TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Thanks ladies I'm losing my left tube. I knew all along it was but I was praying it wasn't. I even developed a sudo sac in my uterus so I have to have a d&c as well.

Hope you ladies are well

@Mumlili8 I'm so sorry
Nothing will make you feel better but I'm thinking of you xxx

@Mumlili9 so so sorry to hear your bad news. I hope you have some support around you and take all the time you need to recover physically, as well as looking after yourself emotionally xx

@Mumlili9 I'm so sorry, sending you hugs 😔 thinking of you ❤️

@Mumlili9 I'm so sorry to hear your update. Wish I could give you a big hug right now. Hope you're in good hands right now and have all support you need in such difficult time! 😔

I’m sorry to read your update @Mumlili9 I wish there was something we could do to make things better 💐

Oh @Mumlili9 I am so so sorry ❤❤

@Mumlili9 I'm so so so so so so sorry :'( thinking of you.. words can't make it better, we are all here for you xxx

@MissSparkles81 my body and periods have been different since the miscarriage - with me it's a lighter flow, lighter colour, and I have had cramping mid month and during my luteal phase which is unusual for me - i don't usually cramp ever. this month (month 5) was the first month without the random cramping. my gynocologist said its very normal for cycles to be odd for 6 months after MC and that it's hormone related.

@BunnytheBee of course everything has changed for you since your DD. I've not gone through what you have, but even after one miscarriage I can't take anything for granted anymore. I'm roughly your age and trying for No. 1, and with my fertility problems I'm feeling that fear of not even being able to have 1. I've always wanted more but I would settle for 1. I can't make your decision for you but for me I want to get some embryos frozen at 35 so that I have some breathing space and take some of the pressure off me... xxx

Also @BunnytheBee I've been ttc for 21 months now and the only time I caught we literally only dtd CD12, CD14 and CD16 - the least effort we've ever put in. Prior to that I'd been trying from CD7 to CD21 every other day. Since the miscarriage (and knowing that I got pregnant by having sex literally 3 times) I am more relaxed - aiming for every 2 days from Day 10/11 until day 17/18. I ov day 14-16 and I don't track as I find it too stressful. As long as I AM ovulating (which every time I check, I always am through temping or tests) and I have sex every couple of days I figure that's ok. I've had people quiz me over how I'm trying as if the answer to my problems is that I'm not doing it right, and last month I did get anxious and we dtd daily but guess what - it still didn't work. I can only imagine trying to relax about it as much as possible and doing it regularly is the only good strategy rather than timing it exactly - making sure you cover the range of possible ovulation times. This month I've bought preseed just in case its my magic answer, who knows!

@VenusStarr yes that second one was the one I meant to send. It says that it may not be as simple as that fibroids are a physical impediment to implantation and that there is a study which suggested that women with fibroids have reduced glycodelin and cytokines in their uterus - which help fight off NK cells. It was because you'd mentioned NK cells that I thought of you. Unlike you I've only had 1 miscarriage, but because it took me 16 months to catch that first time, and I'm now on month 6 afterwards, I am just so anxious something could be wrong. I'm trying to repeat to myself that my ovaries are "perfect" and my endometrium is "smooth" and "healthy" as I was told on Saturday by the ultrasound lady... so hard to stay positive in the face of the terrifying unknown. Mb it's a trick of this forum but you seem to be so positive considering what you've been through - it's admirable! xxx

@BunnytheBee and to add every doctor I've ever spoken to says every 2-3 days is absolutely fine. I'm not zen enough to do every 3 days, but I try to relax about it if we are having a bad day and OH is feeling the pressure. Feeling that you have to schedule sex takes its toll particularly after 2 years!!!!

Thank you @MOGMOGMOG85 I'm not feeling that positive now. My body was screaming at me that I was ovulating this weekend and I immediately just wanted to ttc and not miss our chance. I'm having to keep reminding myself of the reason why we made the decision to stop. Frustratingly, my next ovulation date would mean 7-10 days after ovulation means we'll be away 😔 booked a holiday because we need a break but might mean we miss the window for the nk cells tests. I'm really hoping that af is a day or so late this month or my ovulation is delayed next month. It will literally only be a day or so out but really don't want to wait until April / May to do these tests. Think that's what is making me feel anxious - I had a plan and felt in control but now I feel out of control again.
I think repeating the positives about your scan is a good tactic :) xxx

Sending love @Mumlili9, hope the surgery went OK and you're getting some rest xxx

I have had cramping too at different times in my cycle and my body is different eg I didn’t used to have sore boobs except when I was pregnant and now I get tender boobs especially when AF is due so I just feel like my body reacts differently to my hormones or something

@MOGMOGMOG85 Yes the NHS days every other day so I’m just trying to be relaxed about it in a way. Of course I am roughly aware of when I’m fertile but for example - Sorry TMI - we dtd on Saturday night and Sunday night. I’m exhausted tonight so probably won’t bother but then will try to dtd tomorrow. I’m not being too prescriptive with it though if I can help it.

