TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

@AnneLovesGilbert I’m glad you are feeling better and that your DH is with you. Don’t hesitate to go back if you are feeling worse again.

I was due on Friday I think, Sunday at very latest. It’s unusual for me to be late. I don’t know why it’s stressing me out when I’ve been using condoms anyway but it is!

Any sign of AF paranormal? How are you feeling?

Still spotting but pain much better and I’m sleeping loads and feeling rested. Just sick and tired of being uncomfortable and so fucking tired. I’ve got hardly any appetite and I changed the bed this morning which felt like like a massive achievement. Pathetic. Been signed off till next Thursday, so 2 weeks from the surgery. Still feeling too cack to be bored and I’m working my way through old Poirots.

I want my body back. I’ve still got super smell and I want it to bugger off and feel normal again.

Going to psych myself up to wash my hair and shave my legs later.

Anne I’m sorry you are still feeling shit, but don’t feel you need to get back to normal so fast. I went straight back to work last time and ended up having my breakdown weeks later. Regret now not having taken more time.

Still no period, it’s weird. I’ll take a test tomorrow but we’ve used condoms properly as I do need the surgery so seems unlikely. Been temping for first time ever and temps were still well above coverline yesterday (forgot to do it today).

Temping is amazing, going to get back on it when the bleeding has stopped and my sleeping pattern is normal again. It is odd still no sign... Are you thoughtful? I usually had a proper dip the day af arrived but a lot of people find it comes the day after. Have you read Taking charge of your fertility? Such an incredible bit of work.

I know you're right, just a bit gutted as I had nearly no bleeding for 2 days after then a bit more on Sunday but hardly any pain at all and was up cooking, cleaning, making birthday cakes for the DSC at 10pm last Friday and generally feeling pretty lucky to have got off so unscathed. And then Monday morning and it's all gone wrong. I don't feel unwell, just battered on the insides and no energy. Glorious sunshine and I can't even be arsed to go outside. DH is doing everything, he's just amazing and all he wants is to make things easy and comfy, work are being fine, so no pressure from anyone else.

Was your breakdown physical, emotional or both? I still haven't felt it hit me properly. We'd gone from discussing names and how to tell the DSC and our friends I was pregnant to nothing and just feeling like oh well, one of those things. But maybe that really is how we both feel this time. I was over the moon at the good scans and properly bawled at each one with relief and happiness, but still haven't had a proper cry at it being over. I sort of want some warning if it's still likely to happen but I don't suppose that's how these things work...

Anne was at a funeral all day so only seeing this now. I’m usually super regular. Was very careful with condoms but am wondering (half hoping) that one may have failed. Somehow. I’ve recorded 16 days of high temps. I decided to try temping on a month I wasn’t trying to see my usual pattern.

My breakdown was emotional. I found the MMC physically tough, dragged on for over a month with failed medical management, infection etc, so I think I was elated a bit once the physically hard part was over. Then a month later when I got my period I was suddenly devastated. Cried for 3 days straight. For some reason the period triggered it. Mixture of hormones and time I expect.

So I got a BFP. Not sure how I feel. Mostly terrified that I’ll have to cancel my surgery and miscarry anyway.

Congratulations @Paranormalbouquet
Cheeky wee stray swimmer clearly escaped the confines of the condom!
I understand your worried, but there is no way at all to tell where this one has implanted. I have everything crossed that it's a wee fighter that has found a lovely safe haven to grow in.

Also I wouldn't tell them until I absolutely had to re the operation! But that's just me and you may be more comfortable just being upfront.

@Miami81 thanks! I'm not sure how this happened but I suppose condoms aren't the best form of contraception. Been shaking since I did test. Don't know why I wasted money on a first response when I'm late, it was strongly positive before the urine reached the control line. DH thinks it's meant to be; I think we just got a dud condom! Probably a tiny tear we didn't notice.

I'm not planning on cancelling operation until at least late next week. Ideally if I can get a scan first but no point before 6 weeks I suppose. Figure if I miscarry in next week it will complete itself pretty quickly.

