TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

156 gone up to 336!

I howled on the phone to her, she was so sweet.

Clinic Wednesday and scan in a week.

Ah Anne that is brilliant!!! 😁

Oh fantastic. Well done for keeping it together enough to phone at all.

She phoned me! I was pacing around my building at lunch in the snow expecting the GP to call about the referral when the RMC woman called! She'd been sitting on the first result till the second came through and it was amazingly fast. I think I spent almost as long waiting to have the test as they took to process it.

Big fat phew. Thanks for holding my hand x

What great news, Anne! So pleased to hear - and so pleased they didn't keep you waiting too long!

Brilliant news Anne! That has made my Monday!

Woo fantastic news Anne. Nice to have the next few steps planned too with rcm meeting and scan in a week. How far do you think you will be by scan next Wednesday?

Humm not sure I'll ever glow, but yes keep being told I'm looking well, so assume I must be at that stage. Hopefully it won't change too quickly and I get to the huge uncomfortable stage.

@AnneLovesGilbert congratulations! It’s fantastic to see light at the end of the tunnel! Seeing the numbers go up is fantastic! Your clinic seem really supportive. I still haven’t heard from mine a month on so not holding out much hope!

I’m actually really down today after feeling quite positive after gynae appointment. The thought of my 2 due dates for the most recent 2 miscarriages passing without being pregnant again is awful. And there’s lots of people at work pregnant. I’m so jealous which makes me feel worse. Tired too, came straight back to a 12 day stretch at work including 3 nights on call which isn’t helping I’m sure. Finishing antibiotics Friday but feeling much better from that point of view at least. Think I was feeling too physically crap to be emotional, now I’m physically better I’m much more upset.

Oh paranormal, sending you a gentle hug. Glad the ABs have helped, hope your iron levels rise back up quickly. How are your energy levels? You must be exhausted with work. Can’t imagine how difficult that must be.

I know what you mean about the physical/emotional pain. With my mmc I remember feeling like my physical pain was almost an expression of how shocked, agonised and heartbroken I was by it. Then I was caught up in needing it to be over, for the pain to be over and the acute part to be over. And then I felt empty and lost, pretty hopeless, terrified of the future and so fucking sad I didn’t know what to do. At the time the only person I knew who was pregnant wasn’t someone I saw a lot. I then had a colleague baby bomb me at the god damn printer, it was a total surprise to them, they weren’t even trying and she stole my bloody due date for my February pregnancy! I’ve never struggled that much with other people’s pregnancies but she knew exactly what I’d gone through as she kept asking and, stupidly, I felt completely betrayed. Quite embarrassing I guess but that’s how I felt There was another pregnant woman but she was super chilled and I found that one fine.

Handfuls of pregnant colleagues must be the pits.

I don’t remember when the immediate pain and anguish started to lift. I’ve had truly awful moments at various times since, not so much due dates for me but Christmas both years were rough and sodding Mother’s Day nearly levelled me last year and then random days when it’s just on top of you like a cloud of utter crap, frustration and disappointment. Also rage, which has lessened, but it was back at new year and lasted days!

Is it this coming weekend you’re away for your break? Are you DC free or a family break? I hope it’s a peaceful, healing time. I found getting back to “normal” for the two of us was so important. Sex, gentle strolls, silly films, kissing on the sofa.

Here for you. The hormones are a bitch too. It’s a horrible rollercoaster. I remember thinking when the bleeding stopped I expected to be back to normal again and I was very wrong. Your infection will have knocked you for six on top of surgery, your heartbreaking loss and your fears about the steps ahead. Sending you a hug tonight.

@AnneLovesGilbert I’m still tired but much stronger than last week, iron is kicking in I think. Just sad. It’s just as you say, I was totally focussed on the practicalities and now it’s all just hitting home. One of the work people has my due date, the exact same. And I’m genuinely delighted for her (this is a very long awaited ivf pregnancy) but every time I see her it’s like being punched.

This weekend I’m away, assuming we (or my parents who are babysitting!) are not snowed in. Just the two of us, we thought some couple time would do us good. And sex would be great, it’s been a very long time (advised against while pregnant due to cervix issues)!

How are you doing? You can tick off your first milestone now, and having a supportive clinic to see will really help with the natural anxiety. There’s actually evidence that reassurance scans are associated with better outcomes (which is strange as it makes no sense) but it’s great that you are getting all the right management this time.