Weirdly I hadn’t thought of freezing my eggs until just these past couple of weeks but I’m going to find out what it involves. Presumably I would have to put off TTC for a cycle or couple of cycles so I’d have to plan it. I’ve read that freezing embryos has a better success rate than freezing eggs but I just feel I want to cover every eventuality. But then I’ve mentioned before DH has said he wouldn’t want to do IVF. I wouldn’t rule out freezing my own eggs for later though even if he didn’t want to be involved now. So much to consider. I’m going to make an appointment.

I haven’t been TTC as long in strict terms but when you factor in everything it is 2 years + since we started trying. We were v laid back about it to start with and I fell pg with DD without even knowing when I was fertile and I wasn’t even taken FA but of course that didn’t end as we’d hoped. After DD I fell pg for the second time after the fourth cycle of actively trying but MC. Since then I think this is the 5th cycle of trying. There have been breaks in that time and of course I was pregnant for 9 months of it but it’s over 2 years which is weird and why I just can’t help but be conservative about my expectations.

@Mumlili9 how has the surgery gone? It's such a horrific thing you are going through.
Don't rush to recover, we are all here for you.

I haven't been on this thread in a while but I always check in to see how you're getting on and I couldn't ignore your update @Mumlili8. I'm so sorry you've had an ectopic and had to go through this. Almost a year ago to the day (20th Feb 2019) it was revealed my pregnancy was ectopic and I was rushed into surgery to have my left tube removed. It is a loss like no other and I really feel for you having to experience it.

I'm sure platitudes aren't enough to ease your pain and fear right now, but one thing the Drs told me after my surgery was that tube removal doesn't actually effect your fertility. Apparently as long as you still have both ovaries the remaining tube "swings round" to catch the egg. Knowing that helped me somewhat and I hope it does you.

Aside from that, I'm sending virtual love and hugs. I'm so sorry xxx

@Mumlili8 really so very sorry to read your update. Thinking of you and hoping the procedure went smoothly xx

Thinking of you @Mumlili9 ❤️❤️

I'm 3dpo, confirmed by fertility friend solid crosshairs, meaning when we last dtd unprotected there's a chance this cycle. Feeling conflicted, but bugger all I can do about it now. I've realised I'm in a really unhealthy emotional place right now 😔

Sending love today x

Thanks for the advice ladies ... period in terms of flow seems to be easing off but the cramps are still there. Ive took another day off sick today. I feel so bad but emotionally just not in a good place.

Cried myself to sleep last night after seeing someones instagram pregnancy announcement 😔

@MissSparkles81 ❤️❤️ there's nothing I can say to help you feel better, but you're not alone x

@MissSparkles81 Sending love ❤️ I know what you mean about the pregnancy announcements too, I’ve seen loads lately. One the other day was about the same weeks as I should be as well 😢 I feel like an awful person for feeling bitter towards them, especially as I have no idea what their fertility journey has been to get to that point, but the jealousy is hard to control eh 💔

@MissSparkles81 and @TerribleImagination I understand both of you too because I can barely look on social media for fear of another announcement or birth. I look kinda with one eye and I avoid those who I know are expecting . But I have seen it get better ! So here’s hoping for that day when I won’t be bothered.
@Mumlili9 still thinking of you.

@Morganmom @MissSparkles81 It gets worse 🙈 My Mum just messaged me that one of her friends is going to be a Gran cos her daughter is pregnant, and then said ‘my knitting needles are going to be red hot’ 😐 Not from knitting anything for me Mum... thanks for that 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know she didn’t mean anything by it, but you wonder why people don’t have a good think before saying things sometimes!

Thanks for the messages ladies ... it is literally a case of the green eyed monster. I am so grateful to be able to vent on here in a safe space. Love to you all 🌈

@TerribleImagination Im so sorry lovely. Thats the thing isn't it ... people just dont think. Before my mc I was prob one of those people. Im finding my jealousy really hard to deal with at the moment so trying to stay off social media as much as I can but it's literally in my face every day at work so as much as I am hating AF right now she is giving me some mental relief in not having to see it. Im off sick again tomorrow and then have annual leave on thursday and friday.

It's my mums 2 year anniversary on Friday aswell ... 🙄🙄