TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

@AmyL88 I really do hear you. It's been the longest year of my life, the exhausting bloody rollercoaster of hope and disappointment. Worrying about how DH was coping with it, worrying about him worrying about me, trying to be as healthy as possible while thinking fuck it what's the fucking point. It's positive your tubes have had a spring clean. A lot of people say that makes a big difference and they catch soon after. Crossing everything for you.

Sending you love @CatsForgotPassword Everyone's welcome here, people are and have been at all different stages of the process. Are you investigations through an RMC? Do you know what they're testing for?

The things that have terrified me have changed over time, for a while I was disappointed not to be getting pregnant after the mcs but also secretly relieved as at least I knew I was safe from going through another loss, then I was worried I'd never conceive again, then I worried what the future with no babies looked like, and round and round and back again, then I just wanted desperately to be pregnant again and have another chance, now I am, and I'm worried it's all in my head and that I'm not getting attached to it in case I lose it. It's not going to stop till I have a live baby in my arms!

I've never tried but the miscarriage association has a phone line and supportive people you can talk to. I'm sure they'll have heard it all before and be able to offer advice or a sympathetic ear. A lot of people find counselling really helpful, it's a safe place to let it all out and have someone with no agenda just support and listen to you. Would that be worth looking into?

I'm so sorry for your losses and everything you've been through. People on here can understand how you feel so please feel comfortable in letting it out if it's helpful

Thank you both. I’m having RMC and bloods are normal but they’ve found what looks like a damaged tube and signs of endo.

I just feel like I’ve had enough of being shat on by the world. I suffered depression extensively in my teens and was told “don’t worry it gets better.” Does it? When? When I was a single mum and my son was in intensive care? When my aunt died? When I lost my babies? When does it get better please, because I’m waiting.

@CatsForgotPassword
We are still not trying again yet either. I have a potential operation maybe in the summer and a bit of recovery to go through first.
I am on three pregnancies so far in two years and still no live baby to take home. Two early losses and then a stillbirth at 27 weeks.
I was speaking to a lady at a support group last night, she has been pregnant 8 times and has 2 live babies. She lost her son at 25 wks, due to fetal abnormalities and the miscarriages that happened after that she was able to almost not admit to herself that she was pregnant until she was after a certain point. I was asking her how she kept going and she said because she had to. I suppose that's it.
My counsellor also asked me if I thought I was resilient enough to go through it again, the way she asked the question was 'is it harder to think about never being pregnant again or getting pregnant and losing it again'.
I am still on the side of its worse to think of never having the chance again. But at the moment that's a close run thing.
We are here. We are all going through it. You are not alone and only you can know if you are willing to go there again. We are here to hold your hand though.

@AnneLovesGilbert well I’ll be going through PALS to make sure I’m not penalised on a waiting list through no fault of my own. Cervix plan is for hysteroscopy and look at adhesions followed by a cerclage procedure to try and mitigate some of the damage done during my EMCS.

Posted too soon- I’m a bit ambivalent about it as nobody really knows if I need it, and as it’s designed to reduce the risk of preterm birth/loss it won’t help me get past 12 weeks and may make early losses more difficult to manage. Hence needing the RMC basics first.

On the upside I called GP yesterday to make appt re referral and magically they had a cancellation yesterday evening so I got an immediate appt (obviously usually weeks wait!). I met someone new to the practice who was fantastic. She’s had miscarriages so knows the drill and has re-referred, arranged the basic bloods, prescribed me high dose folic acid and said she’ll recommend aspirin if I conceive again, and will contact RMC herself re heparin and prescribe it if needed. She’s chasing genetics from d+c too. Makes a difference to have someone on your side!

Examining students finals Monday and Tuesday so will get bloods Wednesday.

Physically I’m good, I’ve been exercising a lot and watching diet. 3kg down (around 15kg to go!). Still up and down mentally but that’s to be expected.

How are you coping @Anne? I’m sure it’s a mix of happiness and terror- make sure you take care of yourself at the moment.

@CatsForgotPassword I’m not trying at the moment either while I wait for everything to be investigated/have surgery on cervix if needs be.

to all of us today. Hope everyone’s had a gentle, peaceful day xxx

Ladies, sorry havent been on ive been trying to keep low profile to keep myself sane. Im just after getting a bfp - im literally shaking - so scared but elated at same time, please please let it be 4th time lucky 🤞🤞🙏🏻🙏🏻

Oh that’s fantastic news, congratulations! I really hope this time is your time.

I’ve clearly greatly offended someone in a previous life as I’ve developed a horrible infection in gum due to impacted wisdom tooth. Swollen face, difficulty opening mouth or talking. Managed to get emergency dentist to see yesterday so am back on bloody metronidazole and augmentin. Sigh. At least I don’t have to worry about taking painkillers and antibiotics as have not been trying (#silverlinings) even though dentist assured me they would be fine if I was pregnant (after explaining I’d just had a miscarriage and just finished a very long course of antibiotics!).

