TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

I get you Anne. Rant away

Last year I had hyperemesis bad enough to be admitted 3 times. I vomited in the day of my scan 8 times before getting to the hospital and my baby had still already died. I will never trust my body again (though am now also stressing that I have no symptoms yet).

We all get you @Anne. Rant away! I'm feeling a bit better today after yesterday's horrible day. I'm more angry now at her thinking it was ok to tell me all that stuff when I was just going for reflexology. Also angry that I was in such a good place the day before and she's set me back.

Hi @zarala sorry you've found yourself here too

Oh @AnneLovesGilbert sweetie. Yes. I sometimes hate my body, like how can it hide the failures so well. Fuck it. Rant away sweetheart we all know what you mean.
I am feeling very very positive for you if that helps at all. Stay with us, let us know how you are day to day. Reward yourself for getting through each day. Hour by hour.

We are going to the cinema later for distraction and then I am going to a craft fair with girlfriends tomorrow. What are you going to do to get through the days?

Thank you all

Going to friends for dinner. I’d completely forgotten about it, made the date weeks ago and she messaged this morning saying when to get there. I can’t tell you how desperately I want to stay in my nightie all day, hide out on the sofa, eat cheese and distract myself with bad tv. It’s just too much fucking effort. Can’t cancel as she’s shopped and they’ve farmed the baby out for the night. Got to pretend I’m not drinking for some spurious reasons I haven’t come up with yet. DH is being positive, it’s what he does bless him, and keeps asking what he can do. Meanwhile I’m permanently on the verge of a panic attack and want to throw up.

The DSC are away so we’ve got a quiet home day tomorrow and I’ll revert to pjs/tv/hiding out.

Hour at a time. I can do that.

Ok but just think once you are there you will have a lovely evening and that's another day done then!

I literally love you. Thank you. Sorry I’m such a mess. Torn between wanting to puke, sleep, hide and run away to join the circus. Literally might be losing my marbles. Disappointed in myself for being so bloody weak. People go through way worse things every day, we’ve been through worse, but all of a sudden it’s the not knowing that’s tipping me over the edge.

@Hopefulforourrainbow thank you

@AnneLovesGilbert I can imagine the anxiety you're going through- i'm sure once I get my BFP I'll be as worried as you are...I hope you have are able to relax and enjoy your evening out tonight...

I have a question
Is anyone here on pred and temping?
This is my first month on the pred - and my temps after ovulation are really low- just hovering around the cover line....is this normal?? I am 5dpo today and starting wonder when/If my temps are ever going to rise!?!

Anyone experienced anything similar??

Dtd then went to friends for dinner. Went for a wee at the end and was bleeding. Red clot about 50p piece and bright red blood. Not loads and no pain but left straight away and proper freaking out. I must be driving you all crazy

Stopped now home and cervix feels closed so going to keep an eye on it overnight and hit up EPU in the morning. Just a bit shocked.

I’m on pred zarala but only from bfp and also on cyclogest which I think raises your temp so stopped with bfp, sorry can’t help but wishing you every luck.

Oh Anne, what a shite day. I hope you manage to get some decent sleep , followed by a reassuring scan tomorrow x

your blood pressure must be through the roof @Anne! If you're on aspirin you're more likely to have some bleeding aren't you? Sending lots of love, hugs and hand holding. I'm on night shift tonight so feel free to message any time ❤

Thank you both. It’s so late, wasn’t expecting anyone to reply. I’m white as a sheet, shock rather than anything else. Never had a bleed in pregnancy. Even when I mc it always takes forever to get going.

Fair point about all the blood thinners. Is a good sign my cervix feels closed? Can’t work out how the clot got out! I wonder if it was dtd, it was pretty full on as we were trying to distract ourselves from the previous panic.

Keep thinking I feel twinges but it’s probably in my head.

