TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

They should do
Clotting
Thyroid
Diabetes (if any risk factors)
Might do hormones, depending on timings of mc's
They may also scan for fibroids, uterine abnormalities or scarring
I think @AnneLovesGilbert may have had a list at some stage?? Sorry if not, it may have been on a different board.

I was almost hysterical at my 9 wk booking in last time.
I just felt that it was too early. Like I had no belief that things were ok even though we had seen her heartbeat the day before!
And my midwife was an unfeeling bitch who basically told me to calm down that she had seen loads of people way worse off then me. She was an utter nightmare all the way through.
So if we do get pregnant again I won't be seen by community midwifes at all. It's all going to be up at the hospital. Which is fine with me. If I had to see her again I might punch her.

Anne I’m glad you are feeling well, don’t feel guilty about how you feel whatever way that is. There is no right or wrong way to cope. I have no idea why my period hit me so badly after MMC but it did, doesn’t mean it will for you.

Miami I have been strangely detached this time. Think I still can’t quite believe it. My EPU ar not interested at all (unsurprisingly given how many unhelpful they were during miscarriage- who would tell someone, 3 weeks into MMC management who now has a bad infection and anaemia from blood loss, to “be more positive”!).

Finally submitted my booking form this morning and fully expect not to make it to appointment. Emailed my surgeon who was surprisingly nice and said if I do miscarry before early next week to let him know but otherwise they’ll go ahead with cervical procedure at 10-12 weeks. Going to get another opinion from the local and preterm clinic to see if everyone agrees.

@Miami81 I just read back and saw your appointment was today. That must have been really difficult, hope you and your other half are taking care of yourselves tonight.

So hope it was a helpful appointment Miami.

I have my BFN! Been nearly 3 weeks and it was my last test in the house. Such a relief.

Normal service has resumed and all is good

Couple of times I've felt like I was ovulating but it must have been in my head as only just got BFN. Chased EPU a few times about results of my swabs just to be sure everything's clear but they haven't called me back. Assuming no news is good news.

Tiredness persists, I was in the office Friday and yesterday, just about made it to the end of the day but so so exhausted. Thankfully I can alternate working from home and being in so I'm easing back in.

How are you doing paranormal? It's a bit of a milestone and I don't blame for you not relishing it. I was at mine for literally hours, they make you fill the green book in there now rather than sending it out beforehand. Looking back I wish I hadn't bloody well bothered, they don't even have space in the previous losses section for all of mine these days! But I was under a lot of pressure from my clinic to get in the system so didn't have a choice. I so hope yours goes well and it's one of many successful milestones in a boring, healthy, happy pregnancy

Hopeful, I can find scans of my results which shows the full range of tests (several pages) and the normal ranges. Let me know if it would be helpful.

Hope everyone's doing okay this week x

@AnneLovesGilbert I was just thinking about you this morning. How are you? Is it too soon to ask about plans going forward or do you have to wait on results of something?
Our appt was good in that they said what our hospital here have said in terms of treatment plan, so you have to hope that's good. They didn't want me to get too hung up on uterus shape, but I reckon if that can be fixed we should give it a shot.
It was sad and hard as well though, they said that they think she was growth restricted and that she was responding to that as best she could, she was just too small to survive it (whatever it was, which still isn't clear).

Me about you too x

I'm honestly pretty good thanks

Ttc again plans? They didn't say anything, haven't had a letter through for the appointment to discuss results yet but should be in about 3 weeks as they said 6 after the surgery. I suppose, given that they're testing for chromosomal issues, it might be wise to wait. But the tests from previous MMC were clear so we're not expecting it to show a recurring type of issue. I mean, you never know, but having had a healthy fetus (which also sucks, she was perfect so it was me who wasn't) it's unlikely all of our babies have chromosomal issues. Which is something...

But the idea of safe sex doesn't sit right when we haven't been told specifically not to try. We talked about waiting but neither of us wants to. I haven't started temping, I just want to have regular sex, when we feel like it, and not put any thought into it.

