my womb as a rocky place, and I didn't realise how much my thoughts are within my control to change and hopefully make me feel better. I'll let you know if it works, I think it's going to take some effort for me... xxxx

Sending lots of love to all of you on here tonight, it's tough for us all and I just wanted to say you're all doing really well! xxxx

BunnytheBee · 18/02/2020 19:20

Oh I barely look at Facebook or any SM as I find the pregnancy announcements really hard to take sometimes. It’s completely natural.

BunnytheBee · 18/02/2020 19:31

I have a friend getting married this year and the MOH messaged me earlier saying they are thinking of a week in Dubai for a hen do. Is it just me or is that a bit excessive? Also, again don’t want to put things off just in case I get pregnant, but if I were pregnant by then (and obviously I hope to be) I don’t think I’d want to go to Dubai...

MOGMOGMOG85 · 18/02/2020 20:32

@BunnytheBee yes that is def excessive! Unless you are all bankers or oligarchs but for normal people def a lot to ask for a hen do!!!

BunnytheBee · 18/02/2020 21:07

No they’re not and also I only know the hen so it’s not even as if I’m going with loads of people I know well and know I’ll have a great time... I’m hoping other people push back a bit on it!!

TerribleImagination · 18/02/2020 23:01

@MissSparkles81 @VenusStarr thanks lovelies! I’m so glad I’m not alone in finding those things hard ❤️

avocadoincident · 19/02/2020 07:10

@BunnytheBee arghghgh stag and hen do's abroad do my head in. So excessive and so entitled regarding the environment.

avocadoincident · 19/02/2020 07:12

Still thinking on you @Mumlili9

Mumlili9 · 19/02/2020 07:28

Hello ladies

I'm back. I'm really not In a good place tbh. I feel somehow less of a women, inadequate doesn't really cover it. Not to mention in a lot of pain. The surgery went well, the surgeon said me fix damage to my uterus as well but I'm not sure if that's new damage or damage from this d&c. It turns out I had two one in my tube and one in my uterus so double whammy. The remains have been sent away for testing. My head isn't good at the minute. I've got a lot of questions for the doctors but was too busy being sick on them all yesterday and I'm pretty sure I've got a uti as well now.

Thank you for all your lovely wishes you've know idea how helpful they have been. And I'm sorry I can't remember who gave me advice about ectopic and tube but it did make me feel a little better thank you x

I'll update more later.

Sorry some of you ladies are struggling, I send you hugs. Baby dust to every one else.
@VenusStarr I'm secretly hoping this chance is your sticky one fingers crossed. We can only hope right xx

SunStruck · 19/02/2020 07:37

Sending hugs @Mumlili9 , I'm so sorry.... take some time, rest and let your body heal. Great they are testing it, hopefully they will know what the problem is and fix it. Thinking of you ❤️

SunStruck · 19/02/2020 07:41

@venusstarr it must be so difficult for you right now and I'm sending you a hug. It's good you and your dh are open about feelings though and can talk about how he/you feel, it is a really difficult time with fertility problems. Me and DH also had many an argument (he thought I was obsessive/wouldn't 'chill', I thought he didn't understand). You'll get through this ❤️

Russkispy · 19/02/2020 08:02

@Mumlili9 glad it all went well and now it's time to heal. You've been through a lot! Sending you big hugs ThanksThanksThanks

Mumlili9 · 19/02/2020 09:04

Update

Doc says it was new damage and that my uterus is very soft which is unusual and I am going to be prone to damage easily. He said I can get pregnant again but it will take longer and I will be monitored very closely. Positives both my ovaries and right tube look healthy. I've also got to do heparin injections for the next 7 days or rather the hubby has coz I can't bend right now as I'm to swollen up. I have 4 incisions which as really sore.

BunnytheBee · 19/02/2020 13:24

@avocadoincident Yes abroad is one thing as it is but a week in Dubai?! Not sure I’ll go...

@Mumlili9 I’m thinking of you. You have been so kind to me, many of us, and such a support and I only hope we can provide some comfort to you even if only a place to vent. What @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue is positive and so I hope this doesn’t make things harder for you and maybe closer monitoring will get you where you want to be but I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this

I hope everyone else is ok.