Oh no @Anne thinking of you and glad it's stopped! Much to my husband's disappontment, we have decided for this pregnancy we will try to refrain from DTD as with previous pregnancies I've always bled afterwards.
It's a good sign that it's stopped and cervix is closed xx

Oh munchie I can totally see why but that sounds so difficult.

Has it ended badly after post dtd bleeding in the past if you don’t mind me asking? Or have you decided to avoid the stress?

Yes twice but I don't think any of the midwives/consultants think it was linked. My 3rd miscarriage we had seen the heartbeat the day before at 8+ weeks, DTD and bled a little and continued until I fully started miscarrying the following day.
My 4th miscarriage we had seen the heartbeat the week before at nearly 10 weeks, DTD on the morning of a private scan and then unfortunately no heartbeat anymore.
Probably not linked at all but due to my past I really want to avoid it at all costs....especially in the first few months.

Hope this doesn't worry anyone else as it's so rare to actually be linked and mine probably isn't either x

Anne if it’s any consolation I bled after sex in my first pregnancy (scary bleeding requiring changing of clothes and bedding) and all was fine- had a cervical ectropian. In this pregnancy I had spotting and occasional heavier bleeding all through the first trimester and into the early second trimester. So I certainly wouldn’t give up hope yet.

I hope you can be seen today. Fingers crossed.

Oh @AnneLovesGilbert you poor sweetheart. My consultant has banned us from dtd she wants nothing in my vagina!!! Nice! But as DH said at least it completely unequivocal and she has said it so of course that's what we will do. She is basing it on the fact that I have already had a couple of small episodes of spotting.
In pregnancy with dd we did dtd and yes I got a small bit of bleeding after, it always felt like my cervix was after taking a bit of a battering. I think it was the aspirin.
I hope the epu are nice and helpful, be prepared for them to say that it's nothing and that only if it gets heavier should you see them.
It's really good that you have no cramping and that cervix is closed.
Are you back to cyclogest up that end now as well? And like 8 of them or something? Honestly I think that there is a lot going on around your cervix at the moment.
To feel closer in last pregnancy when we decided to not dtd as it was upsetting me that the bleeds happened we just went for a lot of 'close time' without penetration.
Hope you are feeling better this morning.

EPU won’t see me as I haven’t booked in so said to go to a&e, it’s still going. Not heavy and no pain at all but every time I got up in the night there was more.

I asked about him sex last appointment and he said it was fine but if this isn’t the end of this one I doubt we’ll rush back...

A&e seems like a massive waste of Nhs resources but EPU won’t see me without a referral and obvs the GP is shut today. EPU stops scanning at 12 so may make it over before then.

That sounds terrifying para, you poor thing. Glad it was okay in the end.

I reread the leaflet miami and decided on sticking with back passage as I used to get cystitis and wanted to avoid that which it mentions.

Oh well. We’ve accepted it’s probably over. The magic 9 week mark has passed. Thanks for all being so amazing. I feel you behind me.

Oh @AnneLovesGilbert that's shit. Epu see you here as long as your pregnancy is recorded (phone the mw at 4 weeks). So frustrating. I hope you get answers sweetie.

Will nhs24 refer you lovely, they did for me the first time. If you can phone them whilst on the way to the hospital?

Anne with your history EPU should be seeing you. I’m sorry you have this stress now. A sympathetic a+e person would likely do you a quick referral based on your history.

Bleeding after cervical irritation can go on for around 24 hours in my recollection- that’s about how long it was after my 20week tvus last week and same when ectropian bleeds. With something like a subchorionic haematoma the bleeding can last much longer.

I’ve been banned from sex or orgasms (meanly) during this pregnancy and the last which was a mmc, but that’s because I have a known incompetent cervix. It shouldn’t cause a miscarriage in anyone without such a problem so please don’t torture yourself about that.

A&e was so quiet, more staff than patients so been in and out already and waiting at EPU now. The A&e nurse was so sweet I started bawling. EPU seems quiet as well.