TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

@AnneLovesGilbert good luck tomorrow lovely lady. I am feeling so positive for you.

Can I join you? I'm relatively new to ttc, we've only technically tried for 3 full cycles but I've had two early MCs/chemical pregnancies (not sure of the difference!).

We started ttc in Sept 17 and got a BFP, had enough time to tell a few people (mistake) and do my antenatal self-referral (mistake!) before I started bleeding during a night at the theatre.

After the MC in October I went totally symptom spotting/poas mad and it didn't feel very healthy for what was only really our second month ttc. We decided to take a break for Christmas and our sanity, re-started in February and I got a BFP on Monday, day 47 of my cycle, only to start bleeding this morning. I've decided to go to work as usual because I can't do another week of sobbing over this.. I also have a baby shower to arrange for this weekend and I'm hoping work will toughen me up to face it.

I feel a bit ashamed posting here reading your stories of MMC and later miscarriages. But I've found it really encouraging to see the drops of good news and hope in amongst all the shit.

@PineconeK I’m sorry you are joining us now, it’s all very hard. I don’t like the term “chemical pregnancy” personally. It’s a very early miscarriage and should be recognised as such! If we are going to talk about it I don’t really like the “early miscarriage” term either! It’s often used in a sneery way to suggest we are being melodramatic for being upset about losing a potential addition to the family. And personally I found the MMC fairly brutal even though it was “early”! (Just my personal opinion!).

@AnneLovesGilbert the very best of luck to you today, I really hope you get good news.

Cramps today so think period is on its way. I’ll be a mix of devastated and relieved I think!

Sorry to see you here Pinecone. Like Paranormal I hate those terms. I've in my life had a 10ish weeker, a couple of so called chemicals and most recently about a month ago a loss at 7 weeks. I passed a very tiny fetus, had a mini labour, and it was fairly traumatic, no matter how early. It does sound a bit sneery, and I've read a couple of threads about how in our mothers years it was just a late period and blah blah. It's not those times though, is it, and you are allowed to grieve.

I stupidly poas this morning. Had terrible wind for a couple days which made me wonder. Faintest shadow of a line, twist in the light to see job. I haven't told DP, or even the other long running thread I'm on as I highly doubt it's reality and even if it is, this last year shows I'll be bleeding in a few days anyway.

I'm considering burning the zillion cheapies in my house because this is getting ridiculous. I felt sick when I saw it, nothing else.

@AnneLovesGilbert good luck today 😊

@PineconeK ive had couple chemicals/earky losses & mmc & they are just as horrible as your hopes are still raised but others this sure you were ao early - it is still bloody heartbreaking

@LimpLettice I know how you feel, i had positive on monday & the fear - im feeling nauseous on & off which is keeping me bit sane though it is probably the cyclogest im on which is causing it but will keep thinking its the pregnancy progressing 🤞. Are you late for AF?

@Paranormalbouquet Glad you are feeling bit better

No idea Hopeful. If my cycle was normal post m/c I'd be about 10dpo I think. I shouldn't have done it, but I've had a little spotting plus wind for a couple of days and heart rate is up on fitbit as well. Fuck it. I've not had my referral still so if it is I've no support again. I've logged it as negative for now, but took a baby aspirin this morning and will leave it at that.

Good luck today Anneloves.

Fingers quietly crossed for some goid news for you both LimpLettuce and keepinghopeful. Thanks for the support and validation for the grief of early MC, but I have to say at least it's medically simple and I'm allowed to get on with my life despite how personally devastating it is

Can I ask from your collective wisdom about any known causes of early mc? My GP said it was usually genetic abnormalities make the pregnancy non viable but I can't help but wonder if it's because I drank whilst ttc? I didn't want my life on hold and know about babies conceived under all kinds of boozy circumstances - but a glass of wine is my only vice. The only other cause I can think of is my irregular periods.

An early cause of mc can be progesterone related as far as I know. Maybe try and persuade your gp to do cd3 and cd21 day levels check?? I think that's what they are called. It's a hormone check anyway.

It won't be because you drank a glass of wine. You would have to be an absolute lush for it to have impact so early.

I thought from my very boozy life a few years ago I might have pickled my eggs?

@PineconeK it won’t have anything to do with alcohol. I’ve never stopped drinking in 2ww (I don’t drink much anyway tbh so won’t not have a glass of wine on a Saturday if I want it).

Going to catch on updates but have good news!

All on track for dates, saw the little heart beat which was incredible. Kindest radiographer, I said we were extremely nervous so to please let us know ASAP if all was well and she was too sweet.

She found 3 fibroids no one knew I had, that I don’t think I did have a year ago actually. 2 at 3cm each and a tiny one. But she said they’d just keep an eye and not to worry.

Then had a good appointment with the registrar and got a big bag of more syringes.

I cried so much I’m exhausted Had a feeling it would all come out with relieved sobs and it did, several times. DH is over the moon. I think as usual he’d been hiding quite how worried and anxious he was.