Please remind me of this in a few weeks time when I'm bouncing off the walls in a panic...

I love having ovulation confirmed, it's like a tiny win. But I was thinking about it the other day. Yes I conceived doing it once, and yes it showed I was ovulating a few days later than I'd thought, but I also conceived 3 times while not doing it, so that worked too! When af comes, I'll see how I feel about temping again.

DH is very relaxed and happy with whatever, which is nice. He's so so soooo broody though, he was on the verge of ignoring his better instincts and buying tiny clothes when I was 10 weeks. I stopped him and I'm glad I did, we never even named that baby and he'd have regretted it, but he's so desperate to be a dad again and have our own child, he's not stressed about it but I can see it in his face when we see babies

It's very good they support your hospital's plan, good to know they're on the right track supporting you. Is the treatment plan the uterus surgery? What else have they suggested? You did nothing differently with Eilidh did you? Just got pregnant and normal folic and stuff. I'm hammering you with questions, sorry. Growth restricted in terms of where she was in your uterus or something else? Don't feel you have to answer anything!

I took 75mg aspirin from the start. With no ones guidance. And then I did the progesterone trial for the first 17 weeks.
Growth restricted in that the placenta was immature to support her. So there was definitely something wrong with the placenta, they don't know what though. Some of the evidence has been destroyed by my post partum haemorrhage so there is only so much that they can guess at.
The surgery, if we have it, is totally me pushing for it. They don't think it will have had an impact on her, but it's very hard for me to agree. I have found similar stories from ladies online with late losses and septum's, so for the sake of a 3 months stand down, i feel it is definitely worth pursuing to its end.
Yeah I suppose I was asking about ttc again for you guys. I was wondering whether you had considered going to Coventry and getting the scratch done, or nk cell testing.
I found two lovely ladies on the septate uterus Facebook group last night and they spoke very very highly of st marys in London. They have advised me that if my man in Edinburgh doesn't seem confident in what he is doing septum wise that I should get referred to London.

Good to have recommendations. I'm with you on wanting to try anything and everything re the surgery. Being pregnant is fucking exhausting, why bother if you feel like you're going to experience history repeating itself over and over again.

And 3 months is a pain, but we're talking about your next pregnant, your next baby, and the rest of your life. So keep pushing. Has anyone said no? Or it just waiting for confirmation?

Ah right. Do you know why was it till 17 weeks? I was told till 12, and started at 6ish I think, I loathe progesterone, just don't get on with it that well, but needs must!

Hadn't even thought of going anywhere else for tests or anything. If it turns out the tests for this one are clear I'm calling mega bullshit on "just bad luck" and might look into other ways of finding out what the frick is wrong with me.

I can't remember that much about our appointment after the scan, was just wanting to fast forward to post surgery. But he said I've only had this pregnancy on the drugs, when actually it's my second, but everyone seems to agree the feb 2017 one never got off the ground () so he's annoyed but not worried about this one meaning something's very wrong. I said I'd had to have 3 previous losses to even get through the door and see him, which he acknowledged, but you could see it as slightly dismissive of the toll ttc, being pregnant and having endless fucking miscarriage is taking on me! I'm not a science experiment who can keep going on the rollercoaster hoping something eventually works. But then, what choice do I have. Not trying things is just asking for more of the same, even more.

I have faith that their approach works. I'd like it if more clinics were following the same protocols so there was more research around, that would help, but they're all off trialling different things and it's unethical to experiment on pregnant woman so no one seems to have much proof. All the clinics are chugging out decent results but when people are able to conceive and the issue is keeping them pregnant, it's impossible to know what the outcomes would have been with no or other treatment.

I'm rambling.

Final thought. Our consultant treats people with pred and mentioned its a possibility for future pregnancies, but I'm not doing that without some evidence I need it, sounds grim, but they haven't tested for nk cells. Confusing. I thought pred was only for nk issues.