Congratulations @keepinghopeful!!!!!!!!! Wonderful news, I'm so happy for you

How do you feel? Did you have an inkling or was it a surprise?

I really didn't have a clue when I took my test. Turns out DH was well suspicious a few days earlier when I kept saying I was ravenous and crashing early, but he didn't say anything because he didn't want to get my hopes up. Funny man.

Take a deep breath. I think shaking is fair enough

You poor thing @Paranormalbouquet So sorry, that sounds really painful After everything that's happened you must be due a break!!!!!!

Got my first scan on Wednesday and I told my Mum at the weekend. She knew! What is it with mothers. I'd only seen her briefly once the week before. Obviously completely shitting it about the scan. At 6 + 4 it'll be dildo cam won't it? So no need to drink a lot?

God what I'd give for a good scan..... Got to keep busy till then.

@AnneLovesGilbert it’s almost comical. Last time I had antibiotics before this year was when DD was born, now I’ll have 4/5 weeks on them and have had levofloxacin, doxycycline, ceftriaxone, metronidazole and augmentin in that time. Bought some fluconazole with the antibiotics for the inevitable thrush that will follow!

I would expect dildocam (and probably prefer it at 6+4 as everything will be clearer). Hopefully all will be well, I will have everything crossed for you.

@Paranormalbouquet ouch that sounds painful 😩, why is it that it just seems to be on thing after another at times.

@AnneLovesGilbert not sure, i just didnt feel right over weekend & was nauseous this morn so thought frig it took test thinking would be negative as didnt even think i ovulated this month 🙄. Wasnt even fmu & there is good strong line on a pink dye test so im hopeful this will last longer than last one where line was never v strong but will see. Im also on cyclogest from bfp this time (got one in this morn lol) & baby aspirin so i really do hope they make a difference!! I dont think period is due for another few days as it really was a f**k it month for me when thought i hadnt ovulated & didnt take the normal mound of vitamins i usually heap into me!!

Your poor system has taken quite the battering, I can't tell you how I feel for you You must just want to feel normal again and for the battering to be over. Sending you health giving vibes!

Have I given you my sermon on probiotics with ABs? I know you're medical and I don't honestly know if there's anything to it, but I never ever got thrush and then had it twice on ABs so started taking a probiotic capsule a day and I'm sure it helps. I busted my ear drum a few years ago and was really ill for about 4 weeks, on 3 different ABs and felt like absolute shit, ended up with such bad thrush and tummy upset from them it was almost as bad as the double ear infection, deafness and lack of balance that had made me take them!

It can't hurt.

Okay, I'll plan for that. Got appointment at the clinic Weds afternoon, my consultant is away so we'll see someone else but that'll be fine, and then I think scan is after. Though I'd rather have it before just in case it's bad news.

My Mum was asking if it's sensible to carry on with acupuncture and if I'm more likely to bruise on the fragmin. Seeing her is the only thing that's changed that I could possibly associate with finally getting pregnant again (obviously time is the other, might have been going to happen eventually even if it didn't feel like it would) and I find it a really positive healing experience so I'm keen to carry on, but I'll check what they think at the clinic.

What an amazing thing @keepinghopeful So so happy for you.

Hope you feel alright on the cyclogest, is it the prog suppository? I have some they gave me but haven't used them. Lisa who was on here before was on them from ovulation and is doing well about 20 weeks in now so it seems to work for people! Everything crossed for you x

My gastro colleagues all recommend probiotics so have bought some. As you say can’t hurt, and I can’t eat much but yoghurt goes in ok!

I’m sure this has happened as I’m generally weakened by the events of the past few months. There’s also been skeletons coming out of the closet in my family, death of a close family member and another family member is very ill. So with 3 miscarriages, stress of cervix issues and blood loss it’s really not surprising this has happened. It’s provably my bodies way of telling me to take time off! Couldn’t do exams this morning as involves a lot of talking but have a clinic this afternoon with 15 patients who I don’t want to let down so have loaded up on the anti-inflammatories and will head in for that soon.

Acupuncture needles don’t go any deeper than the fragmin ones so if you feel it’s helpful to your mental state and ability to relax I wouldn’t worry about it.

@Paranormalbouquet youve so much going on - reallyfeel for you 💗

@AnneLovesGilbert yeah the supp that i have to insert in vagina (sorry tmi). How are u keeping?

@keepinghopeful it’s actually slightly comical at this point. I can only laugh as it’s a bit like living in eastenders with one thing after another. It will all be uphill from here I’m sure, it can’t really be worse.

