TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

Going to have a proper read back.

All going okay so far, 8+6 today, had another scan yesterday and all was well and booking apt today. Starting to relax a bit, though still early days.

That's wonderful news Anne. I have read how difficult a journey you have had.

@AnneLovesGilbert that’s great news, a really good sign.

Had RMC appt and cerclage appt (one after other). Basic bloods done; scan done. Clotting bloods in 6 weeks. Not having karyotype yet as fetal karyotype was normal.

Essentially the feeling is that the adhesions are the main problem. Listed for hysteroscopy and adhesion repair if it’s possible- if it’s relatively limited they’ll leave it rather than risk more damage. They’ll then do my unusual pre pregnancy cerclage. If I can conceive again aspirin from BFP. I’m vitamin d deficient (gp bloods) so loading up on that along with high dose folic acid. So all in all won’t be trying again for a good while. Feel like it’s never going to happen.

Forgot that if adhesions removed will need medication to suppress ovulation for 6-12 weeks after. So will be a long time before I can try again.

@Paranormalbouquet I am looking at a similar wait if we need an operation on potential septum. The way I have 'tried' to get my head around it is that I could get pregnant now and without anything changing I could miscarry again which would mean that I would automatically be 8-12 weeks further down the road before trying again anyway. So hopefully by waiting to get to the end of investigations we might avoid the heartache of one more miscarriage.
And if it's the difference between a baby born in March or June I think I can handle that. I understand how hard it is. I was hysterical when they told me that there would be 12 weeks after the op that we couldn't try. I just feel so fucking old.
I think one of the ladies at work is pregnant as well. There aren't many of us and I see her all the time.....

@Miami81 that’s what I’m telling myself.

Very quiet here! How’s it going? I’ve got a surgery date for early May so am pleased it’s quick at least.

Popping back in to say I found out today I’ve had another mmc. Should have been 10+5 and baby stopped growing at 9 weeks.

We were at the RMC for fortnightly scan and appointment so had a long chat with the consultant and heading to the EPU in the morning hoping for ERPC in the afternoon if they can fit me in. Not putting myself or DH through failing at medical management again and the consultant was keen that I have a general anaesthetic this time.

They’ll run tests again and we’ll go from there.

Think we’re both numb. I’ve felt completely calm and matter of fact. Wasn’t expecting it at all after good 8 week scan but I’m not as shocked as last time. Haven’t cried and don’t feel like I’ll ever be hungry again. Trying to decide if we go ahead with a party for DSC birthday on Saturday.

So, once it’s over, we’ll be back ttc again.

Oh Anne sweetheart I'm so so sorry. I am so saddened by your news. Please take care.

Always here for you for a rant or a chat or whatever. I was just thinking of you this morning thinking you must have a scan coming up, I was hoping that no news was good news.
I'll stop rambling now.

@AnneLovesGilbert I’m so sorry to hear this, I was so hopeful for you. It’s just shit, you don’t deserve this.

Thank you miami, you’ve always been such a source of kindness and support to me, means more than I can tell you.

As a massive bawler the lack of tears feels very odd. Just so grateful I hadn’t told anyone apart from my mum.

How, again, can I not have known? A heartbreaking mystery. DH has nodded off. He’s in shock I think. Just hope I can get get the op tomorrow and avoid any awful pain. Can’t face the grim side of it all again.

@AnneLovesGilbert that's the shock. The tears will come in their own time once you have gotten through the practicalities probably. I hope they see you quick smart tomorrow.
@Paranormalbouquet that's great that your appt has come through. My mri is done and confirms that I may have a septum. Only way to know for definite is with hysteroscopy and laparoscopy. Am going to phone tomorrow and insist they give me a date for that. Time is marching on and on.

@AnneLovesGilbert as Miami said it probably hasn’t hit properly yet. I really hope they can do your ERPC ASAP. Feel what you feel, there’s no right or wrong. There’s no way you could have known, MMC are so cruel.