How are you doing today? Hope you're not under blankets of snow. Glad iron on the up, makes such a difference. I think feeling punched sums it up quite well. Is she nice? I'm never sure if that makes it better to worse!

Hope you do get your weekend away and your parents can babysit. Have a bottle of something nice together, a good meal, do some cuddling, have some sex. Really hope it's everything you're hoping for xxx

I'm good thank you. I'm probably mad, but I was offered an appointment at the RMC today and turned it down. I hadn't heard anything yesterday, so called at 4:40 as I had to make a plan for work today, she said they were overbooked but I could go as a walk in and they'd fit me in somehow.

So I asked what it was for, she said because I've had recurrent loss, now I'm pregnant, I need a plan. I said yes and yes but I have a plan from last time - happily doing the jabs (I tried what the flier suggests, holy fuck it hurt, back to my own technique tonight), way too early to scan, got the progesterone if I need it. Just seems daft to spend probably 3+ hours waiting to be told to carry on taking the meds and come back in a fortnight for a scan.

She was surprised but said it made sense. The clinic sits fortnightly so booked in, with a proper appointment, on 14th, and can have a scan the same day. My guy's on leave but we'll see a senior reg. I woke up this morning thinking I'd really fucked up and it would have been nice to see him. Last time he told me to enjoy my pregnancy, which seemed so nice, and then it was all over so quickly and the next time I saw him it was another sad chat!

Anyway, I'm the only one in the office as everyone's bailed due to snow, so worked out okay.

I remember the Miscarriage association saying that, and I agree, it makes no proper sense at all, but is said to be true. Hope I'm not screwing myself by turning down reassurance

She did say "but what if something happens" and I sort of see what she means but at this stage they can't do anything can they even if something did, such early days. And DH said what would it change? I'll be as pregnant or not in a couple of weeks as I would be if we'd gone.

Anyway, I'm babbling. It all feels a bit unreal at the moment. Maybe I'm just scared to go back to a hospital.

@AnneLovesGilbert I see exactly where you are coming from, and trying to keep to as normal a pregnancy as possible in the meantime will probably help with the emotional side of things. I think it’s fascinating that reassurance scans help. I can’t see a medical reason they should.

I’m better today, had a good cry and rant last night. Sadly my weekend away will not happen- parents stranded in Dublin due to snow! Hotel and trains fully refundable so we’ll go again soon hopefully. Due final scan on Friday but not sure it’s needed as have had negative test and stopped bleeding now.

Hi there all don't know if im in the right thread as im new here but just need some opinions please.. feel like im going out my mind haven't had much help on other threads so just needing advice pls here goes

I had chemical pregnancy starting 5/2/18
Bled for about 4 days faint positives which got fainter but never fully neg
Starter to try again soon as bleeding stopped
Ovulated 2 weeks ago
Took test 2 days ago
Faint positive
Went to doc expained everything got bloods took
Just rang doctors got results hcg 25 ....
To be repeated in 48 (if I can get to.doctor as snow hear is horrific)
Opinions?
Pregnant or hcg from chemical 3 weeks ago
(I would have been at the most 2 weeks pregnant when I had chemical)
Please help so confused

Also over the years I have had 1 late horrendous miscarriage and two chemical
Dont know if this makes a diffrence x

@Bex2311 that sounds fairly promising to me. I'd be surprised if your hcg hadn't dropped below pregnancy test with a chemical pregnancy. Fingers crossed you can get the second test done and fine out within a couple of days! Good luck!

@Bex2311 I’d agree that it’s unlikely to be leftover from a chemical pregnancy- with my 5-6 week losses I’ve had a negative test almost as soon as bleeding finished.

Thanks guys @paranormalbouquet and @hidcat thats quiet positive just breifly read your previous posts sending lots of hugs your ways x

Can I join in here please?

I'm almost 2 weeks past miscarrying at about 7 weeks. I had a very brief chemical in September and miscarried at 5 weeks last July. I'm 40 and ttc #2, my dd is 8.

Been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and should get an appointment within the month but no idea what to expect, my gp has also suggested seeing the fertility consultant but I'm not entirely sure why.

Things have been awful. There's been some horrible family stuff going on at the same time, so much of February has been spent crying in corners.

Oh test now -ve, and have started ov testing today. Last time I ovulated as normal but nothing yet. I don't know when it's likely to be?