I need to ask someone a question about pred. My understanding is that some people have 'immunes' issues (not just nk cells) where the mom starts 'rejecting' the baby.
My progesterone was a trial. Started at 7 weeks and it was a 10 week trial. It was awful. I hated the progesterone!!

Hola from Ibiza! Hope you're all well. I had rcm clinic bloods on Monday. Have an appointment in 6 weeks time with I'm not looking forward to. My husband doesn't want to even think of the possibility of pregnancy so feel I should give him the break he wants 😕

Enjoy your holiday hopeful, just what the doctor ordered!

Is the appointment in 6 weeks to discuss the test results?

That's difficult, has he said how long a break he needs? You could agree to discuss again once you have all your results back in.

With DH, I was really trying to be aware that on top of his own loss of our pregnancy, he'd also been through hell and back worrying himself to death about me, being in so much pain and all the trauma of surgery and recovering. We talked A LOT and agreed to just carry on trying each time but after the MMC in November 16, I got pregnant again the next month and it was some of the most stressful days of my life. We just weren't ready. I got the BFP the day we went to get the results of the bloods I'd had done at the clinic exactly 4 weeks before. I sort of wish we'd taken a month or more off. This time, we're playing it by ear and not specifically trying or preventing. You need to keep talking and it's okay to check in with him about when he thinks he'll be ready. I so understand just desperately wanting to be pregnant again and honesty on both sides is so important.

@Paranormalbouquet I hope all is going well for you. Hope you're not feeling too anxious with it all, glad the consultant has been supportive.

@Miami81 I'm glad your appointment went ok and that they agree on your treatment plan going forward. I think its worth looking into all options for the surgery and probably worth a shot to not have the same worry next time.

@AnneLovesGilbert its good that you're coping ok after the BFN. Have you had the NK investigations? Do you think you might? How did you get the progesterone? it seems that its generally being phased out after the results of the PROMISE trial. I'd like to the list of tests that they did if you have it? Have you gone private or through the nhs? If I were you I'd probably go for the Pred, it seems to be safe in pregnancy and there's nothing lost with taking it?

@Hopefulforourrainbow enjoy your holiday. Its great your husband is being so open with you about how he's feeling about it all, it takes such a toll on both of you it might be best to give him a little time while the tests are being run.

I had a bit of a bad weekend mentally, my husband was away on a stag do and I had my parents, sister and nephew staying and helping strip wallpaper. Had such a bad time getting my little boy to bed, I was getting so annoyed with him and then the guilt kicks in and I start spiralling with all my "if you can't cope with the one you've got you obviously don't deserve another" thoughts. It wasn't helped by getting my letter through from the hospital for my rmc appointment and it's not until the end of July! It just feels so far away, then the results can take another 10 weeks and I just am feeling like time is slipping away as my Son is nearly 2 now. Plus my due date from mc2 is approaching so I'm just a bit of a mess emotionally. I feel like there's something wrong and no one is taking it seriously! I get some episodes of feeling so panicky about it.
I've been to the GP and she's going to run some standard blood tests but isn't really expecting to see anything to indicate a reason as to why. Does anyone have any suggestions as to any that I should ask for via the GP?
Hubby and I have sort of agreed on a see what happens approach, just go on as we have been (not trying but not preventing) and if we catch then see what happens, I'm thinking I may try aspirin if we get a BFP just so a feel like I'm doing something. I just wish I knew what was different about my Son so we can try replicate that, the only thing I can think is that I took vitamin B6 until my BFP with him so I'm going to try that too. It probably doesn't make a difference but I feel better if I'm doing something about it rather than just waiting around for an appointment!

Hey @Labmum, feeling relieved to be honest. I was watching the line grow fainter with impatience and wanted confirmation all was clear by the 3 weeks they advise. So all okay thank you.