Thank you for the lovely messages and thoughts. I slept okay but went into shut down, head in the sand, only focusing on work this morning till we got there.

A good scan. Can’t quite believe it.

Oh congrats @Anne, I’ve been checking in regularly! I’m delighted for you!

Oh bless you, thank you.

Appointment was at 13:55. Legged it over from work. Sat in one waiting room for 10 mins. Moved to the next waiting room for 20 minutes. Moved to the scan bit across the building, waited there for 20 minutes. Had the scan, she was very thorough.

Back to the second waiting room for 15 mins, had the appointment. Back to the scan desk to book in for next week, back to the clinic reception to book in appointment, off to another hospital 15 mins away to get meds as no pharmacy in the appointment one, 10 minute wait there, 40 mins to get home! It's been an adventure

Combination of relief and tiredness from bawling nearly wiped me out.

@AnneLovesGilbert fabulous news. Great to have positive stories 😬!!

Im panicking as dont have soreboobies yet, but am having waves of nausea so hoping thats positive. Poas again today & still a good line so think i need to stop it now as panic sets in if no progression!

Anneloves that's amazing news. Heartbeat 😍

Pinecone I hate to say it but I'm still pretty boozy. I don't think it's the best idea, but abstinence on top of everything else this year might've finished me off. I honestly think it makes very little difference, my first m:c I was a clean and boring teenager, my dd was a bfp after a weeks worth of Easter binge drinking and the first joint I'd smoked in a decade. Not since I might add, but I was 32, and a good time girl. Her time was just here.

@keepinghopeful I’ve had 4 pregnancies. My only successful pregnancy I never had sore breasts, in fact I never had my usual post ovulation sore breasts. Never had much nausea (occasional short lived waves). Only consistent symptom was fatigue after 6 weeks, but no symptoms before that.

Miscarriage 1, 5 weeks, also no symptoms. Hadn’t been trying so only noticed my period was late. Miscarriage 2, also 5 weeks, no symptoms at all. Miscarriage 3, MMC at 9 weeks- had all the symptoms- incredibly tender breasts and nipples, nausea from 5 weeks, occasional vomiting, dizziness but oddly not much fatigue. Symptoms continued until after sac passed several weeks after bad scan and hcg was sky high.

So in summary I don’t think symptoms mean much!

Half got my hopes up that my lack of breast tenderness this cycle means I somehow conceived (despite barely trying and using condoms) so stupidly POAS which was obviously negative! I just wish my period would come so I could get it over with.

@Paranormalbouquet thank you 😊 ... its good to hear reassuring stories to try to keep some of the anxiety away. Sometimes isnt that what you want just to get AF to move on to a new month if this isnt your month

When I say barely trying I mean barely having sex! And using condoms! So opposite of trying. I’m clearly mad to be so devastated that period is coming!

AnneLovesGilbert that's such a lovely story. It's amazing the difference a good (or bad) member of staff can make, your radiographer sounds ace. Fingers crossed you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy

Thanks for the reassurance re. the wine LimpLettuce, I guess it's just so easy to blame myself as at least that would give me some control?

Pine I feel ya! I mostly blame myself for being old or moving bins. But it's a nothing. Switch on itv at 10am and see what they do, how they are on Jeremy Kyle. You can improve your odds, maybe, but the rest is blind luck and I've seen it enough to know that self blame is madness. I've always thought ttc is mental making because of the lack of control; chuck in miscarriages and we're all a tiny bit cuckoo. It's just luck and timing and the rest is just to be borne. Shit, innit? 🙄

@AnneLovesGilbert I am beyond thrilled for you. Fantastic news. Fibroids sound tiny so hopefully just stay that way, loads of room otherwise i am sure for everything to develop perfectly.

Paranormal thanks for sharing about your pregnancies. There is a (for me) oddly comforting sense of there being no rhyme or reason to a pregnancy's outcome. I'm sorry you've had such a rough time

Lettuce it is really shit! And I have met and know of huge swathes if women who do everything wrong Jeremy Kyle style and yet have inexplicable broods of children. At least mother nature has a sense of humour.

Can I ask if anyone has any wisdom for getting through a baby shower? My best friend is having hers on Saturday and although I'm feeling a bit sulky about it I do have to go. We're a very small circle of friends, so much so that my absence would make it feel too small to be a party (!). She doesn't know about this mc, but obviously I'll still be bleeding. I've never been to a baby shower before so not really sure what to expect. As she lives far away I'll have to stay the night and be confronted with her in all her pregnant glory, last time I saw her she was 4 months pg. maybe I just want to whinge about going..

@PineconeK I think the nausea really falsely reassured me last time so scan was a horrible shock. My hcg labels were really high though, my body really had no idea.

Breast tenderness has finally appeared, along with cramps so period on its way. Hope it comes soon as my mood will improve once it does!

Re baby shower, I have no idea. If she’s a close friend you could call and explain beforehand so that if it gets too much you can excuse yourself?