@Bex2311
That sounds like promising hcg levels for a new pregnancy. Hoping you manage to get your second levels done soon.
@Paranormalbouquet that's a shame about your weekend. Poor you. Make the most of the snow days?? If you can get in on Friday I would go and have the scan, I found it a massive relief to have it confirmed that everything was gone from the second pregnancy (which had taken 3 weeks almost to miscarry fully). It really did help me in my recovery. I somehow felt like if I wasn't physically recovering I couldn't start to emotionally recover.
@AnneLovesGilbert I completely understand about the rmc thing, if they weren't going to offer anything different then best to stick it out til a scan.
We saw our main consultant yesterday who we haven't seen yet as she was on bereavement leave herself in December. It was really helpful to speak to her. She is being very supportive and has put a plan in place for next time if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again. Saw rheumatologist as well and she has redone loads of the clotting tests just to absolutely make sure that all bases have been covered.

Hi @LimpLettice and sorry for your losses. Glad you found us though. We are all at different stages of this shitty journey as you can probably gather, loads of really positive pregnancies (graduates) lately which is wonderful.
I hope your appt for rmc comes through quickly for you. I think they tend to tailor your rmc checks to your history. So in my case two miscarriages at almost the exact same time, extensive family history of losses (mc's and stillbirths) and known evidence of me having a bircornuate uterus. So my rmc checks were very much focussed on clotting problems and a detailed scan of uterus. I know other ladies have had slightly different checks. No one has ever bothered with fertility checks if that makes sense (hormones etc) as we haven't really struggled to actually get pregnant to date.
Please mind yourself over the next while, take some time for you and focus on your recovery. Recurrent loss is very difficult and the anxiety associated with it can be completely overwhelming.

@LimpLettice we are in a similar place it seems- I’ve just had my 3rd miscarriage (picked up st 8+5 as MMC, erpc eventually 3.5weeks later on day 12 week scan was due). Has your GP done basic bloods? You seem to conceive quickly so not sure how fertility team would help.

@Miami81 I’m glad you have a plan, I’m very much a control freak who likes plans which is why I’m struggling so much with this most recent miscarriage I think. I found it physically brutal and am now just coming to terms with the fact that my life plans are changing (was due late August so would have been on mat leave for DDs first year in school, which I really really wanted). Now I’m in a limbo, will need a new job, might have to move etc. Having a plan makes a big difference to my ability to cope!

You are of course right about the scan, it has felt like the longest miscarriage in history so I know it will be a relief to see it’s really over. On a good point I’m finishing my antibiotics today so in 48 hours I will be enjoying a nice glass of white wine. Or a G+T! Perhaps I’ll wait til the evening time though!

Hope everyone is enjoying the snow, and cuddling up in bed is helping everyone TTC!

Thank you ladies.

Miami I have an extrememly retroverted uterus which they may look at, but no other testing done. GP had referred for fertility testing the day before my most recent BFP but I didn't follow it up for obvious reasons, and even at that point was a bit unsure - concieving is not our problem, its the holding them.

Bex that sounds very positive - will cross fingers for 48hr bloods.
The anxiety is atrocious. I have had some serious panic attacks, mostly bought on by other things, although I know it is because of how I am feeling about this latest m/c. We get married in May and my lovely DParents decided to tell me a few days after I passed the m/c that they won't be attending (in protest at not inviting another abusive family member) which has sent me into a bit of a spiral. Anyway, that is off topic but I am having to be very careful of my mental state.

Paranormal it sucks and you have my sympathies. The last scan for me was last Friday and they confirmed my uterus is fully empty and 'nice and clean' which was seriously upsetting but somehow a massive relief too. And yes, there was wine.

Hello ladies and welcome to the new ones. Sorry you find yourselves here. Have been MIA as was my due date last week and have really struggled that we aren’t pregnant again. Was due to start the ivf ball rolling today with a scan but snow means I can’t get there. Seems like the universe conspiring against us.

Hi @beanhunter I'm sorry to hear you've been unable to have your scan. When are you hoping start IVF?

My final scan went well thankfully. Clinic half empty, so seen quickly! All clear, confirmed negative hcg in blood. Nothing from pathology yet. Bought some condoms on the way home, seems strange when I'm desperate for a baby but best to get treatments/investigations first I suppose. On the positive side of things I can have a drink tomorrow evening. #silverlinings.

@AnneLovesGilbert hope all is well.