How are you doing Miami? Have you got a date yet?

Oh wow!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry you had to go to a funeral. Hope it was as okay as these things can be

You're pregnant, that's amazing! How do you feel? Bless you, your heads must be all over the place, but it's exciting and I can't blame him for thinking it's meant to be. When you said 16 days I have to say I wondered

And Miami is right, it's hopefully snuggled in safe and sound in the safest possible place. Wishing you ever bit of luck in the world x

The hysteroscopy to check whether it is operable is on 15th May. I rang them on Monday to see if we could get a date now for the operative hysteroscopy and laparoscopy so that we don't have a huge wait after the 15th May. Apparently given that I haven't done any of the consents and haven't actually seen a consultant on nhs yet they can't do that yet. I almost lost my rag as she then said it could be 12 week wait....... but once we have had the appt in May I can start chasing the main operation again. We have our appt with the specialist stillbirth clinic in Manchester next week, so we shall see what they have to say too. I am planning to cheekily ask them if their is anything to be gained from being referred to their rmc, they do 3D ultrasounds there and also do the ops on abnormal uterus. May just suss out what their waiting list is like .
It just all feels like such a slog. I just want to be able to allow myself to get pregnant again. In the loss world it's all anyone talks about, getting their rainbow babies, and I feel a bit weird that we aren't there yet (as in not trying again yet).

@Miami81 I don’t think it would be cheeky at all, I think it makes sense. The admin side of things is terribly frustrating. I know it’s hard not trying, hopefully it won’t be long for you. I just want to fast forward to having a baby in my arms.

Waving a shy hello here, I've not caught up on the thread yet or the previous one to get everyone's brief history. I'm currently 2 weeks post my 3rd mmc at 9 weeks (discovered at 11 weeks), we'd had an early scan and had seen a heartbeat at 7 weeks.
With this being my third loss I've been referred to the RMC at St Mary's in Manchester. I've made a GP appointment to discuss it with them too.
Somehow my second of four pregnancies resulted in my gorgeous lb who will be 2 next month. I've had 2 MC in the last 6 months and one prior to my lb. I'm feeling so overwhelmed by it all and just wanting answers. Does anyone know the types of tests they might do? Any advice? Timescales?

Thanks ladies,

Wow congratulations paranormal! Will keep everything crossed for you.

Have been thinking of you a lot Anne.

All that waiting sounds so frustrating Miami. Seems to take ages to get anywhere.

Hi labmum. Sorry to see you're going through this too. I have recently had my 3rd loss. Was told initially it was a chemical pregnancy then it turned out to be ectopic. I have been referred for blood tests which I go for on 30th April (they've told me they check thyroid, rubella status, for clotting disorders and karyotype testing on both my husband and i. There's maybe more but I can't remember. They said our testing would be different as we haven't got any live children). After the bloods we then see a professor 6 weeks later. I have mixed feelings about this. If there's something wrong they could potentially fix it but at same time I'm not sure I want there to be anything wrong. Could it have just been really shitty luck to have lost 3 in 8 months. Each loss was very different (mmc, mc then ectopic). I guess time will tell. They also told me in 50% of the time they find nothing wrong. Some friends and colleagues have said it could be I can't carry a certain sex. Does anyone know if there's any truth in this?

Hope all well with you foxtrot, wishing you health and uneventfulness.

Im now in my third day of feeling well again. Looking back, pretty sure I had a mild UTI and the low cramping pains hung around for a few days but 2 weeks today since we found out about mc I’m feeling pretty good. Had what seemed like a bfn this morning but checked back and there was a very faint line so I’ll leave it another few days and test again.

Weird how quickly my body is back to normal, I’ve lost a few lbs too as sod all appetite as I’ve barely moved in a week, but my belly’s gone, my boobs stopped hurting very quickly and I’m pain free. If it was a UTI it went without ABs, couldn’t face going back to EPU. Still waiting on the tests from the internal when I was there last Monday. Last time I had thrush despite no symptoms so going to chase them up as feeling ready to resume normal relations but not till no risk of accidentally giving DH thrush! Oh the romance.

