Hell no, Aunt Flo, you not invited to this JS-ing party! We're polishing our halos whilst dusting off our bedsheets. It's JS'ing Fred 64!

[choochooo]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 63 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2906442-Lets-get-this-shaggathon-on-the-road-We-are-breaking-out-the-buzzy-friends-lubeing-up-our-fanjos-and-prepping-the-men-Lets-make-a-baby-the-old-fashioned-way-Its-only-f-king-JSing-63?reverse=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3027827-Were-hugging-our-pregnancy-pillows-and-tena-lady-whilst-battling-scanxiety-and-thrush-in-giant-coats-Never-ever-overshadowed-by-Princess-Kate-its-JS-Grads-49?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Thanks experiment - sadly not unless you're local enough to find me a new job!

Boys names are always harder than girls I think - great uncle Bulgaria sounds good to me!

Got my 2nd acupuncture tonight - my ovusense says I ovulated last week (about 5 days after first session) not sure if it's fluke or not but now I know I've ovulated I'm sypmtom spotting like crazy!

@LG93 if it is a new job you want may I suggest going for it? Life is way too short to be in a job you do not like. First step here might be making sure CV in a good way - I have outsourced this - one of the best things I have ever done! I can highly recommend Purple CV - they provide a cover letter too.

I've been looking at it and was just about geared up for it, then tested last night at 9dpo so I could go to the pub and drink guilt free and there was a hint of a line - having trouble posting pics at the minute, but time will tell if its sticky!!

Squinty photos for those interested!

🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼@LG93 !!!!! I really hope this is your sticky bean!!!!

@Experiment627 hope being high risk means you get the pay off of lots of extra scans and monitoring. Great Uncle Bulgaria is a great name! I’m ok thanks and have finally convinced DH that we can try again.

Congratulations @LG93

I’m an old JS who has name changed and back TTC. Does anyone still use this thread?

Welcome back @LilacIris !!!! It is true the thread does not get as much traffic as in the olden days but that is just a testament to it greatness.

I had another freak out this week - 21 weeks - and went for a reassurance scan. Kwicklet is doing fine 😍

It's definitely quieter than it used to me on here.... I probably don't help that only posting every few months!

We've finally been referred to the fertility clinic but who knows how long it will be until we're seen... We've decided to pay for some private tests so we know where we stand.

Now just waiting for AF to rock up as I'm DPO 11 now and then I can book my hycosy.

Pretty fed up with the TTC lark to be honest. I've decided to be totally up front with my friends that we're trying and it's difficult. I think the more people talk about it in real life the better. They are being great and so supportive.

TTC and then pregnancy, is such a difficult time.

@Experiment627 how are things with Kwicklet?

@Rubberduckies I agree - the more this is spoken about the less taboo it will be.
Sorry about your wait and good idea to have some tests done.

@LilacIris Kwicklet is 26 weeks today! I am trying to make tge decision to enjoy things - rather than be plagued with anxiety that something will go wrong.
I am also counting down the work days left - I have loads of holiday to use before I start mat leave. I hope this good weather sticks around as it definitely helps my mood.

26 weeks!!!! Amazing Kwicklet. I'm so bloody happy for you. I think trying to enjoy it is wise, you might as well, anxiety won't reduce the risk of anything happening x

I'm on my 2nd cycle of Clomid as of yesterday. Feel very much on the merry go round. Just hope it bloody works.

How can Kwicklet be 26 weeks already?

I really hope it does work Alice.

How is everybody else getting on?

@AliceScarlett hope you get success with Clomid 🤞🏼

@AliceScarlett fingers crossed the clomid does it's things for you

@Experiment627 26 weeks! So pleased it's going well despite all the 'high risk' stuff

So I'm fine, which is good, Dh has 70% antisperm antibodies along with some other low numbers for motility and morphology which isn't good, likely to be icsi for us. We are having our nhs appointment in August but won't get funding for treatment until April. Not sure we can wait that long so may go private in the meantime.