MissSparkles81 · 19/02/2020 19:39

Rest up @Mumlili9 and let hubby take good care of you ❤

MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue · 19/02/2020 19:43

@Mumlili9 I completely understand your feelings and felt the same way. My miscarriage was so hard but the ectopic brought up new feelings and worries about my fertility, similar to what you have mentioned. I was in shock and the emotional pain and grief was immense. It really felt like there was something wrong with me and my body to "malfunction" in such a way. Yet at the same time, I also had this weird feeling of gratitude, grateful that it wasn't worse and I was still alive for my DD. It's very complex so please do keep talking, letting out your thoughts on here or try the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust. I hope the physical pain heals quickly, the emotional side may take longer. Also, to give you hope, not in a bragging way, I got pregnant again just one cycle after my ectopic. Was waiting for the second period, which to my shock never arrived. The result of that pregnancy is currently cluster feeding in my lap. Keep hopeful and if you can't find the faith to believe, I will hold on to it and believe in miracles for you. Lots of love and strength xxx

VenusStarr · 20/02/2020 14:27

@Mumlili9 I am so sorry to hear that there were 2 little ones 💜💜 it was questioned on my second pregnancy if I was having a heterotopic pregnancy, it's very rare. You sound very sore, I hope dh is looking after you. It sounds like the hospital will look after you too and really good to hear that they're confident that you can carry a baby. Sending you lots of love xx

Thanks for all the positivity. I'm more confused than ever. Even though I said I wouldn't continue to temp, I did 🙄 FF moved ovulation to cd12 instead and set a ridiculously high coverline (as my temp spiked on cd11), I had a small dip which I thought was a fallback rise (and had one last cycle). Plus I've had watery cm today so it's decided its not sure and I now have dashed crosshairs and I'm probably 3dpo again. So bfp unlikely but I'll still probably miss the dates for testing next month.

I'm worried I'm going to miss March and April for testing because of when my cycle will fall - holiday for March and over Easter for April. Am waiting for the clinic to come back to me to see what they suggest.

When I'm stressed it tends to show on my skin and I get a horrible eczema breakout - currently sporting a patch on the side of my nose 😑 just want to fast forward through these next few months.

Hope everyone is OK. X

Ilithya · 20/02/2020 15:52

Hi all, I hope it's okay to join in. I had a miscarriage with my first baby on Sun/Mon, we were 7w2d, it was especially hard to accept because we just had a private scan on the Saturday and everything was looking great.

My bleeding is nearly stopped but I'm still having quite severe cramp pain, also still showing as positive on hpt and my ovulation tests seem to only show strong positives. We are keen to start trying asap so hoping my hormones sort themselves out asap so I can work out where I am on my cycle. Good luck to you all.

Mumlili9 · 20/02/2020 16:14

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. You have put into words what I can't right now. Your story reassures me too. I don't know what or how I'm going to feel tomorrow. I'm just going to take each day as I can. Right now I'm very broken both emotionally and physically so I've a long way to go.

I really appreciate your friendship ladies and this group has been invaluable to me.

Mumlili9 · 20/02/2020 16:21

@VenusStarr I'm sorry things are so uncertain you right now. Fx they can get better soon x
@Ilithya hello and welcome to this amazing group of wonderful ladies. I too lost my babies on Tuesday so I understand where you are right now I was 7+1. I hope that you will get the support you need here x

avocadoincident · 20/02/2020 16:28

@Ilithya sorry that you've had to join us.
Our dr told us we could try again as soon as we were ready and my fertility tracking app told me to count the first day of miscarriage as the first day of my period in terms of inputting data on an app.

Rest and look after yourself. Thanks

Ilithya · 20/02/2020 16:45

@avocadoincident @Mumlili9 Thanks for your lovely messages, so sorry for your loss as well, truly unfair and cruel.
I started bleeding on the Sunday so that would put me 5 days into my cycle, I've never tracked before, this pregnancy was a surprise for us so I'm not really sure what to do but this thread is filled with helpful information so I'm sure I'll learn in time. I just wish my hormones would balance out so my hpt and ovulation tests could help out a little! All in time I suppose. x

Mumlili9 · 20/02/2020 17:29

@Ilithya your opks will not be accurate until you've had a negative hpt. If you can i would advise waiting for a true period if your going to use an app to track because they arnt set up to deal with miscarriage and it may take longer than your normal cycle length to ovulate again. I totally understand the need to ttc again, truely I do. I now have to wait for at least 2 to 3 months due to the damage to my uterus. I'm not so ill be emotionally ready before then any way xx

Mumlili9 · 20/02/2020 17:33

*so sure I will be ready