TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

Thank you @Miami81 xxx

It's such early days still, if we'd had an early scan with our MMC one we'd have seen a heartbeat and then we still lost her, I know that. But I'm so grateful all is going well at this point. Getting pregnant felt like it wasn't going to happen again so to be nearly 7 weeks feels miraculous.

How are you doing this week?

A proper welcome to @PineconeK

Sorry for being so wrapped up in myself yesterday. I'm really sorry for your losses. They're all shit and sad and exhausting. I know what you mean and I've felt a bit guilty in the past for my own heartbreak when other people, including on here, have had much later or more traumatic losses. But it's all relative, we don't have competitive grief, you'll hopefully find an understanding among women who've been through this who get that any wanted an lost pregnancy is incredibly painful and it's a club no one wants to belong to. But when you find others who get it, it can be the single most comforting and supportive thing. I can't tell you how many times being able to post on here, listen to other people, share my own feelings, has felt like it was keeping me sane. It's probably helped my marriage no end too as my husband is amazing and we talk a lot but there's nothing like other women who can relate to exactly how you're feeling!

On the baby shower, I have no wisdom and I don't envy you at all. What I will say is that you really don't have to go.

Baby showers are like hen parties, without some of the pressure to attend because everyone at the wedding remembers who was at the hen! It was my sister's hen do last year and my SIL, one of the bridesmaids, didn't make it, she cancelled on the day and left us short of all the stuff she was down to bring, and it was fine.

I'd had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't going to be there, not sure why, and on the day she had a "tummy bug". No one minded, everyone just wished her well. These things happen. Your own wellbeing is the most important thing. Your friend is already having a baby, she's the lucky one! She has so much to be thankful for, she'll be fine if you can't be there. And pregnant women can't be around some illnesses, so you could always just come up with of those.

It sounds like a long day and it's not like you go and brave it out for a couple of hours then have a drink and a sob on the sofa.

Complicatedly wishing you AF soon @Paranormalbouquet Also hope it's gentle on you

@Anne I think you are allowed to be self centred right now! I'm being completely self-centred without a reason to!

For the rest of you, have you found things this difficult coming up to the first period post miscarriage? I feel like it's happening all over again, I'm suddenly absolutely devastated and obsessed with getting pregnant again. Feel like I'm going mad!

Thankyou Anne for your lovely welcome. I don't think you're being self-centred at all by sharing wonderful news.. or at least no more self centred than anyone else! I loved hearing about your scan, it's really encouraging to hear a good pregnancy story from someone who's experienced mc (which is an excellent example of me being really self centred!). Fingers firmly crossed that the rest of your pregnancy is an absolute breeze.

I do feel I need to go to the shower. I get your point about hen parties but as this will be a tiny shower, and my pg friend hasn't had an easy time in life, I do feel I need to go. She knows about the 1st mc so hopefully won't drop any clangers. I think I will give myself permission to be weird and pop out for air as much as I like.

Paranormal I know what you mean. I did find af a bit triggering last year (esp as it was rougher than normal). As it's so similar it's arguably re-traumatising. I'm sorry it hasn't happened this month . Mother nature is an absolute cow. Take care x

@PineconeK between protracted bleeding, and dental abscess we had sex all of once and used a condom so it would have been a miracle if I had conceived!

Period started last night (it's triggered a mini-breakdown but am glad overall). Means I either ovulated while still bleeding (most likely as thought last few days of bleeding it was light and mixed with EWCM) or I had a very short luteal phase. Either way I definitely didn't have time to build up a decent uterine lining.

I think I'll use the next month to get bloods done (at least the ones the GP can do), try eat and exercise well to improve my chances of a good pregnancy and might try temping just to make sure cycle settles (although I've been sleeping so badly that it probably won't help).

I'm debating going for a session of counselling. Feeling a bit pathetic but am really not coping well at the moment. Has anyone done it and found it helpful?