That seems a horribly long wait @Rubberduckies. Can you go on the waiting list for the NHS and still go privately?

I’m waiting for my letter from the specialist about her plans for another pregnancy and hopefully it won’t take long. I feel that a pregnancy now wouldn’t have any awful clashes with significant dates, so hoping we can start properly trying now.

@LilacIris I think that's what we'll do, get on the list for nhs treatment and get all the tests done that they want, and in the meantime have a private cycle or two.

I can't really get my head around choosing to pay the money now rather than have it free later - like if it works we'll have 'lost' the nhs option which is ridiculous because we won't have lost anything we'll have the baby that we want! I think there's also an element of procrastination and hoping that the longer i put it off, maybe I'll get pregnant naturally. But April is so long away and Dh and I are both devastated each month - 9 more cycles of that might push one of us over the edge

Getting to have babies is so emotionally draining @Rubberduckies so I’m not surprised you and your DH are devastated each month. I can’t shake a fear I have that I will never be pregnant again. Gx that we both have our babies next year.

so mildly irritated! (f*g fuming!) so went for first real ivf appt today to sign all consent forms get drugs and dates etc.. So meet dh on route only to realise he had been off for a pint (five) post work with lads all the way there on the bus in the loudest voice possible he's saying you OK what's wrong your pissed off with me aren't you (no shit sherlock!!)
I was feeling pretty anxious about the whole thing and instead of a supportive partner I get someone who needs to pee more often than a pregnant lady with a gob full of chewy trying to cover up the smell of beer nice! (not how I saw this afternoon going down) anyway we get to the appointment I'm still convincing myself I wanna have babies with this idiot wait forty minutes for the doctor who then reveals we need to have our passport with us to complete the paperwork (cos obviously I always carry that around) then when I remind him I'm epileptic he says are you on high dose folic acid (no I'm bloody not cos when I specifically asked you three months ago you told me I didn't need it!!! ) turns out like I thought I actually do so can't start treatment for at least another two months so it has chance to get into my system ffs today has not been a good day oh and to top it off I got called for jury service anyway rant over! 😂

Sorry @coribeth that sounds shit! I hope once He sobered up he was suitably apologetic and has plans to make it up to you. It's definitely not what you need.

So frustrating about the passports, so easily avoided by putting it in the appointment letter! I don't think they put it in the letter for ours either, I phoned them to check what we need to bring.....

Did you point out he's changed his mind about the folic acid? What did he say?

So we stopped 'Just Shagging' quite a while ago now.... we both just have nonexistent sex drives! We do it around ovulation although it seems pointless knowing that it's unlikely we can get pregnant naturally. I feel like a fraud lol!!!

@coribeth totally shit on all accounts, you def deserve or 2 or 3

@Rubberduckies my dh has antisperm antibodies too (90%), I never realised such a thing could exist before all this. It can take its toll on a relationship, do whatever you need to do to get through.

@Experiment627 26 weeks how the blooming hell????

After loads of delays at fc, we're due to start 2nd round of icsi next month. It felt like we were waiting forever to get started, but now that it's so soon I'm bricking it

Oh @coribeth I’d be so annoyed on both accounts as well.

Hopefully around ovulation is enough @Rubberduckies

I hope it goes well @angelazul

How are things now @Experiment627?

I’m in the 2ww. I’m really hopeful but possibly misguidedly! How is everyone doing? It’s so quiet on here now when it used to be so much busier.

@Rubberduckies nothing wrong with ICSI. My FC only uses that.
April is a long time away. I guess you need to weigh up age before beauty 😬

FFS @coribeth !!!!! I would be livid with both DH and FC!!!!

@LilacIris 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

I am coming up to 30 weeks 😬 heat is killing me!

Hi all, I think this is the place for me!

32 years old, TTC no1 for 2 years, 1 MC, just starting with the doctor tests etc.

Lovely reading through this thread with some great outcomes & some sad stories aswell of course. This TTC journey can be so difficult, nice to know other people in the same boat- it feels like everyone around me finds it so much easier! xx