TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Thanks for the tip ladies I'll have a think on it x

@Avocuddles thanks for that I'll check it out. I know it won't be cheap, but I meant in comparison to surrogacy for example which is something I may well face in the future! We're not high earners at all but I always find a way for the most important things in life. Re: needles, I'm ok with acupuncture - as you say you don't feel anything or even look... but I have a blood test today to check my thyroxine and need to psyche myself up. Main thing is I need someone to drive me there/back and my boyfriend is deathly afraid of needles - he needs to psyche himself up just to drive me there knowing what I will be having done!!!

@avocadoincident I don't think I replied to your message from Tuesday but have been having a conversation with OH this morning about the expectation I am feeling from others to be positive. Don't get me wrong I know I really need to be more positive, and I'm trying my best and hopefully getting better at it little by little, but I feel that my Mum and close friends have backed right away because there is no easy way for them to "fix" me and I just seem to be stuck in a hole. I understand where they are coming from, its very difficult to be around someone who has an ongoing problem that there is no solution for. But I also understand where I am coming from - I will try my best to be positive but don't expect me to be carrying on as normal or for my life to be just the same without children as it is for people who have children easily. If that makes sense.. just trying to say we should be kind to ourselves that we can't be positive all of the time, and that we should def be trying to be positive, but for our own wellbeing not because other people expect it xxx

Best wishes for today @MOGMOGMOG85, let us know how you get on 🤞

@Mumlili9 I had acupuncture early on when starting ttc. I barely felt the pins - only on a couple of occasions when she was putting one in my feet it felt sharp, but it's a completely different experience to having blood taken or injections.

Thinking of you @BunnytheElephant x

So my temperature had a big drop, my opk was darker and I felt definite pulling near my left hip last night so think I did ovulate or am just about to 😑 we'd planned to dtd again today but we've agreed to stop ttc this cycle so I can get the biopsy done next month. We'll just use condoms from now on.

Hope everyone is OK. It's very grey and wet here today.

Blowing a gale here in South Wales. I've sent my husband to do the food shop whilst I go back to bed as feeling drained and don't want to see anyone out and about.

I've decided to try and work on my self esteem as it's a bit crappy anyway and the losses just add to the issue. I'm going to listen to some podcasts for a magic fix.

@MOGMOGMOG85
I'm sorry to hear that even your mum has backed off from you. That must be tough. Not sure if you or anyone else feels like this but I just can't connect to people anymore.
All my friends are just happily going about their lives and I'm pretending to be fine. It's exhausting.
Really I just want to live in a commune of women who understand loss!

Hi all sorry I’ve been quiet. I’m trying to get a bit more back to “normality” now

How are you @Mumlili9? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this again and that you don’t have a supportive employer

I’m thinking of freezing my eggs. I’m 36 next month so it might have made sense to do it sooner but I never thought about it. I was 34 when I got pg and had DD1 and now I’m nearly 36 and very aware I might not have another baby within a year or 2 years. I don’t want to feel under pressure because of my age. I also don’t want to put up with crap from my DH because I’m so desperate to have a child. I think my head is a bit all over tbh

@avocadoincident let me know which podcasts you go for, I'd like to listen to more! I definitely understand about the lack of connection. I'm just avoiding people because I don't want to have to pretend to be fine and I don't want to deal with their discomfort that I'm not fine.

I had my scan today. Asked my partner to take notes but sadly he didn't - I think he was a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing - the room was very small so he had to sit at the end of the room ie in full view of my vag and the woman sticking the internal scanner inside. He said he didn't know where to look, was trying to look at the screen (which I couldn't see) but felt uncomfortable and he didn't take any notes.

Anyway she said I have 3 5-5.5cm fibroids, and possibly 2 really small ones. She said 2 of the big ones are in my womb and one is pedunculate. I started crying because I know that protruding into the womb is bad and I thought pedunculate dangling into the cavity of the womb is definitely bad. She asked why I was crying and I explained. Then she said "oh no, they are not interrupting the endometrium, that looks smooth, that looks good". She said they are in the muscle wall (I think that's what she said) and she said they were sub-something, either subserosal or submucosal. The pedunculate one is outside my womb altogether so I'm hoping that's not bad? I got home and googled subserosal and submucosal and it looks like submucosal is bad so now I'm desperate to know which one it is. She did say it's not affecting my endometrium so I hope that means subserosal? Damn do I wish I had those notes!

2 weeks to see the gynaecologist who can hopefully explain. If the NHS manages to get my notes over in time, it said it takes 10 days to get the notes to the GP and then who knows if they will get it over to the gyno... sigh

I think I feel positive after the appointment? I definitely need clarity but the positive words she said about my ovaries and my endometrium are surely good?

@VenusStarr sorry you ovulated (weird to say!) and good luck waiting for that test. I read this article today, it mentions NK cells, is this anything to do with the type of test you're going for? www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3713575/

@BunnytheBee I know it's not ideal you're over 35 but try not to worry about it too much, you're only just over! If I haven't conceived this year again I am going to get some embryos frozen and I'll be 35 1/2 by then so in a similar position. I think it's a good idea to get it done so that you can have a bit of peace of mind of alternative options - let us know how it goes in the decision xxx

Sorry your appointment was a bit confusing @MOGMOGMOG85 but glad you're feeling OK. I had a subserosal fibroid that flared up in my second pregnancy (the epu nurse told me it was squashing the baby 🙄) which has been discounted by the rmc. I have around 9 fibroids but none in the cavity. I had a hysteroscopy (camera in uterus) in December and the only saw a polyp and removed that, no sign of any of my fibroids. I think they'll only want to remove them if they are affecting the internal structure of your uterus, so fingers crossed. But if you are concerned maybe see if they'll send you for a hysteroscopy?
Had a negative opk earlier but I'd drank a bit, so doing one again later. There's nothing we can do, but our timing would be spot on - typical! Dh said what if you do get pregnant and it's all fine? I don't have his optimism though.
I've only skimmed the article but I think there's a link between delayed fertility and miscarriage too, so it makes sense to me to rule it out.