Pinecone it's a boring story but I had to go to a shower of a very close friend who had gotten pregnant as I started ttc and during my m/c. It was pretty vile, but I had a prepared excuse for if it was too much and managed about an hour. I think if she's a really good friend try to steel yourself but be prepared if you need to get out of there.

Paranormal I feel similar. Still no sign of af but it's coming. 3 days of vanishingly faint lines so almost certainly a vague chemical; lines no darker, no breast pain or anything else. What with first af after this m/c and it being 2 days to an earlier due date, the desire to get moving is overwhelming. Hope you feel better soon. I'm amazed I'm so blasé about a likely cp but I'm just so fatalistic now.

Wtf, I still have a bfp?! I've been heavily bleeding for 3 days and it's slowing down. I didn't go to gp as it's a sooner mc than my last. Is this normal?

@PineconeK I would see your EPU- you might need serial hcgs. Fingers crossed for you.

Sorry posted too soon, @LimpLettice I’m so sorry it seems to be a chemical. Tests can be variable in early days so I’ll keep hoping for you but I understand you needing to think the worst.

My period has stopped as soon as it started so I’m now worried about ashermans syndrome. I’m not usually anxious and I’m really not enjoying it!

Thanks Paranormal, you're right I should go. It sounds off but I was hoping it was over. looks like I'm in for a weekend with all the fun restrictions of being pregnant without any prospect of having a baby at the end of it.

I've just tested again. Cheapie dipstick. Line still barely there but not line eyes as dp can see it. Soooo faint but bolder than this morning and fairly obvs purple. It will be a chemical no doubt, 4 days worth. Fucks sakes.

Ladies I've retested this morning, and the line is a fraction darker. Still very squinty, but purple, was with v dilute urine and after about 3 hours.

I chased the clinic referral earlier in the week but was told it could be another few weeks. Is it worth trying to call them direct? I've no plan. Will stop the pregnacare, up folic and keep with the baby aspirin but just feel totally helpless. It would be so cruel to go through this again now.

Always worth calling the clinic so at least you may get an idea where you stand. Keeping everything crossed for you!

@LimpLettice I am rooting for you. Hoping that line keeps darkening up. If you can at all maybe try not to test (says the lady that in her last pregnancy did exactly 14 tests) for a couple of days. Also ic's are very inconsistent with comparing lines. Maybe time to break out a FRER? Def take the aspirin. I find crying on the phone normally gets you somewhere. I went to my GP in bits and they pushed for me to be seen at EPU.
@PineconeK I had bleeding in early pregnancy. Got my hcg's done and they showed progression. Sometimes bleeding is just bleeding. Was it really heavy bleeding or did it just feel like the start of something? I have a crazy uterus and the left side of it decided to have a period when I was 8 wks last time.
@Paranormalbouquet I am also terrified of
Asherman's. The more I read about it etc. Your body will be working so hard to recover, it maybe wasn't ready for a period yet. When are you having your hysteroscopy? Mine is finally booked for MAY!! Ffs I am so frustrated. Everything just seems to be moving at a snails pace. In the meantime I keep half hoping that a condom fails and we don't have any choice but to be pregnant again and hope for the best.

@LimpLettice i so hope its a new very sticky little bean ... i would call directly & let them know & see if they could push your referral through in the next couple weeks?

@PineconeK id ring epu if still same come monday & see if they offer you anything

Lettuce I'll hold my breath for you, that sounds cautiously hopeful?

EPU on Monday might be out. BFP today but lots if bleeding, it has been really heavy since it started with clots/?tissue passing on the 2nd day. I think my hcg is just being stubborn this time?

Baby shower is fine despite fresh bleeding. I'm managing to compartmentalise and focus on my love for my friend, which has really surpised me

@PineconeK I think it would still be a good idea. At least have it on record. In case it happens again.

My spotting on Friday and Saturday has stopped. I’m so fed up, just want period over with as I want to get on with things. And I’m so terrified of Asherman’s that seeing some bleeding would really reassure me!

