TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

Did you track ovulation this month @Hopefulforourrainbow? Wondered if it could have been in implantation bleed last week?
Hope you enjoyed your holiday!

Yes I did. I got peak opk on 5th. I don't do temping. I should have had bfp by now if it was an implantation bleed wouldn't I?

A bit of googling suggests that it would be at least 3/4 days before seeing a positive test after an implantation bleed.

I had spotting at 8dpo then got a positive test 6 days later.

Bodies are strange ones though, maybe test again in a couple of days if no AF. Fingers crossed for you.

Hope everyone else is well. Nausea has kicked in here and I’m grumpy as hell. Anyone else turn into a complete bitch when pregnant?

How are things looking now @Hopefulforourrainbow?

Sorry you're struggling @Labmum Nausea is awful, puts you on edge constantly. Any improvement today?

Nothing much to report here. Af was a miraculous 3 days, I was all done by the wedding and it all went really well. Ewcmtastic the last couple of days and I'm only CD9. Had all my new bloods done, 9 bottles, and will get results mid July.

Glad you're feeling okay about your consultation and taking the plunge again @Miami81. You know you've done everything you can investigations wise and I think having the back up doc will make a difference to your general feeling about it hopefully. He's there if you need him, you haven't been cut loose and told to go it alone.

What are the next steps, just crack on with vitamins etc, DTD and seeing what happens? I can't remember if you're still doing acupuncture. I find it so helpful, half of which is down to having someone to listen/talk to for half an hour once a month who gets it and is purely there for me. She's a wise woman and I love her

Do you feel scared of TTC again? Or excited? Impatient?

Had the opposite of a baby bomb at work yesterday, my babydar was pinging like mad about one of the women. She's 20 weeks! She said she didn't want anyone to know for as long as possible as she'd had an ectopic and been told she probably wouldn't conceive again, then a miraculous conception followed by a mc, so they're hoping for third time lucky. Bless her, she's clearing absolutely shitting it but travelling hopefully, as it's all anyone can do. I wished her a very boring next 20 weeks and we had a big hug!

Hi @AnneLovesGilbert I am so glad that af was short. And that the wedding went well.
Yeah I think we are at the crack on and see what happens stage.
I am wondering at the moment about switching the 5mg folic acid to the more biodynamic option of the equivalent amount of folate, which if I do have a problem with folic in general is easier for my body to deal with. It's not prescription or standard practice in the uk though. So maybe not.
Why? Why I am doing this to myself and googling shit incessantly? Why can't I just accept what the doctor is advising.
I am fucking terrified. We haven't had sex unprotected (and not pregnant obvs) in over a year and I think we are both going to bottle it. There is absolutely no way at all that we are going to be chill about it, which probably means we won't manage at all, which will make me a crazy bitch of person.
Oh your poor pal at work. I did that, I basically hadn't actually acknowledged I was pregnant to anybody unless they really needed to know. It's a complete head melt.
I am cd6 today so will be not far from you in testing etc this month.
I haven't done any work in days. I'm a mess.
Maybe it's too soon. But we can't wait forever as I am so old. And also it doesn't change the fact that she's not here, it only makes it sadder.
Anyway sorry for the brain dump. I am off to take some tea and see if I can calm down enough to actually do my job for the rest of the day.
Tomorrow is a half day thankfully.

Hi nothing to update on here unfortunately. Cd34 now and bfn again this morning. Keep having cramps like AF is on its way but no sign as yet. Just wish it would start so I look forward to next cycle.
Hope you're all well.

@AnneLovesGilbert that's so sad about your work friend. Glad you had a nice time at the weekend and enjoyed the wedding.

@Miami81, handholding for you. Can't imagine how hard it is thinking of trying again after what happened. Could distraction help take the pressure and intensity of the situation off a bit? I find I cope better if I can busy myself with something else so that I'm not thinking and over-analysing all the time driving myself insane. Maybe plan lots of nice weekends/evenings out/holidays/take up a hobby?

I'm worrying a bit, I just can't shake this feeling that somethings not right. So hard to know if its intuition or paranoia. Scan booked end of next week so we'll see.