Questions for you lovely ladies that temp. My temps are still high 36.60 today they haven't dropped yet. This would mean that my ovary is still producing progesterone or would that be a placenta by 6-7weeks. Just trying to prepare myself for Mondays scan. I know there's no baby but Im trying to figure out what could be happening and get my head round having medical management again. I'm really anxious about getting this scan.

@Mumlili9 I've never temped when pregnant, I stopped both times once I'd got a bfp. I think at that stage it's less likely to be the placenta, think that kicks in around 9 weeks? Also, having had 2 mmcs, I think there's a chance the body is still thinking you're pregnant so doing what it needs to do to sustain that?

I don't know if this helps, but in therapy this Friday we were talking about anxiety management and some of the things I do that have been feeding my anxiety. Sometimes our behaviour - taking a pregnancy test or temperature checking etc can take away that initial anxiety quicker than it would normally do but that means our tolerance for dealing with or sitting with that anxiety reduces so we need to do more reassurance behaviour to get rid of it. I've been trying to practice controlling my breathing - it's hard - but that's one way to help manage the intrusive noise that my brain feeds me. Like I said I don't know if it's helpful to think of it like that but I feel I understand why it's happening a bit more. X

@VenusStarr I sent the wrong link! Sorry don't think it was very relevant to you - it was this one I meant to send www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4859843/ sorry it's the same site and I got confused!

@MOGMOGMOG85
I seem to fall asleep within 5 minute of every podcast I try. At least they are good got something.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I think it might just be good to have options. I’m not 100% sure I’d do it but I’m going to speak to a clinic about it. The thing is I could get pregnant this year and have a healthy baby but I would be 37 / not far off 37 by the time my first living child is born and then maybe want another one (or more than one?) but not want to feel under pressure to have try straight away. I honestly don’t know what the best thing is and I don’t take for granted that I will have another child so I just want the best chance. Everything has changed since I had my daughter. I always wanted two children but now I’d be happy just to have her obviously and even if I have another, I’ll have had two. I might be happy with one more. I might want 3 or 4. I don’t assume I could have that at this stage. Other days I feel settled back at work and don’t feel like I want to rush to go on mat leave but my age (and the fact I don’t take anything for granted) means I can’t just relax for a year or two. I’ll report back if I find out more

Fertile week question - I’m on CD12 and have had an average of about 29 day cycles for the last year. I usually ov around day 14-15 I believe but this cycle Ovia has predicted a 31 day cycle and my fertile week as day 15-20. I had a long cycle before Christmas so that will be why my cycle is longer but then I’d expect my fertile days to end around day 16. I’m not tracking with OPKs or temping, just going roughly by Ovia and when I think I’d usually ov.

How is everyone else? I had a bit of better day yesterday and feel a bit more positive

Morning everyone

@MOGMOGMOG85 is that the right link?
What kind of podcasts are you looking for? I don't listen to fertility ones anymore but like the grief cast one and Sara Pascoe's one - completely different topic areas! @avocadoincident

@BunnytheBee we decided to dtd every other day from cd 5 to cd 18 (my cycles are 25 days). This helped dh, even though I'm tracking, he doesn't want to know ov date so that was the compromise we made. I think even though the app is predicting a longer cycle, I'd still cover the next few days, just in case.

Positive opk last night. Temp rise today. Totally wishing time away to get to the next cycle to book the biopsy... Going to confirm ovulation then stop temping.

Hope everyone is OK xx

@VenusStarr I think you’re right. DH didn’t used to like to know when I was ovulating either but he knows roughly when it’s “fertile week” and looks forward to it now 😂 We dtd last night (wasn’t really feeling up to it before then with it being the anniversaries for DD) and will try to dtd at least every other day until about CD20

Thinking of you today @Mumlili9 💜

@VenusStarr thanks I'm actually really scared. I'll update when we get back. Scan is at 11.30am.

Good luck @Mumlili9 , thinking of you today ❤️

@Mumlili9 ❤️ I would be too. You're in my thoughts today xx

@Mumlili9 good luck! Hope it goes well 🙏🏻

Good luck for today @Mumlili9 ❤

Ive had to call in sick today ... this period is so painful this month and its radiating around my lower back which has kicked off my back pain from when I had my car accident back in August.

Im not used to periods like this ... has anyone elses been like this since their mc?

OK ladies it ectopic and I'm now waiting for surgery I'm so scared and utterly gutted.

Oh @Mumlili9 I am so sorry to hear this, absolutely heartbreaking news. I hope the operation goes well for you. We're here for you xxx

I'm sorry to hear you're having a painful af @MissSparkles81, I've had a few since my first miscarriage that I've needed to take time off work for. I find using a heat wrap helps. Hope the pain eases soon x

@Mumlili9 I praying hard for you! God has got you! Hang in there!