Didn't have any NK investigations as my RMC don't test for them. Had a full barrage of other tests and all came back clear. "No reason", but plenty of stuff they try as standard, including the progesterone. They don't promise it'll do much other than "support the pregnancy", so I did it.I'll root out the tests and post this morning. All NHS, we got referred automatically after 3rd loss and have had amazing care so far which we're so grateful for. No clue if it'll ever work but have to travel hopefully....

Not sure on protocol for next time, should have an appointment in another few weeks to discuss test results from tissue from the op and get a plan in place.

So sorry you're in a difficult place. I'm sure you're a wonderful mum and will handle another baby like so many people do if they're lucky enough to have one. Just because you love them doesn't mean they're not difficult buggers sometimes! Give yourself a break.

That sucks you've got such a wait for your appointment. Worth calling them and asking if there's a chance you'll get a cancellation or what possibility of getting in earlier?

I've definitely heard of people getting the RMC bloods via their GP before their RMC appointment. You could take the lists I'll send and see what they can offer. They took quite a lot of blood for mine and then tested loads of things from it.

Have you ever had your thyroid checked? That's one of the big ones. Also blood stickiness.

I was told to take aspirin from and pre ov to af and then switch to injected fragmin/clexane (blood thinner) from bfp. I took it for 10 months, then decided not to bother, and conceived 2 months into NOT taking it, so I can't speak for its success personally as I wasn't actually on it pre BFP. But a lot of people anecdotally rave about it and unless you've got any prior health issues it can't hurt and is a very low dose. Just buy cheap generic stuff from tesco or wherever, it costs pennies. If the B6 helped you before then sensible to get back on that too.

I can very much sympathise with wanting to try something different, so you feel like you're helping yourself, especially in the absence of, or limbo waiting for, an answer.

Tests.

Last one.

@AnneLovesGilbert thanks for these. I have copies of all my blood tests, may just do a quick cross reference as there are some there that I don't recognise the letters of, probs just cos there are so many that I didn't take them all in!

Hope I put them in the right order, they weren't very easy to digest and understand even before I cropped out all the identifiers. Glad if anyone finds them useful.

I sent them to a family friend who's a top gynae in Australia for a second opinion and she said they're the same as they do there and she had a proper look and said they did all seem fine. I don't not trust my consultant but it was reassuring to have someone else cast an eye. In Oz, they put everyone with any past issues on high dose folic, which no one's ever mentioned to me. Not sure the reasons for that. Here I've heard it recommended for higher BMI, pregnancies over 40 and IVF. I guess you have to get it prescribed as I've only seen the standard dose for sale.

I'm looking forward to the long weekend here. Looks like there's a chance we'll have decent weather! I missed the previous heat wave completely as I was dozing on the sofa for days on end. So nice to enjoy it now. And I have acupuncture in the morning which I always love.

Hope everyone is doing okay and has either nice plans or no plans and can rest and relax.

Thanks for those @AnneLovesGilbert, they're very useful to have for when I finally get my appointment and to ask for some of them via the GP. Its a good call to ring and mention about cancellations too, I'll do that (was so busy feeling sorry for myself that it didn't even occur to me!)

Busy weekend here with lots of toddler birthday parties, one of which is my little boys on Monday. Just at home so nothing extravagant but means I have to clean, tidy, decorations, bake, food shop etc. Then my hubby and LB are having a day away just us 3 during the week next week which will be nice.

Wishing you all a happy, sunny weekend!

@AnneLovesGilbert I am on the high dose folic now. Basically I think if I asked them to prescribe me coal cos I had read that it might help they would give it to me!!

I’ll definitely bring it up at my next appointment miami. There aren’t side effects are there? Do you take it all the time?

I don't think there are any side effect. As with all vitamins etc I think your body just pee's away what you don't use.
@FoxtrotSkarloey I would do the same lovely. I don't think they will stop me at 12 wks (if I ever get pregnant again) but if they do I will be doing the same. Great to hear that all is going well.
I was to take low dose aspirin all the way to week 36.