@Miami81 I was shocked at the speed, in a good way. Hoping I don’t need GnRH afterwards so I can crack on, but won’t know until procedure is done.

Thank you both. Don’t think I’ll sleep for a while so got a good book, MN, and made a list for tomorrow. Haven’t had a general in about 12 years. Don’t really know what to expect. But got to be better than being awake. The doctor was appalled at the last time, he said it was “inhumane”. So at least we have a good team onside.

Really glad you’re seeing progress paranormal, I know how slow time can go but glad you have a date.

Keep chasing miami, you’ve been through so much and the endless fucking admin, appointments and waiting must be doing your nut.

I wish you guys weren’t still here but also very grateful to have you right now. It’s a ttc thread so I won’t go on about mc stuff too much but glad of a space to talk.

I’m lying here listening to DH snoring gently and it’s quite comforting. I’m glad at least he’s resting.

@AnneLovesGilbert I kind of see it as a general support board for all of us going through this shit together. I have no problem at all with you speaking about mc, we've all been there lovely.
I am glad the doctors seems more humane this time for you.
Let us know how you get on.
I was speaking to my counsellor yesterday about just how down the life admin stuff is making me feel. Hopefully I will feel a bit brighter about it once we are making definite progress.
@Paranormalbouquet what is gnrh?

I am so sorry to be reading this Anne. Life can be so bloody cruel sometimes. I hope they're able to fit you in this afternoon. I had a general when I had mine and it was over very quickly.
My chemical pregnancy they said I had a few weeks ago has turned out to be ectopic. Due back at hospital for bloods on Friday and maybe methotrexate. All so much stress and heartache.

@AnneLovesGilbert I think a general is the way to go. I felt a bit pressured to choose an MVA particularly given my background but felt I’d find it hard to hold it together so opted for general in the end. It’s a hard enough process, every little bit to block out pain can only help. My hospital was very generous with pain relief afterwards and I had very little pain after ERPC- there’s no reason you should have physical pain at all. And we are all here because we’ve had miscarriages, so talk away.

@Miami81 it’s the medication to suppress ovulation afterwards. My surgeon isn’t sure if I’ll need it or not yet, says he won’t until he has a look directly.

@Hopefulforourrainbow I’m sorry to hear that. Ectopics are also very cruel.

@AnneLovesGilbert i truely am utterly devastated for you & DH especially after having the successful scans. Hope all goes as smoothly & quickly today for you. I was same when told about my mmc no tears until day after d&c, it was like i had a military operation to follow before i allowed myself to cry. Please take good care of yourself, you dont deserve this.

@AnneLovesGilbert I'm so sorry Hun. I hope they're able to fit you in today.

@Hopefulforourrainbow oh no, I hope that they manage to get you treated quickly too.

Lots of love to everyone today. xx

Had a phone call. Heading in for 11, they’ve definitely got me on his list for this afternoon. So that’s a relief.

Had to cancel party at home for DSC birthday Saturday which I feel awful about about and really didn’t want to but the prospect of a house full of people and chaos is too much. They’ll still have lots of presents and we can have a nice day with them. I remember last time there was a day a couple of days after the op when I woke up crying and literally didn’t stop till I fell asleep. Hormone crash I think.

I’m so sorry about your ectopic hopeful, that’s so cruel

@AnneLovesGilbert I’m glad they are doing it today. After failed medical management with my recent MMC I really think surgical management is the way to go if possible.

I think a party would be a lot to deal with this weekend, is your DSC old enough to understand?

Good luck with procedure.

@Hopefulforourrainbow I hope it resolves without needing methotrexate, I’m know all the waiting is awful.

I know, not I’m

Have been thinking of you today Anne ❤ xxx

Thank you. Home and comfy, it went as smoothly as could be, the care was exceptional, I woke up feeling like I’d been on holiday. Mad as that sounds. But such a contrast to the horror of last time. Pain free and hardly any bleeding. Counting my blessings. Going to sleep for a week.