My fantastic GP called this morning at 830! Turns out RMC clinic rejected my referral as one of the miscarriages wasn’t reported to them at the time (was 5/40 and managed at home). She’s made a complaint, and spoken to a different unit who are very happy to see me in less than 2 weeks. She’s already done the basic bloods so that’s great. So if all goes well hopefully can have my surgery in May and get back on the horse in June. Fingers and toes all crossed!

Seems like ages away but suppose in the grand scheme of things it’s not long. This mini breakdown I’ve had over past few days is probably a sign that I wouldn’t cope with another pregnancy/miscarriage right now anyway. On the upside have had a tiny amount of proper bleeding instead of spotting. I’m just hoping that because I only stopped bleeding after erpc 2 weeks ago there wasn’t time to build up much lining, rather than it having worsened the adhesions I already have.

All hail the decent GP. Honestly it makes such a massive difference.
The criteria are so harsh anyway, but good to have someone on your side.

Oh what a fantastic relief and positive development, really pleased to hear that @Paranormalbouquet

My RMC bloods were back within 4 weeks, might have been earlier but the clinic only happens fortnightly. Worth writing down all your dates and things in advance so you have them to hand, and any questions. I found different things came to mind in the couple of weeks before hand and I wouldn't have remembered them all on the day if I hadn't made a note. I really hope you have a good experience with them. The postcode lottery in RMC care is a pile of shite and so I hope you find yours is helpful and kind

Yeah the lack of consistency is very hard. Like some RMC's treat for clotting even if they can't find anything, ours didn't. And now I am being told that they will for me specifically because we have had a stillbirth. So you know like JEEZ that's great that you are now offering me treatment that others get as standard! It's a broken system and no one will tell you that more then the people who are trying to do their best with limited resources available. Don't know how to change it.

As a medic I can understand the lack of consistency of treatment, but not referrals. I mean they were basically implying women lie about early miscarriages to be seen. Who would want to join this miserable club if it wasn’t needed! New European guidelines are suggesting investigation after 2 consecutive losses but this hasn’t been adopted here yet.

The treatment differences are because trials haven’t shown any success in using aspirin and heparin outside a small group of people. The problem is that the RMC population is so diverse that if you do all comer trials you’ll almost never find a difference- because obviously if the problem is anatomical then aspirin isn’t going to help without surgical treatment and vice versa. And these drugs aren’t risk free. As a woman going through it though I’d take anything at all if I thought I’d have a baby in my arms at the end of it though.

Hope everyone is doing well, I seem to be monopolising the board!

Some good news here, my blood count has bounced back nicely with iron. So that’s good.

Finally started bleeding properly yesterday and have had the heaviest period I’ve had since before DD was born. This is really giving me hope. My gynae friend (who I must also get a card for as she’s been so patient with my questions!) said that if the adhesions aren’t too thick and are mostly near cervix/lower uterus as mine appear to be on scans that there is a chance that the d+c might have broken some up enough to allow a proper lining to develop and a decent bleed.

Nothing like before, but since DD was born I’ve had 1 day of very light bleeding and a few days of spotting; I’ve now on day 2 of at least moderate bleeding so I’m hoping that she’s right.

Very glad to hear things are heading back to normal Paranormal.

Ha. Tell me about it with the referrals. Still waiting for rmc, but clear positives every day now, including a Boots digi, so I rang gynae yesterday. They told me there's no such clinic at my hospital and to just book in with midwife at 6 weeks. Ffs!

Anyway I had a brainwave and rang the epu who remembered me from last month and before. They said gynae was talking crap, rang the main consultants secretary and asked for me to be moved up the list and seen ASAP. Also asked me in for a scan on Friday. If I ovulated 2 weeks after m/c I would be 5 weeks Friday. She was very lovely and said they'll keep an eye on me until the consultant can fit me in and to ring whenever. Hopefully Friday will be positive.

@Paranormalbouquet ... ah what a relief - whoever would have thought we would like to see good blood flow lol!!

@LimpLettice oh very good, hopefully friday brings good news 😬!!