We're all here for you Miami. Please vent when you need to!
I'm now 1 day late (cycle can be 31-35 days & I'm on CD36 now). FRER was BFN this morning. Cramps have eased slightly but boobs have been really sore. Was convinced I was pregnant before testing today. I just want AF to start now so can look forward to next cycle 😭

@Labmum thanks. So I think I may make a project out of our front door area. It was painted last year in the rush before baby and now it hurts me every time I see the areas that I never sorted out (new door handle, new post slot etc) so I think that I may organise that. Maybe some nice hanging baskets as well.
I had a follow up 3d scan yesterday that basically confirmed that the whole septum area has very little blood flow. Not great in terms of implantation so I really have to hope for good implantation location in the future.
@Labmum I know you are worried of course you are, it is very hard to deny the voice of doom in your head sometimes, but remember until somebody tells you otherwise everything is fine.

Why is that bold......ha ha

@Hopefulforourrainbow how many cycles post mc are you? Were you tracking ovulation? Sorry if you mentioned in earlier posts, I find it hard to keep up with everyone.
It ain't over until AF raises her ugly little head. Everything crossed for you.

Thank you. I was using clear blue ovulation tests but don't temp. I had peak fertility on 5th, spotting around this time which is normal for me and then random spotting on 15th which I had hoped was implantation.
That sounds nice having a wee project in garden. I've recently done my front garden and it looks so much better!

How are you getting on @Hopefulforourrainbow? Any sign of AF?

The suspected baby bomb landed and I think there's another brewing. So that's got the week off to a good start. Also I had arranged to meet up with some family members and when I got there someone else was there who I hadn't realised would be and is due when I should have been for MC#3. I went out last night to be sociable and do my whole keep busy distraction thing then when I got home the nausea was so bad from being tired and eating crap/drinking fizzy drinks that I was retching over the sink for ages when I got home. Urgh!

This is very much a feeling sorry for myself whinge, apologies ladies. Anyways day booked off on Friday and need to find something nice to do in the morning to distract from the scan in the afternoon. Any suggestions?

Hi sorry for the lack of update. Yes, AF arrived 6 days late. The stress has made me realise I'm maybe not quite ready to try again yet. My husband said he's happy either way. Will maybe wait another couple of months.
There's so many baby bombs! My best friend had a baby yesterday. I'm the only one in the group without kids and not pregnant.
Hope you're feeling better today and good luck for Friday!

Ah sorry @Hopefulforourrainbow sometimes though the clarity of AF kind of helps focus the mind a bit.
We are right in the middle of fertile times cd12. I am off today and DH is working from home, in an attempt to allow us to chill the hell out. We managed to dtd, after a bit of a false start (from him) and crying (from me), so all around I would reckon that we are probably slightly better off if we just take it a little calmer and try to just do what we can.
@Labmum sorry about the baby bombs and having to socialise with people with your due dates. It's sucks.
We were at a friends 40th on Friday and it was like a creche. Nightmare times.
Anyway it's my birthday tomorrow and 9mths since dd was born, she's the 28th as well so I'm just gonna try and take it easy on myself. I feel closer to her today then I have in a while though so that's nice.
@AnneLovesGilbert hope you are ok sweetheart.

Hope everyone has had a good week and hasn't melted in this heat!

Scan today and all looks ok so far although as all my missed miscarriages have been at the 8-9 week stage it's not that reassuring. Seeing RMC on Monday to find out their plan of action.

Hope all is well with you @Paranormalbouquet and @AnneLovesGilbert, not heard from you both in a while.

@Miami81 hope fertile week hasn't been too tough for you both. I think tears and false starts is just par for the course in your situation. Got everything crossed for you.

Hello lovelies, sorry been AWOL, all well. Glad scan was good Labmum! Great news, though I share your feelings. Scans are a snap shot but a good one is a lot better than a bad one so keep travelling hopefully

How was RMC yesterday? Have they given you a plan?

Belated happy birthday Miami

I well know the creche feeling these days... My childfree by choice friend and I make a big effort to plan nighttime meet ups with the girls where the parents get to escape and we all get to catch up without the endless distractions of infants and toddlers! So important if you can.