The big crash never came so I’ll keep an eye on it all when af arrives but at the moment it’s almost like this pregnancy never happened. Which I feel guilty about. But it’s got to be easier than the heartbreak of past losses.

So excited for you paranormal. Not sure if you’re still around but I have absolutely everything crossed for you.

Thinking of miami, as always xxx

How’s tricks hopeful? I so know what you mean about a diagnosis vs not. I haven’t had one despite all the rmc tests and the consultant was pleased as said it’s easier if there’s “nothing wrong” but it’s also fucking frustrating because if there’s nothing bloody wrong why can’t I stay pregnant when millions of women a day can? If it’s “just bad luck” how much more fucking bad luck am I due? With nothing to fix, how can we have faith things will be different in future?

Happy to discuss rmc stuff if it’s any help. Always around for a chat

@AnneLovesGilbert I am glad that physical recovery seems on track.
I got baby bombed at work today (to be fair I had guessed as she is super skinny and has a massive bump) to find out that she is at least 20 weeks and is due in August was a bit of a kicker. And then here I am thinking at least she will probs finish up in July sometime so at least I don't have to deal with her for too long...... which just makes me feel like an awful bitch.
Our appointment with the stillbirth clinic at st marys in Manchester is tomorrow.
I am trying not to get too worked up about it and am assuming they aren't going to have a magic answer for us that means we can get pregnant next month. But it's hard not to have that hope.
Life is hard.
2 fucking years.
26th April 2016 was my first actual physical miscarriage (although we had found out a few days before). Hard to think that heartbroken girl is the same person as me. She didn't think it could get any worse then that day. But on the two year anniversary of that baby leaving we have an appt to discuss the stillbirth of our little girl. How is this my life?

I don’t fucking blame you miami. To get as close as you did and have your baby girl taken from you. There aren’t words for the utter shiteness of what you’ve been through.

We started ttc February 16, first mc August, and 3 since, plus 13 fucking months of dtd nearly every day and nothing in between.

It’s soul destroying, exhausting and to still be standing and having the occasional chuckle or good day is an accomplishment. I’m proud of for coping as you do and sending you strength and my heartfelt love.

Do you know what to expect from tomorrow? Will they have test results or is it a first taking info appointment? Really sorry, I’ve lost track a bit. I’m around all of tomorrow. I’ll keel an eye on here if you want to chat.

I was having a chat with a colleague earlier who noticed I’d been off and was checking in. She knows about all our past stuff so I told her what had happened and tried to explain that I’m actually okay and not had a breakdown. She couldn’t decide if she was relieved I’m not depressed and miserable or heartbroken I’m not and taken it in my stride so far as it’s not as bad as has been.

I know what she means but I’m trying to accept how I feel rather than judging it. It’s the only thing you can do.

I’d like to know where our babies are. They must be waiting for us somewhere. Waiting to make us the mums we’re desperate to be.

I want you two to be able to try again! It sucks, I massively resent having to bother with the whole thing again. But it’s also exciting and it’s what you’ve been waiting for.

Let me know how it goes tomorrow. So hope they’re helpful and it’s a productive helpful appointment.

@AnneLovesGilbert you are an utter legend btw. Thanks
I don't really know what to expect from tomorrow really. They have all my medical records and my dd's post-mortem results. My consultant was supposed to send down slides to them showing the samples that were taken of the placenta at the time. I think they will review all of that with us and say what they think may have happened. They also do a plan for future pregnancies I think.
My body went back to normal around 10 days after having dd. I was so mad. It was like she had never even been there even though she had been for 27 weeks. I felt so betrayed. I wore a smaller size of clothes then normal for her funeral and everything, made me sick to think about it.

@Hopefulforourrainbow I really hope your appointment goes ok next week. It’s such a difficult situation as you kind of want there to be something wrong so you have a reason for the losses, but then again it’s terrifying not knowing what they’ll find and you just want to be told that next time everything will be fine. I really hope you get the answers you need.