@AnneLovesGilbert
At my one and only good six week scan they didn't need to bother with dildocam. I think it just really depends on where the pregnancy is. I have everything crossed for you.
@keepinghopeful what fabby news, congratulations I hope everything goes well for you.
@Paranormalbouquet jeepers you really are up against it at the mo. Hopefully ab's really work their magic.
I went for fertility massage yesterday as my periods since delivery of dd have been weird and painful and bloaty and I just don't feel right with them. I know it's totally woo, but they say it can help with breakdown of adhesions and general healing of everything. Given how rotten I've been feeling every month I decided it was totally worth a shot. Especially if there is more surgery to come, I want to make sure everything is as tip top as it can be. It also helped to have something to do on the dreaded Mother's Day.

How long after erpc has everyone’s period taken to come back?

I was sure I ovulated 2 weeks later, but normally would have very tender breasts from ovulation until my period starts and nothing yet (would be due this weekend) so maybe it didn’t happen.

@Miami81 I’ve booked in for a massage this weekend. Figure anything that helps me relax can only help my general health at this stage.

How do you mean where @Miami81? Where in the uterus or if it's in there at all?

Thank you for the good wishes x

I am all for woo these days! Literally anything that helps. Acupuncture changed my periods beyond recognition, honestly couldn't believe it and wish I'd gone years and years ago. Is the fertility massage sore if it's working on specific areas or relaxing?

Paranormal, mine came back 28 days after surgery. I bled a little for a day or so after MVA and I don't remember noticing when I ovulated, I was all over the place and given me luteal phase it must have been later than usual, but AF came back pretty normally and on schedule.

Totally agree on general health and wellbeing maintenance. Fruit and veg, water, fresh air, long baths, lie ins, massage, nail painting. So important to feel like you're looking after yourself.

@AnneLovesGilbert where in the uterus. I think. Also I seem to recall them saying that my bladder was lovely and full which made it way easier to see.
And I'm overweight so assumed they would always go with the wand.

@AnneLovesGilbert it probably depends on the unit- I was in Ireland for my first pregnancy and all scans were external. Here in London all my scans have been transvaginal without even looking abdominally. I have a retroverted uterus and cervix so I think views better with TVUS. We will all have everything crossed for you tomorrow. Hope you are able to rest tonight.

Awake with jaw pain, hot water bottle to cheek. All the talking at clinic certainly made things worse!!

I really thought I’d ovulated- don’t track it usually but get very clear ovulation signs (ewcm for a few days, mild cramping on one side, tender nipples followed by an increase in heart rate). I had all that 2 weeks post erpc, but it’s highly unusual for me not to have tender breasts by now if I have ovulated. Keen to get back to normal cycle etc now so I know everything is in working order again (terrified I have worse adhesions after erpc, slightly irrationally).

How are you feeling now @Paranormalbouquet? Sorry about your poorly face

I had all sorts of things change with my cycle in the aftermath of mcs. I had ovulation bleeding once, only time ever, was just a big streak of red mixed in with ewcm. Longer cycles, shorter cycles, all fun and games. I was lucky it stabilised straight after each time but it's normal for it to take a while to come back and doesn't mean anything's wrong - though I understand your concerns after more surgery.

If anything, I remember reading that if it seems like af has come back quickly it might not be that and that it needs to be a certain number of weeks after mc/surgical management, maybe 3 weeks?

Your ov symptoms sound normal for you, so the breast pain might be awol this cycle for any number of reasons.

I hope things are back to normal again soon, always weird wishing af on someone!

Thank you x

I haven't had a letter about my appointment so, annoying I feel I'm being to the poor RMC woman, I'm going to call in a sec to double check we're on the list! I've been vague to work and said it's a doctor appointment and I'll wfh afterwards. We've waited hours and hours there in the past and there's no signal so can't even check emails from the waiting room. Must remember to take a book this time!

I wish we'd have the scan first then we'll know if there's a point to chatting to the doc. I also need a new bag of fragmin as I'm running low already.

Feel better

Pain much better now thank god, antibiotics kicked in. Think I’m due some good luck at this point, must do the lotto!

I got a call from my lovely GP to tell me that the genetics from ERPC were 46XX. So basically impossible to tell if normal chromosomes or maternal contamination. There wasn’t much to work with so I do appreciate them trying and doing it so quickly (I was enrolled on a study which is probably why so fast).

@AnneLovesGilbert I really hope all goes well. You also really deserve some good luck!

Glad you are feeling better, Paranormal, it sounds like you have been seriously under it recently. I feel the same - it has been the worst couple of months ever and doesn't seem to be abating. Still waiting on rmc referral here, which I have been sort of clinging to as a bit of hope. Spotting today at what I think might be 8dpo, which usually starts at around 11dpo, so back to normal, and yet very far from normal. Family / wedding issues off the chart again, and baby bombed left right and centre this week, plus first edd in a couple of days making it all a bit woe is me.

My consultant said they use the dildocam until 7-8 weeks here as it is just more reliable then.