I know what you mean hopeful, I felt terribly guilty to be a bit relieved when last month turned out be a chemical. Without my latest lot of bloods back, even though we have a sort of plan, we both felt paralysed by anxiety about the whole idea of going through it again. I feel more ready this month - so it's obviously not going to happen! And we don't have results till 18th - but I feel fed up with the whole fucking arse of ttc.

While life has been good, I've had some real lows about the whole thing the last few weeks and have been trying to pretend it's all not happening tbh. Missing acupuncture which I feel gives me head space and is very grounding as my lady has been away and we had stuff on. Back there Saturday which I'm looking forward to.

How did you get on with DTD Miami? Not something I'd usually ask someone but we're all friends here. I'm CD11, AF due Friday, and I think we're not far apart. Big love as always x

Hi @AnneLovesGilbert glad that you are ok.
I am around cd18 today, so maybe 4-5dpo. Managed to dtd on cd12 & 13 and I'm afraid that was all we could because DH was away on cd14 and then we had a huge argument on cd15 (which has rumbled on until today).
So I am feeling slightly calmer now, we at least managed to dtd, maybe not very effectively but you know it wasn't a complete failure.
I just had acupuncture today which was nice and I am going to do some hypnotherapy next week as well. I think going forward I need some strategies for coping with trying otherwise my stress will cause us not to be able to even dtd.

And I'm pregnant again! Tested this morning, 12dpo, very strong line on a frer. Af due friday. Back in the logistical mare that is getting hcgs done and getting to the clinic this afternoon, while juggling work and kids pick up.

Glad you're feeling calmer Miami, acupuncture is the best, glad you're finding it good. I think it was your good experience ages ago which connived me to give it a go.

Hypnotherapy sounds interesting, is it for a specific reason or to see what it's like? I'd love to know how it goes. Have you ever done yoga? I'm out of the habit again but in the past I've found combining yoga with guided mediation is amazing for relaxation and stopping the white noise.

So sorry about your row Was it ttc related? Dtd wise, it only takes the one time, so see how it goes this cycle, you never know

Oh @AnneLovesGilbert congrats (and handholds and fingers crossed and all that).
I am really really wishing and hoping for you.
The argument was tww related. I was having a glass of wine and DH was like are you sure you should be doing that, to which my response was well all my babies die so I don't think a glass of f'ing wine is going to make any difference......... it was tough, but we are ok. Both have acknowledged that we were out of order and that the stress of actually trying was probably to blame.
If you haven't read the book 'saying goodbye' I can recommend it. It's a kind of emotional blueprint for 90 days of baby loss. I really like it as it actually made me think about all our losses, not just dd. And I actually feel more prepared for what is to come, if that makes sense at all.
I LOVE yoga, but have struggled to get to a class recently. Must get booked in for another round of classes.
Hypnotherapy is to help with the feeling that all pregnancies end in death and blood and fear and pain. Hoping for a little bit of reprogramming, we shall see.
How many dpo are you for your test?
Good luck with getting appointments and treatments sorted ASAP.

Ah just seen you are 12dpo.
I'm not sure when to test. I am symptom spotting like a crazy person.
Temp drop this morning at 6dpo but to be fair I hadn't been asleep for ages at the point I temped and also had been to the loo in the night at around 5am. So I know that my temp is wrong, but I am clinging to it.......

Fingers crossed and hand holding for you @AnneLovesGilbert. Whats the plan for this time?

@Miami81 the TWW can really mess with your head. Sorry that you and hubby argued but glad you've drawn a line and moved on. Its such an emotional rollercoaster. It just makes me sad that we don't get to experience the rose tinted sunglasses excitement or pregnancy that other people get. The whole not fair-"ness" of the situation is something I always struggle with.

Clinic was mainly a meet and greet type affair, they've given me cyclogest, I had a bit of brown spotting at the weekend which has cleared up now so they kindly suggested the "back passage" as the best route! Joy! Due to the spotting I'm booked in again for another scan on Friday so I'm bricking it! Apparently there no way of me avoiding a "booking in" appointment so I'm very annoyed about that (I'm going to give it one last attempt to negotiate my way out of it). I'm just a walking nauseous nervous wreck at the moment. Really don't know how to ease the anxiety.

Much love to all you ladies!