@AnneLovesGilbert I’m glad you are feeling ok, it’s such a rollercoaster and there is no right or wrong way to feel. I had my third miscarriage at a similar time to you and I’m mostly just feeling numb. What tests did you have done at the rmc if you don’t mind me asking?

@Miami81 I’m so so sorry to hear about your DD, I hope the appointment goes ok tomorrow. Has all your care been under St Mary’s? I’ve been under them for pregnancies 2,3&4 and they’ve been really good from what I’ve experienced so far, I’m just waiting to hear from the recurrent miscarriage clinic there.
I’ve been baby bombed by a friend recently too who I was supposed to be meeting up with next week so I’ve made excuses to get out of it so I’m feeling like a complete cow.

I’m full of cold at the moment, I ended up getting arsey with DH last weekend when he mentioned that when I get ill I always seem to get it worse than he would and that it lasts for ages, I reminded him that perhaps it was because I’m run down from being either pregnant, breastfeeding or miscarrying for over 3 years!

Does anyone else get irrationally angry at the stupid clear blue adverts? Oh to be that blissfully happy at a positive pregnancy test rather than filled with fear and dread .

Hi @Labmum
We are based in central Scotland so this is our first time to st marys. Our pm for dd was inconclusive so we asked for it to be reviewed by the specialist clinic in Manchester. It's a Tommy's one. I think their RMC is Tommy's as well and I have heard good things about them. Is that where you will be seen?
I'm so sorry for your losses.
We have had some rmc tests here (two mc prior to dd), all the clotting factors and very much not worthwhile 2d scan of my misshapen uterus. They seem to cater rmc to investigate likely things for you? So for example if you had a lc with no miscarriages before but you have had loads since having a little one they may focus on scarring/adhesions etc. I hope they see you quickly. I don't think anyone fully appreciates the mental toll of waiting and hoping for appointments.

I'm glad you're feeling better Anne.

Good luck for your appointment today Miami.

I've had a bit of a crazy week. My dad had a stroke on Monday night. We had an appointment on Tuesday with consultant and to have my hcg checked again so I couldn't travel up north to see him until yesterday. Sounds like it's been a bit wake up call and he looked really well which was a relief especially since we've booked a holiday for next week. My brother also goes away at the weekend for a week. The consultant we met with was really nice. She's happy to keep me under her care next time I'm pregnant and will see me as often as I like for reassurance. I've had so many people giving me different advice. Hcg is thankfully less than 1 now. I've been baby bombed by so many people recently. 3 girls at work are pregnant, all my close friends are too and yes that clear blue advert really pisses me off!

@Miami81 I've heard and experienced really good things about the Tommys clinic. I took part in a research study while pregnant with my Son and they were all so lovely, you get a really personal experience. I live in Manchester so it's my local hospital which I guess is quite lucky.
A lady at my WI had brilliant support from them after losing her DD at 26weeks, she has since has a DS and saw them for all of her antenatal care.
Really hope it goes ok today, I'm sure it will be a difficult and emotional day for you both.

@Hopefulforourrainbow I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, I'm glad he's doing ok though, what a worry for you. I'm glad (well not glad because it's shit but ykwim) your HCG is back down now, and a holiday next week to recharge the batteries will be lovely I'm sure. We're having staff issues at work and I've got 5 weeks a/l to take before the end of September. I think I really need a break but feel bad leaving people in the lurch.

My other major annoyance is 8 week booking appointments, I'd rather not have one until after an ok 12 week scan, otherwise it's just depressing and a waste of my time! When they ask "what number pregnancy is this?" followed by "and how many children do you have?", it just make me want to cry. Is there a way to refuse it until after?

Thank you. Yeah holiday is needed though I'll be worrying about my dad. Also got a work thing I need to do a lot of studying for. It's just one thing after another.

I'm not sure if you can refuse or not. It's certainly worth asking.

Do any of you know what all they test for at rcm clinic?