Thank you both. DH can't come to appointment as he's got the kids later which I'm pretty gutted about tbh but my Mum's going to come with me. hoping for blood test results which I was due to get in 2 weeks, and hoping they show nothing's wrong with me, then prescriptions for more fragmin (which I started this morning and will need twice a day) and pred.

I doubt he'll put me on the pred before second HCG is back on friday in case there's no point.

Not sure on the cyclogest this time, happy to do it and he put me under loads of pressure last time to, but at our last apt he kept waving his hands like it didn't matter. Nothing like consistency... Up the bum should be much less messy than up the fanjo, good luck labmum!

They can't actually make you book in can they? I felt exactly the same last time, resented doing it so much and it was the total fucking stressful waste of time I thought it would be, with the same fucking midwife. The highlight was when they didn't have enough spaces in the green book for all of my mcs.

Is the worry about waiting because of booking in the 12 week scan and them needing enough notice? You've got to think about yourself as well so make a fuss about waiting, you're a person as well, not a uterus on legs and it's a shit appointment anyway. No, I don't want to talk about breastfeeding or birth plans at 7 weeks. Why would anyone?!

Sorry you're so nervous and jittery, but don't blame you Are you on anything on top of the cyclogest? Everything crossed for good scan friday.

Oh Miami, how awful for you. I've always carried on as normal in the 2ww, it comes around far too often to give up my few enjoyable vices! I', sure there's a slightly cringe saying about drink till it's pink

I do remember thinking that as long as I wasn't pregnant I wasn't about to go through the horror of another fucking miscarriage, and the fear of maybe being pregnant was paralysing. DH has come out with some oddities over the years. After my first MMC when I got pregnant again straight after that then turned into the 5 weeker, we were driving somewhere, I had my rabbit in the headlights look on and he piped up, if the stress is this bad now 2 days in, I think we'll need to get you extra care once the baby's born in case you get postnatal depression. WTF?

I was really sad to lose that one, the losses just started piling on top of each other, then followed by the 13 month drought. But we weren't ready, we were both absolutely fucking terrified day and night till it was over. I was stressing about the pregnancy and he was killing himself stressing about seeing me go through the physical shit again. Which didn't really happen as it was early. But they're worried about us and what we've already been through, and that pregnancy when it happens is on us. He should leave you to your wine and anything else you fancy, some booze and a relax has got to be better for conceiving than insane stress! But you're both probably shitting it in slightly different ways, and we have all been there xxx

Thanks for the book recommendation.

And fx for positive reprogramming, that sounds like a great idea.

I'm no expert, but when you haven't had enough sleep before temping isn't it higher, not lower? I had a similar one when I was trying to confirm ovulation this cycle. On the second day I had a lovely lie in and it was way high when I took it, so waited till the 4th day and discarded it and it still showed crosshairs.

I've never had a BFP before 12dpo, even on a frer, so don't bother before. I also ovulated really early this cycle and last and got BFPs on both, it was CD 10 this month which is 4 days early.

Share your symptom spotting!

Cyclogest is a bitch.
But way less messy up the back end.
I had spotting from 5 weeks with dd and eventually I started putting the cyclogest up the back and it helped enormously with the spotting. I could barely eat at all because of it and the bloat was extreme.
Good luck for Friday.

In terms of symptom spotting I am an utter crazy cow.
Yesterday I was convinced that I could feel 'implantation pains', but then I went to the loo and hey presto the pains were gone.
Then I had acupuncture yesterday afternoon and I am sure that she looked at me knowingly when she was taking my pulse (the poor woman).
Today - I feel like my cervix is moving around. I get pains in cervix normally around o'ing (I assume when it is moving higher and opening) and just before period (dropping down). So today's pains are weird at 6dpo.
Headaches - which are obviously nothing at all to do with very hot weather and probably not drinking enough water.
So yeah - I am a nutter.
I don't understand why they make you book in so early (like for anyone - not just us). What exactly is the point?
Also for us, can they not just see previous. And ask you if anything has changed since previous pregnancy. Because really it is tedious and awful all at the same time.
Mine was the day after a great 9 wk scan with dd last time and the mw (who was a bitch anyway- was like 'there is nothing to be gained from being so stressed), I wanted to tell her to fuck off and die.